Today is my 27-week mark (:
I am so excited. I have been looking at names, but there are soo many and it’s just so stressful! Lol. My mom got me this book of baby names with 20,001 in it 0.o… So, I am just going through and circling the names I like, then I am going to get my boyfriend to circle the ones he likes, and put stars by ones that I have already circled that he likes as well. I want something very unique that no one/not a lot of people have, something new, but something not crazy 0.o Something cute and enjoyable (: Lol.
I am not that big for about 27 weeks, but I know there are still like 3 more months (November 19th). So I am hoping I don’t get too much bigger or I am going to be worried about how badly this is going to hurt lol. I am really hoping to be able to have this baby naturally, just for the least pain and less healing time. But, my mom did need to get a c-section because her bones wouldn’t move to allow the baby to allow me and my brother to come through, so she needed a cesarian for both of us. I am really excited for the ultrasound on the 31st, I can’t wait to find out what it is! Hear the heartbeat and get to see it for the first time. Wow, everything is still just so overwhelming and probably always will be.
I do have a plan and I am hoping to stick to it. (yn) We’ll see how it goes! (:
I haven’t been on here much lately, I feel like I’m neglecting you girls. Why? Because I know when I first joined with my story and with talking to people, I helped a lot of girls to calm down and see that whatever the situation was, it was not as hopeless and dark as it may seem either. If they just found out they were pregnant, they either decided to keep it, they just went through an abortion, or didn’t end up choosing because they lost their child. It’s funny, so many different situations. I am still young (well at least I think I am) yet I can relate to all of them.
I got my life somehow back on track with my last miscarriage. and I also decided ( with my doctors) that it looked like that adoption would be my only way. Or surrogacy, but that isn’t allowed where I live.
I’m doing my MBA, working, and thinking about going somewhere far, like to Kenya or Zimbabwe, and help the people there, for a month, 6 months, or maybe a year. I still haven’t made up my mind about it, but I will let you know how things will work out.
As for the guys I’ve been with, the father of the child I aborted broke down a few months ago. Everything that seemed so right to him about the abortion at that time, didn’t feel like that anymore, and we talked and cried and released balloons. I think that chapter of my life is really closed/ended now.
The father of my girls…Well, we tried to work things out, but it just didn’t go well. Not well, it didn’t go at all. And you know what I matured enough to see I do not need someone who would tell me how I feel about anything or do something that way, or would be all pissy at me just because he is in a bad mood. We are parents, we both love our girls, and we will be seeing each other on angelversarys, but that’s it. I will always love him. He is the father. Half of his heart, just like the half of mine is gone, somewhere up there in heaven, and I think this will be the thing that will always connect us.
As for my relationship status, I am single, and I am enjoying it 🙂
OK, that got pretty long, but like I said, I felt bad for not being here for so long.
So last night was the night (10 pm) that I told my mom I was pregnant. She was obviously disappointed, as she has every right. But she was very supportive, and I wish I wasn’t so scared to come to her so we would have had more time.
She made a doctor’s appointment for me today and I already went. He said my baby was pretty big haha. I also heard the heartbeat, and my mom started to cry. I wanted to cry also, but I kept it cool for my mom. I know a lot must be running through her mind too. I also got my prenatal vitamins today and got some paperwork and brochures and stuff to inform me more on all my options, and to help get ready if I do want to keep this. I know I want to keep this. I just have to talk everything over with my boyfriend. Either decision of adoption or keeping it will be hard as hell. I told my grandma too, and that went fine also. She is going to be a big part of this because when I am in school. she will be watching the baby (if we keep it). My boyfriend was scared that he was going to lose me if I told my mom. So I am hoping that if I reassure him that my mom wants him involved that it will help his decision also.
Well, today I am hoping to do a lot more relaxing than I have been.
I am calling the doctor’s office back tomorrow to see if they have my ultrasound appointment made.
I will keep you updated.
Hi,
I recently had an abortion, about a week and a half ago. When I found out I was pregnant, I had so many emotions going through me. I was terrified, scared, and confused. After a couple of weeks of thinking things through, I had decided to choose abortion. I couldn’t bear to disappoint my parents because they have given me so much, and have done everything they could to give me the amazing life I have. I found out the day before I turned 20 that I was pregnant. My heart sank when I took 2 pregnancy tests. I was so nervous and scared. I’m blessed that my boyfriend has stuck by my side through everything, and continues to love me and care for me. He’s an amazing person, but sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve him because I took away the life of our baby. The day after I found out, I told my older sister, who was shocked but wanted to help me in every way. When I first told her though, she poured her heart out, and we just sat in her room and cried together. I knew she was disappointed, but scared for me at the same time. I’m also blessed that my sister and boyfriend have been supportive of every decision, and have stuck by my side, even when I wanted to break down. After my sister took me to the clinic to confirm the pregnancy, I cried again in the car. I knew that it was real now after the lady came and talked to me about options and my due date. I sat in the car afterward and just cried, harder than I’ve ever cried before. I wanted to love this baby with everything I had. I wanted to give it the life I thought it deserved, but I didn’t want to give it up for adoption, because I couldn’t bear the thought of someone else raising my own child, or having to give it away the moment I gave birth to him or her. After a few weeks of morning sickness and hiding it from my parents, I had set up an ultrasound with the clinic I went to before. Since my boyfriend and I live 4 hours away, I let him know when the ultrasound was, so that he could be there too. In the few weeks we had together with the baby, we talked about the birth, marriage, names, how we would make it work since we were both still in school. He was always for keeping the baby, while I struggled on whether or not I could do it. The week of the ultrasound, I was even more stressed out, but excited at the same time. I never imagined that I would get pregnant at 20, especially because my boyfriend and I had not been together too long before. The ultrasound was a Friday, and that day my stomach felt like it was turning all over the place. As my boyfriend and I went to the clinic, I knew I was confused, but I didn’t want to scare him. He was so sure he wanted me and the baby both in his life, I was scared to let him know I was confused and scared. As I lay there on the bed, and the gel sat on top of my belly, the lady gave me the ultrasound and showed us our baby. I wanted to cry right then. She even showed us the heartbeat and told us that it was perfectly healthy. I was so scared, but at that moment I loved our baby so much. After we got the pictures, and went back home, we talked about it together. My sister was in our conversation too, and she cried with me.
But I felt like no one understood how I felt. I just wanted to go into a dark hole and never come out. As my boyfriend and I sat there, I cried because I knew he wouldn’t be happy with my decision. I couldn’t disappoint my parents. They depended so much on me, and have given me everything I needed in life. How could I do this to them? That day, I decided that I was going to have the abortion. My heart sank. I wanted to love this baby with everything I have, but I was selfish and scared. About a week and a half later, I walked into the abortion clinic with my sister. After all the morning sickness, I just wanted to get it done and over with. I didn’t want to think about it or feel any pain. I chose to do the pill, and it was a 2-day procedure. The second day the abortion would actually kick in. The second day I had never been through so much pain in my life. I cried so much, and could barely stand the pain. It was so hard to deal with because I haven’t told my parents, so they couldn’t understand why I was so sick. Thankfully my sister was helpful and caring and knew what was going on. After the abortion happened, I thought I would feel relieved, or something else besides sad and depressed. When everything hit me a few days after the abortion, I felt so much pain in my heart. I regret my decision so much, and when I told my boyfriend that I regretted my decision, he felt the same pain as I did, but I don’t believe that he feels the pain I feel. He was always sure that he wanted the baby, while I had contemplated over and over again. There’s not one day where I don’t think about my baby, and the life I could have given it. There’s not one day where I don’t regret my decision. Some days I wake up feeling good, but then there are days where I wake up and all I wanna do it feel my baby again. I would give anything to have my baby back. Some days are harder to deal with than others. I’m so thankful that my boyfriend has been so supportive of me throughout this whole process. He has never given up on us, or doubted us. He’s an amazing man, and I cant believe after what I’ve chose, he still chooses me. I am one lucky girl.
I’ve been having a hard time dealing with the fact that I was pregnant, and decided on the abortion, because I have loved babies and kids my whole life. I’ve always wanted to be a mother since I could remember. Today I decided to go online and read about abortions and other people’s experiences, and as I read the other girls experiences on this website, some of the stories inspire me so much. They give me reassurance and inspiration to do more with my life, and not give up. There are stories too, that make me sad that I didn’t keep my baby, and jealous that other girls had the guts to tell their parents, girls who did not have the support of a boyfriend or significant other. I give you girls so much credit. If I could take back my decision, I would in a heart beat. The few months that I was pregnant, although they were hard and stressful, I wouldn’t take it away at all. It has made me a stronger person, and although I am still dealing with the grief on a daily basis, reading some of these stories has made my day a little better. Thank you for the inspirational words and stories.
To my baby, I’m sorry I made the decision I did. I hope you know your daddy and I love you so much, and wish we could have given you the world, we think about you everyday. Pls forgive me.
Love you always, mama.
Haven’t been on for a while… I’m 19 weeks now [:
I’ve had three doctor’s appointments. My first one with all the tests and stuff, my first ultrasound at 14 weeks, and one last check-up. Everything’s going awesome!! I had to go to the hospital once last week for extremely severe cramps. Turns out it was from sex the night before [oops XD]. Everything was fine. I got hooked up to the monitor and I felt the baby move for the first time. Every time it would summersault, the monitor would blip and it would feel like a poke from the inside of my belly…
The whole time I thought that was gas… Gosh silly me… We go back for our next ultrasound on August 23rd, when we find out the gender. We are hoping for a little girl. We have a name; Maddison Elaina. Ah.
My boyfriend is still in the picture. He left for the Gathering Of The Juggalos a few days ago. It’s a big 4 day long concert pretty much. I was planning on going, but he voted against it because it’s in Illinois where it gets 112 degrees and it wouldn’t be a good idea right now. Next year is mine though [: He’ll be back in about a week.
My belly pretty much exploded last night! I’ve been so tiny my entire pregnancy. From my first appointment to my most recent, I only gained 1/4 of a pound. I was 105ish pre-baby and the last time I got weighed three days ago, I’m 117. I didn’t get a belly for the longest time! It seems like everyone else got so big so quickly and I’m just staying tiny… But now I’ve got something to show: D
Going back to school in the fall… That meant school shopping. Got maternity clothes. I’m so small still I can wear the shirts with leggings & make it a dress. And the stretch on the pants comes up to like my boobs ahah. They’re very comfortable, I must say. I’ll prob still wear all of it well after the baby ahah. I’m excited for school. There are three other pregnant girls in my school, and me and one of my friends from elementary school are due around the same time, so we are just going for the first semester which ends in January.
Wow, I wrote a lot. I just got the need to write like everything down haah.
Yesterday my boyfriend and I went to the Health Center.
We got to talk to this girl, and she gave us the three options; abortion, adoption, and parenting. We were still looking into abortion… But I didn’t know all the risks that could come with it, and if I were to have the baby now… There’s a chance it could live outside my womb 0.o. Not only that, but… I mean, I have a baby now with someone I truly love, and it’s something we did together. This baby has a life and did nothing to deserve me terminating it. I am very against abortion and so is my boyfriend. I just think he is highly convinced that we aren’t ready. Because, he definitely cannot go through with adoption.
Now, once again I am stuck on what to do… I have to wait until Sunday to talk to him again about what WE want to do. Because I need his support in this as well, and to me, it’s just not my decision. I am going to try to convince him that we can get through this, and just say how I really feel. Because I have had about 6 and a half months bonding with this baby, feeling it move and everything, so of course I am going to be more attached to it than he is. But I am hoping with the talk on Sunday, it can help ease things so we can come to an agreement.
Then hopefully, I am bagging for Sunday to go well, so shortly after I can tell my mom. I am honestly scared to death to tell her. The one big thing that I am most nervous about is that she is going to change her opinion on my boyfriend and lose trust in us. I know what I did wrong, I can see my mistake, and I can hope my mom can understand that when the time comes to tell her. Not only that, but I do need an ultrasound and medical help so I can know for sure how far along I am, and if the baby and I are really okay, and in good health.
The lady at the Health Center guessed I was about 26 weeks with these wheel things according to my last period. So, we’ll see what happens and how everything goes ):
I want to thank all of my friends on here for talking me through a lot and helping me.. You guys are a lot of help.
Thank you!
<3
