Hello,
I am 15 years old. I have a beautiful baby girl on the way named Ayanna. She is due May 31th. I am attending school and should be graduating 2 years early. The father left 2 months into the pregnancy..; stupid idiot. Most teen guys don’t understand the effects of not being there for the mother and the child. I do; I’m going through it.
To all you single moms out there; it’s not over, you can still make it. What helped me get through is everytime I felt down and out, I would think of all the strong women before me who have gone through the same exact thing some in worse situations. It’s not the end of the world. They have been through it, and are now stronger from it. Please stick in there. Don’t give up. Remember, everytime you think it can’t get any worse, there’s always someone out there who has it worse than you, so be thankful.
You can make it.
2 years ago, I was in a relationship with a guy who I thought I was in love with. We were on and off for the remainder of the relationship.
Anyway, we were having a lot of problems and arguments and we decided to call it quits. We broke up and I was feeling very depressed and low because I gave this guy everything. I was hurting and wanted to go out and forget about him, so I went out with my friends and we went to a club. I got completely drunk as you do when you’re upset and I was feeling sorry 4 myself. I thought what did I do wrong and started blaming myself. I passed out in my friend’s car but I still have flashbacks from that night.
Anyway, to cut a lonng story short, I was taken to my ex’s house where I must have passed out and when I woke up, I was naked in his bed and he wasn’t there. I was confused, I thought I got taken home so you can imagine my shock. I called him and he told me my friend dropped me off at his and he let me stay, he undressed me and let me sleep off the alcohol.
6 weeks later, I had no sign of a period and was just thinking I was under stress from the break up so my period was delayed. But then months went by and I thought this was weird so I decided to take a pregnancy test with my best friend and it came back positive. I was so happy as when I was healing from my ex, I had met a nice guy and we started to see each other and we had sex once and I thought I was pregnant by him. I called my boyfriend and told him I was pregnant and he was happy. So I went to the doctors and they confirmed I was pregnant but I was 14 weeks pregnant. I was confused because I slept with my boyfriend once and it was 2 weeks ago. This didn’t make sense. I asked my doctor to check again and he told me I was almost 4 months pregnant. I was in oar, I thought no way, this can’t be right. So I had to retrace my steps back to the beginning and how I could and how I got pregnant. So I called my ex and asked him if anything happened that same night I was at his. He told me no and I told him well I’m pregnant and he told me well yeah, we had sex.
I told him I didn’t remember having sex at all and he told me I did and then it added up.
I thought I’d post something about mourning after an abortion… I think so many of us struggle with that part of our healing, because,
- we don’t feel we deserve the right to heal; or
- we don’t know how to or where to begin
Recognize that it is normal and good to mourn any loss, such as the loss of an aborted child. Recognize also that it takes time to mourn. Allow yourself to mourn. Accept your grief as normal rather than burying it. You will always remember your baby, but the pain will gradually fade as you begin the healing process.
Self-forgiveness is also important, even if in most cases, it’s the hardest part of the journey.
I got the following from http://www.worldvillage.com/ and even though I’m not a Christian, it made a lot of sense and really got through to me:
Forgiveness is not a feeling. It is a choice that must be made as a conscious act of the will and has nothing to do with your feelings. The choice doesn’t change your feelings any more than your feelings nullify the choice. Making the choice is not the destination. It is only the beginning of the journey toward healing.
Forgiveness does not undo the damage or minimize the pain. It does not sweep the conduct or the consequences under the rug where they will trip you up later. Forgiveness involves facing your feelings and dealing with them directly and honestly. Acknowledge the anger, the hurt, the guilt, the shame. But because your feelings will change daily, you must choose to anchor yourself in God’s Word that never changes.
Forgiveness is a product of God’s mercy. If you feel that you don’t deserve to be forgiven, you’re right. Forgiveness is a free gift from God based on the shed blood of Jesus Christ at Calvary. Just as you did nothing to earn the forgiveness that leads to salvation, you can do nothing to earn forgiveness for your sin now. You must choose to accept God’s forgiveness and you must choose to forgive yourself. God commands that you do so (Ephesians 4:31-32).
Forgiveness is a command. God never commands us to do something without providing a way for us to obey Him. It is impossible to obey the command to forgive without relying on God’s forgiveness to enable you. Jesus said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible” (Matthew 19:26). In time He will enable you, through the power of His Holy Spirit, to completely forgive yourself and anyone else who may have played a part in your abortion (Philippians 2:13). However, you must first decide to forgive. If you will allow Him, God will work in you to free you from the bondage of the guilt, the grief and the shame.
I really hope that this helps someone.
Love and Hugs
…. so good.
It’s really great that this natural high I’ve been on hasn’t faded within the last week (like it usually does). I finally feel like I’ve got a good handle on things and that my coping mechanisms have started working or maybe that I’ve started using them properly.
I’m just glad that I’ve made it through a week without having a total meltdown.
As AF approaches, my hormones are totally screwy and I’m taking offense to the smallest things. I know my boyfriend is busy at work and that he’s under a lot of stress and pressure… Am I being selfish if I need attention sometimes?! I just want to feel appreciated from time to time and right now, it’s like we’re living past each other. I know that ‘s not all his doing. I know that I should be more understanding… I’m also really tired after work, but I’m the one making the effort when it comes to the relationship and I can’t keep being rejected and pushed away by him….
Besides that, I’m coping well with the m/c and the abortion. I find myself able to think and talk about it without reacting from an emotional place. And right now, that’s most important to me.
I have to begin by saying I am so impressed by what the creators of this website and organization are trying to accomplish. I support your work 100% because I truly believe that this is a key part of the fight against abortion. I have no intention of undermining the agonizing situations that each and every girl is faced with.
What I’m trying to understand is how we can begin to teach our young women that the choice comes at the time of the sexual act. I’ve spent hours this evening reading story after story and despite the unique specifics there are so many similarities: “surprised I was pregnant” “couldn’t believe I was pregnant again” “found myself in the same situation again” “already had children out of wedlock”. When are we going to realize that pregnancy is NEVER a surprise?! I am the mother of 4 children and each and every one of them had been planned simply by virtue of the fact that my husband and I chose to have sex. It’s really that simple! The inevitable result of sexual intercourse is pregnancy. The biggest disservice that parents, school systems, and the medical profession does to young girls and women is propagate the lie that somehow contraception of any kind will keep them from getting pregnant.
Fellow women, please, I beg you, stop being a pawn in our own lives. By giving in to the pressures to become and remain sexually active before we are in a committed, married relationship, we are allowing ourselves to become beholden to a relationship that is artificial, incomplete, and in so many cases, will in a single moment of pleasure, lead us to make complicated and heart wrenching decisions. I speak from experience, and it is so hard to describe because I didn’t even fully understand it until I experienced marital love, and the unsurpassable joy that comes from the union of husband and wife. While I never actually had to make the decision, there were plenty of times that I thought I might have to–although for me it would have never been an option, because the reality was that I knew in my heart that pregnancy was always a possibility.
Remember what the blessed Mother Theresa warns us about: “It is a poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish.” She loves you and so do I!
I understand that getting pregnant is truly a sincere mistake. It was for me but, it is something that I am going to have to live with for the rest of my life.
The only thing one can do about it is don’t let it stop your dreams. I know because I have to be alone through my pregnancy and after. My boyfriend is deploying to Afghanistan in a few months. I am terrified that he won’t come back and I will be alone raising a kid. It is bad enough I am going to have to deliver it without him by my side. I am going to try to make the best of it and remember that many other people have it worse than I do. I guess all we can do is have hope and believe that things happen for a reason.
If anyone has any questions or needs some advice let me know. I am more than happy to help.
