I have just turned 22 and already have a beautiful son who is almost 2. But a few weeks ago i found out that i was pregnant again. The guy im with now is not the father of my first son, but the father of the one i am carrying. He can’t be with me as we are of different backgrounds, and well he said he is not ready to be a father. He is 27 years old and is indian, i wan this baby but iam confused and don’t want to make the wrong decision. I love this guy with all my heart, but i don’t want to wreck his family who are also going through alot of things at the moment. I know he’s the one for me and well i knew we couldn’t be together the first day we met, so i don’t know if we are in a relationship or what. I’m carrying his child but he wants me to have an abortion, as he thinks i still have a little more exploring to do, as i am still young. And also says what if i meet another guy and i have 2 kids to 2 different men. I undertsand all that but i dont want to make the wrong decision……………….Confused!
OK, WHEN I FIRST BECAME PREGNANT, AND I TALKED TO MY CHILD’S FATHER AND WE DISCUSSED EVERYTHING AND HE SEEMED AS IF IT WASN’T HAPPENING OR NOT TAKING THE SITUATION SERIOUS IN MY OPINION. AND AT FIRST, HIS RESPONSE WHEN I ASKED HOW HE FELT ABOUT THE SITUATION WAS IT DOESN’T MATTER AND THAT HE’S GOIN TO DO WHATEVER I WANT TO DO. THEN AS THE PRESSURE WHINDED DOWN, STOMACH’S GOT BIGGER AND I BEGAN TO SLEEP MORE IT BECAME APPARENT THAT I WOULD HAVE TO FINALLY REVEAL TO MY MOTHER MY” BIGGEST SECRET”. I’M CURRENTLY 17 YEARS OLD WITH 2 YEARS LEFT IN HIGH SCHOOL.
WHILE IN SCHOOL ONE DAY, TOWARDS THE LAST 4 DAYS OF SCHOOL UNTIL IT IS ALL OVER, A GIRL AND I BEGAN TO THROW DRINKS AT EACH OTHER, PLAYING OF COURSE . MY PRINCIPAL OF COURSE WOULDN’T THINK SO, SO I WAS WITHDRAWN OUT OF SCHOOL. MY MOTHER WHO’S TOO CAUGHT UP IN HER HIGH PROFILE LIFE WAS IRATE.
LONG STORY SHORT, SHE’D BOUGHT A PREGNANCY TEST FOR ME TO TAKE. I’M GUESSING SHE’D ALREADY KNOWN. MOTHER’S INTUITION I GUESS. HOWEVER, SHE BROUGHT UP THE ABORTION ISSUE AND SPOKE SOLELY ON THAT AND ALL OTHER ALTERNATIVES WERE OUT OF THE QUESTION IN HER EYES.
SHE ENDED UP SENDING ME TO MY HOMETOWN OF CHICAGO TO LIVE WITH MY AUNT AND RAISE MY CHILD ALL ALONE ON MY OWN. WHEN SHE SENT ME, I LEFT WITH NO PHONE, NO MONEY, 1 BAG OF CLOTHING, AND SHOES IN THE SAME BAG, SO YOU COULD IMAGINE HOW MANY OUTFITS I COULD PACK IN THAT BAG. BEFORE I LEFT, I CALLED MY UNBORN CHILD’S GRANDMOTHER. AND INFORMED HER THAT I WAS EVEN PREGNANT BECAUSE SHE DIDNT EVEN KNOW THAT I WAS. HER SON, WHICH IS MY CHILD’S FATHER, DIDNT EVEN TELL HER. AND I TOLD HER I’M KEEPING MY BABY AND SHE REPEATED “YOU’RE KEEPING IT”? AS IF I SHOULDN’T. HE HAS A CHILD ALREADY . BUT I WANT TO KEEP MY CHILD. I MAKE EVERY EFFORT TO INVOVLE THEIR FAMILY WITH MY UNBORN CHILD. HOWEVER, I FEEL MY EFFORTS GO UNNOTICED.
I’M 8 WEEKS PREGANANT AND MY DUE DATE IS DEC 29. I JUST HOPE BY THEN MY FAMILY WILL MANAGE AND FIND AN EQUILIBRIUM.
Are you with me, baby?
It feels like you are 🙂
It makes me feel safe. It makes me feel happy
I want to make you proud baby,
I want you to be proud of your mummy
like I would be proud of you!
I still get upset, but try to think that you wouldn’t like to see me cry.
I still think of you every second of everyday,
but I think of the good things,
like when I found out you were in my belly.
You’re in a better place now, baby, where God can look after you.
Don’t forget me baby, I will never forget you.
You will always be my first baby, mine and daddy’s first child!
I will always be your mummy,
And one day- maybe not soon but I will be with you!
Daddy will be with you!
And we can be a family again!!
I love you, forever!! (L)
[Talking]
Ma,
I know the Situation is Personal…
But it’s something that has to be told.
As I was making this beat,
You was all I could think about. You heard my voice.
[Verse 1]
Yeah, Just think. Just Think.
What if you could Just,
Just blink your self away..
Just, Just wait. Just pause for a second.
Let me plead my case.
It’s the late 70’s Huh?
You Seventeen, huh?
And having me that will ruin everything huh?
It’s a lot of angels waiting on their wings..
You see me in your sleep, so you cant kill your dreams.
300 Dollars, that’s the price of living, what?
Mommy, I don’t like this clinic..
Hopefully you’ll make the right decision..
And don’t go through with the Knife incision.
But it’s hard to make the right move,
When you in high school,
How you have to work all day, and take night school.
Hopping off da bus when the rain is pourin’.
What you want? Morning sickness or the sickness of mourning?
[Chorus]
I’ll Always Be a part of you,
Trust Your Soul, Know it’s always true.
If I Could Talk, I’d Say To You…
CAN I LIVE?
CAN I LIVE?
I’ll Always Be a part of you.
Trust Your Soul, Know it’s always true.
If I Could Talk, I’d Say To You…
CAN I LIVE?
CAN I LIVE?
[Verse 2]
I am a child of the king.
Ain’t no need to go fear me
And I see the flowing tears so know that you hear me
When I move in your womb that’s me being scary
Cause who knows what my future holds
Yo, the truth be told, you ain’t told a soul
Yo, you ain’t even showing I’m just 2 months old
Through your clothes try to hide me, deny me
Went up 3 sizes
Your pride got you lying, saying ain’t nothing but a migraine
It ain’t surprising you not trying to be in Wic food lines
Your friends will look at you funny but look at you mommy
That’s a life inside you, look at your tummy
What is becoming ma I am Oprah bound
You can tell he’s a star from the Ultrasound
Our Sprits Connected Doors Open Now
Nothing But Love And Respect. Thanks For Holding Me Down. She Let Me Live…
[Chorus]
I’ll Always Be a part of you
Trust Your Soul Know it’s always true
If I Could Talk, I’d Say To You
CAN I LIVE?
CAN I LIVE?
I’ll Always Be apart of you
Trust Your Soul Know it’s always true
If I Could Talk, I’d Say To You
CAN I LIVE?
CAN I LIVE?
[Repeat 2]
[Talking]
It’s uplifting foreal, y’all
I ain’t passing no judgement
Ain’t making no decisions
I am just telling ya’ll my story
I love life
I love my mother for giving me life
We all need to appreciate life
A strong woman that had to make a sacrifice
Thanks for listening
Thanks for listening
Mama, thanks for listening
I don’t know what I just did. I wrote a letter to my mom, sayin’ I want to move out and move in with my baby daddy.
But I know I broke my mom’s heart because I’m still a baby to her but I want to live my own life with my son and soon-to-be husband. But I have a bad feeling about what I did, but also my mom needs to understand she has to let go someday right? I do love my mom. She’s always there for me and she always watches out for me but I think it’s time to let go…..
I hope I did the right thing.
So I found out I was pregnant, the day be for my mom’s birthday, that was rather scary.
Honestly, I cried and cried for hours and my boyfriend tried to help but there was no one who could have stopped me. I wasn’t so much unhappy about the baby cause how can you be unhappy with a baby but I was scared. I had been sick for a long time and was not supposed to get pregnant at all or it could kill me, and I had no job and my boyfriend was a contractor, which is inconsistent at best. We were in no financial or physical state to be having a baby and honestly, I think I was more afraid to tell my mom than anything else (she was less than fond of my boyfriend to start with). But that night, I went home to tell her and lost my nerve. I decided to wait a few days. I had found out on a Wednesday and told her Monday morning, so as I said a few days, but she took it better than I could have hoped. She cried, which was hard to take, but after a few minutes, things calmed down and we just started making plans and figuring out how we could do this.
A few days later, I went to a clinic to get checked out and get a pregnancy confirmation for my medicade application and they definitely gave me the confirmation. They took me in for a ultrasound and informed me there were two.
Honestly, I was terrified and confused and shocked and in truth, slightly in non belief. So I kept asking if she was sure but she was. So now, on top of being scared of how I was going to handle carrying one baby and supporting it, I had to worry about two.
But my family is very supportive as well as the Dad and his family. So no, I still have no clue how I am going to do this whole thing, but I am sure I will get through this thing and it’ll just have a way of working out.
