My name is Brittany and I am 21 years old. I am a sufferer of Polycistic ovary syndrome (PCOS) and edometrious. I got told when i was 18 that i would never be able to conceive a child naturally. I have just found out that i am 9 weeks pregnant, I went to my first scan at 7 weeks and saw the babies little heart beat was a very exciting time for me to see the baby that i never thought i could have.
Lately I have been having some mixed feelings, The father of the baby wants nothing to do with it and says i am making a big mistake and should get rid of it because he doesn’t want to give up the life he has now and take responsibility of a child. This could be a one of chance of ever conceiving a child and He wants me to get rid of it. I have seriously been considering not going through with the pregnancy just from what he is saying, i feel so alone and dont know what to do.
I have seen my babies heart beat every day. He/she is growing inside of me….
Hi Brittany,
Thanks for emailing. It’s good to talk with you.
I’m sorry to hear about your situation and I’m sorry that your boyfriend is doing this to you. I agree with you that every life is precious and a once in a lifetime shot. When making the decision about whether to choose parenting your child or abortion, I would encourage you to do what you want to do instead of listening to other people. No matter what you decide and no matter who influences you, you are the one who has to live with the consequences. Your boyfriend will not have to live with it. It’s easy for him to tell you what he things you should do, but you are the mother and you are the one with the closest connection with your child. I think that you already know that you want to parent your child. Don’t let anyone talk you out of that decision.
Here is a great website that you can go to so you can see exactly where your child is in development: http://www.ehd.org/movies.php?mov_id=210. Needless, to say, if your child has a heartbeat and you can hear his or her heartbeat through ultrasound, you can be sure that he or she is alive and a human being. If you were to choose abortion, the worst thing in the world is knowing that you took the life of another human being – not just any human being, but your very own child.
No matter what your boyfriend may be saying to you, don’t believe it. Don’t buy into it. It’s true that you may not be able to give you child all the best in life, but what parent can? I know I was not given all the best in life and I still made it anyway. Your child is no different. All he or she needs is your love and your support, and you are capable to doing that. I think that you have what it takes. I think that you can do this! You can be an excellent mother! Just give your baby a chance to live. You don’t know what you are capable of until you try.
Let me know how things turn out.
Much love,
April
Hey Becky,
i emailed you around 7 weeks ago when i had first found out i was pregnant and the father didnt want anything too do with it and i felt confused and alone and not sure weather too go through with the pregnancy,
I listened too my heart and i am now 13.5 weeks pregnant and couldnt be more excited :). the father still wants nothing too do with the baby and that does upset me alot as my abby wont have a father and i have also lost my best friend, but when i saw my babies heart beating on the scan and saw its little body i knew i made the right decision by keeping the baby,
I want too thank you for this website as it has helped me a lot and when i feel down in the dumps i come on here and read peoples stories and it always makes me feel better, just cant wait too meet my little one.
Thank you,
Brittany
I’m relieved the charges have been dropped with my baby dad is a druggie. He has a new place just down the street. We are getting ready for the baby! We still don’t know the sex of the baby yet, Its gonna be a surprise :). Tuesday was Brandon and I first prenatal class together and even though June 9th he promised me he would quit smoking weed, He came over baked as hell. I’m pretty upset that he hasn’t quit yet, he’s going to be a dad in a month and I’m not sure if he gets my point, I don’t want my baby being around someone under the influence like I was when I was just a baby. If he doesn’t quit now I don’t see him quitting when the baby comes, which I’m really worried about. Thing’s have been going really good lately next to the drugs. But when is he going to see that he’s going to be a father when the day comes? is it going to be to late to quit , since pot releases stress, I’m hoping he doesn’t flake out on me when he gets frustrated. I’m seeing it as if he doesn’t quit now and get it out of his system so he doesn’t crave it before the baby comes, He won’t seem so depended on weed to calm him down. I want the baby and I to be the one he run’s to when he’s down or frustrated..
Growing up my mother was my rock. i had an alcoholic dad, but my mom, i hadn’t ever seen drunk in my life. She was the strongest christian i had ever met and she put her family before all else. My dad was a very bad alcoholic and through all the scary things he did and put us through, she somehow managed to stay by him and try to help him through it.
When i was fourteen, my mom passed away. she died in a lawn mowing accident in our back yard. we live on a river, and as she was mowing the edge, the blade got stuck on cattails, tipped the mower and she was trapped.
My dad then sent me to a christian boarding school just two months after my mom died. It was really hard for me. i wanted nothing more that to be around family and friends close to me during that time, but instead i was moving into a dorm, where i hardly knew anybody. that year, my freshman year, my grades dropped, i gained weight and i just wasn’t myself. i missed my friends at home. I had so many friends at home and they all knew what i was dealing with and i wanted to be close to them. earlier that year, shortly after my mom died, i started dating my now husband, which was another reason i just wanted to be home. i got to go home quite frequently but it still wasn’t enough.
That summer, i finally convinced my dad to let me come home. my siblings told me that if his alcoholism got out of hand i might have to return to the boarding school, so because of this, i ignored it. My dad wouldn’t drink, i would pretend like it wasn’t happening. I would just go on with my regular life and try not to let it bother me. on Halloween my sophomore year my dad got so drunk our neighbor had to come help him. our neighbor got ahold of my brother and grandfather, and after that my dad was sent to treatment and i had to live with my brother.
my dad returned around Christmas time and we tried so hard to get things back to normal, but they weren’t. he was so on edge and angry.
In march i got pregnant. my boyfriend and i were using protection, but it broke and i got pregnant. i knew that night i was pregnant and so did my boyfriend, but i tried to ignore it. two months went by and i still hadn’t gotten my period. i was so scared. my boyfriend was right by my side. he was urging me to take a test and get to the doctor, so finally i got ahold of a close family friend for help. she bought me a pregnancy test and it was positive. at this point, i saw my deathbed before me i thought. i told my boyfriend and all he wanted to do was hug and love me, but i was just so unbelievably distant. i couldn’t talk or do anything. I then got to the doctor, found out my due date and heard the heartbeat. we weren’t ready to tell anybody so we payed for the appointment so they wouldn’t send a bill out.
i knew my dad was going to shun me, and i was afraid he was going to send me away. a few weeks later we went to the doctor and fout out we were having a little girl. we knew we HAD to tell our parents, that this really wasn’t going away. we told his parents first. they were mad but they supported and loved us. We then told my family. my sister threw a lot of things in my face about how big of a liar i am for keeping this in, and threw stuff in my face about how near impossible it was going to be for me to raise my daughter. she made me feel so bad. when we told my dad , he wouldn’t speak to me.
we went on and went to counseling and met with an adoption agency, but soon realized we couldn’t give our little girl up, she was ours. my dad gave us two options, to give the baby up or to get married, cause he was having no part in any of the financial or emotional burdens. we talked it through and knew how much we loved each other and were best friends. we decided to get married.
with nobody on our side, we pushed through with wedding, housing, and financial planning. he had a good job as a farmer, and i had good grades, so i could finish school early and start in college right away in the fall. thats what we did. we then bought a house and started preparing.
just one month before our daughter was born we got married and moved in. now, seven months later, we’ve beaten the odds. my siblings have come around but my dad is still on edge. we seldomly speak, and he has only seen his granddaughter a handful of times. my husbands family is awesome, they are there for us through thick and thin.
we’ve been through and conquered a lot. and we couldn’t have done it without prayer, love for each other, love for our daughter, and love for our god.
Dear Anna,
I am in tears. Your story is so sad and yet so beautiful. You have had really difficult times in your life. Losing your mom, your rock and protector must have been so incredibly devastating. Then to lose your friends and family all in one fell swoop by being sent to a boarding school…wow. Maybe your dad did that to protect you from himself, but still it would have been so hard. Your courage and strength are just amazing. God truly sustained you through all of it. Your mom’s faith continues on through you, and now you can pass that on to your little girl! You have so much going for you…keep on keeping on! People told my boyfriend (now husband) that we wouldn’t be able to do it. We were too young…not financially stable, etc. But you know what? We ARE doing it! And so are you guys! It IS possible. Keep praying…keep loving…and you will have a life that is richly blessed. You will have your ups and downs…but everyone does…even those who get married and have a baby when all their “ducks are in a row”. Our lives will never be without suffering, but that suffering can cause us to grow become stronger! I am so inspired by you! Thank you for sharing your story.
Luv,
Becky
I know that my story about pregnancy is different from many that you will see here, but I hope that it can help. I too want to share my story so that you ladies out there know you aren’t alone. My husband and I had tried for several years to get pregnant, going through the beginnings of fertility treatments. We so much wanted a child. We both cried when we found out that I was pregnant. We were all set to welcome our little girl Nadia Joy into our family this coming August, but the Lord had a different plan for us. This is our story…
This, like many pregnancies, came with its own set of trials. Early on, I had been spotting and we thought we might lose our baby then. With lots of prayer we got our miracle, and by 20 weeks our precious little girl was perfect and perfectly healthy. We were looking forward to another 20 weeks of a healthy pregnancy. I had to have another ultrasound at 24 weeks because she wouldn’t show her face, and the dr. needed to see it to know if she had any special needs that might come up at birth. So, all was normal and fine until then.
At the 24 week, her heartbeat had slowed dangerously low. It hovered between 60 and 70 beats per minute, when it should have been twice that. It also stopped at one point during the ultrasound. There were many things that could be wrong, but we needed to do some blood work and see a specialist in the morning. I went home with the knowledge that our best bet was to make it another week at least until she was just old enough to live outside the womb. She needed to make it to 25 weeks to even have a chance of living. There was a lot of prayer for healing, and preparing for the worst.
When we got to the specialist on the morning of April 24th, they started another ultrasound. Having had five, I’d gotten pretty good at knowing what to look for. There was no heartbeat. The tech was silent, and I did have to ask to make sure, but our sweet little girl was gone. We both had a chance to cry and absorb the initial shock. My husband’s parents had come, as had my mom, who had been with me the previous day.
They came back and we all sat and cried while we waited for the doctor to come in. We talked about our options, and I decided to be induced right away, instead of waiting another few hours. I went to the hospital and they started the induction at 11:45 am. They had no idea how long it would take before she was born, but it could be later that night, or as late as Sunday. Only time would tell. We were gearing up for a long, grief filled process.
At 1:12 am, April 25, our precious Nadia Joy was born. She had already been home with the Lord for probably a day. She was perfectly formed. She even had lines in her footprints already! She had blonde hair that you couldn’t really see much of, but it was there. She even had eyelashes! She was 1 lb, 4 oz, and 12.5 inches long. We had family and close friends there with us to meet Nadia and hold her. We were very fortunate to get to hold her and see her so perfect.
Ok, so those are the facts.
The rest of the story is the spiritual one. We are so blessed. We had so many people praying for us and with us. As hard as this is, God has given both my husband and I so much peace. For me personally, this whole thing has been such a blessing. I got pregnant when the doctors thought I couldn’t. We had a pregnancy that lasted longer than we thought it was going to at first. I got the experience of feeling my baby move and react to sounds, I’ve now been through labor, though I’m sure it will be different next time around, and I got to hold my little girl. Justin got to see her grow in me, he got to feel her kick, and he got to hold his daughter.
Both Justin and I are definitely grieving, and there are times that will be harder than others, but we both have peace that only God can give. We have complete confidence and trust in what He does, regardless of our understanding or lack thereof.
One thing I realized this morning after coming home without our girl was something about how God must feel about His children. I was crying, and telling my husband that I just didn’t understand how I could love someone so much in so short a time, and know so much about them without them knowing me. I realized that God feels that way about us. He makes us His perfect creation, designed to love Him and have a relationship with Him. He waits expectantly for us to know Him, to be born again, and for us to spend our whole lives learning about Him and who He is as our Father. When we refuse to have that relationship with Him, it’s like the stillborn child. Perfect in every way, created to love and be loved, and to spend a lifetime getting to know the ones who bore us. They just never make it that far. They are still loved, still wanted, and there are still hopes and dreams that we have for our children, and that God has for us, that will never have the chance to be fulfilled.
I am so grateful to have such a wonderful family and such wonderful friends who have stood with us through this, that they were there with us to hold her and mourn with us. I am also so thankful that they understand that this is the loss of a child, not a pregnancy. She has a name, a birth date, she is an individual. She is still one of the grandchildren, the others will just never have the opportunity to play with her. She will always be our firstborn, and she will always have a place in the family. I am so blessed that God used me to carry His little girl. That though I may not have had her for long, He let us share in a life that was too special for this realm. I’m so thankful that my girl didn’t have pain. I know I will see her when I go Home, and until then she is well. As a friend’s
I have just turned 22 and already have a beautiful son who is almost 2. But a few weeks ago i found out that i was pregnant again. The guy im with now is not the father of my first son, but the father of the one i am carrying. He can’t be with me as we are of different backgrounds, and well he said he is not ready to be a father. He is 27 years old and is indian, i wan this baby but iam confused and don’t want to make the wrong decision. I love this guy with all my heart, but i don’t want to wreck his family who are also going through alot of things at the moment. I know he’s the one for me and well i knew we couldn’t be together the first day we met, so i don’t know if we are in a relationship or what. I’m carrying his child but he wants me to have an abortion, as he thinks i still have a little more exploring to do, as i am still young. And also says what if i meet another guy and i have 2 kids to 2 different men. I undertsand all that but i dont want to make the wrong decision……………….Confused!
I am 17 and four months pregnant and i have not yet been to the doctors. For the last four months i have been contemplating on having an abortion. I wanted an abortion because i was afraid of what other people might think. It is my senior year and i didn’t want to go to prom and graduation looking like a blow up balloon.I was afraid that i wouldn’t be able to support the baby and that my mom and dad would hate me. To make the situation worst i live with guardians and not my real parents. Everything that i do wrong their solution is to send me away.
I was pregnant once before when i was raped by a guy on my job. I didn’t tell anyone but my boyfriend that i was raped and might be wit child. I had been raped several times before then and had never said anything about it. But being with child i had no choice. When i told them they tried to force me into getting an abortion and decided after the school year was over i would go live with my real Dad.
I decided that i wasn’t going to have an abortion because regardless of how the baby got there it was a gift from GOD. I had planned to give it up for adoption because i didn’t want to see the face of my rapist when i looked at my child. Even though adoption was going to be hard for me i had to do something.
When i was two going on three months i had a miscarriage. It was the worst thing that could have ever happened. I cried for weeks on end about it. My boyfriend was there every step of the way. He promised me that when i had a child that it would be special. Having his own child already at the age of 18 i believed him. His son is his pride and joy.
This time i am pregnant by him and i didn’t feel as if it was special at all. before i was with child him and i got into an argument that ended our relationship. He got with someone else’s shortly after and she was 24. When we were together he told that she was his “cousin”. Later on i found out that she wasn’t really his cousin but his cousins best friend. it broke my heart when i found out that she was staying the night at his house and that they took pics together to make a long story short him and i got back together at the end of December. By the end of January i knew that i was pregnant and i was happy.
One day i was going to my business class and i heard a guy yelling to a girl out of a car “go head sexy with ya bad self”. When i turned to look it was him my suppose to be boyfriend. He had dropped this girl off. when he seen me he had on the dumb face. I smiled and continued to walk and could only think about my unborn child. I didn’t want to deal with him anymore. I was hurt and decided that i wanted to have an abortion. I told him that i was with child and was having an abortion and that was the end of the conversation.
In my mind i knew that i shouldn’t punish my unborn child. So for months i contemplated on what i was going to. I didn’t have the money for an abortion. So i started hitting myself in the stomach. I also would drop weights on it and other dumb things.
One day during school my babies father told me that he wanted me and the child to stay and that he was sorry for all that he had done.
I stopped hitting myself but i still hadn’t gone to the doctors. afraid that they might tell me about all the damage that i had done. Also afraid that my guardians would find out.
Just the other day i found out that along with me the “cousin” that he was dating only for three months was also pregnant. My heart was crushed, the first thing i did was hit myself in the stomach. I didn’t want my child to be his third child and be treated like sloppy seconds. I didn’t want anyone to know that i was pregnant by such a jerk. all i could do was cry.
Now being almost four months abortion was no longer an option. Even though he wants i t and is willing to take care of it i wanted a family. This just wasn’t what i expected. What was he thinking? how many months was she? Had he just found out about this or had he known the whole time? why was she a 24 year old having sex with an 18 year old anyway? My life is in ruins. most of all How is he an 18 year old going to take care of 3 children with no job?
ALL these questions began to run through my head. I felt sorry for me and my child. I thought by hitting myself i would end the child’s pain and mine. I didn’t want to deal with the situation that set before me. The man that i loved and planned to marry had screwed me over once again. the girl he screwed me over with is now about five months pregnant with his child.
Currently i am still four months but i have decided that i want my child. I am scared that it might already be dead or that it will come out with defects. I have been so stupid and selfish. I might have ruined the only thing that i live for. I have always wanted a child and i might have killed it with my own hands. My heart is shattered. I can’t stop crying.
I started looking for a job and a house. I go to the doctors sometime this week for the first time. I can only hope that my child is ok and that the damage i have done can be undone. If anyone out there is going through the same thing please i encourage you to not do what i have done. I regret it everyday, hopefully GOD will give me another chance to make this right with or without my child’s father. I PRAY THAT NO ONE MAKE THIS MISTAKE EVER AGAIN.
Love unforgivable
