It takes a lot of energy to not think of you, to force myself not to feel the flicker of my heart as it beats for you. The painful wrenching as I tear your heavy presence out of my very soul. The taste of your lips still haunts me, the touch of your skin, the very essence that makes you whole. I can’t feel this way anymore. I’ve been running, pretending that I don’t still love you. I can’t admit those three words ever again. They were my greatest downfall. And yet they gave me the greatest gift you could have ever offered me. better than a ring. Worth more than any priceless diamond.
It’s a lie I tell the world, that I don’t love you. That I don’t long to have you hold me in your arms. Sometimes, I feel as though I am walking around naked, and everywhere that you had once touched, kissed, and caressed is stained a bright red, your personal scarlet letter branded on my body. I quiver at the mention of your name. My face flushes and blushes, from the top of my head to the tip of my toes I tingle with delight. Why can’t I see you? Here? Tonight?
I want you. I need you. I love you.
Muttered words I barely mention in one single breath, words I want to shout to the rooftops but I can’t. You won’t let me. Society won’t let me. It hurts. It burns. It kills me that I can’t have you. I lie to you. To me. I tell myself we can never be. That we “will” never be.
Why?
Because I am afraid.
Afraid that if we “were” to ever really be together, then we’d be so happy that many would try and bring us down. That know and understand a love like ours. I doubt myself with these thoughts, feeling that these emotions are just figments of my wild imagination. That you never truly loved me. That you never will. I prepare my heart day in and day out. By now, it is a soldier and has well earned its “stripes”.
I want to stop the ringing in my ears. I want to scream just so I won’t hear those thoughts, those jumbled words. Anything to help me from thinking about your face.
So I am new to this and I am not sure exactly what to say. I am sixteen years old and right now, I am almost 4 1/2 months along. I don’t have a problem with a good support system, because I have one of the best support systems with my family. I don’t talk to many people outside of my family. My sisters and my mom are my best friends and yes, I can tell them anything and everything; I just feel like they wouldn’t understand how I feel or know what to say because they don’t know what it is like to be sixteen and pregnant. My boyfriend is really great, supportive, and here for me. We are living together now at my parent’s house. Since I found out I was pregnant, he and I have been bumping heads a lot. We had only been dating for three months when I found out I was pregnant, so I guess us not knowing everything about each other has made it harder. I do love him with all my heart, but being pregnant with all my hormones, I have so many different emotions and feelings toward him. I just want someone to talk to, who understands what I am going through…
I am new to this website and first things first: my fiancé and I are having a baby. We are scared, but excited at the same time. I am just overwhelmed because of the different emotions I am experiencing. I hate getting mad at my fiancé, for little things (sometimes nothing at all). We found out that I was pregnant on September 10th. That was a rough day to find out because my older brother was going through some complications with his ex-girlfriend, who also had a son, and my mom was/is putting pressure on the two of us. After over a month later, I still haven’t come to terms to tell her. When I was about to after spending the weekend with my older sister, she found out that she was pregnant too. She immediately told our mother which also caused some stress. Once again, my mother expected the best out of me and I just almost started crying, breaking down. I am keeping this secret away from my sister because she had a miscarriage last October. I feel as if she would hate me and be mad at me if she ever knew. My stepbrother’s girlfriend is pregnant and it took Allie, my sister, almost five months to be okay with it. I know I need the proper care. My fiancé’s friend had found a place in a nearby town called Heart Beat that is completely confidential and offers almost everything for free. If I attend meetings, I will be able to receive baby clothes, maternity clothes, and even a free car seat or crib. I have no idea how to break it to my mother or stepfather, but my fiancé and I agreed to try and put it off as long as possible.
My son was 6 months old last week. So he was due for 6-month checkups. He had an appointment with the midwife this morning, just for general checks. Everything was great, he’s now 14 lbs. 4 oz…that’s 12 lbs. 2 oz heavier than what he was when he was born. It was amazing, I’m a happy mommy!
We went into town and had some lunch after, to celebrate I guess. He even had a few chips and a bit of chocolate. He made such a mess.
Then we had to head up to the NICU to meet with the neonatologist, and it brought back horrible memories. We were early, but the nurses let us in so they could have a cuddle with my son and just catch up. They’ve helped us through a lot. It was nice seeing the ones who saved and looked after my baby boy. It was time for our appointment. He stripped my son down, to check for growths/tumors. He also looked at his previous scan results and said that his general health was marvelous. He weighed and measured him, perfect size…He’s average for a 5-6 month little boy. He’s still a little behind with his eating, but he’s catching up. He also checked his development, such as if he’s sitting up, lifting his head, rolling over, etc. Which he is, so that’s great. He had no concern at all. I was so relieved, I had horrible visions of my son having to stay under his care and having to visit once a month forever. But nope, although he did advise us to check back again in another 6 months, he said just to check his development for one last time. But overall, my son is finally healthy and eventually discharged for his neonatologist care. Yay!
My son’s in his bouncer whilst my boyfriend feeds him; sweet potato and leek pie…baby food obviously. It doesn’t smell too good. But he seems to be enjoying it, almost ate a whole jar and I expect he’ll be after a yogurt once he finished.
I can’t believe I’m a mommy. It’s just so unreal. I’m not even 16 yet, and I have a family. It’s super exciting though. I’m so lucky to have my boyfriend still by my side, both families, and a perfect, healthy son!
For those of you that don’t know my story, here it is.
I got pregnant when I was 14. When my boyfriend and I found out we had no idea what to do. Of course, the first thing that came to mind was abortion. Yes, I am totally against abortion and adoption for this matter. I went to a health clinic with my boyfriend and discussed options. We still leaned towards abortion, but I would never do it so I just kept going on like every day was normal.
I hid my pregnancy for 7 months (I didn’t show)… I finally told my mom and she was the one that said I needed to make the decision. So I did. We decided to keep our little baby (of course).
I went for my first ultrasound to find out we were going to have a little baby boy (: He was due on Nov. 18.
I had my regular doctor’s appointment on November 8th. When I got there, he checked my weight and such to find out that my blood pressure was way too high, so I wasn’t allowed to go to school for the rest of the day or the next day. I had an appointment scheduled for when they first opened to check my blood pressure again.
I went there in the morning and he had me lay on my side for about half an hour. He came back and checked my blood pressure and it was higher than the day before. He told us I’d be having my baby boy that day (Nov. 9th). We went to the hospital and they started my IV drip of Pitocin. About an hour after, my doctor came and broke my water. From the time after he broke my water, I started to go into labor. Around 2 pm, I had enough and wanted something to help so I asked for some morphine in my IV… I waited 30 minutes and nothing happened. The nurses said they couldn’t believe how it did nothing.. So I asked for the gas and OMG let me tell you, it did wonders! So from that point on, I was on the gas, and I guess I liked it a bit too much because I wouldn’t stop breathing it and it was making my son’s heartbeat drop, so the nurse had to take it from me a few times… Oops. Just before I went into active labor, the nurses also told us my blood pressure was so high that I could have started to have seizures. Also, the reason for all the high blood pressure was because I had preeclampsia.
Anyway, the time for pushing came. I pushed for 30 minutes and our little boy was out (:. His father cut the cord. He weighed in at 7lbs 10oz and was 19.3 inches long. He had grey eyes and dark brown hair. He has his father’s last name.
For 2 months after, I was home-schooled so I wouldn’t fall behind. After that, I went back for exams and I am still in school (:. I am currently working on my grade 11 year. My boyfriend (FOB) is working, and while I am at school, our son goes to his great-grandma’s. (:
For my plans after school, I plan on going to college to become a registered nurse and to do hair/piercings on the side (: .
Our son is now 10 months and almost walking! He has bright blue eyes and bleach blonde hair (: And he is such the little character, I love him to death.
I regret no decisions leading up to this point <3
I am here to talk to ANYONE,
Message me if you need anything <3
So, I have never used this site before and I don’t really know how to work it, but I am in need of help and I think this site may be able to answer my questions without judgment and or disbelief in me. My story is not unusual, it is actually quite common, But it’s just new to me. Anyways, I am 15 years old and I am having a baby, and holy crap am I ever so young. My boyfriend is 16, and he and I are fighting to keep this child. My life is going to be over, no more parties, no more going out, no more friends or school for a while and I understand all of this. But I do have belief in me that this child will start a new life for me, A more stable life than I have right now. My family is against my wishes. It will be a challenge to get their support in a decision that throws my young life away. But I am willing to sacrifice these things for this child. I need to have a good argument as to why this child needs to stay in my life. For the past two days, I have fought and fought and cried and my feelings are torn up and distorted. I need to prove to my parents and family that this will work out for the better and I have many questions that need answers to. I just need someone to help me and give me the answers I am looking for.
Thank you.
