Dear Becky — Hello my name is Carolina I am from Caracas, Venezuela. I am 19 years old and I have a daughter named Adela Carolina she is now 3 years old.
My story starts July 12th 2000, the day I met my neighbor Fernando. Well that day was his 16th birthday and I was 12. I went to the party and we started to know each other. He was awesome and I had crush on him that same day. He asked me to be his girlfriend and I said YES immediately.
Dear Becky — my name is Cherish and when I was sixteen I found out that my life would forever be changed, I had been dating my boyfriend for about a year when we found out that I was pregnant. We actually knew already. But the news was told to me when I went in to get an abortion, yes an abortion. I was about 10 weeks and just knew that my mom would kill me if she found out that I was pregnant.
So the day of the abortion I went to the clinic had my blood drawn and then was placed in this little white cold room. Moments later the doctor came in and introduced himself and explained what he would be doing.
Dear Becky,
I have been coming to your site a lot recently, looking for answers and encouragement. Sometimes I think I know what I should do, and at other times, I’m still at a complete loss. Here’s the situation:
I am currently 10 weeks pregnant. I am a sophomore in college, and will be working, going to school, and being Mommy if I end up having this child. I thought I would be ok, my boyfriend promised me he would be there. But now, he is completely out of the picture. He tells me he doesn’t love me, and continues to tear me down.
I have started to think that maybe I should just get an abortion and try to forget about all of this, even though I have never liked the idea of abortion before. I can’t say I’m completely attached to this child right now, but I know that further along into the pregnancy I would be. I just can’t help but feel that it isn’t right to bring a child into the world under these circumstances, and yet, I’m so afraid of abortion, and of all the emotional damage that could do.
I know that in the end, I am the only one who can decided this, but I was hoping for your opinion or some sort of inspiration.
Jasmine |
Hi Jasmine,
My name is April and I help Becky answer emails for Stand Up Girl. Thank you so much for writing.
You know, an abortion will not help you forget about anything. The thing is, abortion will not solve your problems. Abortion will add to your problems.You are not alone. It is not uncommon for a boyfriend to ditch their girlfriend when he finds out she is pregnant, but a great many of them do return. I cannot guarantee that he will, but many times after seeing their wonderful little baby all they want to do is be around him or her.
It sounds to me like you really don’t want to have an abortion. I talk to a lot of people who have suffered the pain of abortion. The emotional pain is great, but it is elevated when you are wavering in your decision. You know, your pregnancy is easy to end now, but what if you want your baby back? He or she will never return to you. Abortion is not something that can be reversed and you have other options. Have you considered adoption?
Besides, you’re not alone in this even though you’re feeling all alone. You have a wonderful little baby inside of you right now. Did you know that your baby already has his or her hair color, eye color, approximate weight, height, and some personality characteristics determined? That is right! At this very moment your baby is a person. A wonderful, little person that loves you very much. You may not feel that you are not attached to him or her, but he or she is attached to you both emotionally and physically.
Don’t let the pressures of this world get you down. You can get through this. I know you would make a wonderful mother.
Feel free to write back if you have anymore questions or concerns.
Luv,
April
Hi April!
I don’t know if you remember my email or not, it was quite awhile ago. But I just wanted to give you an update…
I am still pregnant, about 5 months along now. And it’s a boy! I’m so excited for him. The father is still not involved, in fact he’s being worse than ever, and so mean, but I have amazing support from my mother, she’s so excited to be a grandma.
I ended up withdrawing from college and am now enrolled to start classes at a different college for the spring semester. I moved to a little apartment there that has a room for the baby, and I have a friend who lives in my apartment building that is my age and has a 7 month old little boy. She has been a blessing.
I am not sure what is going to happen with my baby’s father, I can only pray that he will realize what he’s missing and get his head on straight. But I guess if he doesn’t I will have a wonderful little boy to take care of and love.
I thank you so much for writing back to me when you did, and I appreciate your words about abortion. I’m glad that I didn’t decide to do that, I’m looking forward to being a mommy!
Love and God Bless,
Jasmine
Oh my gosh, it is so good to hear back from you. You have just made my day. Thank you so much for giving me an update. I’m glad that you have gotten so much support from your mother. That is so good. I know that you would be able to do this on your own, but it is good to have someone who is there for you through all this.
I am so glad that you decided to give your baby life. Yes! I know that you will never regret it. Way to go! I am also glad to hear that you are making your way through college. You really are a stand up girl!
Please, please, please write me back.
Much love,
April
Here is a list of additional resources you may find helpful:
Embryoscopy and Fetoscopy | Abortion Testimonials | StandUpGirl Podcasts
I was so scared because I had a feeling already but i had been denying it for about two weeks. And finally my reality hit me in the gut. I watched the test read the first line, and then the second. I checked the box so many times because I thought for sure it was a mistake, but it wasnt and I burst into tears, partially because of the reality, and partially because I was right all along. I was pregnant. There was something growing alive inside of me, something that would call me mom.
I crawled into the empty bathtub and cried my eyes out to my boyfriend on the phone. I told my sister and she cried too. I decided to spend the night at her house because I just couldnt go home. my brother drove me to my boyfriends later that night and we layed in bed talking about what we would do. We had already talked about it before and decided to have an abortion, but when reality set in, it was a whole new battle. We both thought we could do this. I calculated when he/she would be born, it was going to be a leo, like both me and my boyfriend. But we knew what we had to do. The timing just wasnt right.
Still there was something wrong. I could do nothing but think about life with the baby. I knew I could do it. I knew it and I knew he would be there. I felt so hopeless. I told my mom a few days later and then my dad. And I was pushed to have an abortion, immediatly, because they just “want the best for me”.
A week later we went for an ultrasound to start the process of a non-surgical abortion. my mom waiting in the lobby while my boyfriend came with me through everything. The ultrasound said I was six and a half weeks pregnant about three weeks farther along than I had thought.
That day was so hard. I had to take a pill in front of my doctor to terminate the development of the fetus. I stayed with my boyfriend the rest of the day, in my head it was all okay, I felt like it was for the best of my baby, my family , and myself because I had to feel that way despite my thoughts of “what if”. I had to force myself to think this was going to be for the best. I was too young to be a mom, and not ready.
The following day I took the next four pills of the non-surgical method. It was much more painful than anyone had told me, I was alone, and scared, and helpless. I couldnt ever utter my cries, because the pain was so horrific and and then the worst thing happened. The pill was made to make the abortion more period-like, but what I saw was not at all what i had planned, I saw a fetus, about the size of a gold dollar. It was the worst thing I have ever gone through.
Everyday I think about the “what if”. I would be about eight weeks into my pregnancy by now. I had already gained five pounds by the time I was six weeks, so by now I would probably have a little pooch. I see pregnant teens all around me and i can only cry. I still seem to hold my stomach out of habit, just hoping he/she would somehow come back, and everyday I cry.
I wish I would have kept it and so does my boyfriend.
At this point, after my abortion it is very easy to get pregnant again, me and my boyfriend have decided that if this were to happen again we would keep it because we cant go through that again. I know now what its like to have something inside you taken away, and I can’t bear to do that again… those doubts don’t ever go away
Hi Brianna,
My name is April and I help Becky answer emails.
I’m so glad you decided to write and so sorry you had to go through all this. I’m sure it must have been terrible. I can tell you are still hurting because of it, but I’m here for you no matter how you are feeling.
You know, a lot of women go through shame, depression, regret, and denial after an abortion. It is ok if you are feeling that way. Abortion is a huge thing, and it is ok to not be ok.
I am glad to hear that you have people around you who can be a support to you during this time. Have you spoken to anyone besides your boyfriend about the way you have been feeling? Sometimes the best way to handle grief is by talking to someone about it.
You know what? I want to give you a place to go where you can join a support group of other people who have gone through the same thing as you. Let me tell you how to find one in your area.
Go to: http://www.optionline.org/advantage.asp or you can call 1-800-395-HELP. At the website all you have to do is type in your zip code and a list of centers will appear. Just call the center and tell them that you need post abortion care. They can get you into a free program to get the help that you need.
I have talked with a lot of women who said they were not fully healed from the pain of their abortion until they joined the support group. It’s free so it won’t hurt to give them a call and check it out.
Luv,
April | Contact Becky
I stared at the little pink line as I sat on the bathroom counter.
No, I thought. No, this isn’t happening. I’m going to wake up right now and I’m going to live the rest of my life.
Needless to say, I broke into tears. I didn’t wake up. This was real.
I was sixteen years old, top of my class in every subject, and big college plans. From day one, I have been told I was a smart girl. I could read at three. I could read as fast as my mom could when I was six. And by the time I was eleven, I had reading comprehension that matched a high school senior. French was as easy as un, deux, trois, and Science wasn’t a problem. Social Studies took no effort, and Math went fine.
Dear Becky — One month after my 17th birthday, I found out I was pregnant. I had suspected I was but on May 4th, 2005, I knew for sure. I told my boyfriend and he was scared and worried about the future. He told me that he would support any decision that I made.
