What will you do differently?

well i was very wild also! mainly bc of my father! see he pushed me in a little box! he didnt let me do ANYTHIGN! When i screwed up (like every teenager DOES) he would ground me for like 4 months no phone no friends no internet just to sit in the house! that drove me CRAZY and THEN when i wanted to go out next time he would bring it up and say well u cant go bc u messed up before! Every kid is going to make mistakes and u dont need to hold it against them for the rest of their life cause all ur gonna do is push them away! u know what i mean! So since he started not letting me do things AT ALL and made me quit cheerleading, what could i do? i snuck out just to see my friends. i would say i’m going somewhere and go somewhere else and get HI! Bc of the way he was it caused me to lie and go do things i wasnt supposed to! I will NEVER to this to my child! I want her to be able to tell me where she is going and what she is doing! I know there will be times when she will lie and do stuff she isnt supposed to….but i’m not going to take the same apporach my father did!

i always think bout this kind of thing! i kno i was definitely put under a lot of pressure growing up..i was always the clever one, the one who was guna get a degree and a well paying job. maybe it was cuz i was the oldest and the only one that ever showed an interest in my school work. but i think its cuz my parents didnt continue their education and wanted me to live wat they didnt do! but i saw this as people having too higher expectations of me and i guess when i met my bf i used him as a way of rebellin against my parents! i started talkin to him by text message thru a mate, and ended up travellin 80miles by myself to meet him without anyone knowing. which is a bit stupid but i wanted to prove that i could do something because I WANTED TO, not cuz my parents did. luckily, althougn i got in big trouble for it, it all worked out, anjd 3 years later me n my bf r happy wit our lil girl! but i kno id never push thea to do anything she didnt wana do, id never make her feel under pressure to do something in life, just cuz i never had the opportunity to do it!

luv ya all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

haha there is so much i will do diffrently with my baby which ever sex it is…. i know where my parents messed up my dad ignored me all of my child hood and my mom got so caught up in tryin to do good for me and my little brother she started forgetting the important things to growing kids my boyfriend well he is another story his mom was not a mother to him at all and his father was to busy tryin to find a wife to baby him and then left {m.e} as jhe was a very small child i will do everything in my power to make it easy for my baby to talk to me about everything

love jess<im new by the way>~17~

I have given this so much thought, you wouldnt believe it. My son (that I had at 17) has just turned 13. How time flies. SO natually as his rebellious stages are getting close, I have reflected on this a bunch.

I was totally unsupervised. I lived with my single mother. She worked and the rest of the time was out with her boyfriends. SHe had me on an honor system, basically trusting me to make my own judgement calls. I sought approval through boys, and what got me approval with boys? why, sex of course. so, I guess to answer the question…

#1 – supervision.
NOT intrusive supervision. I don’t want to send them screaming in the other direction. However, I want to be involved in my child’s life. Know thier friends, accept thier friends, and provide a comfortable atmosphere for them to enjoy. I want to be aware of what they are going through emotionally and let them know that I am open to talk to about ANYTHING regardless of what it is, or if they think I would understand. They need to know that I do understand, and if I don’t, they can help me to. My husband and I recently moved specifially to provide a better atmosphere for our children. One that provides a great place for friends and groups of people, lots to do, and lots of space. LOTS of teens int eh area. The kids and thier friends have voted our house as the offical place to be, and I like it that way.

#2 – self worth.
I sought approval in all the wrong places. It got me in lots of trouble. I work ;ike crazy to help my kids realize thier worth and that they are valid in this world, and they only need the approval of themselves and don’t need to seek it within others with destructive behavior. I have been to lots of counseling and been involved in family support groups, and I have to say that the majority of people in trouble didnt have self worth and a sence of belonging in th family. I didn’t either. I make sure my kids will know that they are valued here and that reagardless of their decisions, they are accepted and loved.

#3 – policy of honesty.
I found I did lots of decieving and sneaking around as a teenager. Kind of overlapping the other stuff I already wrote, I try to help them feel that they can come to me about anything and they wont be judged. We are dead-up honest with them as parents, and we hope that we have taught them that they can be the same with us. Sometimes I bite my tounge till it bleeds to not react to some of the stuff that they tell me, but if they are open, then I have the ability to help them through their problems. This goes along with strong convictions. Hopeflully I can teach them that it is OK to stand for what they believe in, even though it may not be the popular vote.

#4 Family time.
I had none growing up. I found my family other places. I always felt like the 3rd wheel. I was the only child with a dating single mom. I want my kids to know that they are part of something special, a support that when they fall, there is a safety net. They need to know that there is a place to go, that they have people in their corner. This was huge for me growing up. Right along with this is one on one time. I try to spend time with each of my kids individually. They each have differnt talents, and I let them explore tem individually. I have one football player, one english rider, one student of classical ballet, and one jazz dancer. I treat each one individually, and each one is special in this family thier own reasons. I have inside jokes with each one, traditions with each one, each child and I have our differnt favorite restaruants to go to just us two. I guess it all goes back to self-worth again. I want them to all feel that they are individual and special for who THEY are and they can be whatever THEY chose. Not what I think they should be or what the world thinks they should be.

Anyway, sorry to be so long winded. Can you tell I have thought this one through? LOL These issues just touch on what I would have needed different in my personal situation. I am sure that they don’t apply to everyone, but I hope this can help someone.