If I can help one person, I will be happy! Please don’t do it.
I was forced by my parents to have an abortion when I was 15. I will never be the same person. There will always be a hole in my soul. I am now married with 3 children- and I still grieve the loss. If only I would have stood up to them as many brave girls did on this website. If you are not able to care for the baby and give it a good home—adoption is the best alternative. At least you will know in your heart that your baby is in a good place. I have a friend that opted to give her child away at 16 (in secret). After 25 years, her son sought her out and met his 3 siblings. She said the hole in her heart has been mended. I will never get that chance. I can only hope that I will be forgiven.
I look at my children now and wonder what my baby would have been like. I have had multiple miscarriages throughout my life- and I often wonder if this was my punishment. Also- I do not have any girls. Was this aborted baby a girl? Was that my chance? I will never know- and will never stop thinking about it.
I sometimes think I should talk to someone about my guilty feelings- and feelings of loss. But what will it help? What is done is done- and it cannot be taken back. I will have to live with my decision for the rest of my life. I also will live with ill feelings towards my parents for the rest of my life- which I really hate. They are good people- and I’m sure they hate the decision they made also. I don’t know- because it was never talked about again. It is the “dirty secret” in our closet.
So- please- think long and hard about what is right for you. Because if you decide to have an abortion- the decision does not fade away after it is complete. It haunts you.
My daughter’s name is Olivia Karen Ezmeralda. She is 9 months. She was born on Sept 26.
That was the best day ever. She was 8 pounds 3 ounces and 21 1/4 inches long. She was also a week early.
So no good news for another month. I sit here and wonder if I will ever have the right to conceive.
It burns my heart constantly to think there’s a possibility it may never happen. But something has changed inside me. The burning has stopped being the result of an intense relentless yearning to feel my baby inside of me, to hold him, to kiss him, to watch him, be born and grow. It has now become a burning at the thought of it NEVER happening for me. It is no longer a question of now Now NOW!! I have questioned myself and am halted at the answers… How would I be able to handle being somebody’s mother right now? Will he really be that great Dad of my visions right now or am I just fantasizing? Will I be that great mother? How will I handle the isolation? I’m lonely now at times… What about being lonely and having a little person demand of me all the time? Money? Will we survive it? How will we handle the stresses? Are we good for a baby? Is a baby good for us right now? There are so many things I would want to be to my child and children, there’s so many things I myself want to experience within the act of having a baby. But I have to ask myself if my realism is being tinted rose. I don’t know and I guess you can’t know until your baby arrives and there’s no way back. Ever. But I don’t want it to be a ‘too late, you’re stuck with it’ situation. Is there healing we both need to do before we create another? Do wounded people make faulted parents?
There are parts of me that believe my failure to conceive so far is serving as a wakeup call a reflective moment in my life. There are more parts that see it as a punishment for a crime I didn’t commit or can’t remember. Is conception a scientific equation or a blessing from God. And how does He decide who and when they should be blessed? Is it right that the girl who has had 12 abortions was able to conceive after 5 only to kill another 7? Is it right that a incestuous peodiphillic beast is able to have seven children with his daughter? How is it fair that these people are ‘blessed’ with children and my fiancé and I are not? Are we undeserving or are we being given time to fix ourselves? Who ever heals and forgets completely pains from the past….whether the one they love inflicted them or not?
I see no sense in this failed plight. I see no sense in the fact it ever sailed. I will never know when the time is right. I will never know when I am healed. I will never know if i can or cannot conceive. I will never be decided in whether he will turn out to be that great Father-Husband. I will never know if I will be that great Mother-Wife. Not until it happens and since we have waited a year…. There is no more pain in waiting some more.
Almost 2 years ago, I met the love of my life. I knew right away that we were going to get married. I told my mom and she 100% supported me and if she didn’t, I had no idea. But my dad was a different story. He was totally against it and didn’t talk to me for almost 8 months.
Well, me and my husband did as I had suspected and got married January 27th, this year. One week after the wedding, I found out I was pregnant. It was a honeymoon baby. I was so ecstatic because that was the one thing both of us had wanted. Of course, I was scared to death. Unfortunately, we got another surprise. 1 month later, I miscarried. It was horrible. I was very depressed. But I still felt like I was pregnant. Of course, I was trying to tell myself I wasn’t. Well, 2 months went by and still hadn’t started my period. I told my husband I was pregnant and he didn’t believe me. so one night we were eating at Taco Bell and I slipped away to the bathroom and took a pregnancy test. When I showed him, he was so happy. But I couldn’t be happy. I was so terrified that I started crying because I didn’t want to loose this baby too. My mom had told me when I was younger that if I got pregnant, she was going to make me have an abortion so I was nervous to tell her, but I did. She was, to my surprise, happy. I told her at least I had waited longer than her. Haha. She was pregnant at 17 and had me a couple months after her birthday.
Anyways, now I’m 16 weeks and 2 days with a very healthy baby and I couldn’t be more ecstatic. I’m very nervous especially because I don’t have my own home yet. I’m still really young and there’s no way that without my mom i could make it in todays world alone. I’ve wanted to have kids since I was 13 years old. and it’s a miracle I didn’t end up with one. I’ve had 3 miscarriages, 1 because the dad beat me, and I have never used condoms. I was very stupid when I was younger and even though I’m still a baby myself, at least I’m 18.
All my life, I wanted to be 18 but I’m still no older or ready to live my own life than I was 18 years ago. I still get upset when I can’t stay the night at my mom’s house. She makes jokes with me all the time saying that I need to grow up that I’m going to be a mom and my come back is always, “Yea but I still have my mommy”. And it’s my opinion but I don’t think abortion is a correct answer to all situations. Adoption is a choice I would have made if I had been younger. But now that I’m pregnant, I’m not sure I could even do that. My baby is still in my stomach but I’m already so attached. It’s really a personal experience that only you can make the decision on.
Even though mommy and daddy may want you to have an abortion or give your baby up for adoption, it’s still your baby, your life. You should make your own choice because mommy and daddy don’t have to live with the decision for the rest of their lives, you do. My decision is to keep the baby. I know I’m young. I know it will be the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, but I can live with that decision where I personally couldn’t live with the others.
My, my. Can anyone describe what it’s like to fall in love for the first time? My mom told me all about how my dad swept her off her feet when they met, and I wanted something like that to happen to me. It did when my new neighbors moved in when I was twelve.
The boy next door was thirteen. We hit it off, playing in one of our backyards, night after night, in tree houses, running down the block… it was so sweet. We made snowmen in the winter and tree forts in the summer.
It was the year I turned fourteen that I realized that the feelings I had for this boy were much more than friendship. I was in love! He felt that way about me too. Now, when we were out, we were kissing instead of playing in the snow. The year I turned fifteen, in the summer, was when we lost our respective virginities to each other.
He was seventeen and I was sixteen when, in front of our family and friends, he proposed. We were married almost two months later. My life was whirling around me. One condition he had for me was that we could no longer wear protection if we had sex. We were a married couple, and at that time, it made sense to me.
But now I’m five months along, and I’m maybe regretting that I’m here. All my friends are talking about university and college, while I just finished what will be my last year of formal education. They’re off doing their own thing while I’ve got a husband at home and soon, a family.
It has been a year, four months, and ten days since I had my abortion.
There is not a day that goes by without it running through my mind. My baby would be turning 1 this summer and all I can think about is how I will never feel it again. I will never touch my baby, smell my baby, or hear my baby. I was 15 weeks when I went through with the worst choice I have ever made. My boyfriend tells me that I should get over it but I don’t know how to. I was so against abortions I thought that they were the worst thing a person could do and here I am, one of those people. I have resorted to cutting like I did when I was a kid. It’s the only way I feel like I can live with myself, like I deserve to feel the pain, not only on the inside but also on the outside. I feel like no one understands what I feel, like I am alone. Not only do I feel alone, I feel like I am going to go to hell for what I did. One of the first things my boyfriend said to me after I had the abortion was that God looks down upon these sorts of things. The only reason I had the abortion was because my boyfriend left me with our two other kids, telling me that I was not allowed to keep it and that I was not allowed to give it to my aunt, who was happy to take care of it for me. He threated to kill me if I did keep it. We broke up for a while but then we got back together. I feel that, in the last year, I have made some of the worst decisions in my life.
I have no one to talk to about any of these feelings. When I try to, all I am told is how bad of a choice it was or that I need to get over it. I don’t want to get over it. I want to take it back.
