The First Blog. :]

Hi everyone! I’m 17 and I have an 8-month-old son named Trevor.

I got pregnant when I was 16. I was 14 when I met Trevor’s father and it was a secret romance. We had planned that if my parents found out about us, he would get me pregnant. Well, we were neither trying nor preventing, and I got pregnant the first time. Well, after our parents found out, we were not allowed to see each other. My parents did write him a letter telling him if he truly loved me, he would have to work for me. Well obviously, he didn’t love me, and it has taken me a year to get over him.  I love my son more than anything and I feel bad that Trevor hardly ever sees his dad.

If you have any questions, just ask!

Disney

So I took my daughters to Disney this weekend and while standing in line at the Dumbo ride (my two-year-old asking me every two seconds if it was our turn yet), my one-year-old decided she didn’t want to wear her peepee diaper anymore. She took off her diaper and dropped it on the cement in front of all those people! Ever look around and think “Ooooo look at THAT mom!”? Like the Mom with the kid that’s throwing himself on the floor or screaming bloody murder and you give them that sideways glare? THAT was me. I wanted to die! But it was soooooo cute that I had to laugh instead.

These kids- you just can’t get too mad at them!

Adoption

I want to educate the world.
I want to educate women.
When you are pregnant, you have a choice.
You must choose life or death.
Choosing life does not mean choosing a life you are unprepared for.
Choosing life does not mean choosing to raise a child.
Many women are unprepared to
raise the child they are carrying.
There are people who are
prepared to raise a child.
They are ready, willing, & able.
Except they cannot carry a child,
they cannot give a child life.
Choosing adoption is not the easy way out.
When you are pregnant &
unprepared, there’s no easy way out.
Choosing adoption is
responsible parenting
when you know there is no other way, you can be responsible.
Choosing adoption is not giving your child away.
Choosing adoption is releasing.
Releasing your child…
releasing a life to be lived
releasing unspeakable love
releasing peace that passes understanding
releasing answers to prayers
Choosing adoption is receiving
receiving answered prayers
receiving peace that passes understanding
receiving unspeakable love
receiving a life to be lived.
Choosing adoption is choosing life.

just found out

I just found out that I am pregnant. I am the happiest woman in the world – OK, one of the happiest ones. I am sure there are a million others who are going through the same thing as I am.

Good luck to all mommies to be!

Arguments.

Okay, so I’ve had my first meeting with my counselor.

He’s nice and seemed really considerate. I got upset a lot. It was so hard explaining the story from start to finish… I felt like what I was coming out with made my boyfriend seem like the bad character… or just finally made me see it. I know he’s caring and does everything for me, and I do feel bad for blaming him so much, but when I explained everything, it seemed like he really did push me into my decision and didn’t provide much support for me in the end. He asked lots of questions about how I felt at different moments, which was nice as I haven’t really talked about that. He said he thought I should see him in a fortnight so I have another appointment booked for then, will keep updated!

Things have been terrible with the boyfriend as well… I feel awful! I treat him so badly… I constantly pick fights and put the blame on him. I just can’t seem to be normal with him. When we text, it’s okay, but something always starts off on the phone. Last night, we talked and shouted and cried for almost 3 hours. I cry because I’m unhappy, and I just feel like I wanna end it with him. But then I realized that things would be a million times worse. I wouldn’t have him to make me feel better when he’s around, or to just think about sometimes. I look at us being together eventually in our own place, just going out and doing things like shopping for food, having a little dinner party, or just cuddling in front of the telly with no one to bother us, and I think that’s when everything will be perfect. And then I’d go to uni and eventually we can have a baby. What happens doesn’t mean I’ll never be able to… I just can’t stand the thought of what could have been. I cry to him, saying what a great mummy I’d have been. That’s all I really want… But I can’t bring back the baby I’ve lost.

Anyway, not really much else has happened. My boyfriend says if I’m not better in 3 weeks, he will take me to hospital. Nice to know he thinks I’m insane… He has called me fucked up in the head, but I do beg him to have a baby and tell him the means of doing it! I KNOW I’m not right in the head at the moment. But that’s what you get with grief, right?