I was talking to my boyfriend this morning- like I do all the time. This time was a little different, a lot different.
He says he wants his children to call me mummy. He says he can’t wait to start a family with me. He says together forever. He says he will never leave me. He says he’s scared. He says he doesn’t want to get me pregnant just for my mum to force me into another abortion. But he says he wants to start a family with me more than anything.
He says I’m not the same. He says when we got together, I was really happy, outgoing, always wanted to go out. He says when I discovered I was pregnant, I was over the moon. He says he’s never seen me happier. He says now I’m always down, I’m always sad, I never want to go out, I pushed myself away from my friends, i won’t get close to the girls at college.
For a brief moment, I saw what I was turning into from an outside view. I was isolating myself from everyone and everything, and I still am. I try to pull him closer- begging him to never leave me. What am I doing?!
He says he thinks i might be depressed. I asked him what i should do. He said its up to me.
But how I am I meant to know what to do? I was going to see a counsellor but now I don’t want to- I don’t want to pour my heart out to someone for them to judge me.
I don’t want to go to the doctor’s, incase they say I am depressed.
I just want to curl up into a ball and cry. But at the same time, I want to be the girl he fell in love with, the happy, outgoing girl that has disappeared and no matter how much I search for her, I can’t find her. She has gone. But where?! Surely she’s got to here somewhere?
Hey guys,
My first blog!!!! I stumbled across SUG by accident when I was Googling pregnancy sympthoms, oh I as ya can see I can’t spell!!!!
Story so far:
I’m 24 years old and due to be married next year!!! I have very irregular periods, like once every 6ish months, the last being in December!!! My family has a long history of infertility!!!
Well 2 weeks ago, myself and my fiancé got a little bit carried away and now we think there is a possibility of me being pregnant. Over the past week or so I’ve been getting mild crampy abdo pain, I’m bloated, Nausea, increased wind, and I’ve noticed a lot of Montgomery’s Tubercles around my nipples so maybe I might be!!!
To be honest, I think I’d be more disappointed if I wasn’t pregnant than if I am, given my family history!!!
The only problem I have is how soon do I take a test? All the advice says take one when your period is late but as my periods are practically non existant, I have no idea when to take one!!!! I got a bit carried away in November and ended up taking like 7!!!! Now when I look back, I didn’t have any signs of being pregnant but we were trying for a baby and was a little bit clueless!!!!!
If anyone has any advice I appreciate it!!!!
Thanks, keep safe!!!!
My little girl surprised me 2 weeks early on 4/25 when my water broke.
I was in labour for 15 hours and after pushing for 3 hours, I had to get a c-section (my pelvic bones were just too narrow). So at 9:14pm, my daughter LillieAuna Briella was born. She was 6lbs 8ozs and 20.5in long. Her apgar score was 9. She is extremely healthy and such a good baby. After 2 days in the hospital, when I was released, we came home. She is so amazing I can hardly stop looking at her.
I thank God everyday for the amazing gift He gave me.
My story, not the short version, the long version. The version no-one knows except my boyfriend. So here goes…..Since I can remember, I had always wanted a child- when I was a little girl growing up, I wouldn’t be seen without my dollies and buggy. I have always wanted to be a mummy. On the 29th September, me and my boyfriend got together. I knew we were right for each other right from the very beginning. After about a month, we started having sex. We had conversations about what would happen if I fell pregnant, the answer was always the same- Never Abort, It Is Our Child.
At one point, we were even looking at baby stuff cause I thought I was pregnant, I wasn’t though so we stopped looking. I was disappointed to be honest.
The 15th March was quite a normal day. I went round his place and that night, we went to the cinema to see Juno. I was staying at his house that night, when we got back, we had sex. No protection.
We went away on the 4th April, for about 2 weeks, I bled on the 4th and thought that was my period- I was only bleeding for about 3 hours. I didn’t think anything of it. By the time we got back, I still had not come on my period. Me and him were having some trouble and I asked him what would happen if I was pregnant. He told me to stop being so stupid I was pregnant. So I didn’t mention it again. We sorted out our troubles within a couple of days and were back to normal. Still no period. I assumed my body was just be silly- didn’t think anything of it. Just thought I was worrying to much as my GCSE’s were coming up, I was finishing school, I had to find somewhere to live, College was starting in September.
By the 20th May (5 days before my 16th), I still had no period. I had missed April’s and May’s. So we decided to buy a pregnancy test the next day. We said we would go after school as we both had exams during the day. On the 21st, when school had finished, we both went to the pharmacy round the corner and brought a Clear Blue pregnancy test. We went home, I went in the bathroom and pee’d on the stick. Went back into his bedroom and waited a minute. Pregnant– was what it said. Deep down I knew.
I was so excited. My time was here, I thought. He was excited too. We wanted to shout it from the roof tops. I was so happy. We started planning things straight away- how we would cope as we didn’t have jobs, what baby stuff we would buy, what names we liked, what I was going to do about college, how to break the news to our families, how we would provide the best possible life for our child; our little baby that was growing in my belly. Things didn’t go to plan. My great aunt died early June- my mum was really close to her. I couldn’t tell her now I thought, it will kill her. We told his mum first, she was disappointed but told us she would stand by us whatever we chose and even heard us out about our plan and everything. The rest of his family didn’t take it so well but i knew they would come round.
I think it was the 18th or 19th June that I told my mum. I was on my own as he was at his house. She went mental saying that I couldn’t keep my baby, that it wasn’t even a baby, it was a thing, a bunch of cells, a mistake. No matter how much I begged her and how many tears ran down my ace she wouldn’t change her mind. She was so nasty, so horrible. She was on the phone to the doctor’s straight away finding out where I had to go, what I had to do.
She didn’t come with me to the doctor’s, to the consultation things, not even to the abortion.
On the 1st July, my baby, my child died. No, was murdered. I was 15 weeks and 3 days. I had to go to Bournemouth (an hour and half journey from my house) to have a surgical abortion. I was put in a small white room, all by myself. No one was allowed in with me. I was alone for 4 hours. They took me to a tiny white room where they put me to sleep and wheeled me into the operating theater. It was then my own child was murdered, on the Tuesday 1st July between 1.30pm and 1.45pm. I can’t remember much from that day. I think I’ve blocked it out. My mum didn’t come with me. My boyfriend and his mum did. When they picked me up, he had brought me a teddy bear, which I still have. I have called her Lexie-Mai. I called her this because that’s what we were going to call our baby if it was a girl.
My own mother had her grandchild murdered.
I wasn’t allowed to tell anyone- she told all her friends though. She told all my family i had the flu. I even got a few Get Well Soon cards. They still don’t know the truth.
Me and my mum have never talked about what happened. She has never mentioned it. About Bournemouth or the baby- because that’s what it was a baby- my baby- his baby. Its like she doesn’t even care. She has got on with her perfect life, not even worrying about me or how I am in pieces and have been everyday for the last 10 months. I knew she wouldn’t be happy but I thought she would have supported me.
I cry myself to sleep a lot of the time. I am emotionally ruined. I have to put on a fake smile everyday when really all I want to do is break down and cry but cant as I’m not allowed to tell anyone.
I would of made a good mummy, i know I would of. but I wasn’t given the chance to prove myself. Mum doesn’t care about how I feel, all she cares about is that her daughter is not a teenage mum as that would ruin her reputation.
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I fell pregnant on 15th March
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My due date was 20th December
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My baby died on 1st July
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I was 15 weeks and 3 days pregnant
I didn’t plan any of this- but it happened. I am 16 years old, have gone through the pain, heartbreak, and heartache that no one should have to go through, especially not from their own mother.
I wanted that child so much. I want my baby back. I even had a little bump that I held everyday. I would day anything to turn back time and stand up to my mum, and prove to her how I would of made a good mummy. And one day, I will prove it to her. My baby will stay with me forever, and no-one can ever replace his/her place in my life, in my heart.
Rest In Peace Baby- Mummy and Daddy love you so much
I am still with my boyfriend and our relationship is still going strong, but there are some cracks. He won’t express how he feels about the whole situation. When he sees me cry, he tells me it wasn’t my fault and I couldn’t do anything about it. And that he wanted our baby as much as I did and still do.
I don’t live with my mum anymore, and it has helped me a lot as I hardly see her anymore. I hate her- and don’t think I can ever stop myself from hating her! I hate myself. I can’t forgive myself for not standing up to her.
I found out that I was pregnant on Feb 21st. I had implantation bleeding the day before Valentine’s. Which I mistook for my period coming but the bleeding only lasted a few hours. After a few days, I started to feel nauseous alllll day. My breast were really tender. All of the pregnancy symptoms started popping up so I began to look online at symptoms and things like that and read about implantation bleeding and realized that must have been what my bleeding was. My boyfriend and I joked about it and talked about it a little and ended up buying a pregnancy test at a cheapo store. Not sure if we could trust the results but decided to see what they said anyways. So we bought a pack of two pregnancy tests and I ended up taking them that Saturday. I had stayed at my boyfriend’s house and we woke up and no one else was home so we decided to just do the test and see what it said. So I peed in a cup and dropped my urine sample into the little sample bucket on the test and immediately color swept over the stick and faded away leaving TWO lines. I had dropped my pee into this stick and seven seconds later, I became a mother. I looked at my boyfriend in complete shock. I just couldn’t believe it was real. We decided to try the other test just beacuse they were $1.90 tests. Who knows if they work. So again I put my pee onto the stick and almost instantly- two lines. I stood there staring at the test and looked up at my boyfriend who honestly looked as freaked out as I felt. I was in shock. I don’t know why because we had discussed having a baby and agreed that we would raise it if it happened and weren’t using any form of birth control. But the reality of the fact that after 3 years of no protection, I was actually pregnant was far more frightening than either of us had ever imagined.
I was literally at a loss for words. I couldn’t cry, I couldn’t be scared, I couldn’t be happy. I was just frozen. Trying to come up with a plan. Something I could wrap my head around to pull myself out of this trance. My boyfriend hugged me and told me it was going to be okay. We decided to go to the store and get the best most reliable pregnancy test we could find. I brought my cup of pee with me since we had to pick his brother up shortly. We went in and got one of the clear blue digital pregnancy tests and dropped on the “first pee of the morning” as directed and sure enough within 20 seconds, the test read pregnant. I looked at my boyfriend and just burst into tears. He began to cry as well.
I had said so many times I wanted a baby. We had talked about it so much. But having it right there. Knowing it was happening was so unbelievably terrifying. It didn’t help that my boyfriend began telling me about how he couldn’t have a baby. He didn’t want one. He wanted to be able to go out and be a kid and that he wanted to be able to buy the mudding truck he had his eye on. It made it that much scarier because not only was I scared of the responsibility, but the father was completely against it. I felt betrayed. Even though I was panicking, I wish he had of been there to calm me down. I had a baby growing inside me. Of course, I’m going to be emotional and scared, not because I didn’t want it but because I was scared of how I was going to be a mother. And to have him who said so many times he could handle having a kid, break down and say so much about NOT wanting a baby made it that much worse. We collected ourselves and went and picked up his brother and brought him home. After that, we went to our town’s Planned Parenthood center. I had no idea what to do or where to start and I knew they’d have more of a plan than we did. So we went in they performed a test just to triple check and explained to us the different options we had and gave us a lot of information and stuff so we had something to go over.
After we left…
IT was around this time last year when I found out that I was one month pregnant.
I didn’t know what to do and all I could think about was my parents’ reactions coz I was only 16 years old that time. So I called my boyfriend and told him about it and the first thing he said was “Have you considered having an abortion?” I was so confused even scared to tell my sister, so I thought maybe what he suggested was the right thing to do. A few days later, when we were supposed to go do it, he never pitched, so I went there alone. While waiting there, I was asking myself whether this was the right thing to do or not? But I finally made a decision and I went through with it. Days after doing it, I started getting sick, that’s when my parents found out and I even ended up in the hospital. When I called my boyfriend to tell him about what happened, he never said anything and I never saw him for months. My parents were very angry with me but they finally forgave me and life went on as normal. Not a day passes when I don’t pray that God forgives me for what I’ve done. Each day when I think about what I’ve done, I turn into a thousand pieces and I have no one to share my feelings with. If I could turn back time, I would erase what I’ve done and bring back my baby……….
I AM SO SORRY FOR NOT GIVING YOU A CHANCE TO LIVE 🙁
