Thank you for your Web site. I have read some of the stories, and touched by all of them. I have a story that I would like anyone who is thinking about having an abortion to know.
I was 22 years old, separated from my ex-husband with a 18 month old…and I was lost. I was dating a guy I met, and everything was well, he was good to my son and I. I couldn’t get a divorce yet till I was separated for a year in the state of NC. Sure enough I got pregnant. What was I going to do? This was illegal, I could lose custody of my son. I contacted a lawyer, and got some unhelpful info from him, that led my option of abortion open. I thought no-way I could not do this, I love children so much, especially my own, but I didn’t want to lose my son that was already here.
I talked to my boyfriend about it, and he said it was up to me. Well thanks alot, I felt like I had no support, no guidance..nothing. So I decided to go to the clinic, and ask about it. They told me about the procedure, and did an ultrasound..and they said it was not a fetus yet, and I was only 6 weeks pregnant, and that I would have to wait two more weeks! WHAT!! That’s all I could think, two more weeks of agony on what to do. The thought of losing this child, or the one I already have was destroying me.
Two weeks went by and yes I had made the gruesome decision, and went back to the clinic ALONE. Alone is what I was, and I knew I would have to drive home alone also.
I filled out paperwork, paid 300.00 and waited and cried until my name was called. They called me, put in a room, on a GYN table, gave me a shot of pitosin( to star contractions, than came in with this vacuum suction machine, put medal rods into my cervix to stretch it and began the most horrifying thing that I could of ever imagined, I was in such pain, sick to my stomach, and crying sooo badly.
The procedure was over, and everyone left,they told me to get dressed. I tried to stand up, but I fell to the ground throwing up. I finally managed to get dressed, and they sent me to a small room filled with bean bag cushions on the floor filled with other girls, who had just went through the procedure. Oh my gosh, we were packed in there like animals. I was feeling so horrible,as,sick,nasty,and most of all filled with guilt.
I finally left, I thought it was over, I thought that was all the pain I would have to go through. Well I was wrong the pain 6 years to the day is still here. It is the pain still inside of me. I have tried everything to let it go. I am a faithful Christian, and I know God forgives me, but how do you forgive yourself. I am married to that guy, and we had two kids of our own. I look into their eyes and I miss my other child that I could of had.
I just want to let anyone who is thinking about an abortion, to think about the pain that not only comes with the procedure, but the everlasting pain and guilt for the rest of their lives. You try so hard to not think about it, but it’s always there in everyday reminders. God Bless you all who know the pain, and God Bless you all who might endure it. Godspeed to you all. Becky please pass this along to our Nation. God Bless you for all that you have done, and for what you are doing.
One of the things they don’t tell you at an abortion clinic is how much abortion can affect you even in the long term. So many girls suffer both physically and emotionally after having an abortion. It is a day that you can never forget, no matter how much you try and rationalize or ignore what happened. It takes some women up to 15 years to start to deal with the reality of what abortion is and what it has done to them. Until then they live in a state of denial.
Have you considered getting post-abortion counselling? There are places you can go for this. Try going to these websites www.projectrachel.net or www.afterabortion.com These both deal with post abortion healing. Forgiving yourself may take some time. Ask God to help you to do this. How could God refuse a request like that? He loves you so much and He wants you to be whole once again.