Hey, well these last few weeks have been crazy. Trying to figure out how to pay our bills, whether or not we going to be able to afford food, and the fighting between me and my fiancé is just wearing me down. Last weekend was a 3-day ordeal and I was sick to my stomach, Couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, couldn’t focus on our girls properly, and didn’t clean, or even change my clothes.

Sometimes, it just feels like everything is just falling apart and nothing I am doing seems to do anything. I guess I’m going to need to give a summary of how my fiancé and I came together and created this family. I was 15 when we met and he was 7 years older than I (do the math). Obviously not legal for us to be together, so we waited. We had separate relationships, lived separate lives. And then one day when I was 17, I heard it was his birthday so we (my friend and I) decided we were going to hang out with him and wish him a happy birthday. That night, you could say it all began. For a few weeks, we were “seeing” each other, hanging out on weekends, spending time together whatever. It wasn’t official because he wasn’t ready for a serious relationship… So when he decided to stop seeing me. I wasn’t shocked or really too worried about it. I was sad. He was a nice guy and I had always wanted a chance, but I guess I just told myself these 4 weeks were my chance. 6 weeks later, I was extremely sick. It was Dec and I thought I had the flu, not the case at all. Because I was in a drinking and drug-induced state of mind, I had totally forgotten I was missing my period. So when the doctor told me I was pregnant, you can imagine the fear on my face and the piercing silence.

I walked out of there knowing who the father was. Because since he decided to stop seeing me, I decided I didn’t really want to date, was going to focus on going to school in the fall, and planned on getting a job until then. Not being pregnant at 17 with someone who didn’t even classify me as a girlfriend. When I told him, his words we “f**k off”. He didn’t know what to say. And then he said you need to get rid of the baby, I don’t want to be a dad and I don’t want kids with you. I cried. Stupidly, I had hoped him being older, he would accept the thought of keeping it, but that wasn’t the case. I confided in my mother within a day, trying to figure out the right way to tell your mom you’re having a child… There is no right way when you’re a teen.

Thankfully, my mom agreed to let me live there with her if I kept the baby and to help as long as I needed, great mom I know:) After a few days of weighing options, we kept the baby. The father was not happy and not involved with the pregnancy in any way, shape, or form. The pregnancy was a NIGHTMARE, but the outcome was amazing… In August, I gave birth to my daughter, Vannah. She was my heart and from the moment we met, I knew my mom and I had made the best choice for our family. Not to mention, the father came to see her and fell in love, hard not to when she was his mini-me. He and I gave it a go, a trial run you could say cause we lasted until she was almost 6 months and then we split. Always stayed on good terms, for Vannah’s sake. He had her every other weekend, paid child support, and, surprisingly for someone who didn’t want her, was an amazing father, and I mean that.

We were apart for 18 months exactly when he came to me with the idea that we had made a quick choice to call it quits and we should give it another try. I agreed. I have been in love with him this entire time and it was so hard to come to terms with, but once I did, I realized we were always meant to be. Shortly after we reunited, 4 months to be exact, we found out we were expecting again. We were extremely excited and couldn’t wait to complete our family, we had problems throughout the pregnancy, I feel that pregnancy complicates our relationship. Not sure about others but him and I agree upon that. But the end result was beautiful, in June we had another little girl named Jaylah, who resembles me more than anyone, and after we had her, our relationship improved a lot.

Now, our status is defiantly moving on up. I call him my fiancé even though there is no ring for the simple fact the I don’t want to seem like a materialistic, stuck in the past type girl. He has just recently told me he is thinking of asking, but I’m not worried. We live together, have two girls together, and we even have a joint bank account. I guess the certificate, the ring, and the whole wedding would just be a bonus. Him and I are always going to have fights. I think everyone does with the people they love but I want things to be a lot calmer and more stable. We are still young and very much in love. Neither one of us is giving up anytime soon so I am just praying for the best, literally.

love