I am so proud!

Hello everyone,

I came across Stand Up Girl like many of you did, trying to find an answer to this problem that had crept up unexpectedly. I was 5 weeks pregnant when I found out, but now with the help of Stand Up Girl & the wonderful, strong women who have shared their remarkable stories, I am currently 6 months pregnant & expecting my sweet, little (BIG really!) baby boy on December 20th – that’s right, my little Christmas miracle. Sometimes when I feel little [reacted] kicking & swimming around it brings me to tears because I am so proud of him. I am so proud that my son is striving & it makes all the negative comments, un-supportive family members & gossip from other teenage girls seem smaller than this full stop. I don’t care what others think. My partner & I have been engaged since March 10th, when he proposed to me on this 18th birthday, & I believe it also is the night when my son was conceived, so I know he is a baby made from true love. I am so proud of myself for keeping my son & cannot wait to watch him grow in leaps & bounds. I have had a lot of negativity from my stepmother, which is hard. She believes that I am a sl*t for getting pregnant at such a young age & if it was up to her & my father, they would have dragged me by the hair down to the abortion clinic. But I told her that she couldn’t make that decision, & she has no kids of her own. So how would she know how to be a mother? I have a lot of disrespect & hatred for that woman. She has angered me. She says that whenever she sees my tummy, she doesn’t think of him as a miracle, a beautiful gift that I have been lucky enough to receive, but a huge dirty smudge in her perfect, champagne & caviar lifestyle. I feel sorry for this woman.

Anyway, what I would like to say, is thank you to everyone whose stories have put me on the track of being a mother. I cannot wait to meet my son & wish all the girls who are confused, sad, happy, or feeling forced into making a decision, that this is YOUR decision, this is your baby. The people who give you their opinions are not the ones who get up in the middle of the night to feed or change or comfort, their lives go on as normal, but the decision you make to keep your beautiful child will forever change yours. It will enlighten & change you forever.

Being a mother is the most beautiful gift of all, & no one can take that away from you. No one can make you feel as if you can’t cope, because you can.

We are women. It is in our blood to be mothers. It is in our blood to stand up, be strong, & sacrifice everything for the life of our child. We are strong, we are together, we stand up & we are counted.

I love my son, & I know that all the little lives growing inside the bellies of women are all gifts. They are all special little beings that you are nurturing every day. So whether you believe it is not your time & opt for abortion, or you keep that little life growing until 9 months later, you can hold him/her in your arms, it is up to you. It doesn’t change your status. You are not a bad person.  You are not going to hell,  You are not a good person.

You are You. & I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Lots of love,

A Stand Up Girl wanting to make a difference.

xx0x

School school school!

So you all know my son, who is 10 months old now! (I was 14 when I gave birth and now I’m nearly 16). As you guys know, I went to school up until the day before my induction (emergency induction). Yes, it was hard with the big belly and all but, you gotta do whatcha gotta do! Lol. Then about a month after Dallas was born, I was back in school after the Christmas Break! In between all that, I was home-schooled.

Yes, it’s hard being a teen mom and going to school with only having about 2 hours to do homework before your fiancée and little man get home. Those of you in school; high school or college, will know about the workload. I am currently in grade 11 with a mix of college and university courses. I am looking into being an RN (Registered Nurse).

Anyway, I am really busy spending time with my family and getting schoolwork done to do the best I can. I don’t have time for all my accounts anymore, so I am doing Teen Mom vlogs on my YouTube as well as videos of my little one (:

I hope you all can check out my YouTube and ask me questions and/or give me some suggestions!

www.youtube.com/users/1996Ashley

I miss you all so much, you are great to talk to,

Love you lots!

Ash.

xoxo

Need advice

I have just found out that I am pregnant. The father and I broke up a few days ago and he keeps telling me to abort this child. I don’t know how to deal with all of this. We were a very happy couple and have been together for some time. He just moved a few hours away to start college and we both knew it was going to be hard. He broke up with me the day I called him to tell him I was pregnant. I didn’t even get the chance to tell him before he told me it wasn’t going to work out anymore. I am now very alone and have no idea what to do. I’m only 20 and don’t want my kid to end up like me, living each day without a father there and trying to figure out what’s wrong with you that he can’t be there. Can someone give me some advice?

I know…

I know I shouldn’t want you, I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t help it. Every time I close my eyes, say a prayer, watch a sad movie…You cross my mind. I want nothing more than to deny it with my every breath. I long for you to be safe, to think of me, to remember how much I once meant to you.

There are times I want to hate you, to curse you out, and ruin any chance of your happiness. but I can’t do it with you, I can’t hate or curse your name. I can’t wish I never meant you when you gave me something I always thought was missing. Your presence. Your sole existence, you make me feel whole, solid, grounded. Hopelessly in love.

I know how foolish it sounds. How naive I must be. To still love a “jerk” like you. You who chose someone else over me. But yet time and time again, it was me you chased down. I used to find it hard to catch my breath when I saw your number on my cell phone screen. I felt weak in the knees after we parted, as I watched you walk away. I always, ALWAYS bite my tongue so I wouldn’t call your name. I wanted to stay forever in your arms.

I know your smell, those colognes you used to wear. They still make my heart race and ache with longing. My body shivers with joy, my lips quiver from how your lips used to taste. If I had ever done drugs in high school, I’d say you were the one drug I couldn’t shake. The mere mention of your name brings me to my knees, puts a smile on my face, blush to my cheeks. I love you more than I can bear.

I know they say this feeling doesn’t last forever…But these past seven years have proven many wrong. This love for you is undying…It feels permanent. It is something I will never regret. It gave me a daughter. Your daughter whom you have yet to meet…She wasn’t in the cards, but God dealt us a heavy hand….She is beautiful. Heaven. A gift I had once not wanted and now I love her too much.

I know we can’t be together right now…but maybe someday…someday…

My son’s father

My son’s father has just decided to take responsibility for our son. I have mixed feelings about it. I just think that not having him in our life was easier for me to handle because I didn’t have to worry about losing my son. I am frustrated, scared, and confused. How should I feel? What should I do? I’m confused!