It’s been a month and 10 days since I aborted my baby, and my family would say how strong they thought I was and how well I was coping – I was fine! I’d think about it and sometimes get a little teary but I thought I would be okay.. but I realize now I’ve made the biggest mistake of my life.
Me and my boyfriend found out in October that I was pregnant, and we were scared but so excited. We were making plans about how things would be, how we were gonna be parents. Of course, we had our slight doubts, but then he changed. He talked of how we needed to live our lives, have fun while we’re young, have money, and do what we want! I understood. I’m only 17 and he’s 18. I’d cry and tell him I didn’t wanna get rid of it but he would get angry and explain why we needed to.
Then my mum found out and took me out of college. My mum never cries, but she was hysterical that night. I was stubborn and harsh, ran off to a friend’s with my boyfriend for the night. But they rang and said I had to go home and ring my dad, tell him what happened. They threatened with the police and everything. It was the worst night.. I got back and mum begged me to stay butI wouldn’t. I rang my dad and he was surprisingly okay, calling me a rascal and understanding how upset I was. But when it calmed down, they said they would stick by me whatever I chose to do. I knew mum wanted me to keep it.. I wanted to. But as soon as they found out, it seemed like everything was a blur, I had to do something and that something was go to family planning and register for an abortion. I didn’t want it, but I knew I could choose against it later.
Then a week before the abortion, at 9 weeks pregnant, I bled heavily and went to hospital to get it checked out. The baby was fine, and myself and my boyfriend saw it wiggling about on the screen. He didn’t speak for the rest of the day, and I thought that made him change his mind. It didn’t… and we went back to hours of me crying in bed and him explaining why we had to get rid of it. He would tell me he wasn’t ready to be a dad, and once even shouted “i don’t love it” I realize now how I was manipulated, forced into believing it was best for me and I could have a good life afterwards. I walked into the hospital numb, like I didn’t realize what I was doing, and walked out without my baby.
I felt like I was taking it so well, yet 3 days later, on Christmas Eve, the baby came out on my underwear. I cried, and had the worst Christmas of my life, digging a little hole in the woods and burying it on my own coz my boyfriend refused to come. I was hysterical, but thought I would get closure.
After that, everything seemed to be going okay. I’d cry some nights, regretting what I’d been made to do. But recently it’s been worse. I cry all the time. On the bus to college… on the way home from work… I feel like I have no one to talk to – my boyfriend just says “it’s gone, you have to get over it” when I bring it up and get upset. My doctor’s sending me to a counsellor. My mum and dad both stress that I should talk to them, but there’s no talking anyway. I just cry and nothing that anyone can say can make it better. I cried so much in my dad’s arms that he cried too, and told me he would do anything to make me better, even go back and dig up my baby to put it in the garden without anyone even knowing.
The truth is it’s broken me. I feel like an empty shell. I make my boyfriend cry and we argue all the time ‘coz i blame him and shout and call him names. But I do blame him.. I know it was my choice but I feel I was unknowingly pushed. I would do anything to still be pregnant. My baby would be due around June, and every day I regret what I did. It breaks my heart knowing I wasn’t sure, and have made a mistake. I see other women with their babies and children and think that, even though I’m 17, I would have made a great mum. I’d do anything to take it back.
I wish I’d found this site beforehand, and I’m gonna keep an up-to-date blog on how things go.
Hi! I am sorta new here and really need to talk to some people who I can actually relate too.
I had so many friends before I had kids and now that my two kids are here, those people I once called my friends are gone. I am the proud mommy of a 2 1/2-year-old little boy who is a wild little monster most of the time and an almost 8-month-old little girl who has an attitude like both her parents. Her father and I are together, but we have been having some serious issues and I could really use some advice. I am in desperate need of some people to talk to.
I am so lonely!
So reading about all you young girls and the decisions you are facing has inspired me to blog about my two daughters’ births.
When I first got pregnant, I was so happy! But my family was not so much. I wasn’t married (still am not) and I was 26- still a little young I guess. My family thought I couldn’t do it! I was so scared, and nervous, and overwhelmed! I really didn’t think about having a baby. I just went ahead and did it! But those 9 months were so wonderful, just thinking about the baby and holding her and dressing her! And then when I finally had her after 24 hours of hard labor, I was in HEAVEN! Her face was like an angel! I couldn’t believe that I had been so doubtful about being a mom. You see, it’s not about being young, ladies. It’s about being mature. Putting your children before your own needs, doing well, and supporting yourself for the sake of your child. Then I had Gabby. She was unexpected too and I was so upset for about 3 months until I realized that if I had one I could do it again. But Gabby was harder than Bella and twice the work! And it still is! But to see her grow and thrive on my love alone is something everyone should experience. I’m not saying to pop a bunch of babies out, of course! Babies take more than love to grow of course!
But to love someone so much that you feel as if you would die without just the thought of them is a joy all in itself.
I remember the moment I knew I was pregnant, standing in front of the mirror in my Mother’s room, 16 years old, and initially not really that concerned. A visit to Planned Parenthood confirmed what I already knew about a week later.
I was not in love with the father and honestly was ready to break up with him before I knew anyway! I called my Mom at work (bad choice in judgment, I know that now) and told her as if it was not really that big of a deal. The arguments that we had were horrible! She told me that “this child is not a gift from God!”, you can’t live here, you will never be able to take care of this baby, you won’t graduate from HS, and on and on. I felt like if I heard another statistics quote from someone, I was going to throw up! She even went so far as to schedule an abortion for me without asking if that was something I even wanted. The day of my appointment, I didn’t go home from school! That was the day I grew up! That was the day I decided that if was old and mature enough to get pregnant, then I was old and mature enough to stand my ground and refuse the abortion! I was scared to death of the abortion process and figured child birth would at lease not leave me scared for life but with a beautiful baby who belonged to me.
More fighting continued between my mother and I. Next, she tried very hard to convince me that I should give the baby up for adoption. She made the appointment and I went just to keep her off my back for a few days. I listened to what they had to say, looked through their books of family’s, and looked at the worker and said “This all seems real nice but my Mother and you are crazy if you think I am going to just give my baby (that I want by the way) to a complete stranger and just walk away!” My Mom’s face turned bright red and she rolled her eyes and told me that if I wanted to keep this baby, then I would have to move out! I told her that was fine, there was a home for unwed mothers about 20 minutes from our house and I would live there! She ended up helping me rent an apartment and paying my rent for me until I turned 18! That of course had a lot to do with me telling her that “you may not be responsible for my baby, but you are definitely responsible for me until I turn 18!” Looking back on how I stood up for myself and refused to let other people tell me what was best for me, I am very thankful that God gave me the courage because I am still not sure how it was so easy for me to this day!
Now that I am 32 and my baby girl is 15. I know that all of the negative comments from my family, friends, counselors, doctors, and other adults were made out of their personal fear, uncertainty, and false knowledge that society provided with all its teenage pregnancy horror stories. All these people saw was a 16 year old girl who was pregnant and because STATISTICS said that my chances for success were low, I should not have the baby!! They were trying to scare me into doing what they wanted me to do. When Kayla was born, all of these same people were so overjoyed and in love with her immediately that it is was like someone flipped a light switch. I can not tell you how many times my Mom has cried and apologized to me since Kayla was born for her words and actions. I proved her and everyone else WRONG and they know it!! Today, she is proud of me beyond words for standing my ground and being a wonderful mother. I did finish high school, I did go to college, I kept jobs, now I own my own business, have been married for almost 7 years to a wonderful man who never hesitated to date me when I was 21 with a 2nd grader and I have more love and support from the people who told me to have an abortion than I could ever ask for. Here is the kicker! I found out when I was 26 that I can no longer have children. If I had terminated my pregnancy, I would very likely never have been able to conceive again!
My point is, EVERYTHING happens for a reason and even though we may experience unpleasant things during the process, we must understand that one day, it will have all been worth it for a very specific reason that God knew all along! Keep in mind when making your decision to give life or not, that millions of teenage moms are grown now with fulfilling lives, great well balanced children, and undeniable proof that it is possible to do. They have defied those statistics society tries to scare you with and given hope to young mothers everywhere!!
I’m nineteen and have been with my other half for three years. We split about three weeks ago after he told me I was holding him back and he missed his freedom and space. About 4 days ago, I discovered I was 2 months pregnant. A Huge shock to everyone.
The father is determined that I have an abortion and has told me that if I did, he would help me through it. My mom and dad think that an abortion would definitely be for the best.
The only thing is I think I want to keep the baby. I’m willing to change my life and do what it takes, but the pressure everyone is putting me under is too much. I feel like keeping this child will tear my whole family apart and I will lose everyone I love. I have no idea what to do and I’m desperate to make my decision as soon as possible, before it gets any harder.
I was with a guy for about 2 months… We were basically living together and around the week of Christmas was when my baby was conceived… The guy and I broke up on Christmas day, having no idea about this baby… On Dec 27th, I was admitted into the hospital… The pregnancy tests came back negative and the doctors said I had a bacterial infection… I went home that day with antibiotics to take…
I remained having pains in my stomach after the antibiotics were over and I went to the doctor on January 14th to ask for painkillers… That was the day that I found out I was pregnant… My doctor was guessing I was about 2 weeks at the time, and that scared me because I didn’t want it to not have been my ex… I was admitted into the hospital 2 hours later… And they found out that on top of being FOUR weeks pregnant, I had PID… caused by bacterial infections, STDs, etc. and I was allergic to the medicines to cure it. I had 12 vials of blood pulled that night and two days later, all STD tests had came back negative… I was so relieved to had found out that, and that my baby HAD to have been my boyfriend’s, well my ex’s. My mother had been told by my doctor that I was pregnant… And after I was released from the hospital on Sunday, my mom informed me on Monday that i had to get an abortion or get out… This was the woman who I thought of as my best friend, and she was betraying me.. I’m now 6 weeks pregnant… The baby’s father is completely out of my life. I’m out of my mom’s house.. I’ve been admitted into the hospital a second time and the pains just continue to get worse… I do not like needles, the hospital scares me, and every time i turn around, I keep getting more sick, and not in the way of vomiting… I’m scared. I don’t want to kill my baby, but my abortion appointment is on Feb 6th… I do not know what to choose or what to think. I can’t do this on my own. I’m only a junior in high school… My father and his girlfriend have taken me in… She has a 12 year old daughter who I want to be able to be a great sister for…
Please help me. I am scared and confused. This baby is making me very unhealthy… and I’m losing all hope..
