This all started a little over three years ago with a positive pregnancy test!
I was sixteen, a virgin, and – quite frankly – sick of it. I was always the party girl who was labeled as a “cock tease” and I constantly “led lads on”. Well, one day I decided that I wanted to have sex…and I did. In my mum’s bed, I have to add. It was a lot less than romantic, not that I expected it to be in the first place. Who can say that a one-night stand is romantic in any way, shape, or form? That night, I opened the floodgates. A week later, I was in bed with a different lad and in very different circumstances. It was a party atmosphere; alcohol had been consumed, drugs had been done (not by me), and inhibitions had been lost…by everyone. By the time everyone was “tired,” it had become obvious that I was going to sleep with someone. I wasn’t on the pill. He didn’t have a condom. We were unprepared, but we did it anyway. Three weeks later, my period didn’t come – weird. I put it down to exam stress and told myself I would take a test in a couple of days. A couple of days came and went, so I wandered down to the store, flinging a test on the counter and practically running out of the store as soon as I had paid. This might sound weird, but as I hid the test in my bag, it felt like it was burning a hole through the material, and everyone could see my dirty little secret. I took the test the next morning – negative. Again, I put it down to the stress of end-of-year exams. I pushed the thoughts aside even though I had a little niggle at the back of my mind. Four days later, I was still late. I decided to go buy another test. This time it was easier to do. I wasn’t nervous; I wasn’t embarrassed; I simply felt as if I was disconnected from my body. This couldn’t possibly be happening to me. I took the test the next morning – positive. That was when my world shattered.
I sat there staring at the test for five minutes, convinced that the second line was wrong, that it was an evaporation line, and that the test was faulty. Anything but the blindingly obvious truth. The first thought – and many afterward – was please make this go away. That was a chant that ran through my mind for several days. Almost a week, in fact.
Turns out, someone was listening. They made it go away. No one told me about the pain, though. Not just physically but mentally, emotionally, spiritually. I had a miscarriage on the 25th November 2010. I thought my world had shattered when I found out I was pregnant, but that was nothing compared to this.
Still in denial that anything was wrong, I didn’t go to the doctor that day; that week; that month. I simply didn’t go. I hoped and prayed that everything would be okay without having to tell my family or my friends. It took a while but it looked (and felt) like everything eventually went back to normal.
Now I just feel like there’s a piece of me missing – lost out in the universe somewhere. There isn’t a day that passes by when I don’t think of what could be right now. What should have been? I blame myself for what happened. It was like I wished that baby away with the power of my thoughts. Who knew they could be so powerful?
I’m 15 and I’m having a baby. I’m scared, and I don’t want to mess this up. My baby is due May 27. I don’t know yet if I’m going to keep the baby or give the baby up for adoption. I hope I make the right choices…..
Thank you for all you comments! I have made the choice to keep my baby.
Kaya Jones, a former singer for The Pussycat Dolls, said the abortions she had when she was younger still haunt her to this day. Pussycat Dolls singer shares abortion experiences, warns, ‘You will regret it your whole life’
‘I was completely enchained and bonded to the devil,’ the singer said
Jones told Christine Yeargin, host of Students for Life’s “Speak Out” podcast, that she’d had three abortions before she turned her life around and started following Jesus Christ.
She explained how she had her first abortion as a teenager when her birth control medication failed. She recalled how she became pregnant again while in the Pussycat Dolls and was told to “get rid of it.”
Jones described growing up in an “abusive” music industry that left her with little self-esteem and led her to make “poor choices.” She said her third abortion happened after she was raped by an old boyfriend. Even though she wanted to keep the baby, she said she decided to terminate again due to stress and complications.
“After the first one, you don’t think you’ve done anything wrong. It’s been normalized and what is a line until you’ve crossed it. You don’t know what a line is. Once you cross that line, it’s a very slippery slope to continue to cross those lines,” she recalled.
But she said her conscience was triggered when she saw two little girls looking up at her during a concert after she had an abortion.
“Nothing on me in that moment said, ‘Caution, this is a lie,'” she recalled. “There was nothing beautiful about me. I was tainted. I was destructive. I was destroyed. I was completely enchained and bonded to the devil, or the enemy, or the realm of death if you will, where I was living in my worst self.”
Jones said she understands the pain and anger some women go through but warned them not to make the same choices she did.
“I’ve gone through it all. I will assure you, you will regret it your whole life. Nothing – even if I become a mother tomorrow and happily married and all is well, I’m still going to regret the three children I did not have,” she said.
Jones said she was compelled by “the Holy Spirit” to share her story about abortion regret.
“It is very painful. There is a lot of anger. There’s a lot of frustration. There’s a lot of lack of knowledge. There’s a lot of regret. And nothing can make that go away but God himself when you lay it at his feet and ask for salvation,” she said.
“What you’re showing men is that you don’t value yourself or your seed or their seed and in return they don’t value us as women because we’re willing to do these things to ourselves and to our children,” she argued.
Jones said she wasn’t trying to take anyone’s rights away, but she wanted to show other women who’ve had abortions that there is healing and forgiveness.
“You can still be a mom, you can still fall in love, you can still be valued. You can leave that at the foot of God,” she said.
“When I was 16, a boy in high school evinced interest in me, so I had sex with him — just once. And after I came out of that room, I thought, Is that all there is to it? My goodness, I’ll never do that again! Then, when I found out I was pregnant, I went to the boy and asked him for help, but he said it wasn’t his baby and he didn’t want any part of it.
I was scared to pieces. Back then, if you had money, there were some girls who got abortions, but I couldn’t deal with that idea. Oh, no. No. I knew there was somebody inside me. So I decided to keep the baby.
My older brother, Bailey, my confidant, told me not to tell my mother or she’d take me out of school. So I hid it the whole time with big blouses! Finally, three weeks before I was due, I left a note on my stepfather’s pillow telling him I was pregnant. He told my mother, and when she came home, she calmly asked me to run her bath.
I’ll never forget what she said: “Now tell me this — do you love the boy?” I said no. “Does he love you?” I said no. “Then there’s no point in ruining three lives. We are going to have our baby!”
What a knockout she was as a mother of teens. Very loving. Very accepting. Not one minute of recrimination. And I never felt any shame.
I’m telling you that the best decision I ever made was keeping that baby! Yes, absolutely. Guy was a delight from the start — so good, so bright, and I can’t imagine my life without him.
At 17 I got a job as a cook and later as a nightclub waitress. I found a room with cooking privileges, because I was a woman with a baby and needed my own place. My mother, who had a 14-room house, looked at me as if I was crazy! She said, “Remember this: You can always come home.” She kept that door open. And every time life kicked me in the belly, I would go home for a few weeks.
I struggled, sure. We lived hand-to-mouth, but it was really heart-to-hand. Guy had love and laughter and a lot of good reading and poetry as a child. Having my son brought out the best in me and enlarged my life. Whatever he missed, he himself is a great father today. He was once asked what it was like growing up in Maya Angelou’s shadow, and he said, “I always thought I was in her light.”
Years later, when I was married, I wanted to have more children, but I couldn’t conceive. Isn’t it wonderful that I had a child at 16? Praise God!”
I never thought I would be able to compete in sports after finding out I was pregnant in high school. And now, I am a state champion in 3 events. I am so thankful for my supportive family, friends, and coaches. I wouldn’t be able to do this alone. I thank God every day for my wonderful son. He motivates me to be a better person and keep working hard towards my goals… “‘ For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’ Jeremiah 29:11′
Get to know Kathy Barnette
My life’s journey represents all that is good about this country. I grew up on a pig farm in southern Alabama in a one stop-sign town in a restful and rustic corner of the world. I never knew just how impoverished we were until I grew up. When my grandmother would ask me to help her in the garden, I thought she just wanted to spend quality time with me. I never knew it was for our survival. If we ever wanted greens or beans on our plate, it had to come from the effort of our own two hands.
In addition to being raised as what many would consider “disadvantaged,” I’ll add one more stumbling block to success: I’m the by-product of a rape.
Yet despite my beginnings, I was the first in my family to complete college. I spent ten years in the Armed Forces Reserves, where I was accepted into Officer Candidate School. I’ve worked in the financial industry, corporate America, and as an adjunct professor of Corporate Finance. For over four years, I have been a regular featured guest on Fox News. I am the recent author of the book Nothing to Lose, Everything to Gain: Being Black and Conservative in America. And now, I am running for US Senate.
My story only takes place in America. I am not standing outside waiting for someone to admit me into the American Dream. I AM THE AMERICAN DREAM.
Though the details of my life’s story may vary somewhat from your story, my challenges closely resemble many who live in Pennsylvania. We have faced formidable odds and we have challenges yet to overcome, but with determination and a clear focus, we have opportunities to overcome them.
Kathy Barnette Candidate for U.S. Senate for the Great State of Pennsylvania
