11 months ago, I met my boyfriend and we began dating right away.
We were fascinated by each other’s different ideas yet same way of thinking. We fell in love sooo fast! But it felt like there was nothing to lose by loving him… So I went for it…and not even 3 months later, I found myself wanting his children, and without trying for more than 2 weeks…we were pregnant. Now I know I said I wanted to have his kids… But when it was reality, my mind went totally haywire. I didn’t think it would happen so fast…or maybe I didn’t expect it to happen at all. But it did…and deep down my heart, yearned to see this baby in my arms. I work with kids in a daycare and have all the patience in the world… My boyfriend is totally supportive and wanted the baby too…
So the plan was to keep it…but meanwhile, my mom and ex-boyfriend/childhood best friend disagreed and my boyfriend was pushed away. I stopped going to school for a few weeks and my only influences were people who didn’t want me to keep the baby. I was stuck in my house…and really stuck inside my own head with all the pressure of the world on my shoulders. I’ve never cried so much in my life…every day…before bed…whenever I talked to my boyfriend about it… I even asked him what he thought about abortion he said he’d leave me if I did it but that if its what I wanted, then go for it. Instead of seeing what I should do, it scared me and I was still left with no sure decision. My mom took me to a few clinics just to talk about my options…but it turned into talking about why abortions were such a good idea and it was clear that that’s all anyone around me wanted. I was so sick of crying and so sick of the pressure and disapproval…and not having the support of my boyfriend cuz we weren’t allowed to see each other… I got home and told my brother to tell my mom I’ll do it. I hid under the covers in my bed curled up and cried so hard, knowing it wasn’t what I wanted. But I wanted EVERYTHING to end because it was just way too much for me. Mind you… I have anxiety and depression disorders… So when I hit rock bottom, I really hit rock bottom. A few days later, I made the appointment myself, which made it so hard… but I was going through with it. And I didn’t see myself backing out now…even though I wanted to more than anything..
Through the next week, I talked to my boyfriend and pretended like we were still going to have the baby… My guilt killed me inside but I didn’t want him to leave me. When the day came, I went to the clinic with my mom and acted like nothing was wrong the whole time… I was totally calm, not realizing I was about to ruin my life. I went into a room to get an ultrasound but the lady took forever to come in… So I sat there 30 minutes, crying on and off, not sure if I was all that ready… I told myself, “If she comes in after the minute hand goes around the clock one more time…then I’m keeping the baby… If she comes in before it, then I’m having the abortion…” Well here’s my luck… As soon as the minute hand hit 60 seconds, she walked in… So what the hell was I gonna do?
She says “First, I have to ask you if this is what you really want” and I slapped my hands to my face and started balling… I knew my answer but I choked out, “My mom really wants me to and I don’t know…” I mumbled some more and then got myself together cuz I told myself No More Crying… She handed me a tissue and I said “Yeaa..” So we got a picture of the baby… I kept one for me and one for my boyfriend… She seemed confused by that… She’s such a professional yet she couldn’t see that I didn’t want to do it by all my tears and the fact that I wanted a picture of the baby… Her only concern was getting it over with rather than the fact that my happiness was at risk.
We went into another room with my mom and I signed sooo many papers… I chose a form of abortion through pill because I was scared to have surgery… The whole 40 minutes of signing and agreeing to it all, I kept my mouth shut tight and choked back my tears… My mom asked me a few times if I was sure but if I said no, I knew I’d cry… So I said yes.
The lady left and came back with a huge pill…and a cup of water… As soon as she handed it to me. I took it… I didn’t even wanna second guess it. There was 4 more pills to be taken to complete the process but that would be the next day at home. The first pill basically stopped my hormones from giving my baby life…which meant there was no turning back.
I left the place with a little bag of animal crackers…compliments of the clinic…..
I was so hungry and my only thoughts were to find something to distract myself from pain so we got somethin to eat before going home. I went to bed with my brain, so tired of all the things I had to process throughout the day…and my heart empty…
I woke up the next morning and it hit me what I had done to myself and MY child. I started crying for about an hour till my mom heard me and came in my room… She asked what was wrong… Through sobs, I spilled out that I didn’t want to do it… And she started to cradle me, she said, “Why didn’t you tell me? I asked you.” She had such sympathy for me that I realized I had the chance to stop it all but it was too late by now. So all I could do was look forward to finishing what I started.
To help me feel better, we went to get our toenails done, but all I felt the whole time was guilt and regret. I texted my boyfriend, telling him I was at the hospital and I miscarried… That was it.. I hate myself for being so deceitful of him but I knew the pain I felt and I didn’t want him to feel the same. I started having some cramps and sweating a lot. When we got home, I took the rest of the pills… I had to let 2 on one side of my cheeks and 2 on the other, dissolve for a half hour and then swallow what was left… My mom gave me a heating pad and a bucket (for throw up) and left to get my painkillers. I started getting the worst cramps I’ve ever had in my life. I called my boyfriend and started crying in agony of my pain… He asked to come see me so he could help me but my mom said to wait for her to get home… So I said no…
I hung up and the blood started pouring out. I threw up and ran to the bathroom… I sat on the toilet so wacked out from the pain. My body was numb and I was burning up… I ripped off all my clothes and fell on the floor… I started yelling in pain and finally, my mom came home… I bled all over the floor and myself and all I wanted was to not be conscious because this pain wasn’t supposed to be so severe . I passed out for a few minutes and when I woke back up, my mom was putting clothes on me and my aunt carried me out to the car. We rushed to a hospital about 45 min away. I was shivering and the cramping was lightening up. My body was still numb. We finally got there and I didn’t even know what to tell the nurse. They took my info and had me wait for a long time. A couple hours later, I was feeling fine…a little shaken and tired but..it was pretty much over with…except the bleeding… They gave me an ultrasound and the baby was gone. It was so uncomfortable to be handled so lightly because it was devastating for me.
I stayed home from school all week and went I went back everyone knew I lost the baby… But they only knew by miscarriage… I didn’t want the drama of a bunch of immature high school kids misunderstanding my situation.
The next 2 months were spent with my boyfriend crying…He always tried to make me feel better by saying it’s not my fault…but I knew that it really was and it hurt every time I lied to him. It was his baby too and he should have had a say in it. Finally one night i started crying and i clung to him ..the lights were off…he woke up and asked me what was wrong and i said “i have to tell you something.” After a while of crying and hinting, he knew what I meant and he told me to say the words myself…So I did…I never felt so horrible and I expected him to break up with me then and there. I even told him that’s what I thought would happen…but he just grabbed me and held me tight. I know he’ll never understand from my point of view…but he forgave me..to an extent. We fight sometimes and if that’s brought up, he’ll say something negative about what I did… but I let him because that’s the least he can do… But even now 7 months later, I’m still in pain. I failed my junior year of high school and lost my spot in the childcare program, which is my dream…
My boyfriend and I went through such a hard time up until 3 months ago. I barely remember everything because I was such a mess. Now, we are so strong and more in love then we’ve ever been in and I can feel us growing up so much. And about 2 weeks ago, I found out i was pregnant…which makes me 2 months right now…and I couldn’t be more sure of what I want. And I couldn’t be ANY happier about this baby. I know God felt that I wasn’t ready before so He gave me some time to figure myself out…and I know He gave me back the baby I was going to have the first time.
I don’t want to say I wish I did things differently because I’m so happy with my life right now… I have a lot to fix (with school) and my job but I’m so willing to do that if it means having my baby back. but I will say I wish I never had to feel the pain I felt and I hope I never have to feel it again…So anyone who’s reading this, make sure you do what’s in YOUR heart because in the end, you know it’s your decision that matters and it’s YOUR life that changes.
It all started when I was 15. You know like every other young adult, I wanted to party, hang out, just chill with my friends, and not take any kind of advice from anyone. I NEVER THOUGHT THAT THIS COULD HAPPEN TO ME.
I just had turned 15 a week ago when I got invited to this block party so I asked my mother and she said it was alright with her so I went. There was alcohol and people were getting drunk and high and I had problems with drugs at the time and I thought that there was nothing or nobody that would stop me from doing what I was doing. When I got home my mom wasn’t home but my aunt was waiting up for me. She yelled and screamed because of the type of person I had changed into that night. 2 weeks later, I met up with my boyfriend of 1 year and we were talking and he wanted to ask me the same question that was always asked, are you: ready? And every time, he asked me I would say no. But that day, he told me he loved me and never wanted to see me suffer and go through no type of pain and whatever. So somehow, he changed my mind and I said yes, I was ready for sex.
That night, my mother wasn’t home, which it wasn’t new because that’s why I always felt so alone and not wanted. That night, I went home with him he was 5 years older than me. I asked him to wear a condom but he refused. He said it was better without it so I thought I could trust him. 3 weeks later, I never got a call or a text from him and I thought he would be busy or something. So I decided to go by his house. The minute I knocked on his door, I knew something was going to go down.
A woman opens up the door and looks at me, asks me what I wanted, so i asked for my boyfriend and she says he’s taking a shower. I asked who was she and she says I’m his girl, is that a problem? So I tell her that I was with him for 1 year and we never broken up. Dat’s when he walks down the stairs and looks at me and tell his new girlfriend to go upstairs. All I know, I started to cry. I didn’t want to because I knew I was stronger than than that but I was wrong. The only thing he could say was you was just a piece a meat, the one inside is the one I want. I just ran home and cried all night.
2 months later, I was feeling sick and was hungrier and had gained a little bit of weight so I went to the clinic with my friend. Almost 2 hours later, I found out that I was 7 weeks pregnant. I fell to my knees and started to cry. I didn’t want this baby. I hated myself for letting that man get to me. I wanted to take my life. My friend stood beside me and gave me her shoulder to cry on and told me to take it easy even though it wasn’t. 9 days after that, I went to my EX-BOYFRIEND’S house to tell him the news and the chick was still there but I still was going to talk to him. I told him that he was my first and that he got me pregnant and all he said was it ain’t mine so go blame someone else for your baby. All I wanted to do at dat moment was to jump on him and beat his you-know-what because he really crossed the line there. So I walked away and left it all like dat.
The hard part was telling my parents because I was only 15. 5 months into my pregnancy, my mother got a real good look into my body and pulled to the side and asked if I had to tell her anything. So I thought that was a good opportunity to let her know what was up. When I told her, all she did was look at me and cried. She told me that she loved me and that she was up to anything and that she was going to be there for me all the way. I was asked if I was with the baby’s father so I told her what he did and what she said made me realize a whole lot. She said that I was an independent young woman and I was better than that and now I had something to keep me stronger and it was my unborn child. My friends stopped hanging out with me except the one that was there for me. The baby’s father got 5 more kids by other woman and then was dying of aids.
It’s been a year, a crazy stressful year, but I got a healthy 1 year old baby girl. His family always been there for me, even him after denying her. My mother quit her night job to spend every night with her granddaughter and as for me, well I’m in school, taking care of her and moving on with life. Because of my daughter, I’m stronger, healthier, and better.
I LOVE YOU MAKAYLA!
I’m 16 years old. New to this site. I just need someone to talk to.
Well…. My boyfriend is 22 years old. He may have gotten me pregnant. I hate what’s going on. It’s so sad, and so scary. Well, my boyfriend and I are so in love. I know he’s the one for me. I love him with all my heart. But when I finally sat down and told my parents what was going on, they had no idea that I was with my boyfriend and they had no idea we had sex. I told my parents that I might be pregnant with his child… It was a huge deal. My mother cried and my father was so disappointed. My mom and brother left the house. I had no clue where they were going until I found out they had gone to Centennial Wireless to turn my phone off. That made me feel even worse because I felt bad enough telling them I might be pregnant. I was so stressed I left the house and started walking to my best friend’s house…
While I was away, my mom and brother came home. Noticing I was gone, my brother came out to look for me. He picked me up while I was on my way to my friend’s house. He took me home and I went inside… My parents were sooooo angry… The started to yell at me.. and I yelled back…. My dad called me a whore. and that’s when I broke down and fell the the floor crying because I love my boyfriend and I’m in love with him. And what I did felt so right. But my boyfriend is also 22 years old. This was on a Thursday night… Of course a school night. I didn’t want to be alone so I had my best friend come over and stay with me that night. Mom didn’t want me to go to school. But I went anyways…. I just needed to get away. So I went to school. Well, my mother picked me up from school and put a packet of papers in my lap…. I looked through it to see what it was all about and I saw that it was a restraining order on my boyfriend. I was sooo mad at my mother. because a lot of things were going on. She told me she didn’t want me to see him EVER again… I started crying. I just wanted to go home… But instead she took me for a doctor’s visit… I got lots of tests done…. They drew blood and sent it in for a blood pregnancy test because every other pregnancy test I had taken came out negative. But I’m 2 weeks late on my period…. Well after the doctor’s visit, my mom took me home and told me that she had scheduled me to see a Psychiatrist… I just looked at her and asked her if she was trying to make my life even worse…. It was hard enough telling her what happened…
God, I don’t know what to do anymore. I miss my boyfriend soooo much… :'(
Tell me what you have to say I need some help!
I’ll keep you all up to date.
Love,
If only words were to say…
But every weekend, I want to go out so madly. I leave my lil treasure sleeping besides Gran’s bedroom and she is completely unaware Mami is not there. I do not want to be here… I want to have a proper and normal life. I would like to live alone with her but yet, I know it’s so difficult to be just the two of us. I’ve got 4 things to do at the same time and being single mum is the 4th on the list… I’m not given more choice, I cannot choose. I know I can’t complain, I know I’m lucky…I know well, yes.
I wake up every morning at 8 to work, I catch the bus at 8.30 and I’m headed straight to school. I’m paid three times less than I should be for I’m only booked to work 20 hours ( but I do work more than 29 a week!). I finish up at 5.30 pm if lucky enough to reach home (or even later if I’ve got to take students home in a bus…). Then I have to go and rehab my poorly arm ( Rocio is heavy to carry and my right arm is completely in horrible bad shape!! I cannot even lift it to blow-dry my hair). Being nearly right-hand-handicapped and suffering from stiff neck and contractured shoulders every now and then doesn’t make life any easier… I feel so depressed, even thinking of doing anything involving my arms makes me tired…and hurts a lot… Nobody seems to understand. I guess pregnancy weight made it worse but who am I to complain??? I’m not given the turn to do so!
When I finish at 7, I have to stay with Rocio, take care of her, and study my second degree…. I feel so tired all the time. My boyfriend is living abroad and he calls everyday… I miss him like mad but again, I hide feelings and just tell him I’m doing fine but I’m not. At 10, I’m in bed…. Everybody watches tv and shares things about life next day…but I ain’t got no life….not now.
My life comes back on Fridays and Saturdays when I can go out at night…. She sleeps and Mami drinks and has fun—or at least i try.—but she is not happy…. I’m just waiting for him to come back and just killing time till we reunite again… It’s not fair because time always runs against me and I’m missing all other most important things in life—-I never win.
Hi, I am 17 years old and 7, almost 8 months pregnant. I am so in love with my boyfriend of 2 years but he has a lot of problems such as he is in jail as of right now he has been there for 6 almost 7 months.
At times, I feel really lonely and hopeless because he hasn’t gone to court yet. He is going soon in some weeks to see when he is coming home. I miss him so much. I got him a lawyer and everything. His lawyer says he will be home really soon because he was arrested without a warrant and was searched, him and his house, without a search warrant. But now, we just figured out he has a DUI in another county but they didn’t give him nor his friends a breath test or take them to jail when it happened. It’s been a year since that happened and now, they are trying to charge him with that too. On top of that, in the last 2 years, I have lost my dad (died of cancer), my grandmother, and grandfather and I don’t want to lose him too.
I try to stay positive but it’s hard when I graduate May 23 and don’t know if he will be home by then and baby is due June 19 and my 18th birthday is July 14. I want him to be there and I am scared he won’t! I feel so alone. I look around and see all mothers with their baby’s dad and I don’t mean to but I am jealous of that. I want and miss that and want that for my little girl Lilyana. All my friends don’t even come around much anymore unless they need something. I use to be the fun party girl that everyone loved to hang around and now I am just alone.
I don’t know what to do with myself. Things are also even more hard because I am African American and my boyfriend is Hispanic American and a lot of people at my school thinks that is not right but my mom and my family and his family love it and don’t mind but its just hard when you have people looking down on you all the time.
I’M 18, JUST FOUND OUT THAT I WAS HAVING A BABY.
I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO I THOUGHT ABOUT ABORTION BUT CHANGED MY MIND AFTER SEEING THE VIDEO. BUT I DONT KNOW HOW TO FEEL. I WISH I JUST HAD ANSWERS!
SHOULD I KEEP THE BABY OR NOT? AND HOW DO I TELL MY FATHER?
