So, I feel relatively OK. Which is strange due to the fact I lost my baby. It was terrifying and I don’t remember most of it.
I’m back to work. Working only three shifts a week at a local restaurant. The hours are decent. The tips are great! I usually work during the day (the lunch shift), that way I can spend time with my fiancé. And I get the workers who tip great just because of my body. Yes, I did say my body. I’ve been working out non-stop. Every single morning, I go for a nice long run with my fiancé (sometimes stopping so he can take a breather). Releasing all my pent-up anger/energy/frustration out on that run. I’m almost fully back to my old body. the body I had before I got pregnant. All I have that is different is a bit bigger breasts, but I can’t change those. But, it’s strange… Everyone acts as if I’m a ticking time bomb. As if I’m going to burst at any moment. That I’ll start bawling my eyes out or that I’ll snap on someone. They are always there as if ‘OK, be ready just in case something happens and she finally breaks’. I don’t think they understand that I’m fine. And I’m not going to snap. Or start bawling my eyes out randomly. Why are they like this? How long will it last?
When will my life go back to normal-so I can plan my wedding?
I thought that this time it would be different. I thought this time I would make it through the pregnancy with no problems what-so-ever. But I guess those thoughts change when you’re just sitting there with your fiancé’s family just after Christmas dinner and you get a major back pain. That’s what happened to me.
We had just finished eating dinner and I had just helped my fiancé’s sister and mom clean up the dishes. We had all settled down in comfortable positions (mine-the floor with a pillow under my butt and propping my back) with my fiancé massaging my shoulders. We were watching an episode of True Blood (to catch me up on what’s happening) and I started feeling really sharp back pains. So I told them and when I got up there was blood on the pillow. Immediately, my fiancé went into panic mode when I’m trying to stay calm and everyone around me is too just to keep me calm. After five minutes, my fiancé calmed down, and six more minutes, the ambulance arrived. My fiancé and his mom rode with me and his sister and father, brother and his newly wed wife rode together in the car. IT was disastrous. The pain got worse and I started drifting in and out of consciousness. All the time hearing my fiancé’s voice saying, “It’s gonna be ok”. I automatically felt safer.
I awoke hours later with a throbbing headache and killer abdominal pains. My vision was foggy, and it was bright in the room. I looked around and curled up in a chair was my soon to be mother-in-law. My fiancé’s father was no-where to be seen and neither was anyone else but my fiancé and his sister. HE was laying on the bed curled, against my side. And his sister was standing by the window sill. Looking out at the city.
I called her over, trying not to wake my fiancé and I asked her if the baby was OK, and she told me everything. How it was some thing and the placenta suffocated my baby. I just started crying, which woke my fiancé, and his mom. I stayed in the hospital for the next three days. My fiancé barely never leaving my side. If he was gone…his mom was there. If she was gone, his sister was there. If she was gone, then he was back.
Now, I’m back at home, my belly is almost flat again. I run sooo much every day. To lessen the anger I feel for losing my baby.
My baby-may You fly to heaven and may I hold you in my arms again some day.
R.I.P. Angelica Niaomi ******
The stars are her last name…we never decided whether or not it was gonna be mine on the birth certificate or mine.
I spent this past weekend at my soon-to-be in-laws. In which it was only 15 minutes away from my parents’ place made me un-easy, but I was able to survive.
We started off the weekend by arriving at my fiancé’s parents’ place on Friday night. We settled straight into his old room and watched A Christmas Carol as the family movie for that night. Nestled in by warm blankets and surrounded by the ones that I love made me feel so sure that this is what I wanted. I awoke at 3:30 am to find myself starving… So I got up and decided that it would be nice to make some food. I ate dill pickles and drank three glasses of hot chocolate. Just to wake up my soon-to-be mother-in-law. She came out, saw me out on the couch watching A Walk To Remember and laughed at what I was eating. She then intrigued me with stories of how that was exactly what she ate when she was pregnant with my fiancé. I couldn’t help but smile. That’s when my little nudger nudged. His mom felt my baby kick for the first time that night. And her and I fell asleep together on the couch. The rest of the weekend was spent with me helping cook, beating his older brother that came for a visit in video games, and getting my hair braided each day by his mom. I got beyond spoiled. I am now well rested and excited for the rest of my pregnancy. i absolutely can’t wait. And neither can my further in-laws or my fiancé. He’s so jumpy. He wants this baby out now. But I think its mostly because he don’t wanna have sex while I’m pregnant. So he’s getting frustrated. I’ve tried helping him out, but he won’t allow anything.
What do I do girls??? What do I do?
I spent this past weekend at my soon to be in-laws. In which it was only 15 minutes away from my parents place made me un-easy, but I was able to survive. We started off the weekend by arriving at my fiance’s parents place on friday night. We settled straight into his old room and watched A Christmas Carol as the family movie for that night. Nestled in by warm blankets and surronded by the ones that I love made me feel so sure that this is what I wanted. I awoke at 3:30 am to find myself starving…so I got up and decided that it would be nice to make some food. I ate dill pickles and drank three glasses of hot chocolate. Just to wake up my soon to be mother-in-law. She came out saw me out on the couch watching A Walk To Remember and laughed at what I was eating. She then intrigued me with stories of how that was exactly what she ate when she was pregnant with my fiance,James. I couldn’t help but smile. THat’s when my little nudger nudged. James’s mom felt my baby kick for the first time that night. And her and I fell asleep together on the couch. The rest of the weekend was spent with me helping cook, beating James’s older brother that came for a visit in video games, and getting my hair braided each day by his mom. I got beyond spoiled. I am now well rested and excited for the rest of my pregnancy. i absolutely ccan’t wait. And neither can my further in-laws or my fiance. He’s so jumpy. He wants this baby out now. But I think its mostly because he don’t wanna have sex while I’m pregnant. So he’s getting frustrated. I’ve tried helping him out..but he won’t allow anything. What do I do girls??? What do I do?
So, my doctor decided to be nice to me since I was just sneaking out of bed. She decided it would do no harm to take the bed rest orders off. So I am off bed rest but on one condition. That I take it extremely easy. No stress, no stair climbing, no running, etc, etc. I swear that the doctor gave me such a long lecture on what I can’t do. I think there’s only a couple things I can do.
Last night, we went for a walk along the beach. Although it was chilly, the sunset was amazing. I haven’t ever seen anything so beautiful. Well except my ultrasound!! LOL!! Anyhow, we were on our way back to the truck and the baby started to kick. But it was like crazy kicks!! I actually had to sit in the sand while the child used me as a personal punching bag. I swear that kid is going to hurt me. He/she is just as strong as their daddy. I’m not saying he has hit me!!! He has never ever hit me or hurt me in any way… I’m just saying muscle-wise, their daddy is strong. He can still carry me even though I’m six months pregnant!!!! Which I find miraculous!!! Anyhow, I gotta go do some laundry. I have to do something rather than sitting online all day.
Anyone got advice on how to keep swelled feet down? Or back pains away?? I still got a little less than 3 months to go.
