Growing up my mother was my rock. i had an alcoholic dad, but my mom, i hadn’t ever seen drunk in my life. She was the strongest christian i had ever met and she put her family before all else. My dad was a very bad alcoholic and through all the scary things he did and put us through, she somehow managed to stay by him and try to help him through it.
When i was fourteen, my mom passed away. she died in a lawn mowing accident in our back yard. we live on a river, and as she was mowing the edge, the blade got stuck on cattails, tipped the mower and she was trapped.
My dad then sent me to a christian boarding school just two months after my mom died. It was really hard for me. i wanted nothing more that to be around family and friends close to me during that time, but instead i was moving into a dorm, where i hardly knew anybody. that year, my freshman year, my grades dropped, i gained weight and i just wasn’t myself. i missed my friends at home. I had so many friends at home and they all knew what i was dealing with and i wanted to be close to them. earlier that year, shortly after my mom died, i started dating my now husband, which was another reason i just wanted to be home. i got to go home quite frequently but it still wasn’t enough.
That summer, i finally convinced my dad to let me come home. my siblings told me that if his alcoholism got out of hand i might have to return to the boarding school, so because of this, i ignored it. My dad wouldn’t drink, i would pretend like it wasn’t happening. I would just go on with my regular life and try not to let it bother me. on Halloween my sophomore year my dad got so drunk our neighbor had to come help him. our neighbor got ahold of my brother and grandfather, and after that my dad was sent to treatment and i had to live with my brother.
my dad returned around Christmas time and we tried so hard to get things back to normal, but they weren’t. he was so on edge and angry.
In march i got pregnant. my boyfriend and i were using protection, but it broke and i got pregnant. i knew that night i was pregnant and so did my boyfriend, but i tried to ignore it. two months went by and i still hadn’t gotten my period. i was so scared. my boyfriend was right by my side. he was urging me to take a test and get to the doctor, so finally i got ahold of a close family friend for help. she bought me a pregnancy test and it was positive. at this point, i saw my deathbed before me i thought. i told my boyfriend and all he wanted to do was hug and love me, but i was just so unbelievably distant. i couldn’t talk or do anything. I then got to the doctor, found out my due date and heard the heartbeat. we weren’t ready to tell anybody so we payed for the appointment so they wouldn’t send a bill out.
i knew my dad was going to shun me, and i was afraid he was going to send me away. a few weeks later we went to the doctor and fout out we were having a little girl. we knew we HAD to tell our parents, that this really wasn’t going away. we told his parents first. they were mad but they supported and loved us. We then told my family. my sister threw a lot of things in my face about how big of a liar i am for keeping this in, and threw stuff in my face about how near impossible it was going to be for me to raise my daughter. she made me feel so bad. when we told my dad , he wouldn’t speak to me.
we went on and went to counseling and met with an adoption agency, but soon realized we couldn’t give our little girl up, she was ours. my dad gave us two options, to give the baby up or to get married, cause he was having no part in any of the financial or emotional burdens. we talked it through and knew how much we loved each other and were best friends. we decided to get married.
with nobody on our side, we pushed through with wedding, housing, and financial planning. he had a good job as a farmer, and i had good grades, so i could finish school early and start in college right away in the fall. thats what we did. we then bought a house and started preparing.
just one month before our daughter was born we got married and moved in. now, seven months later, we’ve beaten the odds. my siblings have come around but my dad is still on edge. we seldomly speak, and he has only seen his granddaughter a handful of times. my husbands family is awesome, they are there for us through thick and thin.
we’ve been through and conquered a lot. and we couldn’t have done it without prayer, love for each other, love for our daughter, and love for our god.
Dear Anna,
I am in tears. Your story is so sad and yet so beautiful. You have had really difficult times in your life. Losing your mom, your rock and protector must have been so incredibly devastating. Then to lose your friends and family all in one fell swoop by being sent to a boarding school…wow. Maybe your dad did that to protect you from himself, but still it would have been so hard. Your courage and strength are just amazing. God truly sustained you through all of it. Your mom’s faith continues on through you, and now you can pass that on to your little girl! You have so much going for you…keep on keeping on! People told my boyfriend (now husband) that we wouldn’t be able to do it. We were too young…not financially stable, etc. But you know what? We ARE doing it! And so are you guys! It IS possible. Keep praying…keep loving…and you will have a life that is richly blessed. You will have your ups and downs…but everyone does…even those who get married and have a baby when all their “ducks are in a row”. Our lives will never be without suffering, but that suffering can cause us to grow become stronger! I am so inspired by you! Thank you for sharing your story.
Luv,
Becky
I know that my story about pregnancy is different from many that you will see here, but I hope that it can help. I too want to share my story so that you ladies out there know you aren’t alone. My husband and I had tried for several years to get pregnant, going through the beginnings of fertility treatments. We so much wanted a child. We both cried when we found out that I was pregnant. We were all set to welcome our little girl Nadia Joy into our family this coming August, but the Lord had a different plan for us. This is our story…
This, like many pregnancies, came with its own set of trials. Early on, I had been spotting and we thought we might lose our baby then. With lots of prayer we got our miracle, and by 20 weeks our precious little girl was perfect and perfectly healthy. We were looking forward to another 20 weeks of a healthy pregnancy. I had to have another ultrasound at 24 weeks because she wouldn’t show her face, and the dr. needed to see it to know if she had any special needs that might come up at birth. So, all was normal and fine until then.
At the 24 week, her heartbeat had slowed dangerously low. It hovered between 60 and 70 beats per minute, when it should have been twice that. It also stopped at one point during the ultrasound. There were many things that could be wrong, but we needed to do some blood work and see a specialist in the morning. I went home with the knowledge that our best bet was to make it another week at least until she was just old enough to live outside the womb. She needed to make it to 25 weeks to even have a chance of living. There was a lot of prayer for healing, and preparing for the worst.
When we got to the specialist on the morning of April 24th, they started another ultrasound. Having had five, I’d gotten pretty good at knowing what to look for. There was no heartbeat. The tech was silent, and I did have to ask to make sure, but our sweet little girl was gone. We both had a chance to cry and absorb the initial shock. My husband’s parents had come, as had my mom, who had been with me the previous day.
They came back and we all sat and cried while we waited for the doctor to come in. We talked about our options, and I decided to be induced right away, instead of waiting another few hours. I went to the hospital and they started the induction at 11:45 am. They had no idea how long it would take before she was born, but it could be later that night, or as late as Sunday. Only time would tell. We were gearing up for a long, grief filled process.
At 1:12 am, April 25, our precious Nadia Joy was born. She had already been home with the Lord for probably a day. She was perfectly formed. She even had lines in her footprints already! She had blonde hair that you couldn’t really see much of, but it was there. She even had eyelashes! She was 1 lb, 4 oz, and 12.5 inches long. We had family and close friends there with us to meet Nadia and hold her. We were very fortunate to get to hold her and see her so perfect.
Ok, so those are the facts.
The rest of the story is the spiritual one. We are so blessed. We had so many people praying for us and with us. As hard as this is, God has given both my husband and I so much peace. For me personally, this whole thing has been such a blessing. I got pregnant when the doctors thought I couldn’t. We had a pregnancy that lasted longer than we thought it was going to at first. I got the experience of feeling my baby move and react to sounds, I’ve now been through labor, though I’m sure it will be different next time around, and I got to hold my little girl. Justin got to see her grow in me, he got to feel her kick, and he got to hold his daughter.
Both Justin and I are definitely grieving, and there are times that will be harder than others, but we both have peace that only God can give. We have complete confidence and trust in what He does, regardless of our understanding or lack thereof.
One thing I realized this morning after coming home without our girl was something about how God must feel about His children. I was crying, and telling my husband that I just didn’t understand how I could love someone so much in so short a time, and know so much about them without them knowing me. I realized that God feels that way about us. He makes us His perfect creation, designed to love Him and have a relationship with Him. He waits expectantly for us to know Him, to be born again, and for us to spend our whole lives learning about Him and who He is as our Father. When we refuse to have that relationship with Him, it’s like the stillborn child. Perfect in every way, created to love and be loved, and to spend a lifetime getting to know the ones who bore us. They just never make it that far. They are still loved, still wanted, and there are still hopes and dreams that we have for our children, and that God has for us, that will never have the chance to be fulfilled.
I am so grateful to have such a wonderful family and such wonderful friends who have stood with us through this, that they were there with us to hold her and mourn with us. I am also so thankful that they understand that this is the loss of a child, not a pregnancy. She has a name, a birth date, she is an individual. She is still one of the grandchildren, the others will just never have the opportunity to play with her. She will always be our firstborn, and she will always have a place in the family. I am so blessed that God used me to carry His little girl. That though I may not have had her for long, He let us share in a life that was too special for this realm. I’m so thankful that my girl didn’t have pain. I know I will see her when I go Home, and until then she is well. As a friend’s
I have just turned 22 and already have a beautiful son who is almost 2. But a few weeks ago i found out that i was pregnant again. The guy im with now is not the father of my first son, but the father of the one i am carrying. He can’t be with me as we are of different backgrounds, and well he said he is not ready to be a father. He is 27 years old and is indian, i wan this baby but iam confused and don’t want to make the wrong decision. I love this guy with all my heart, but i don’t want to wreck his family who are also going through alot of things at the moment. I know he’s the one for me and well i knew we couldn’t be together the first day we met, so i don’t know if we are in a relationship or what. I’m carrying his child but he wants me to have an abortion, as he thinks i still have a little more exploring to do, as i am still young. And also says what if i meet another guy and i have 2 kids to 2 different men. I undertsand all that but i dont want to make the wrong decision……………….Confused!
I am 17 and four months pregnant and i have not yet been to the doctors. For the last four months i have been contemplating on having an abortion. I wanted an abortion because i was afraid of what other people might think. It is my senior year and i didn’t want to go to prom and graduation looking like a blow up balloon.I was afraid that i wouldn’t be able to support the baby and that my mom and dad would hate me. To make the situation worst i live with guardians and not my real parents. Everything that i do wrong their solution is to send me away.
I was pregnant once before when i was raped by a guy on my job. I didn’t tell anyone but my boyfriend that i was raped and might be wit child. I had been raped several times before then and had never said anything about it. But being with child i had no choice. When i told them they tried to force me into getting an abortion and decided after the school year was over i would go live with my real Dad.
I decided that i wasn’t going to have an abortion because regardless of how the baby got there it was a gift from GOD. I had planned to give it up for adoption because i didn’t want to see the face of my rapist when i looked at my child. Even though adoption was going to be hard for me i had to do something.
When i was two going on three months i had a miscarriage. It was the worst thing that could have ever happened. I cried for weeks on end about it. My boyfriend was there every step of the way. He promised me that when i had a child that it would be special. Having his own child already at the age of 18 i believed him. His son is his pride and joy.
This time i am pregnant by him and i didn’t feel as if it was special at all. before i was with child him and i got into an argument that ended our relationship. He got with someone else’s shortly after and she was 24. When we were together he told that she was his “cousin”. Later on i found out that she wasn’t really his cousin but his cousins best friend. it broke my heart when i found out that she was staying the night at his house and that they took pics together to make a long story short him and i got back together at the end of December. By the end of January i knew that i was pregnant and i was happy.
One day i was going to my business class and i heard a guy yelling to a girl out of a car “go head sexy with ya bad self”. When i turned to look it was him my suppose to be boyfriend. He had dropped this girl off. when he seen me he had on the dumb face. I smiled and continued to walk and could only think about my unborn child. I didn’t want to deal with him anymore. I was hurt and decided that i wanted to have an abortion. I told him that i was with child and was having an abortion and that was the end of the conversation.
In my mind i knew that i shouldn’t punish my unborn child. So for months i contemplated on what i was going to. I didn’t have the money for an abortion. So i started hitting myself in the stomach. I also would drop weights on it and other dumb things.
One day during school my babies father told me that he wanted me and the child to stay and that he was sorry for all that he had done.
I stopped hitting myself but i still hadn’t gone to the doctors. afraid that they might tell me about all the damage that i had done. Also afraid that my guardians would find out.
Just the other day i found out that along with me the “cousin” that he was dating only for three months was also pregnant. My heart was crushed, the first thing i did was hit myself in the stomach. I didn’t want my child to be his third child and be treated like sloppy seconds. I didn’t want anyone to know that i was pregnant by such a jerk. all i could do was cry.
Now being almost four months abortion was no longer an option. Even though he wants i t and is willing to take care of it i wanted a family. This just wasn’t what i expected. What was he thinking? how many months was she? Had he just found out about this or had he known the whole time? why was she a 24 year old having sex with an 18 year old anyway? My life is in ruins. most of all How is he an 18 year old going to take care of 3 children with no job?
ALL these questions began to run through my head. I felt sorry for me and my child. I thought by hitting myself i would end the child’s pain and mine. I didn’t want to deal with the situation that set before me. The man that i loved and planned to marry had screwed me over once again. the girl he screwed me over with is now about five months pregnant with his child.
Currently i am still four months but i have decided that i want my child. I am scared that it might already be dead or that it will come out with defects. I have been so stupid and selfish. I might have ruined the only thing that i live for. I have always wanted a child and i might have killed it with my own hands. My heart is shattered. I can’t stop crying.
I started looking for a job and a house. I go to the doctors sometime this week for the first time. I can only hope that my child is ok and that the damage i have done can be undone. If anyone out there is going through the same thing please i encourage you to not do what i have done. I regret it everyday, hopefully GOD will give me another chance to make this right with or without my child’s father. I PRAY THAT NO ONE MAKE THIS MISTAKE EVER AGAIN.
Love unforgivable
I`m torn. I found out I was 13 weeks pregnant on tuesday. I think Its crazy because the last time I had unprotected sex with my boyfriend we immediately went to a clinic and got the day after pill. Well I guess it didn’t work and he seems to think it has to be destiny. I want to have this baby, I`m just scared for myself. I have SO many doubts. What if I suck at being a Mom, what if I regret it? from everyone I’ve talked to who has had a baby as young as me (17 turning 18 in May)younger and I’ve never heard of anyone straight up regretting it. What if I never finish school. Would life as I know it be gone entirely & my whole life be just be about the baby. Would I still be able to go out and have fun sometimes? I mean I`m not a partier to the extreme, I just like to have fun once in awhile. Basically I just think I need answers to my questions. I got a TON. I need support, I have not yet told my parents. They’re not SUPER strict my Mom knows I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years now. And we were planning a life together. She knows were sexually active, actually her and my Dad have told me that they’ll love me no matter what. I just don’t want to disappoint them, I’ve always wanted to be the one kid they’ve had that they were super proud of. You know?& Its just I don’t have a career, How will I make money. Thankfully I have my GED. but besides that not alot of stuff is going on for me. I thought I could do an abortion, and I still could. BUT when I went to the clinic, they took an ultrasound, The doctor gave me a copy and I asked, “does it have a heart?” & she replied “yes” I felt my own heart drop, How am I supposed to go through with this now? How can I get rid of something living off of me, Something that is me. I’m catholic and so Is my Parents. I mean my family isn’t at church every sunday. I just really want some support, and some inspiration. I just want to know that everything is going to be okay. That I can still live out a good life. I just want to know if teen parents can be happy. What helps ALOT though is my Boyfriend, He’s always been there for me. And he always will, even if were not together. He’s super responsible. and I’ve been with him for awhile. We spend every single day with each other. He is even willing to work two jobs to support me if I have the baby. I`m already feeling kinda iffy towards getting an abortion. I don`t even really want to think about it. I have to decide what I`m going to do before Saturday, I have an appointment at the Clinic and If I show up, I’ll be getting an Abortion. That’s the latest I can get one around here. I’m torn between two things.
My future and a Baby. But Can`t I have both?
I came across your website while doing research for a school paper and I was inspired by the stories I have read. I wanted to share my story with you.
In 1991, as a sophomore in high school, I found myself a growing statistic. I was the proverbial pregnant teenager. The father and I had only been together for a few months, but none the less I was in love with him: as much as a 16 year old girl can be in love. I soon found out that his commitment to me was lukewarm at best. As most stories go, he did not want me to have my child. I use “my” because that is what she is… she is my baby, my angel, my life.
I was raised as a born-again Christian and had gone to a private school through 6th grade so I knew that abortion was wrong. But the paralyzing fear of my grandparents was far stronger than my fear of answering to God for taking the life of an unborn child. Doesn’t make much sense does it?
Anyway, God works in mysterious ways and I ended up getting into a fight at school. I am not a fighter and that is the only one I have ever been in: it just so happened to be with my best friend… whose father was a pastor at a local church. Well, the result of that fight had my friend and her mother at my house the following Saturday. It was a day before the scheduled appointment to terminate my pregnancy. We sat in my room with the door closed for 3 hours. Her mother, with Bible in hand, talked to me about the decision I was making, the alternatives and the repercussions. I know it was the hand of God that intervened because when I make my mind up about something, I don’t waiver: But I did. It was as if someone turned on the lights and everything was clear, “I am going to tell my grandparents,” “I am going to have my baby!” After 3 hours of talking, they called my grandmother into the room. My friend’s mother said “Shannon has something she needs to tell you,” and as I opened my mouth, words seemed to completely escape me. I could only cry, I could not speak. I was paralyzed by fear of what this woman would think and say. Before I composed myself and found the words, she said “she’s pregnant.” It was a bitter sweet moment. No longer did I need to fear her finding out but at the same time I was not prepared for the rush of disgust that would follow in her actually knowing.
Time went on and I dealt with the wounded relationship with my grandmother. It didn’t matter to me to be honest. You see, I was taken away from my mother when I was 5. That is why I was raised by my grandparents. I lived my life in the shadows up to that point. I hid from every one and every thing. I had been disappointed and hurt by every single individual that had been a part of my life. I did not understand life, I did not understand trust, and above all, I did not understand love.
It was the beginning of a new life for me. I was no longer the little baby that I felt like on the inside… I had to pull myself out of the shadows to be to my child what I never had. I never gave thought to how I would support her or what our future would be like. The details were irrelevant to be honest with you… all I knew is that it was going to be us against the world.
I continued with my high school education, however, I did not attend a traditional high school. Fortunately for me there was a Teen Parenting Program in my area. This was such a blessing, as I was able to finish high school and graduate without skipping a beat.
The school provided parenting classes and day care so after she was born I took her to school with me every day.
On November 28, 1991, two weeks before my 17th birthday, my beautiful 6lb. 11 oz. angel came into the world. It was official, I was in love. So this is what it felt like to truly love someone. I must admit, I was addicted. I could not get enough of this tiny little gift from God. Now, I am grateful for everything that God has given me in my life… Good times and tough times as well. I would not be who I am today without any of it. But, most of all, I am grateful for the blessing of my daughter. For my lack of experience with love, it came so naturally for me when it involved her.
This child, who is now 12 years old, has taught me more about life, trust and unconditional love than I could have ever hoped for. I have made mistakes, to err is human, but I have learned from every single one of them. I have not been able to give her everything that she wants but I can assure you that the one thing every child needs, she has in abundance… Love. With a capital “L!” This child is an extension of my heart, she is the walking, living and breathing manifestation of everything that is good in me and I couldn’t be more proud to be her mother.
I am now 29 years old and have no regrets at all about my choice, never once have I wished that things were different. She is very proud of the fact that I was 16 when I had her: proud because we have a strong family unit, and proud that we have done it on our own.
Now is when it gets difficult. Everything up to this point has been a cake walk in comparison to what I will now be going through. How do I teach my daughter how to NOT follow in my foot steps? She and I talk about everything that goes on in her school, what her friends are doing and what she is not doing. We talk a lot about her life path and how she can get the most out of it. I definitely try to lead by example. I have worked my way up the corporate ladder and recently took a position as a Marketing Manager for a great company. This is the direction I have always wanted my career to go and here I am. I am also a full time student with a 3.91 GPA. You better believe I bring home my grades to show my daughter. So, I will not sit back and tell her what I want her to do with her life without showing her the benefits. I tell her “if I had waited to have you, if I had been older and had already gone to college, we would not have had to struggle the way we have.” And my decision to go back to school had as much to do with proving the importance of it to her, as it did with bettering myself.
I sit here in a computer lab at school with tears in my eyes because I realize that this is what love is all about, she is what love is all about… After almost 13 years, I am as in love with her as I was the day we met. It is a funny thing, how God works. I have learned that I cannot expect anything in life, but I can accept. I accept what is given to me each day. I accept that today may be more difficult than yesterday. But I also trust that no matter how difficult today may be, eventually, the clouds will open up, the birds will sing, the sun will shine and I will have a good day. When is it not a good day, when I can look into the eyes of the child that God gave and tell her I love her?
Thank you for what you are doing, that you for caring enough to let these girls share their stories and not feel so alone.
Shannon
Shannon,
You seem to have a bit of a quandry in “How to help your daughter not make the choices you did.” May I share just a couple of things you can do … you can do them together as you have the schooling and even growing together.
There is a site that I know and I will copy it to you. There is a site that sells “Purity Rings”. This is something that you both can agree upon … purity to marriage.
At 13 years old, she is headed for many trials, learning experiences,peer pressures and more. It’s different for these girls today than it was when we were teens and I really would love to help you find the tools to help
your daughter through these times.
I would also recommend allowing her to read the stories on this website about the women that have not chosen life. I would read them first before allowing her to read them. Some may not be the best for her at age 13 … but if she can see the pain that abortion has caused so many women, it may be something that would stick out in her mind to also help other teen girls.
Shannon – thank you for your encouraging and beautiful e-mail. It was a joy to read.
May God richly bless you.
Luv Lisa
