Hi, I’m new to this and I have read many of the entries. They are affecting me because I am in da middle of deciding what to do bout my pregnancy.
I found out I was pregnant and I’m prolly 7 weeks in. I told my boyfriend’s parents and they gave me da money to get a abortion. Deep down inside of me, even though I don’t always make da best decisions, I want to keep da baby and feel I will be a good mother, but I don’t want to put it up for adoption because I know I do not want no one else raising my child. I’m so confused and have been trying to find answers but it seems I can’t. My boyfriend, da father, supports whatever decision I decide but sometimes I feel we won’t be ready. I’m only in my second year in college and I know it will be hard to tell my real family and my foster family because they all expect me to do great. I cry every night just thinkin dat if I kill my baby, I will never be da same. I’m so scared and don’t know wat to do.
For any gurl reading this, please know that even if you’re thinkin bout havin a abortion, it affects you already. Everyday, I wonder what’s goin to happen but I know that dis is a decision that, no matter what I decided, will follow me for the rest of my life. Hopefully, my faith in God will be stronger then any parents’ decision can be put towards me and that I make da right decision before its too late.
I found this poem and I feel so touched…
What is Normal After Your Child’s Death?
Normal is having tears waiting behind every smile when you realize someone important is missing from all the important events in your family’s life.
Normal for me is trying to decide what to take to the cemetery for Birthdays, Christmas, Thanksgiving, New Year’s, Valentine’s Day, July 4th, and Easter.
Normal is feeling like you know how to act and are more comfortable with a funeral than a wedding or birthday party…yet feeling a stab of pain in your heart when you smell the flowers and see the casket.
Normal is feeling like you can’t sit another minute without getting up and screaming, because you just don’t like to sit through anything.
Normal is not sleeping very well because a thousand what if’s & why didn’t I’s go through your head constantly.
Normal is reliving that day continuously through your eyes and mind, holding your head to make it go away.
Normal is having the TV on the minute I walk into the house to have noise, because the silence is deafening.
Normal is staring at every little girl who looks like she is my baby’s age. And then thinking of the age she would be now and not being able to imagine it. Then wondering why it is even important to imagine it, because it will never happen.
Normal is every happy event in my life always being backed up with sadness lurking close behind, because of the hole in my heart.
Normal is telling the story of Valentina’s death as if it were an everyday, commonplace activity, and then seeing the horror in someone’s eyes at how awful it sounds. And yet realizing it has become a part of my “normal”.
Normal is each year coming up with the difficult task of how to honor your child’s memory and her birthday and survive these days. And trying to find the balloon or flag that fits the occasion. Happy Birthday? “Not really”.
Normal is my heart warming and yet sinking at the sight of something special my baby loved. Thinking how she would love it, but how she is not here to enjoy it.
Normal is having some people afraid to mention Valentina.
Normal is making sure that others remember her.
Normal is after the funeral is over, everyone else goes on with their lives, but we continue to grieve our loss Valentina forever.
Normal is weeks, months, and years after the initial shock, the grieving gets worse, not better.
Normal is not listening to people compare anything in their life to this loss, unless they too have lost a child. NOTHING. Even if your child is in the remotest part of the earth away from you – it doesn’t compare. Losing a parent is horrible, but having to bury your own child is unnatural.
Normal is taking pills, and trying not to cry all day, because I know my mental health depends on it.
Normal is realizing I do cry everyday.
Normal is disliking jokes about death or funerals, bodies being referred to as cadavers, when you know they were once someone’s loved one.
Normal is being impatient with everything and everyone, but someone stricken with grief over the loss of your child.
Normal is sitting at the computer crying, sharing how you feel with chat buddies who have also lost a child.
Normal is a new friendship with another grieving mother, talking and crying together over our children and our new lives.
Normal is not listening to people make excuses for God. “God may have done this because…” I love God, I know that my baby is in heaven, but hearing people trying to think up excuses as to why healthy babies were taken from this earth is not appreciated and makes absolutely no sense to this grieving mother.
Normal is being too tired to care if you paid the bills, cleaned the house, did laundry, or if there is any food.
Normal is wondering this time whether you are going to say you have two children or one, because you will never see this person again and it is not worth explaining that my baby is in heaven. And yet when you say you have one child to avoid that problem, you feel horrible as if you have betrayed Valentina.
Normal is avoiding McDonald’s and Burger King playgrounds because of small, happy little girls that break your heart when you see them.
Normal is asking God why he took your child’s life instead of yours and asking if there even is a God.
Normal is knowing I will never get over this loss, in a day or a million years.
And last of all, Normal is hiding all the things that have become “normal” for you to feel, so that everyone around you will think that you are “normal”.
-author unknown
I miss you really bad… When I read stories, I never knew the extensity of that phrase.
Today, you should be 2 months old and I should be verry happy, I’m verry proud of you. I always remember the time that we had together. I remember each day, each little thing I had with you, when you were inside me was amazing. I only wanted to meet you, to see your little face, to hold you. I wanted to make you happy and proud of Mommy, just as I have done with your little brother. Then when you were born, I was really scared but happy because I could see you and I knew how strong you were. Each day, you make me happy with your happiness. Each day, I was really tired but I was with you, even when it’s hard see you like that, you were my reason. You were with me during pregnancy and for a month and a week after, you are part of me…
At the age of one month and a week, you were taken by God, to see his face. You maybe were smiling and happy, after all you have to been through. I could see the peace in your face while at your funeral
I have talk to some ladies that have lost their babies. Maybe you make those babies your friends and play with them, you were really happy and friendly.
You should know that my hair was my life, it was some of the most beautiful things I had. The day after your funeral, I cut it. You take my life with you. I promise you I will look different, but my hair doesn’t include it. All I wanted was to look at the mirror and see someone else, not the one who cried at her little treasure’s death.
I’m scared of everything I do, but most of drive. Its the second day of the week and I almost crash like 5 times, my mind its thinking of you or even worse its in blank, I feel lost…
I MISS YOU VALENTINA, MY LITTLE BABY
14/MAY/09 – 22/JUN/09
Someone I know found out last week that they were 24 weeks pregnant and they are adamant that they want it terminated.
They are having to borrow money to pay to fly to another country to have the abortion as they are not performed in this country. They just want the situation to go away, they don’t want to deal with it. They never thought they would be pregnant and she just can’t cope with the idea of being pregnant. They see the abortion as a quick fix. They don’t want to be parents, but think that adopting the child out will leave a big gap in their life, but I think that the abortion will leave a much bigger gap, one that will be forever there. I don’t think they realise the magnitude of what they are doing. I fear that not only an innocent life will be lost but their lives will be changed forever and not for the better. They have blinkers on. I think she needs to speak to someone who has been through it. She just says if she needs counseling, she will get it. I think that counselling will help manage those feelings but won’t get rid of them!! She is making a rushed decision as there is only a couple of weeks left before it will be too late to have the abortion. I fear she is making the worst mistake of her life and everyone around them sees it. I don’t know many people that have had abortions but the ones I do have all suffered horribly and that was within the first 3 months of pregnancy, this one is so much farther along.
Is there anything that you can do in this situation to stop someone making the biggest mistake of their life????? Does anyone have any words of wisdom????
OK, I’ve lost two babies… And the last time, I haven’t seen a doctor… Mainly because I didn’t know how to tell my parents, and I didn’t want them to find out (that way if you read my blog you’ll understand)… Well recently, after I go to the bathroom and whip, there is brown on it? And I don’t know what’s wrong and I don’t know what to do, or have anyone to help me… I’ve lied to my boyfriend. I said I went to the doctor’s and well I didn’t…
I need some advice. I’m really freaked out!! Cause it happened a while back for like two weeks and went away for sometime. Well now, it’s back! And it’s been going on for weeks!! I’m really scared! Please help me.
Hi, I am 18 years old and I have been dealing with a lot of pain inside of me for the past 4 years now.
When I was in the 8th grade, one of my guy friends introduced me to one of his friends at the beginning of the school year. The guy and I hit it off and began to talk on the phone all the time. At the time, I was 12 years old and he was 15. One day, he asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes. He used to talk about sex all the time, but we never went through with it until…
It was the summer before I was going to the 9th grade and I decided to give in to all his peer pressure and lose my virginity to him. I was 13 years old, not knowing what I was getting myself into. We had sex 3 times that summer and surprisingly, the 3rd time was a charm. When he came, he told me he came inside of me and that the condom had failed. I did not know what to think. A month later, my period did not come.
I told my boyfriend and he was speechless. Every time I brought up anything about the baby, he didn’t want to hear it. So eventually I gave up on him being a part of my life and my child’s life.
I was 13, almost 14. Prego. Alone. Depressed.
I was stressed with how I was I going to tell my mom. I knew she was going to be completely distraught. I cried all the time, trying to get up enough courage to tell my mom, but I never could. The only people I had told was my best friend and my boyfriend.
Months and months went by. Labor Day, Halloween, My Birthday (11-10), Thanksgiving, and Christmas. It was almost time to go back to school and I was on the phone with my best friend and she just kept telling me I needed to tell my mom and stop hiding my pregnancy since I was so far along. As soon as I got off the phone with BFF, I called my mom at her job and told her I was pregnant. She was highly upset. She told me I couldn’t have my baby. I was devastated. She told me to get dressed and immediately took me to the doctor. He tested my urine and sure enough, I was pregnant. I got an ultrasound and he said I was 22 1/2 weeks prego. My mom was so stuck on me getting an abortion and that was the last thing I thought she would say. My mom gave me NO choice. Either she disowned or I get rid of it. I had no one to turn to. I felt like it wasn’t even my baby anymore. Since I was so far along, I had to drive to have an induced abortion in Atlanta, Georgia at 24 weeks.
Even though I was so young, I still wanted to have my baby and raise her. She was a part of me and my mom took that away from me. To this day, I live with this pain inside of me. Sometimes, I sit and cry because I know I would have been able to do everything possible for my child, but my mom took my chance away from me. I yearn for another child so much. I pray to God that he will bless me to give the gift of life.
