I am 20 years old and I had my first abortion 2 weeks ago on January 25.

I have been with this guy for over 2 years and it has been great. One day, we had sex and next thing you know, I never got my period, but it never crossed my mind that I might be pregnant. But I never told him anything until I found out I was pregnant. It was in October that I found out I was pregnant and I told him. Since then, till this day, our relationship went downhill. I wanted to be with him and work things out and I wanted to keep the baby, but he didn’t want to. I didn’t talk about abortion or anything and he did, but I would always change the subject because I wanted him to change his mind. But then our relationship got worse. We broke up after Christmas and he started to talk to another girl and I got so upset and started to think I am not going to raise a child on my own without a father. So I told him I was getting an abortion and he didn’t argue with me.

For me, it was a 3 day process because I was 5 months. I remember every appointment. The first was just signing papers and to see if I was pregnant. They stick these things in my cervix to make it soft for the procedure. The second appointment was just a little check up to put new sticks in my cervix to keep it soft also they did one last ultrasound and stuck 2 needles in my tummy. Those two shots was to stop the baby’s heartbeat. The last appointment, I got hooked up to some IV and I asked to be put to sleep. All I really remember was going in to the operation room, laying down, and having this mask on my face and I fell asleep. I didn’t cry until I got home. When I was trying to sleep, I just couldn’t believe what i have done. I don’t know how to forgive myself in this situation.

Please help me everytime I see a baby or a woman that is pregnant I get depressed.