it has been a year four months and ten days sencei had my abortion. there is not a day that goes by with out it running through my mind my baby would be turning 1 this summer and alli can think about is how i will never feel it again i will never touch my baby smell my baby or hear my baby. i was 15  weeks when i went through with the worst chose i have ever made. my boyfriend tells me that i should get over it but i dont know how to. i was so agenst abortions i thought that they were the worst thing a person could do and here i am one of those people. i have resorted to cutting like i did wheni was a kid its the only way i feel like i can live with myself, like i deserve to feel the pain not only on the inside but also on the outside. i feel like no one understands what i feel, like i am alone. not only do i feel alone i feel like i am going to go to hell for what i did. one of the first things my boyfriend said to me after i had the abortion was that god looks down upon these sort of things. the only reason i had the abortion was because my boyfriend left me with our two other kids telling me that i was not allowed to keep it and that i was not allowed to give it to my aunt who was happy to take care of it for me. he treated to kill me if i did keep it we broke up for a while but then we got back together i feel that in the last year i have made some of the worst dessions in my life.

i have no one to talk to about any of these feelings, when i try to all i am told is how bad of a chose it was or that i need to get over it. I dont want to get over it i want to take it back.