luckydoll

I have given this so much thought, you wouldnt believe it. My son (that I had at 17) has just turned 13. How time flies. SO natually as his rebellious stages are getting close, I have reflected on this a bunch.

I was totally unsupervised. I lived with my single mother. She worked and the rest of the time was out with her boyfriends. SHe had me on an honor system, basically trusting me to make my own judgement calls. I sought approval through boys, and what got me approval with boys? why, sex of course. so, I guess to answer the question…

#1 – supervision.
NOT intrusive supervision. I don’t want to send them screaming in the other direction. However, I want to be involved in my child’s life. Know thier friends, accept thier friends, and provide a comfortable atmosphere for them to enjoy. I want to be aware of what they are going through emotionally and let them know that I am open to talk to about ANYTHING regardless of what it is, or if they think I would understand. They need to know that I do understand, and if I don’t, they can help me to. My husband and I recently moved specifially to provide a better atmosphere for our children. One that provides a great place for friends and groups of people, lots to do, and lots of space. LOTS of teens int eh area. The kids and thier friends have voted our house as the offical place to be, and I like it that way.

#2 – self worth.
I sought approval in all the wrong places. It got me in lots of trouble. I work ;ike crazy to help my kids realize thier worth and that they are valid in this world, and they only need the approval of themselves and don’t need to seek it within others with destructive behavior. I have been to lots of counseling and been involved in family support groups, and I have to say that the majority of people in trouble didnt have self worth and a sence of belonging in th family. I didn’t either. I make sure my kids will know that they are valued here and that reagardless of their decisions, they are accepted and loved.

#3 – policy of honesty.
I found I did lots of decieving and sneaking around as a teenager. Kind of overlapping the other stuff I already wrote, I try to help them feel that they can come to me about anything and they wont be judged. We are dead-up honest with them as parents, and we hope that we have taught them that they can be the same with us. Sometimes I bite my tounge till it bleeds to not react to some of the stuff that they tell me, but if they are open, then I have the ability to help them through their problems. This goes along with strong convictions. Hopeflully I can teach them that it is OK to stand for what they believe in, even though it may not be the popular vote.

#4 Family time.
I had none growing up. I found my family other places. I always felt like the 3rd wheel. I was the only child with a dating single mom. I want my kids to know that they are part of something special, a support that when they fall, there is a safety net. They need to know that there is a place to go, that they have people in their corner. This was huge for me growing up. Right along with this is one on one time. I try to spend time with each of my kids individually. They each have differnt talents, and I let them explore tem individually. I have one football player, one english rider, one student of classical ballet, and one jazz dancer. I treat each one individually, and each one is special in this family thier own reasons. I have inside jokes with each one, traditions with each one, each child and I have our differnt favorite restaruants to go to just us two. I guess it all goes back to self-worth again. I want them to all feel that they are individual and special for who THEY are and they can be whatever THEY chose. Not what I think they should be or what the world thinks they should be.

Anyway, sorry to be so long winded. Can you tell I have thought this one through? LOL These issues just touch on what I would have needed different in my personal situation. I am sure that they don’t apply to everyone, but I hope this can help someone.