How well do we ever know the one we love? I always thought that I was enough for my husband, but I found out the hard way that I am not. In all due fairness, I haven’t found any proof that he is cheating on me physically, but rather emotionally and electronically. He gets off on looking at other women naked and playing with themselves. I have no idea what to do. I went through the computer at home and found that he had downloaded porn pictures onto our personal computer. I have hidden them in a different folder, but he is more intelligent than me when it comes to computers so I know he will find them.
Just yesterday, I went on to the history of our internet and found that he had been going on all these different chat rooms or actual sex sites. The three that I found the most of are cam4.com, jasminlive.com, and ladies.com. The other one that I saw, but not a lot of is Bianca something. Then to make matters worse, russianbrides.com and localsluts.com keep sending my husband e-mails. The one thing that makes this all even worse is that we haven’t even been married for a year yet. We have a son and another baby on the way.
I don’t know what to make of all of this. I feel so unloved. It feels as though my husband is not attracted to me and the only way that he can stand to have sex with me is to picture one of those sex.com women and think that he is having sex with them instead of me. I can’t even talk to him about it as he has this way of making it feel like it is all my fault. I picked up weight after having my son.
I don’t know how to lose the weight after a C-section. I have tried. It seems to be so much harder. I feel like such a fat pig after every meal that I have. On top of it, if I don’t eat, I get into trouble with my husband. Yes, I know I need to eat for the sake of the baby. But why do I need to eat after? I can’t stand to look at myself in the mirror anymore. So I always think if I can’t stand to look at myself anymore, then why should I blame him for the same reason? He can’t stand to look at me anymore.
After I have this baby, is it wrong to say that I will lose the weight right way or wrong in 3 months? I don’t care whether I kill myself in the process anymore. I just want my husband to look at me the way that he did before I started to show with my son. I miss the way that he used to touch me and the way he would hold me. He used to be so different before I picked up all this weight. He used to like to hold my hand in public, and kiss me more than just twice a day. Hell, we used to make love 3 to 4 times a week. Now I am lucky if we have sex once every 2 weeks. I feel so emotional all the time and don’t know how to get over it.
He always talks about other women and how he should get a lover to do things with him. Or how big our store room is and that he will turn it into a nice place and we can keep other women there. He will test all of them out once a week. In this, he is talking about the Russian brides. I mean have you seen those women? They are gorgeous.
I need help and have no one to talk to about this kind of stuff. Everyone in this town knows how to stab a person in the back. I don’t have friends and I can’t talk to my husband about my feelings. He tends to get cross with me. I tried to talk to him once when I found him masturbating in the shower. To what I don’t know all he said to me was that it’s something every guy does and then told me that if I told anyone, then there would be hell to pay. At this time, we were only married for 2 months and had been together for a year and 5 months.
I hate myself everyday that I go through this. I just need someone to talk to someone that won’t judge me or take his side someone that won’t stab me in the back someone that understands.
You could also just leave your comments. I would really like that to.
I am now 5 and a half months pregnant.
How well do we ever know the one we love? I always thought that I was enough for my husband, but I found out the hard way that I am not. In all due fairness, I haven’t found any proof that he is cheating on me physically, but rather emotionally and electronically. He gets off on looking at other women naked and playing with themselves. I have no idea what to do. I went through the computer at home and found that he had downloaded porn pictures onto our personal computer. I have hidden them in a different folder, but he is more intelligent than me when it comes to computers so I know he will find them,
Just yesterday, I went on to the history of our internet and found that he had been going on all these different chat rooms or actually sex sites. The three that I found the most of is cam4.com jasminlive.com and ladies.com. The other one that I saw but not a lot of is Bianca something. Then to make matters worse russianbrides.com and localsluts.com keep sending my husband e-mails. The one thing that makes this all even worse is that we haven’t even been married for a year yet. We have a son and another baby on the way.
I don’t know what to make of all of this. I feel so unloved it feels as though my husband is not attracted to me and the only way that he can stand to have sex with me is to picture one of those sex.com woman and think that he is having sex with them instead of me. I can’t even talk to him about it as he has this way of making it feel like it is all my fault. I picked up weight after having my son.
I don’t know how to lose the weight after a c-section, I have tried. It seems to be so much harder. I feel like such a fat pig after every meal that I have and on top of it if I don’t eat I get into trouble by my husband, yes I know I need to eat for the sake of the baby. But why do I need to eat after. I can’t stand to look at myself in the mirror anymore. So I always think if I can’t stand to look at myself anymore then why should I blame him for the same reason. He can’t stand to look at me anymore.
After I have this baby is it wrong to say that I will lose the weight right way or wrong in 3 months. I don’t care whether I kill myself in the process anymore. I just want my husband to look at me the way that he did before I started to show with my son. I miss the way that he used to touch me and the way he would hold me. He used to be so different before I picked up all this weight. He used to like to hold my hand in public kiss me more than just twice a day and hell we used to make love 3 to 4 times a week. Now I am lucky if we have sex once every 2nd week. I feel so emotional all the time and don’t know how to get over it.
He always talks about other woman and how he should get a lover to do things with him or how big our store room is and that he will turn it into a nice place and we can keep other woman there he will test all of them out once a week. In this he is talking about Russian brides. I mean have you seen those women. They are gorgeous.
I need help and have no one to talk to about this kind of stuff as everyone in this town know how to stab a person in the back. I don’t have friends and I can’t talk to my husband about my feelings, he tends to get cross with me. I tried to talk to him once when I found him masturbating in the shower. To what I don’t know all he said to me was that it’s something every guy does and then told me that if I told anyone then there would be hell to pay. At this time we were only married for 2 months and had been together for a year and 5months.
I hate myself everyday that I go through this. I just need someone to talk to someone that won’t judge me or take his side someone that won’t stab me in the back someone that understands.
You could also just leave your comments and I would really like that to.
I am now 5 and a half months pregnant.
I am SO glad I found this community of support for abortion recovery! I started a blog yesterday to share my story of 3 abortions nearly 10 years ago which almost ended my life through depression and suicidal thoughts. I am sharing some of my post below. I am amazed every day and how far one can come in light of forgiveness and grace.
It’s Time for Healing …
I truly start this blog with tears in my eyes and it simply does not get any more real then that. Of all those I know and in particular those closest to me, I can count on one hand the people who know the true extent of my past …
I live in a county with one of the highest number of churches in the United States. We have no abortion clinics in this county. There are Mennonites, Amish and just about every other form of believer here. When meeting a person for the first time one of the most common questions asked is “what church do you attend” … it is not IF but where. Yes this here is God’s country.
So I write this with a heavy heart as the majority of my friends in this area (all but 2) are unaware of my past. They see me as “one of them” a believer, a sister in Christ, a redeemed soul. But they do not know the prior me. I struggle with whether that truly even matters? What would they say? What would they think? How would they react? I do not know. It is frightening yes…but we are ALL sinners saved by grace and the loving and just God we serve does not ‘rank’ sins. So would they still accept me? They are my sisters in Christ and without a doubt I can confidently say the answer is yes.
Where I come from, while only a few states away … might as well be another planet. I grew up knowing virtually no one who went to church. No one talked about God, about Jesus, about the love from above, about redemption, about being saved … none of it. Sure there was church. My mom would drag my sister and I every now and again on a Sunday to a Catholic church which for me meant being forced to ‘sit still’ and ‘be quiet’ for an hour and a half. To this day I could not tell you a thing that was said, though I do remember saying the Lord’s Prayer every time. We received communion though I had no idea why at least I was able to move from the pew for a couple minutes which made me happy. You get the idea.
I sit here typing this with God filling my heart. For quite some time I have felt the itch to share my story with others. I would question God on this feeling as I have never considered myself a writer or someone with the knowledge of the Gospel equipped to share it with anyone. Yet I still felt God telling me … this needs to be heard, move now.
So there I sat in church this past Sunday. A wonderful message about serving others and the fact that faith is dead without works. A tinge in my heart started to light a fire. The pastor discussed how Jesus took the most unexpected, sometimes least educated, as disciples to share His news. That no matter what season in life we MUST serve Him in order to truly be filled with Christ. And then the pastor mentioned an agency near and dear to my heart … one which talks to teens and women contemplating abortion. BAM a light bulb moment happened. I came home and applied to volunteer immediately as a counselor. No more excuses, no more reasons to shy away … it is MY time to share my story.
And so it begins ….
Crisis Support
I Went Through With It
Embryoscopy and Fetoscopy
Hello everybody!
I am a single mama of 4 kids. I am 35. My situation in life is quite a bit different than other stories I have been reading on here. I am in the middle of a divorce. I was married for almost 12 years. My ex was addicted to porn and I had enough. I was a stay-at-home mom. Now I have to join the workforce. I am completely stressed over money and other things. I thought I had found the man of my dreams. He was awesome when we first started dating. I should have seen the red flags though. The baby mama of his 3 kids is psycho!!!
When she found out about me, she told him that he was never going to see his kids again. He ended up not talking to me at all for about 2 weeks. I finally got him to talk to me again, but our relationship has been different ever since. We have been dating for almost 5 months. I just found out last week that I am pregnant. I have got so many things running through my head. I almost went and had an abortion. I’m scared that my ex is going to tell my kids things to turn them away from me. I’m afraid to tell my parents because this is how my marriage started several years ago. I am ashamed of myself for making the same mistake twice in my life.
My sister is also pregnant and her due date is 2 days ahead of mine. She has struggled for years to get pregnant and staying pregnant. She has had 3 miscarriages and one was at 14 weeks. I am so scared to tell her and don’t know the right time to tell her either. My boyfriend seems to be mad at me for being pregnant. He is very busy with work and I’m scared I’m gonna have to do this all by myself. I just don’t think I can handle it. Still contemplating what to do. If I go through with the pregnancy and give it up for adoption, I’m worried about what that is going to tell my kids. I don’t want them to think that I will ever give them up. If I keep the baby, I’m going to be doing this all on my own. If I have an abortion, I don’t have to worry about that stuff, but I know it will eat me up inside forever. I’m so stressed about everything that my body is rebelling against me too and I am having a few health problems. I feel like there is no way out of this!!
So yesterday at 1:30, I got my 4D ultrasound done. 🙂
It was amazing to be able to see my son with that much detail. 🙂 It was so cute when he yawned while I was getting it done. 🙂
My only concern is while I was having the ultrasound done he kept his hand up beside his face the whole time. :/ Every ultrasound I have gotten his hand is always there and I am very afraid that his hand may be attached to his face. 🙁 I will still love him and all but he would either have to have surgery after he was born or later in life to have it removed from his face. 🙁 But then again, he could just like his hand there, but I am worried that he will be born with his hand attached to his face.
Has anyone else had this thought or problem? Does anyone know if they can tell you before the baby is born if, in fact, it will be born like that?
I want to start off by saying I am deeply sorry to anyone who has had a miscarriage.
My name is [redacted]. I’m 18 and have unfortunately suffered the pain of having a miscarriage.
I was into the first week of my second trimester and settling into the idea of becoming a young mum so well. Obviously, as I was still in school at the time and very young, it wasn’t a planned pregnancy, but I’m sure as all of you who have children know, that your shock only lasts a moment before your unconditional love for them takes its place. This experience has hurt me more than anything. But I felt the need to share my story on the off chance that someone else who is going through a similar situation will know that they are not by any means suffering alone.
For me, I discovered that I had a miscarriage at 14 weeks at a scan. I was oblivious to anything being wrong as I watched my beautiful baby with fully formed features on the screen. After 10 or so minutes of silence, I was told that she had no heartbeat. I can hardly remember much from there as I was numb with shock. I refused to go to the hospital for a DNC (a procedure similar to an abortion). which my midwife saw as understandable. I needed time to get my head around everything, time to have my child still inside me before I had to emotionally and physically let go of everything.
I had deemed so many things in my life unimportant in comparison to having a child….And it was difficult realizing that, that was all I was left with.
….. No one mentioned how I would feel afterward… The subject was restricted to small talks of ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘if there’s anything I can do’.
Hormones caused so many emotions to run through me. I went from being fine one minute to bursting into tears when I saw a parent and child the next. I spent many car journeys driving home in tears simply because I had to let it all out
I know from experience that there isn’t anything I, or anyone else can say to make mothers of angel babies feel fully better… But hopefully knowing that you are not alone, will bring some comfort.
Let yourself heal, cry, and give yourself time. This is where I am at myself, it’s a slow process, and I’ll never forget my first born but it’s helping, and I’m copping more and more each day.
‘Time heals everything,’ my mum has always said- Words of wisdom I carry with me on my rainy days.
