Kaya Jones, a former singer for The Pussycat Dolls, said the abortions she had when she was younger still haunt her to this day. Pussycat Dolls singer shares abortion experiences, warning that, ‘You will regret it your whole life.’
‘I was completely enchained and bonded to the devil,’ the singer said.
Jones told Christine Yeargin, host of Students for Life’s “Speak Out” podcast, that she’d had three abortions before she turned her life around and started following Jesus Christ.
She explained how she had her first abortion as a teenager when her birth control medication failed. She recalled how she became pregnant again while in the Pussycat Dolls and was told to “get rid of it.”
Jones described growing up in an “abusive” music industry that left her with little self-esteem and led her to make “poor choices.” She said her third abortion happened after she was raped by an old boyfriend. Even though she wanted to keep the baby, she said she decided to terminate again due to stress and complications.
“After the first one, you don’t think you’ve done anything wrong. It’s been normalized and what is a line until you’ve crossed it. You don’t know what a line is. Once you cross that line, it’s a very slippery slope to continue to cross those lines,” she recalled.
But she said her conscience was triggered when she saw two little girls looking up at her during a concert after she had an abortion.
“Nothing on me in that moment said, ‘Caution, this is a lie,'” she recalled. “There was nothing beautiful about me. I was tainted. I was destructive. I was destroyed. I was completely enchained and bonded to the devil, or the enemy, or the realm of death if you will, where I was living in my worst self.”
Jones said she understands the pain and anger some women go through but warned them not to make the same choices she did.
“I’ve gone through it all. I will assure you, you will regret it your whole life. Nothing – even if I become a mother tomorrow and happily married and all is well, I’m still going to regret the three children I did not have,” she said.
Jones said she was compelled by “the Holy Spirit” to share her story about abortion regret.
“It is very painful. There is a lot of anger. There’s a lot of frustration. There’s a lot of lack of knowledge. There’s a lot of regret. And nothing can make that go away but God himself when you lay it at his feet and ask for salvation,” she said.
“What you’re showing men is that you don’t value yourself or your seed or their seed and in return they don’t value us as women because we’re willing to do these things to ourselves and to our children,” she argued.
Jones said she wasn’t trying to take anyone’s rights away, but she wanted to show other women who’ve had abortions that there is healing and forgiveness.
“You can still be a mom, you can still fall in love, you can still be valued. You can leave that at the foot of God,” she said.
“When I was 16, a boy in high school evinced interest in me, so I had sex with him — just once. And after I came out of that room, I thought, Is that all there is to it? My goodness, I’ll never do that again! Then, when I found out I was pregnant, I went to the boy and asked him for help, but he said it wasn’t his baby and he didn’t want any part of it.
I was scared to pieces. Back then, if you had money, there were some girls who got abortions, but I couldn’t deal with that idea. Oh, no. No. I knew there was somebody inside me. So I decided to keep the baby.
My older brother, Bailey, my confidant, told me not to tell my mother or she’d take me out of school. So I hid it the whole time with big blouses! Finally, three weeks before I was due, I left a note on my stepfather’s pillow telling him I was pregnant. He told my mother, and when she came home, she calmly asked me to run her bath.
I’ll never forget what she said: “Now tell me this — do you love the boy?” I said no. “Does he love you?” I said no. “Then there’s no point in ruining three lives. We are going to have our baby!”
What a knockout she was as a mother of teens. Very loving. Very accepting. Not one minute of recrimination. And I never felt any shame.
I’m telling you that the best decision I ever made was keeping that baby! Yes, absolutely. Guy was a delight from the start — so good, so bright, and I can’t imagine my life without him.
At 17 I got a job as a cook and later as a nightclub waitress. I found a room with cooking privileges, because I was a woman with a baby and needed my own place. My mother, who had a 14-room house, looked at me as if I was crazy! She said, “Remember this: You can always come home.” She kept that door open. And every time life kicked me in the belly, I would go home for a few weeks.
I struggled, sure. We lived hand-to-mouth, but it was really heart-to-hand. Guy had love and laughter and a lot of good reading and poetry as a child. Having my son brought out the best in me and enlarged my life. Whatever he missed, he himself is a great father today. He was once asked what it was like growing up in Maya Angelou’s shadow, and he said, “I always thought I was in her light.”
Years later, when I was married, I wanted to have more children, but I couldn’t conceive. Isn’t it wonderful that I had a child at 16? Praise God!”
I never thought I would be able to compete in sports after finding out I was pregnant in high school. And now, I am a state champion in 3 events. I am so thankful for my supportive family, friends, and coaches. I wouldn’t be able to do this alone. I thank God every day for my wonderful son. He motivates me to be a better person and keep working hard towards my goals… “‘ For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’ Jeremiah 29:11′
Picture this: You are a 15-year-old girl in high school. Raised in a Catholic family. You go to church on the weekends. College is in a few years, and you’re pretty excited, but not too worried yet because your future is bright, and you have options. You have a good group of friends and are active in your school clubs, the choir in particular.
You have a boyfriend. He says he loves you very much. After all, what is more real than a high school relationship at this point in your life? He tells you that if you don’t give him what he wants, he will leave you for more popular and prettier girls at school. You feel pressured to do anything and everything you can to make him stay. Anything and everything.
You’re used to passing tests in school. After all, you get straight As. You just passed a test today but this time, it’s different. It is much worse than getting a bad grade on a math test. You sit on the bathroom floor sobbing, looking at a test that you passed. You shake your head and your heart is beating out of your chest. “No.” You don’t want this. You’re too young. You have your whole life ahead of you.
People tell you the loopholes out of your problem because you are just “too young” for this responsibility. They tell you to just go to a health center and have them handle it. They tell you to give it up once it is born. They tell you if you keep it, you are destined to not succeed in life. They tell you, “You will fail.”
That was my mom and here we are today. I am 19 and she is 35. Typically, when I tell people our ages, their eyes get wide and they don’t know what to say. I usually get responses that range from “Oh wow” to “That’s incredible!” One constant that almost everyone asks me is, “So what happened after that? Did she just drop out of high school?” I kind of giggle and brag about how rockin’ my mom is because she graduated not only from high school, but also college, with me alongside her. She would work nights to provide for me, and she graduated with a four-year degree. If I were in her shoes, I would have a three-year-old at this point in my life. College is stressful enough with studying, working, student teaching, clubs and attempting to have a social life. Add a child into that? Absolutely not.
My mom and I right before she dropped off for my freshman year of college, August 2018. Photo courtesy of Elizabeth Lyons-Best.
It’s amazing how flawlessly my mother seemed to do the whole single parent, teen mother thing. Most people doubted her and continue to doubt her when we first mention our story. I feel that many of these judgments come from TV shows such as “Teen Mom” or “16 and Pregnant” that display women becoming famous for having a child at a young age, but then not doing much with their lives after. Because of the stereotypes these shows seem to depict, people form an idea of what they believe teen moms are, how they look and how their children turn out. If you ask me, they seem pretty trashy, based on these TV depictions.
But that’s just not the truth. If shows like that are the truth, then I suppose we should start turning to “The Bachelor” for our ideas of love and “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” for our ideas of success.
It was not easy. It was not normal. It was real. It was life. It was the truth.
Unfortunately, some teen moms do not have our same experience. Some believe they are not capable of this responsibility and take matters into their own hands. Some become famous and live off of MTV’s money for the rest of their lives. After all, as Katie Lowrey from “16 and Pregnant” said, “I did get two awesome blessings, but I haven’t gotten my bachelor’s degree yet because one, daycare is so expensive and two, how do you balance studying and having little ones at home?”
I’ll tell you, Katie, while it might be difficult to persevere, it can be done with a lot of hard work. After all, I have witnessed teen motherhood firsthand, and I promise it is not nearly the end of the world. I get it. Like I said, if this happened to me, I would probably feel the same way. I would feel hopeless. With that, I know and have seen that it is possible. If you have the mindset and determination, you will get through it, just like anything else in life.
For the current teen mothers, you got this. For the people who know teen mothers, please do not be quick to judge. For girls pregnant and worried, it will be okay. Lastly, for teen mothers who got through it, cheers to you. You are amazing.
This piece originally appeared in the Opinion section of the Beacon, the student newspaper at University of Portland (UPBeacon.com)
By Elizabeth Lyons-Best
Waiting behind the veil is my beautiful son
He died when i killed him.
Abortion is a pain, can’t even have a funeral.
I always heard his little cry calling me to save him
I feel so sad for what I did
I was too scared
I didn’t believe I was ready to hold him in my arms.
Just thinking about looking at that little boy’s smile breaks my heart.
I shouldn’t have done what I did.
But what was a 15-year-old to do?
I didn’t have a job and was way too young
my mom was too strict, my dad was all strung out.
Out in the harsh world lost for things to do.
Didn’t have a full high school education yet so there wasn’t very many jobs to choose.
I shouldn’t have done it, baby, I’m sorry.
I’ve cried for what seems like forever.
I shall never forget you.
And soon we’ll be together again, I’m sure of it.
I found out I was pregnant when I was 19 years old. I was in love with the guy called Sam, and we had an argument. I met this really nice guy, Israel. He was really sympathetic about what had happened, and we started meeting up quite a lot. Then, after five months, he came up to me and said he liked me more than a friend, and I agreed. We dated for about a year, then we decided to bring ourselves closer together.
He lay me down on my bed and we had sex. After a week, I woke up feeling kind of nauseous. I had a pill and went back to bed. A week after, I decided to take a pregnancy test. It came out positive, so I told my parents. They were shocked, and said I was too young. They threw me out, so I went to live with Israel. Then Sam came up to me and said he wanted to get back together. That was yesterday. I’m seven months pregnant, and I decided to dump Sam and say it’s Israel’s baby. He got really mad and doesn’t want to see me ever again.
