Regret at 18

I was 18 years old when I’d only been dating my then – boyfriend for a year. We’d used condoms each time we had sex, until one night he asked me one question; “Are you afraid to go without one?” In the heat of the moment, already in position, I said “no.” Ever since then, he never wanted to wear them again; he said he couldn’t feel anything with it. Sometimes I didn’t want to be intimate in that matter, but somehow he persuaded me and I wasn’t on birth control. One day, my period was late and I called him. I’d never been late before so all I told him is that I needed to tell him something when I saw him. When we were together face to face, I told him that I’d missed my period. He said he thought I might call him and then asked me if I thought I was pregnant. I told him that I didn’t know. We went to a local drugstore and picked up a pregnancy test. As I took the test awaiting the results, the display read, “positive.” I was numb and couldn’t process the reality. He asked me what I wanted to do. My numbness turning into confusion and thinking about how disappointed my mother would be, I told him that I couldn’t have the baby. We took a drive to see my cousin, which was his friend and he told him that I was pregnant. The first thing he asked me was if I was 18 and if I wanted to get rid of it. My emotions were drastically changing and fear was rushing in. I told him yes.

I kept thinking about my babies and praying for forgiveness. I kept thinking that I was a horrible person as I replayed the thought in my head that I killed my children. I took my mother’s grand babies away. There are women who can’t even have children. I had no peace. I still couldn’t forgive myself even though God had. I’d repented of my sin as I was on my knees in tears for God to forgive me. Yet, memories were still there. Several years later, I felt like I needed to share my story with another close relative, afterward, I felt more relief. I almost felt free. I joined a Christian group to prepare for future marriage and did a challenge developed to break cycles. I decided to break the cycle of feeling guilt and shame for my abortions. The 1st day I did a fast and each day of the challenge I was able to overcome a new thing. I kept praying and by a certain date, I was freed.

More to read:

My abortion story at 17

Sophmore in College

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12 Years Old – My story

My story starts when I was 11. I was being raped by someone I knew. The day after I turned 12 I found out I was about 6 1/2 months pregnant. I was so scared I didn’t know what to do. They had to tell my father he was so sad.

We hid it from my mother as long as we could but when she found out she took me away from my father. Shortly after my father almost died, he slipped into a coma and the doctors said he wouldn’t make it. I had so much to think about, possibly losing my father and also adoption or keeping my child… I was so confused I looked into adoption and even found a family but they knew I wasn’t sure on my decision.

I decided to keep my child and on 12/25/16 my son Joaquin was born. On 12/23/16 my father woke up from a coma able to talk and had his memory. We stayed in the hospital for 5 days before we were able to go home. Within 8 months I was in foster care because my mom didn’t want me and soon after my son went in to. I went through the system for a few years they tried sending me home to my mothers it just didn’t work out. Eventually a judge sent me to my father I was so happy! My father fought with everything he had to get me. My son lived with my mom and I saw him everyday he even stayed some nights with us.

In may of 2017 my father passed away I forced to go back to my moms house. I was in and out of her house because she didn’t want me there and on July 25 of 2017 I went back into foster care and am now living in a transitional living program, my son still lives with my mom. I’m currently working on the process to do a 3rd party guardianship till I’m able to get my own place and do it all on my own. I talk to my son everyday and see him every weekend Friday to Monday when I go home to visit. I am currently in college about to finish my first quarter. There is so much more to my story but its just so much to write.

Pregnant & Nervous

Hi. I’m 17. And a few days ago I found out I was pregnant. I’m nervous, I don’t know how to tell my mom. I’m scared of how she will react. And the money isn’t the best right now. I don’t want her to hate me, we have problems anyways. I am just so scared to tell her and see how she will react. We fight a lot anyways. Can anyone give advice on how to bring it out and tell her, like what should I say? anything would help right now..

More Resources:

Podcast – How to tell my parents I am pregnant

 

My Sister Had an Abortion

Hi my sister had an abortion when she was around 15 or 16 and I have no one I talk to. The baby wasn’t growing right and likely wouldn’t survive. My friend found out somehow and told my other friend.

I am still not allowed to talk to them about it even thought they know. The boy who got my sister pregnant was emotionally abusive and she lost almost all of her friends because of it.

She goes to therapy every two weeks but she never talks about what happens there or what they talk about. She usually wants to be alone after. She wasn’t sure if she would still go to heaven.

It’s been one year since she had an abortion and she is still mad at the boy understandably. I just wanted to say something because I’ve never told anyone. Thanks for your time. Have a blessed day.

A Story Like Many Others Before Me

So i decided that in order to get over the past maybe i should write about it, so this is my story.

I’m 16 years old and currently staying with my grandma as things at home deteriorated. I’m in a situation were i have to grow up fast and become an adult. I try and make myself believe that i am an adult but i’m really not, instead i feel like a helpless child whose scared of the dark and has been trapped in this never-ending tunnel with no light to be seen at the end of it. I want to curl up in a ball and stay there till it goes away but i cant, I am forced to stand up and face it head on and deal with any disaster life has thrown at me. 

I am 3 Months pregnant and due in April, some say congratulations, some scream and shout and then there are those who say nothing at all. To be honest i much prefer nothing to be said at all then for a bit longer i can almost pretend its not happening, that it was all just a dream. Don’t get me wrong i’m excited and can’t wait to hold my baby, this little bundle of innocence that will have to deal with this god-forsaken place we call earth. 

My partner lives half way down the country trying to save up money for the baby but i don’t think i can trust him. I love him so much and he does everything for me but lately whenever i ring he is usually high, out and about with his mates instead of job hunting. I’m scared that hes not going to pull through, that he doesn’t grow into the man he needs to be and support this baby the way it deserves. I guess i’ll find out sooner or later.

I’ve been through a lot in my life, not as much as others and probably not as bad as most but it still has affected me non the less. These past few months are what i’m going to be talking about in my story. My relationship with my mum, how i got kicked out before she even knew i was pregnant and how i have realized how hard life really is.

I don’t want people to feel sorry for me i just want to share my story and hopefully it will help others with some advice i gained along the way of this treacherous road. i Hope you enjoy reading this story i shall be writing and maybe have guidance to share with me.

 

I Was a Party Girl

I had a abortion when i was 17 in 2016 . i dropped out of high school my senior year . i was a “party girl” i guess you would day . i started dating this guy who sold pot and he became controlling and mentally and verbally abusive. i wasn’t allowed to talk to my friends , guys, guy coworkers.  i stepped off the curb to cross the street and i got called a lucky loo .

i looked at the guy in the car. he would walk me to work and see me on every break. if he didn’t i would have to call on my breaks. I gave him all my paychecks for 8 months.

He threw my belongings in the kitty litter and locked me out of his apartment . he would tell me to leave break up with me leave me no money and no phone and then pull me back. I planned a breakup with him . the next day he came to my school and told me to come with him to get my stuff. he held me in his and his mom’s apartment for 4 periods. He held his gun to his head and told me if he couldn’t be with me he would kill himself. i just put my head in my hands and thought if your gonna do it do it. he didn’t. he held me down and i had to repeatedly tell him i hate him and to let me leave. his mom and brother did nothing. Through the weeks following. he would cruise down the streets he knew i would walk on after school. 

one month later i found out i was pregnant.

Now in the mean time of this my dad is racist. My mom was always on my side. She would pick me up every night and my dad blamed her for my doings.

I told my mom before winter break that i was pregnant. She told me that i was going to move in with my grandma after Xmas and she would tell my dad while i was not there afraid of what he might do. My dad is a drunk. He really means well but i wasn’t the perfect angel. He told me while i was dating this guy that i was adopted , he was drunk and my mom was furious at my dad. ( sorry i’m trying not to jump over everywhere).

My dad told my mom that if she touched my black baby he would divorce her and leave my baby my mom and i  with a trailer and no money. i had to stop working because Tyler my ex kept sending people to check up on me. I didn’t know what to do . i started buying baby stuff . i started telling people at school. My mom had to sneak to come see me. My dad kept telling me that i cant have a child , a black one for all matter. I couldn’t let my stupid decisions change my mom and dads life. i waited till i found out i was  having a boy to decide. I was sad it was a boy because my dad wouldn’t love him and give him everything that he deserved. I didn’t want to bring him into that environment. i drank and did drugs and made the appointment. I went up to Portland to have a three day procedure. My water broke before i went under.  When i woke up in the wheel chair . i stood up and got dressed. i apologized to the nurse for bleeding on her floor and she looked flabbergasted . I went home and was asleep during the car ride. I was allowed to go see my friends so my friends came to me and i did ecstasy that same night. i popped pills, i drank , i skipped school to forget everything.

My father and i have talked about it . those three years in between were full of partying and hate toward him.

I am not 22 getting to 23 and i cant get over it. My brain won’t switch from mommy mode. I have learned i cannot fill that void and been clean from alcohol and drugs since the beginning of this year. I can’t have period cramps without thinking about it. everything reminds me of it.  I feel empty . I am getting motivation to go to college now but i have struggled with thoughts of suicide. I will never act upon it though .

Don’t give up , we are not alone. Trying everyday………….