So, in the beginning him and I were great. We got along and we didn’t fight, often. It felt like a dream come true…but now…everything seems to becoming down with a crash! I am 19 weeks pregnant tomorrow ( Saturday, January 1st, 2011 ) and it’s supposed to be another happy day in my pregnancy, but how can I be happy? What with everything that is going wrong in my relationship. This baby was planned and I know it seems foolish to plan a child at 19 years old, but I feel it’s what I long for. And the baby is not what we fight about, well not the fact she’s on her way at least. We fight now, because well…he is 25 years old and still doesn’t have a job. He claims he’ll get one when he’s ready and feels comfortable, but … life doesn’t wait till you’re ready. This baby will be here May 28th and that’s not too far away. But it’s far enough away that he still has time to get a job and keep it. I’m so worried right now that our baby will not live the life she deserves. My fiance has ADHD and minor Autism, but that does not stop me from loving him at all. He is on medication to help control his anger and to help him concentrate on things he needs to do. Yet, the one thing he seems to lack in concentration…is me. We wake up around 8:30am and when he wakes up, he goes for his smoke; comes back upstairs to the living room and goes on the computer allllll day long. I ask him to help me out, because I’ve been sick and he will – making me food and stuff – but when I ask to spend time with him, he’ll brush it off and say he’s busy. So I’ve stopped asking, because clearly it’s doing nothing to help anything. I lay in bed all day – because I’ve been ordered to by my OBGYN – and when I fall asleep and am out for the night, he THEN comes to bed … and it repeats everyday. There are times where he’ll rub my back with oil for me … but that is once every two weeks. We don’t have sex – not that I care about that and not that I want it – because honestly, I don’t want our time together to only consist of sex. You know? And even if we do have sex … he goes right back to the computer afterwards – we don’t spend time together at all afterwards. On Wednesday – the one that just passed – we went to get an ultrasound done and planned to spend the afternoon together, watching movies and just…being a couple who is supposed to be in love. But it never happened. It never happens. Then I get upset, because of the fact that I’m sitting here alone…unable to work…or do anything really…unable to move around and clean up and stuff because it hurts, and he sits on his butt all day, sitting on the computer doing crap that isn’t as important as supporting his fiance and future child. We are on ODSP and only make enough to pay the rent and the bills. Any kind of money that he makes, he spends on stuff we don’t need. I get upset…because when I was working we were bringing in an extra $400 a month which honestly, went a LONG way. Now .. it’s his time. I worked for four months, sick and dealing with three hyper kids..and I would NEVER give that up, but because I had to, he now needs to step up and start working for me. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m depressed and don’t know how to get outta it. Any suggestions?
More to come…
