i would have been the mother of a few day old newborn by now, i lost my baby at in May 2010 at 9weeks…. 2 days after i found out that i was preg, it was ectopic. it would have been my 3rd baby. i still have the sonogram picures, this ball of tissue, no heartbeat, sitting in my left tube, with my gyne n the sonographer tawkin about my baby, my BABY as inhomogenous tissue watever they were saying, i suppose. my ube had started tearing so i was rushed into surgery, and when i woke up after the operation, i was told that the piece of my tube that the baby was in, was cut out, so now i cannot concieve a child from my left tube. this might sound bonkers but i was happy hat a piece of me had left with my baby, sort of a way to say that we will always be together.its was Gods will… and destiny.

when i found out i was preg, i started crying, my husbands company has gone into liquidation and thus renderd him jobless at the time and we live in a small place and i wonderd where i would put another baby. But then the words of God made me make peace with it. As a muslim we belive, that every child is an amaanat (trust) and comes with its own risq (sustenance) and i began to think that maybe this baby is Gods way of makng life better for us, for we were in a rough patch at the time. then i lost the baby. and once again my Faith in the One true Creator saved me, i did not go into a depression, infact when i think about the baby, i smile….

a week after the surgery, i had a dream, i dreamt that my gyne had put her hand into my tummy and brought out a perfectly formed but extreamly tiny baby girl, and the doc said, she is perfect, but she wont live long, and i held her, and she passed away in my arms, smiling…that dream has been the all the comfort i need. And it is promised in my religion, that even a 1day old miscarried child is waiting in the hereafter to be reunited with their parents in heaven and that the baby wil testify for the parents and save them from punishment. 

I will meet her again, i wll get to hold her,i will get to kiss her soft skin, i will get to be her mother…. in a better place. 

my baby girl, i love u, i think of u often, and i smile knowing that u are palyin with the angels in heaven and waiting for me too. Till then my sweet angel…mwah!!!