Dear Becky,
Your website was a blessing to me! I am 171/2 years old. I thought that I had met the perfect guy for me, we were highschool sweethearts and really did love one another. I had always said that I would wait until I was married before becoming intimate, but once we got engaged towards the middle-end of my senior year, I let my guard down. When I thought I was pregnant in Dec. of 2001(when we first had, had sex) I feared that I might be pregnant. Going to a Christian school, I would be kicked out, and I didn’t know what I would do if that happened, not to mention what my parents would do to me.
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Hi my name is Patti,
The first thing that I want to say is don’t let anyone tell you that an abortion won’t affect you – it will change your life forever. It’s a choiceless choice. I had an abortion on May 8, 1982. Yes, it’s a date that I have never forgotten.
I had been with the father for almost three years. I had a special circumstance. I had lost one ovary and fallopian tube in an emergency surgery due to an ovarian cyst when I was 16. I remember the doctor’s telling me at the time that there was chance I would not be able to have children. So, four years later when I found out I was pregnant, I wanted to keep my baby. The baby’s father felt differently. Having had a history of ovarian cysts I didn’t pay too much attention to my periods because it was common for me to be irregular and/or skip completely. When I went to the doctor I thought for sure I had another cyst. The doctor examined me and told me that I was pregnant. I needed to bring a urine sample in to the pharmacy for testing. The father brought the sample in the next morning for me.
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Dear Becky,
I have written you once before but ended up not having the strength to tell my story, now alot has happened in my life and I feel that I really need someone to talk to.
It all started in the summer of 2000. I was almost 18 and getting ready to start my senior year of highschool. About a month before school started my period was becoming increasingly late so I took a test and it was positive. I remember just dropping to the floor crying and shaking and asking God what was I going to do. The next day I called my boyfriend and with out hesitation he told me to make an appointment to have an abortion. At that point in time I was clueless about what was going on in my body. The only people I told were my boyfriend and his sister who was my close friend. They both told me that it was only blood and not a baby yet and so I should just get an abortion as soon as I could. I came so close so many times to tell him that I wanted to keep the baby but I was too scared and I thought that abortion would be best anyway because I needed to finish highschool and didn’t want to disappoint my family. So the decision was made, the day before school started we went to the clinic. My boyfriend dropped me off because he had to work and I had the abortion all alone. Immediately afterwards I felt so empty and I just knew that I had done the wrong thing but there was nothing I could do to change it.
After that day my life became a living hell. I had made a promise to myself that for the sake of my lost child I would get the best grades in school possible. That all fell through when I became terribly depressed. I began drinking and smoking for the first time in my life because I hoped that it would take my pain away. Little did I know I was on the fast track to ruining my life forever. Soon after that my boyfriend and I had terrible problems in our relationship and he left me for another girl. I barely graduated from highschool but somehow I did it. All the while my family was so proud of me but if they only knew the truth, what would they think?
That summer me and my boyfriend got back together and eventually our relationship became stronger. We both cried for what we had done and promised to never do it again. I thought that finally I could put the past behind me but I was wrong.
In January of this year I became pregnant again. How I was so careless to let it happen again before I was ready is still beyond me. Once again my boyfriend had a change of heart and decided that he had no room in his life for a child. I too was barely making it even living with my family and didnt think that I could possibly do it. This time I tried to turn to my mother for advice but once again I was too much of a coward. I started to think that since I had already had an abortion once before it was okay to do it again. Once again we went to the clinic and went through with it.
For reasons I cant even explain I became pregnant again two months later. I could not believe it as this time we had always used a form of contraception. When I told him this time he was very happy about it and wanted the baby. I did too and I knew that I could do it this time. Everything was going great for a couple of weeks until I became unbearably sick. I still dont know if something was wrong with me or if it was just a horrible case of morning sickness. For two weeks I could barely move, I didnt work, eat, or sleep and my family was becoming suspicious of my “flu”. It was as if my hormones were making me go out of my mind because I became dillusional this time was the worst ever because I knew I was gonna have that baby, I knew it . I tried to get an appointment with the doctor to help me but she was booked for a month. I dont know why but I didn’t even think about the fact that I could have gone to an emergency room. Well at this point in time I WAS NOT me at all, I dont know who I was. All I could think about was making the pain stop so I drove myself to the clinic and paid to have yet another abortion!
Now I absolutely hate myself. How could I have done this to myself and my children?? How could I have been so cruel. I thought I was fixing my life but instead I have ruined every last bit of it. I am longing now to find God and to receive his forgiveness. All I wish is that I could have my children back, each and every one of them. Now I don’t feel as if I deserve anything. I have always been a religious person that is why I cannot believe that I could have pulled the wool over my own eyes and let this happen. But I know that God is great and I put all of my faith and my trust in him now. I know that if I keep my faith in him I will be able to press on. And from here on out I know that I will NEVER make the same mistake again as long as I live.
I know that I have done a very horrible thing and I am sorry that it took me this long to finally realize it. I even cringe at myself when I think of what I have done. but thank you for listening to my story and if you still would like to talk to me I would really apreciate it.
Jennifer
Dear Jennifer,
You have been through so much pain and suffering. You have also been trying to deal with it all on your own, haven’t you? I’m so thankful that you decided to write to me. Keeping all you’ve been through locked up inside isn’t good for you. Sharing your struggles can really help towards healing. You might even want to consider talking to your family at some point. I know it wouldn’t be easy, but they love you…think about it, anyway.
You need to put your life completely in God’s hands. Surrender to Him and His plan for your life. He loves you more than you could EVER imagine. He wants to heal you and make you whole again. Turn to him in your grief and He will comfort you. He will ease your pain. It may take time to feel His forgiveness and to forgive yourself, but be patient. God wants to restore you completely. One thing you can’t do is turn back time. All you can do is press on, and make decisions that are wise and based on truth and goodness. God will help you discover what the right decisions are. Listen to His voice.
I will pray for you. Thank you for your courage and your openness.
Here are a couple of websites you might want to check out: http://www.projectrachel.org and www.afterabortion.com
Dear Becky:
First I want to say thank you for this website and for standing up! I am so thankful that it exists.
While navigating through the site I did not come across a testimonial from a stand up girl who chose adoption, so I thought I would share my story with you.
I found out I was pregnant about a week before my 20th birthday. The hardest moment was sitting down to tell my dad, I wanted my mom to tell him, but she made me. The disappointment was written all over his face, but he told me they would support me anyway they could.
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Hi Becky,
I really appreciated your website and so wish there had been something like it out there for me when I was 17. I am 30 years old now, married to a wonderful man, and pregnant with our “first” baby. I say “first” because this is not my first pregnancy, and I want to tell my story so that girls who are fortunate enough to discover your website would choose not to buy into the lies that the media and abortion-rights activists shove down our throats everyday.
The first lie I fell for when I was in high-school was that sex before marriage was okay and that taking the pill and using condoms would prevent me from dealing with any consequences. The second lie was that if I did get pregnant, abortion was the easy way out. No one will know, it doesn’t really hurt, and I could just move on with my life, right? With all of those options to either keep me out or get me out of trouble, why wouldn’t I have sex? It felt good, made me feel “closer” to someone, and it made me feel like an adult. I was promiscuous for a summer, but it wasn’t until I started dating someone seriously that I became pregnant for the first time. Looking back, I can’t believe how stupid I was to think that intense physical attraction, good sex, and having fun together at parties meant that it was real love. When I became pregnant, his idea of supporting me was to pay for the abortion and to drive me to the clinic. Afterward, he dropped me off at home and went partying with his friends while I stayed home to bleed and cramp and cry.
The third lie I fell for was that it wouldn’t happen again if I was more careful about taking my pill on time. WRONG! Two months later, after being religious about taking my pill, I got pregnant again by the same guy. I was a senior heading to college, and nothing was going to get in the way of my goals. Another abortion was the only option, or so I thought. And again, he was “supportive” as long as it didn’t keep him away from his friends for too long. We broke up shortly thereafter.
Don’t ask me why I continued to have sex throughout college, but I did. I had no idea how to be in a relationship with someone without the false sense of intimacy that sex created. Somehow, I managed to not get pregnant again, but the abortions haunted me and I could not let go of the sense that God did not intend for things to be that way. I told no one about the abortions, but the guilt and shame were constant companions that I began to try and shut out with alcohol and drugs – to no avail.
I was not raised with any sort of religious beliefs, but after college, I began going to church and found out that my previous sense was right: God did not intend for people to just to have random acts of sex with anyone they were attracted to, but He created sex to be a beautiful, sacred, and powerful statement of commitment between two people who loved each other unconditionally and would spend the rest of their lives together. That is why it takes a man and a woman to create life – because it takes a man and a woman who love and are committed to one another forever to raise and nurture that life in the best environment possible. I’m not slamming on any of the single moms out there – I commend you for choosing the selfless and difficult route by not killing your babies – but there is no question (except among some liberals) that children do best in a stable, heterosexual, two-parent home. The realization of that hit me like a ton of bricks, and I decided at that moment to stop having sex until I was married.
Next to committing my life to Christ and marrying my husband, becoming a “born-again virgin” was the best decision I have ever made! No chance of being used, no chance of AIDS or getting pregnant before I was ready, no chance of having another relationship based on physical attraction instead of emotional and spiritual intimacy and getting my heart broken when he left. It was a difficult road, but without sex, my relationships were healthier, my self-esteem became much, much stronger, and I did not have to worry about all the consequences. I now have a wonderful husband (and yes, our wedding night was our 1st time and it was awesome!) and the Lord has truly blessed me in more ways than I could ever deserve. However, the emotional scars from the abortions and from having sex with so many others who took chunks of my heart with them when they left, has definitely had a negative impact on my ability to be truly intimate with my husband. After three years of marriage and countless hours of therapy and prayer, I am finally getting over my trust issues and am finding true joy in being united forever with one man – the one God intended for me and the one I want to be the father of my children. I regret daily the fact that my husband is not the first and only one I have shared myself, and so many other intimacies with. It just wasn’t worth it!
The final lie I bought into back then was that having an abortion would not impact my ability to have children in the future. While abortion has definitely become more safe in the past 20 years, it still carries with it the risk of infection or other complications that can cause infertility. I have had three miscarriages in the past 12 months, and despite what the pro-choice doctors say, I believe my Christian OB/GYN who says that having had two abortions is most definitely a factor. We are praying every minute for the baby I am carrying now, but the fact that I CHOSE to murder two of God’s precious children when I was so young and stupid makes me even more undeserving of this amazing blessing and honor. I thank God daily for the forgiveness and salvation I have found in Christ because without it, I would either still be in denial that I did anything wrong, or else I would be overwhelmed with guilt and grief, even today.
My prayers are with all of you who are reading this…If you are not ready to be a mother yet, please consider adoption and not abortion! I was previously an adoption counselor and can tell you there are SO MANY wonderful, loving and committed couples out there who cannot have children naturally. The horror stories of adopted children being abused and turning out depressed or whacked-out in some other fashion are largely untrue and it is truly the most unselfish and loving gift you could give your child. If you choose to raise your baby, know that God will be there to help you through it, but don’t buy into the lie that abortion is the easy way out!
God Bless You!
Deb
Dear Deb,
Thank you so much for your courage in sharing your story. Hopefully your experiences and insights will touch the hearts of many girls who visit the website and help them make good decisions in their life.There is so much we can learn from each other, if only we are willing to listen.
Luv,
I have always been one of those people who thought abortion wasn’t for me, but who was I to judge other people or tell them what’s right. I was a “good catholic school girl”, with no life experience. I was with “Jake” for four years and had done little more than kiss him. He was a really good guy, but some of his friends were a little wild. At 19, we went to a party…
I have always been one of those people who thought abortion wasn’t for me, but who was I to judge other people or tell them what’s right. I was a “good catholic school girl”, with no life experience. I was with “Jake” for four years and had done little more than kiss him. He was a really good guy, but some of his friends were a little wild.
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