hey,well these last few weeks have been crazy.Trying to figure out paying our bills,whether or not we going to be able to afford food,and the fighting between me and my fiance is just wearing me down. Last weekend was a 3 day ordeal and I was sick to my stomach,couldn’t sleep ,couldn’t eat couldn’t focus on our girls properly,didn’t clean or even change my clothes.
Sometimes it just feels like everything is just falling apart and nothing I am doing seems to do anything. I guess Im going to need to give a summary of how my fiance and I came together and creating this family.I was 15 when we met and he is 7 years older than I(do the math),obviously noy legal for us to be together so we waited,we had seperate relationships, lived sperate lives and then one day when I was 17 I heard it was his bday so we (my friend and I) decided we were going to hang out with him and wish him a happy bday, that night you could say it all began. For a few weeks we were “seeing” each other ,hanging out on weekends,spending time together whatever.Its wasnt official because he wasnt ready for a serious realtionship…So when he decided to stop seeing me I wasnt shoked or really to worried about it. I was sad,he was a nice guy and I had always wanted a chance but I guess I just told myself these 4 wks were my chance. 6 weeks later I was extremely sick, it was Dec.2006 and I thought I had the flu,not the case at all. Because I was on a drinking and drug induced state of mind I had totaly forgotten I was missing my period. So when the doctor told me I was pregnant you can imagine the fear on my face and the peircing silence.
I walked out of there knowing who the father was,because since he decided to stop seeing me,I decided I didnt really want to date,was going to focus on going to school in the fall,and planning on getting a job until then,not being pregnant at 17 with someone who didnt even classify me as a girlfriend. When I told him,his words we “f**k off”,he didnt know what to say and then he said you need to get rid of the baby,I dont want to be a dad and I dont want kids with you. I cried,stupidly I had hoped him being older he would accept the thought of keeping it,but that wasnt the case. I confided in my mother within a day,trying to figure out the right way to tell your mom your having a child..there is no right way when your a teen.
Thankfully my mom agreed to let me live there with her if I kept the baby and to help as long as I needed,great mom I know:) After a few days of weighing options we kept the baby. the father was not happy and not involved with the pregnancy in any way shape or form.The pregnancy was a NIGHTMARE..but the outcome was amazing..august 2006 i gave birth to my daughter vannah.she was my heart and from the moment we met i knew my mom and I had made the best choice for our family.Not to mention,the father came to see her and fell in love..hard not to when she was his mini me. Him and I gave it a go,trial run you could say cause we lasted until she was almost 6 months and then we split. Always stayed on good terms,for vannahs sake,he had her every other weekend paid child support and surprisingly for someone who didn’t want her was an a amazing father,and I mean that.
We were apart for 18 months exactly when he came to me with the idea that we had made a quick choice to call it quits and we should give it another try,I agreed. I have been in love with him this entire time and it was so hard to come to terms with but once I did I realized we were always meant to be. That was in 2008,shortly after we re united 4 months to be exact we found out we were expecting again. We were extremely excited and couldn’t wait to complete our family,we had problems through out the pregnancy,I feel that pregnancy complicates our relationship not sure about others but him and i agree upon that. but the end result was beautiful,in June of 2009 we had another little girl named Jaylah,whom resembles me more than anyone,and after we had her our relationship improved a lot.
Now its 2010 and our status is definatly moving on up,I call him my fiance even though there is no ring for the simple fact the I dont want to seem like a materialistice stuck in the past type girl. He has just recently told me he is thinking of asking but Im not worried we live together,have two girls together and we even have a joint bank account. I guess the certificate,the ring and the whole wedding would just be a bonus. Him and I are always going to have fights I think every one does with the people they love but I want things to be a lot calmer and more stability.We are still young,and very much in love neither one of us is giving up anytime soon so I am just praying for the best,literally.
love,haven
