I started dating this guy a few months ago. He was so sweet and nice and I thought that everything was going great between him and I.
He’s going into the Marines soon, he leaves September 8th, and so I didn’t really think this relationship was going to last that long, but I was wrong. We fell in love (so I thought) and we started having sex and before we had sex I told him that I have P.C.O.S. (polycystic ovarian syndrome) and I knew plenty of people that could not get pregnant who had it, so I thought that I couldn’t either. So we had unprotected sex, and I thought everything was fine. Well, he finally showed his true colors one day, and I saw how much of an anger problem he had, and sometimes, it really scared me, but I kept my feelings to myself, because I truly thought that he was still a great guy. Ya know everyone has their glitches kinda thing. So I took his anger all the time. He didn’t even have to be mad at me. He would still take his anger out on me even if he was mad at someone else. So he leaves to go visit his family out of state, and I didn’t hear from him for about two weeks, and one day he finally calls me and starts yelling at me, saying that it’s my fault that he hasn’t called me in two weeks, but I didn’t know the number to where he was staying.
Later that night, I started thinking when I was taking a shower about how I haven’t had my period in a while, and I automatically thought OMG I’m pregnant! So the next day, I went to the drug store to get a pregnancy test, and sure enough, I was pregnant. So I went to the doctor and did a urine test and got blood drawn to make sure I was. When the urine test came back positive, I was shocked still. When I got home, I called and told him. He seemed OK with it at first and then he had one of his anger spells. He came home a couple weeks later, and he seemed perfectly normal and fine with everything. Then we started talking about what we were going to do about me being pregnant, and things of that nature. He acted happy about it all. but these past few weeks went down hill.
He came over to my house and stayed for a few days, and got really mean with my little brother, and so my mom got really mad at him, and then my parents told me that he was never allowed back in our house. I told him all this and he got really upset and mad about it, so I thought I should give him some space so I went to a friend’s house to be with her while she had her baby. So he texted me one night and was being all “lovey-dovey” and then he asks me if I would ever leave him, and of course, I said no. Then he calls me and tells me that he cheated on me earlier that day! So he wanted me to come to his house so we could talk about things. Then he tells me that it was all a test to see if I would leave him, and that he didn’t really cheat on me. But I don’t know what to believe anymore.
So he told me when I got to his house that he wanted to take a break, to clear his head and try to fix his anger problem for me and the baby. So we keep talking, but not like we used to, so I start doubting if he really does care about me and love me. And so one night, he got really mad at me and said that all I ever do is try to start fight with him, and he was tired of it. But I was the one who took all of his anger outbursts and said nothing to him, and now that I’m pregnant, my hormones make be really “witchy”. But no, he can’t take anything from me! So he let me go to cool down, and he said he was going to call me back, but he kept on ignoring my calls and texts.
So i fall asleep and at about 3 am, he texts me and says that he’s tired of fighting all the time, and he knows that were having a kid but he found someone else but that he would take care of the baby. I immediately started crying. I couldn’t believe that I’m having a baby with him, and he left me for someone else! I have been crying for past two days about it, and I am soooo scared because I am going to be a single mother, and I didn’t want my baby to grow up without a father like I did. It sucked! I wanted to have a family and stay together, for my baby. and now everything I thought was going to be OK isn’t! It hurts so much, but I’m trying not to cry as bad as I did yesterday because I got so upset that I started throwing up, and that’s not good for the baby when I’m all stressed out. So I have been trying to distract myself from the hurt and pain of it all.
Everyone in my family has been telling me “it’s his loss” or ” look at it this way, at least this happened now then later after you have the baby” but the worst part, I guess, is that there is nothing that i can do about this. But I am definitely not going to take him back, because he is never going to change. He’s just going to keep hurting me and if I keep taking him back after he does things like this, he’ll keep thinking that its OK to treat people like that, and just keep doing it. And I don’t want that around my baby. I don’t want it to think that its OK to be treated like that and then when they get older, and someone treats them like that, they think its OK. Plus his anger is only going to get worse, and I don’t want that around my baby, even though it is his baby also.
If he can’t control his anger now, what’s going to happen when the baby comes and it’s crying all the time, and he doesn’t get sleep, or the baby throws up on him? I’m scared that he’s going to hit the baby, and I don’t even want to take a chance with that. and also he leaves for basic training for the marines on September 8th. He’s not even going to be around to his child grow up.
So I’m 18 and 8 weeks pregnant and I’m going to be a single mom!
I know that my story about pregnancy is different from many that you will see here, but I hope that it can help. I too want to share my story so that you ladies out there know you aren’t alone. My husband and I had tried for several years to get pregnant, going through the beginnings of fertility treatments. We so much wanted a child. We both cried when we found out that I was pregnant. We were all set to welcome our little girl Nadia Joy into our family this coming August, but the Lord had a different plan for us. This is our story…
This, like many pregnancies, came with its own set of trials. Early on, I had been spotting and we thought we might lose our baby then. With lots of prayer we got our miracle, and by 20 weeks our precious little girl was perfect and perfectly healthy. We were looking forward to another 20 weeks of a healthy pregnancy. I had to have another ultrasound at 24 weeks because she wouldn’t show her face, and the dr. needed to see it to know if she had any special needs that might come up at birth. So, all was normal and fine until then.
At the 24 week, her heartbeat had slowed dangerously low. It hovered between 60 and 70 beats per minute, when it should have been twice that. It also stopped at one point during the ultrasound. There were many things that could be wrong, but we needed to do some blood work and see a specialist in the morning. I went home with the knowledge that our best bet was to make it another week at least until she was just old enough to live outside the womb. She needed to make it to 25 weeks to even have a chance of living. There was a lot of prayer for healing, and preparing for the worst.
When we got to the specialist on the morning of April 24th, they started another ultrasound. Having had five, I’d gotten pretty good at knowing what to look for. There was no heartbeat. The tech was silent, and I did have to ask to make sure, but our sweet little girl was gone. We both had a chance to cry and absorb the initial shock. My husband’s parents had come, as had my mom, who had been with me the previous day.
They came back and we all sat and cried while we waited for the doctor to come in. We talked about our options, and I decided to be induced right away, instead of waiting another few hours. I went to the hospital and they started the induction at 11:45 am. They had no idea how long it would take before she was born, but it could be later that night, or as late as Sunday. Only time would tell. We were gearing up for a long, grief filled process.
At 1:12 am, April 25, our precious Nadia Joy was born. She had already been home with the Lord for probably a day. She was perfectly formed. She even had lines in her footprints already! She had blonde hair that you couldn’t really see much of, but it was there. She even had eyelashes! She was 1 lb, 4 oz, and 12.5 inches long. We had family and close friends there with us to meet Nadia and hold her. We were very fortunate to get to hold her and see her so perfect.
Ok, so those are the facts.
The rest of the story is the spiritual one. We are so blessed. We had so many people praying for us and with us. As hard as this is, God has given both my husband and I so much peace. For me personally, this whole thing has been such a blessing. I got pregnant when the doctors thought I couldn’t. We had a pregnancy that lasted longer than we thought it was going to at first. I got the experience of feeling my baby move and react to sounds, I’ve now been through labor, though I’m sure it will be different next time around, and I got to hold my little girl. Justin got to see her grow in me, he got to feel her kick, and he got to hold his daughter.
Both Justin and I are definitely grieving, and there are times that will be harder than others, but we both have peace that only God can give. We have complete confidence and trust in what He does, regardless of our understanding or lack thereof.
One thing I realized this morning after coming home without our girl was something about how God must feel about His children. I was crying, and telling my husband that I just didn’t understand how I could love someone so much in so short a time, and know so much about them without them knowing me. I realized that God feels that way about us. He makes us His perfect creation, designed to love Him and have a relationship with Him. He waits expectantly for us to know Him, to be born again, and for us to spend our whole lives learning about Him and who He is as our Father. When we refuse to have that relationship with Him, it’s like the stillborn child. Perfect in every way, created to love and be loved, and to spend a lifetime getting to know the ones who bore us. They just never make it that far. They are still loved, still wanted, and there are still hopes and dreams that we have for our children, and that God has for us, that will never have the chance to be fulfilled.
I am so grateful to have such a wonderful family and such wonderful friends who have stood with us through this, that they were there with us to hold her and mourn with us. I am also so thankful that they understand that this is the loss of a child, not a pregnancy. She has a name, a birth date, she is an individual. She is still one of the grandchildren, the others will just never have the opportunity to play with her. She will always be our firstborn, and she will always have a place in the family. I am so blessed that God used me to carry His little girl. That though I may not have had her for long, He let us share in a life that was too special for this realm. I’m so thankful that my girl didn’t have pain. I know I will see her when I go Home, and until then she is well. As a friend’s
Hi to everyone!
Well, I am just new here… I got some worries these days and I found someone I can’t talk to without hesitation to ask… I am not yet sure if I am pregnant or not but my last period was on June 20’s between 20-23… I had intercourse last July 9 and now I am worrying if I will get pregnant because I felt something different these days… My heartbeat was quite fast and it doesn’t post in the symptoms of pregnancy that I have read even just a days that you will be pregnant that you will like that… I can use a pregnancy test now?? And I am worrying about this thing… I am so afraid these days and also I can’t ask anyone about these things because I am not married yet, I hope you can help me by sharing your thoughts to me…
Thank you so much!
Hi, I’m new to this and I have read many of the entries. They are affecting me because I am in da middle of deciding what to do bout my pregnancy.
I found out I was pregnant and I’m prolly 7 weeks in. I told my boyfriend’s parents and they gave me da money to get a abortion. Deep down inside of me, even though I don’t always make da best decisions, I want to keep da baby and feel I will be a good mother, but I don’t want to put it up for adoption because I know I do not want no one else raising my child. I’m so confused and have been trying to find answers but it seems I can’t. My boyfriend, da father, supports whatever decision I decide but sometimes I feel we won’t be ready. I’m only in my second year in college and I know it will be hard to tell my real family and my foster family because they all expect me to do great. I cry every night just thinkin dat if I kill my baby, I will never be da same. I’m so scared and don’t know wat to do.
For any gurl reading this, please know that even if you’re thinkin bout havin a abortion, it affects you already. Everyday, I wonder what’s goin to happen but I know that dis is a decision that, no matter what I decided, will follow me for the rest of my life. Hopefully, my faith in God will be stronger then any parents’ decision can be put towards me and that I make da right decision before its too late.
I found this poem and I feel so touched…
What is Normal After Your Child’s Death?
Normal is having tears waiting behind every smile when you realize someone important is missing from all the important events in your family’s life.
Normal for me is trying to decide what to take to the cemetery for Birthdays, Christmas, Thanksgiving, New Year’s, Valentine’s Day, July 4th, and Easter.
Normal is feeling like you know how to act and are more comfortable with a funeral than a wedding or birthday party…yet feeling a stab of pain in your heart when you smell the flowers and see the casket.
Normal is feeling like you can’t sit another minute without getting up and screaming, because you just don’t like to sit through anything.
Normal is not sleeping very well because a thousand what if’s & why didn’t I’s go through your head constantly.
Normal is reliving that day continuously through your eyes and mind, holding your head to make it go away.
Normal is having the TV on the minute I walk into the house to have noise, because the silence is deafening.
Normal is staring at every little girl who looks like she is my baby’s age. And then thinking of the age she would be now and not being able to imagine it. Then wondering why it is even important to imagine it, because it will never happen.
Normal is every happy event in my life always being backed up with sadness lurking close behind, because of the hole in my heart.
Normal is telling the story of Valentina’s death as if it were an everyday, commonplace activity, and then seeing the horror in someone’s eyes at how awful it sounds. And yet realizing it has become a part of my “normal”.
Normal is each year coming up with the difficult task of how to honor your child’s memory and her birthday and survive these days. And trying to find the balloon or flag that fits the occasion. Happy Birthday? “Not really”.
Normal is my heart warming and yet sinking at the sight of something special my baby loved. Thinking how she would love it, but how she is not here to enjoy it.
Normal is having some people afraid to mention Valentina.
Normal is making sure that others remember her.
Normal is after the funeral is over, everyone else goes on with their lives, but we continue to grieve our loss Valentina forever.
Normal is weeks, months, and years after the initial shock, the grieving gets worse, not better.
Normal is not listening to people compare anything in their life to this loss, unless they too have lost a child. NOTHING. Even if your child is in the remotest part of the earth away from you – it doesn’t compare. Losing a parent is horrible, but having to bury your own child is unnatural.
Normal is taking pills, and trying not to cry all day, because I know my mental health depends on it.
Normal is realizing I do cry everyday.
Normal is disliking jokes about death or funerals, bodies being referred to as cadavers, when you know they were once someone’s loved one.
Normal is being impatient with everything and everyone, but someone stricken with grief over the loss of your child.
Normal is sitting at the computer crying, sharing how you feel with chat buddies who have also lost a child.
Normal is a new friendship with another grieving mother, talking and crying together over our children and our new lives.
Normal is not listening to people make excuses for God. “God may have done this because…” I love God, I know that my baby is in heaven, but hearing people trying to think up excuses as to why healthy babies were taken from this earth is not appreciated and makes absolutely no sense to this grieving mother.
Normal is being too tired to care if you paid the bills, cleaned the house, did laundry, or if there is any food.
Normal is wondering this time whether you are going to say you have two children or one, because you will never see this person again and it is not worth explaining that my baby is in heaven. And yet when you say you have one child to avoid that problem, you feel horrible as if you have betrayed Valentina.
Normal is avoiding McDonald’s and Burger King playgrounds because of small, happy little girls that break your heart when you see them.
Normal is asking God why he took your child’s life instead of yours and asking if there even is a God.
Normal is knowing I will never get over this loss, in a day or a million years.
And last of all, Normal is hiding all the things that have become “normal” for you to feel, so that everyone around you will think that you are “normal”.
-author unknown
I miss you really bad… When I read stories, I never knew the extensity of that phrase.
Today, you should be 2 months old and I should be verry happy, I’m verry proud of you. I always remember the time that we had together. I remember each day, each little thing I had with you, when you were inside me was amazing. I only wanted to meet you, to see your little face, to hold you. I wanted to make you happy and proud of Mommy, just as I have done with your little brother. Then when you were born, I was really scared but happy because I could see you and I knew how strong you were. Each day, you make me happy with your happiness. Each day, I was really tired but I was with you, even when it’s hard see you like that, you were my reason. You were with me during pregnancy and for a month and a week after, you are part of me…
At the age of one month and a week, you were taken by God, to see his face. You maybe were smiling and happy, after all you have to been through. I could see the peace in your face while at your funeral
I have talk to some ladies that have lost their babies. Maybe you make those babies your friends and play with them, you were really happy and friendly.
You should know that my hair was my life, it was some of the most beautiful things I had. The day after your funeral, I cut it. You take my life with you. I promise you I will look different, but my hair doesn’t include it. All I wanted was to look at the mirror and see someone else, not the one who cried at her little treasure’s death.
I’m scared of everything I do, but most of drive. Its the second day of the week and I almost crash like 5 times, my mind its thinking of you or even worse its in blank, I feel lost…
I MISS YOU VALENTINA, MY LITTLE BABY
14/MAY/09 – 22/JUN/09
