When it comes to deciding what I want this time around, I would want a baby girl. But if that isn’t the case so long as my baby is healthy, I will be content with that. I keep praying that God will hold my hand and keep my small family close…Because I’ve cried too many tears within the last 24 hours to bear the thought that something worse could go wrong. Though I had a dream my baby was a little girl…But a dream’s a dream…It doesn’t mean it will come true
So I came to the decision. I want to keep this baby, but there are sooo many questions in my head. So many thoughts, doubts, fears, concerns. It’s not like this is my first pregnancy…But it feels different than the first and second ones. I don’t know…I’m hoping for a girl. Since my firstborn is a boy. Just to even the playing field…lol.
Arrgh….Got to finish this mythology assignment due tomorrow and all I want to do is eat and sleep…Something tells me I’m going to be very fat this time around >.<
Hello (: I am dong pretty good. So is my son in my tummy, lol. He’s still very active.
I keep waking up in the middle of the night with hives and swollen hands. (I used to always get hives – before I was pregnant. So it’s nothing new really.) Last time it happened, I was laying in the grass drawing a picture. Then, this time… I was outside barefoot carving out a mini pumpkin. So I think there might be something outside I might be allergic to or something…
When I was little, I had to go through lots of tests for my hives as they were trying to figure out why I kept breaking out in them (what I was allergic to)… But no one found anything, lol.
So today is Canada’s Thanksgiving. (: So Happy Canadian Thanksgiving to everyone!! (: Hopefully, everyone has a great day!
Today, I might be going uptown with my mom. Then my boyfriend should be coming over this morning or this afternoon depending on if he has band practice or not. He says he does, but the vocalist heard nothing of it, so I am waiting for my boyfriend to get up and tell me what’s going on, lol.
Ohh :3 I had chocolate (Nesquik) cereal for breakfast! I also drink a lot of water – yum yum! Ohh! As well as lots and lots of ice cubes! Which I will be having shortly… Lol.
I am pretty tired right now. I need to find a way to sleep more. Even though in like a month I will never sleep again! xD
Buuuuttt, I am going to go (: I hope everyone has a good day.
Talk to you later,
Ps. I have my next doctor’s check-up tomorrow. (:
Just found this awesome site – I am new to blogging, but will figure it out quickly.
Anyone out there who would like to become a friend – who needs a listening friend, click on me. 😉
I’ll listen – I want to see young women who become pregnant to be encouraged, not discouraged, about one of the most exciting things in life….children. 😉
There is no pleasant way to start off this story…but it’s a story I’m willing to share. I’m 23 years old, a second-year college student and basically a single mother. I say that because my boyfriend and I don’t live together and we’re forever on and off. My son just turned three this August. He means the world to me, and being pregnant with him was the best choice I ever made.
However, I learned in March of this year, I was pregnant again. It wasn’t planned or expected. I had mixed feelings about it, more because I didn’t see having a second child being part of my plan at the moment. It was mid-terms and I was crammed with work and morning sickness. I didn’t have a clue about what to do, or how I’d be able to handle everything. My supposed boyfriend was unreliable, rude, always negative, and had to be told when to change his son, when to feed him, and when to bathe him. It was overwhelming. I confided with my Bible study group, and they wanted me to go through with having the baby. But I didn’t see it happening for me. I chose not to. On March 23rd, I had an abortion. It was the hardest thing for me to do. All I wanted to do was forget and wish I hadn’t gone down that road. I found out later that 3 of my friends were pregnant, but carried out their pregnancy. Two of them just had their babies. while visiting them a part of me tenses up. I long to hold their child and think, “If I had gone through with my pregnancy…This would be me”
There are days I tear up and nights that I cry and wish I could change what I did. I feel like a murderer. I feel like a hypocrite because I was that person who always said no to abortion. I cry to God and say how are you going to forgive me for such a sin, to commit a murder to a child that was blessed to me and I threw him or her away.
This week, I took a home pregnancy test and discovered I am pregnant yet again. Twice in ONE year!!! All I can think right now is how can I be so stupid? How did I land myself in this hot mess…again? Only this time, there is a twist to the story…The father could be my long-time boyfriend (my son’s father) or my high school flame that can’t seem to die. My boyfriend doesn’t know, but my flame does. How the hell am I supposed to randomly drop it into our everyday lives, and say oh by the way…I’m pregnant and you may not be the father. I feel terrible and very much like a whore because I don’t know which is the father….All I think and see is that if I have this baby, I’m ruining everyone’s lives. I don’t want to have another abortion, I don’t want to ruin anyone’s lives more than I already have. But I mean in a way it’s already too late because I was screwing around. I admit my mistakes and feel my shame, but which is the best solution…? Go through with killing another one of my children or raising two children on my own? I am not afraid of doing it alone, it’s more that I fear I won’t be a good mother for both of them…
To be continued…
I hate the fact that boys think we don’t have feelings.
Some people don’t understand that sometimes you can joke around, but not too much.
I understand that sometimes, girls don’t like to get their feelings out. I am that in some way. I am a girl who likes to keep everything in.
I found out that it hurts even more when you do.
I don’t understand why people like to judge others by what they’ve heard. I am a really good person and some people can’t see that because they listen to what they hear. This goes to all the females who have gone through what I’m going through or going through it. Never let anyone get in your way. Listen as your day unfolds and follow what the future holds. Try to keep your head up to the sky.
To cry you gotta be bad,
you gotta be bold,
you gotta be wise,
you gotta be hard,
you gotta be tough,
you gotta be strong,
you gotta be cool,
you gotta be calm,
you gotta stay together.
All I know all I know is that love will save the day
