About 5 days ago, I decided it was a good idea to get a pregnancy test considering the fact I was extremely late on my period. After three tests coming back positive, it was obvious in about 9 months, me and my boyfriend of four and a half years were about to become mommy and daddy!
Right now, it still feels kind of unreal because my belly still looks the same and I haven’t had any morning sickness yet. But tomorrow, I go into Planned Parenthood to get my vitamins and help info so I can set up my first doctor appointment 🙂 I am really scared about the fact that I’m going to be a 19-year-old mommy, but I’m sure the second I hold and see my baby, I wouldn’t change it for the world.
There is a lot I would like to write down to get off my chest right now but I don’t have time at the moment so I’m sure I will be back on in a few hours.
I’m 7 months pregnant. I found out the last week in June that I was 6 weeks pregnant.
It was a Sunday. I told my boyfriend of 3 months, and my brother’s best friend of 6+ years. I knew he wouldn’t be happy, but I knew he’d never leave me. I was actually so sure of it that when he did leave me three days later, I didn’t fully understand what had happened. Not only did I not see him for those three days after spending every day together for the entire 3 months we were dating, but he broke up with me through a text message while he was cheating on me with his ex.
I was devastated. I had never told a guy that I loved them before and I had told him which I know sounds stupid because we only dated for 3 months, but when I say I was so sure and confident in ‘us’, I mean it. For the first time in my life, I saw my whole life clearly laid out with this person for better or worse and that was OK with me. The next month, I was a wreck. The fact that I had to raise a child on my own and how he left me killed me day by day as I looked into the mirror and saw just how not OK with either fact I was. Then one day, it just clicked. I loved my baby, even if I had never wanted to have children before. This child was mine and mine alone, and all the confidence I had in my relationship with the father pooled over to our child.
I regulated my schedule. I cooked 3 meals a day at my house for my sister’s kids. I read baby books and looked up preschools and daycares. I was prepared to raise this baby on my own, and if one day he chose to come back and be a part of our child’s life, then he could do that as long as he knew that he couldn’t come in and out as he pleased. Instability like that is not good for kids. After that first month apart, we didn’t speak again until November. I got a random text one day demanding when he was going to get to see and hear about his baby and I ignored it. Then I got one from his mom saying we needed to work this out and I couldn’t refuse her. She will probably never get another grandchild and she loves children. No matter how stupid her son is, she’s a good woman and deserves this. Well, that meeting went well and the father wanted to spend time just hanging out playing black ops since we used to play modern warfare together (mostly for zombies). Well, I ended up spending the night but we didn’t sleep together though we did wake up in each other’s arms. After a few days of hanging out and another sleepover without sex, we started sleeping together again and he was telling me he loved me again and that he wanted to be here for the baby and me and do the right thing….Three days of him telling me this and I gave in and started telling him how much I love him and how much I had missed him.
For a month, we lived together and had a few fights that we worked out. Then out of nowhere, he wanted a night alone aka without me so he could have his buddies over so they could smoke and drink without me ruining his fun. I agreed because I figured he deserved a bit of a break after trying so hard and doing so well on such short notice. I’ve only seen him once since then and that was two and a half weeks ago. For the first week, I was understanding if not a little paranoid and overly attached to him. We got into more fights that he kept walking away from which is so easily done when we’re fighting through texts and IMs. I’m not convinced he loves me anymore. It was so easy to believe him when he told me what I wanted to hear. So a week ago, I sent him a message telling him exactly how I feel and that he doesn’t have to be with me to be the father, but if he wants to be with me, he has to do a lot better then he’s been doing in the trying department and making me feel secure in our relationship. We continued to speak regularly all week, but he was doing the same things and when I had finally gotten him into a real conversation where he was telling me things, he stops our conversation mid topic and says I’m getting into the car and can’t talk and drive (it’s 1am btw) and I don’t hear from him for 4 hours. And one of the first things he said to me was I’m tired and going to bed soon, just so you know. So I just said goodnight and the next night when I asked him about it, he just ignored me so I told him I was done waiting for him and I haven’t spoken to him in two days. Except once in a moment of weakness where I wanted to share something with him, knowing he’d appreciate it and hoping he’d respond, and to reply to his happy New Year that came a noon the next day…..
Now I’m stuck in love with him again. My sleeping cycle is all messed up, and since he never got the information for the hall from his father for the baby shower next month (Forgot to mention all week he was supposed to get the dates the hall was available and the address from his father so I could make out the baby shower invitations and even after seeing his father twice, he got nothing), I don’t know what I’m going to do because I fear I’m going to fall for him over and over again and things will never change. We’re going to ruin our child’s life if I can’t be strong enough to continue to tell him no, and I’m having a hard enough time trying not to talk to him at the moment, let alone denying him anything. It’s seriously pathetic and I know this, but I keep hoping in my head if I just ignore him long enough, maybe he’ll miss me and come back. At the same time, if he doesn’t, it’ll give me the time I need to get over him again. I love my baby more then him, but I can let myself be weak in front of him where I can’t with my baby.
I’m due in 2 months and I’m at a loss as to what to do…
Hey. I have been through a lot in life.
My parents… Never there… I have been with my grandma since I was almost one. She is very sick and I hate to say this, but probably doesn’t have much time until she goes home. Me and my fiancée are in deep love, but he still lives with his mom. We are only 15 though. My baby is due September 23 and it is really hard being how I lost our last baby. I am always depressed and blaming myself. Don’t get me wrong, I am extremely happy about this new baby. I can’t wait for him/her to get here, but what did the last do to deserve to not make it? I keep thinking back trying to figure out what I did wrong with the last one and trying not to make the same mistakes…. I will die if I lose another baby. Everyone keeps telling me “Just stay positive.” I can only be positive for so long….. I ain’t the type to keep things bottled up inside….. I love this baby with all my heart and I am going to do everything I know to do to be able to control not being able to lose it. It can be hard, I know. I have three nieces and two nephews. I helped raise all of them. I know I can do it and I know my fiancée can, but does it have to hurt so bad? Will I ever get over it? I hope so. But for now, I am going to keep this little miracle as safe as possible and so will my fiancée!!
I will keep everyone updated. Thanks for your time! :))
So, in the beginning, him and I were great.
We got along and we didn’t fight, often. It felt like a dream come true…But now…Everything seems to be coming down with a crash! I am 19 weeks pregnant tomorrow ( Saturday, January 1st ) and it’s supposed to be another happy day in my pregnancy, but how can I be happy? What with everything that is going wrong in my relationship? This baby was planned and I know it seems foolish to plan a child at 19 years old, but I feel it’s what I long for. And the baby is not what we fight about. Well, not the fact she’s on her way at least. We fight now, because well…He is 25 years old and still doesn’t have a job. He claims he’ll get one when he’s ready and feels comfortable, but … life doesn’t wait till you’re ready. This baby will be here May 28th and that’s not too far away. But it’s far enough away that he still has time to get a job and keep it.
I’m so worried right now that our baby will not live the life she deserves. My fiance has ADHD and minor Autism, but that does not stop me from loving him at all. He is on medication to help control his anger and to help him concentrate on things he needs to do. Yet, the one thing he seems to lack in concentration…is me. We wake up around 8:30 am and when he wakes up, he goes for his smoke; comes back upstairs to the living room, and goes on the computer allllll day long. I ask him to help me out because I’ve been sick and he will – making me food and stuff – but when I ask to spend time with him, he’ll brush it off and say he’s busy. So I’ve stopped asking, because clearly it’s doing nothing to help anything. I lay in bed all day – because I’ve been ordered to by my OBGYN – and when I fall asleep and am out for the night, he THEN comes to bed … and it repeats every day. There are times where he’ll rub my back with oil for me … but that is once every two weeks. We don’t have sex – not that I care about that and not that I want it – because honestly, I don’t want our time together to only consist of sex. You know? And even if we do have sex … he goes right back to the computer afterward – we don’t spend time together at all afterward. On Wednesday – the one that just passed – we went to get an ultrasound done and planned to spend the afternoon together, watching movies and just…being a couple who is supposed to be in love. But it never happened. It never happens. Then I get upset, because of the fact that I’m sitting here alone…unable to work…or do anything really…Unable to move around and clean up and stuff because it hurts, and he sits on his butt all day, sitting on the computer doing crap that isn’t as important as supporting his fiancé and future child. We are on ODSP and only make enough to pay the rent and the bills. Any kind of money that he makes, he spends on stuff we don’t need. I get upset…because when I was working, we were bringing in an extra $400 a month which honestly, went a LONG way. Now .. it’s his time. I worked for four months, sick and dealing with three hyper kids…and I would NEVER give that up. But because I had to, he now needs to step up and start working for me.
I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m depressed and don’t know how to get outta it. Any suggestions?
More to come…
Hi. Right now, I am 18 weeks 2 days pregnant with my third child. The only thing is, this is the first one that has survived this long.
When I was 16 years old, I got pregnant with my first boyfriend and at about 3 weeks gestation, miscarried. It wasn’t as painful, because I wasn’t too far along, but I was in pain. Then last year, I got pregnant with my ex on October 12th, and on the day of my 8th week, I miscarried. I was alone in the bathroom, bent over in pain. It was indescribable. I didn’t cry, not till after it happened. It was blood and pain and nothing else was really going through my mind. After I knew I had pushed the baby out…I finished up and got off the toilet. When I turned around and looked in to check out what had happened…There he/she was. My baby lay there in the fetal position…in the amniotic sac. A little white thing…lifeless. That was when I began to cry.
That was the night I was rushed by my friend to the hospital to get checked out. It was true that I had a miscarriage. Painful in more than just one way as well. So, being pregnant today makes me very happy! 🙂 When I was 16 weeks 4 days pregnant, I was up at 12 am throwing up. It got very painful to the point I could not talk or breathe properly. My fiancé called 911 and told them what was going on and the EMS came to our home and checked me out. They took me to the hospital and once test after test was done, they came to a conclusion. I had gall bladder sludge and a viral infection – both coincided with each other. I have now been sick for two weeks and recently got put on Diclection – one of the BEST things that a pregnant woman could ever take for nausea! I was worried about my baby’s heartbeat, but sure enough, everything was fine.
When I was in the hospital, I got an ultrasound done and the technician had asked if I wanted to know the gender of my baby and of course, I said yes! Now, before she started anything, she told me that she would only tell me if she was sure and to be honest, I was in doubt that she would find anything that early! So as the ultrasound continued, I fell asleep and at the end, she woke me up and told me the results. The baby’s heartbeat was still beating strong and everything was growing appropriately. Then at the end, she said, “Congratulations, you’re having a little girl!” Well, that made my whole day, despite the fact I was in the hospital for 13 hours previously!
I got discharged at 1 pm and waited till 3 pm for my mother to come pick me up, as she and my father live more than an hour away from me now. I showed her the picture that the technician had given me and my mom started to cry. She is happy that everything is going well for us – minus the sickness part. It’s hard having this pregnancy practically in bed every day and up every night. I have to be very careful what I eat and I cannot eat after 4 pm. Throughout this pregnancy, I have lost 11lbs from being sick and probably more since then. But it’s not hurting my baby, which is good. She apparently is taking in all the fat that I’ve lost…which I’m glad about! I hope she’s a good size – 5-7lbs!
May 28th is the due date of this beautiful little girl! We have decided to name her Jordyn May – Louise. Jordyn is a name we both liked, May is my grandmothers middle name and Louise is my middle name, along with my mother’s and one of my great grandmother’s first name is Louise! So we put all of them together to make up something we loved! The greatest thing I’ve gone through with this pregnancy is feeling my baby girl kick! It feels amazing, yet weird at the same time. I don’t know, it’s just amazing!! 😀
I just thought that I’d put this Blog up to keep myself busy while I watch my movie. It’s something I have to do, or I’m going to go insane! 🙂
Well, I’ll keep everyone updated with this pregnancy!
Thinking bout my old life.
It might be my fault that my family fell apart. I know it’s my fault. Maybe if I wasn’t pregnant, my dad wouldn’t have left like that. He might have gotten a regular divorce. Told us in advance and not have left us. If I wasn’t pregnant, then my mom wouldn’t have gotten so sour. She used to be the sweetest mom. In school, I used to write to her every Mother’s Day. I used to hug her and tell her “I love you” every night and she would say “I love you” back. Now I can’t look at her without her glaring at me or telling me that now she has another mouth to feed.
When I was younger my mom used to tell me that I was the joy in her life and that she had big plans for me. In the pictures I see when I was a baby, I saw everyone happy, caring, loving, perfect. I see those pictures and I think about the future.
I think about the could have happen and what didn’t happen and what is happening. I think about my dad, and ask questions. I think bout my baby daddy and ask questions. I think bout my mom and think bout questions. I think about my sister, who I let down. I think about my friends and ask then why did they leave me. I thought we were BFF. I think bout my baby and I think about me.
Pregnancy did change my life. I don’t want to put my baby for adoption, but I’m starting to. I don’t, I don’t, and I don’t want to put my little girl in adoption. I really don’t. I don’t think I can. But I don’t have money. I’m only 14. No place is going to hire a 14 year old girl who doesn’t even go to school and has a baby and if there was a place, what will happen with my lil girl? There’s nowhere to leave her. I can’t leave her with a stranger, no way. and I can’t leave her with anybody I know. They wouldn’t take care of her and they don’t even care. I don’t even have a crib for her and not even clothes for her to live. The environment in my house is bad. I’m all alone. In my head, I don’t even know what age I am sometimes. Sometimes, I do feel like my age, but there are times that I just want to crawl up in a ball and cry my heart out and I want my mom there to hug me and comfort me. There are times i fell like a little kid and there are times i feel like an 42 year old women.
Crushes, dates, movies, parties, school, teenage life. That’s all gone. I envy some teen moms. I’m like, wow, I wish i had their life. Even five dollars would help at least, but I wasted all my collage money and all my saving money to buy at least a couple things for the baby and now in my bank, I have literally 0 dollars. ZERO. Nothing.
I don’t know anymore.
