I was still having so much pain and cramping and unable to eat. And the baby was getting bigger. Still thinking about what I was gonna do.
I still haven’t told my parents. And I wasn’t planning to. Still, I haven’t gone back to work. I was at appointment after appointment because doctors kept telling me that I had an ectopic pregnancy (fetus outside of the uterus) so there was absolutely no way I could keep it. But they weren’t completely sure. But I just wanted to know already and know why I was having so much pain. I began getting upset. It was appointment after appointment, and needles and more needles. I couldn’t take anymore. My arms were all bruised and my veins were beginning to collapse, and looked like a heroin addict with blue veins and bruises, and I just stopped all the doctor visits. But my boyfriend continued to push me to get answers if it was an ectopic. He had accompanied me to almost every single visit, even missing work. But he was just as worried.
Finally at my last emergency room visit, a doctor was looking at my information and ultrasound and was telling me, that he was no completely sure it was ectopic because it wasn’t confirmed. I took more test and had another ultrasound. Me and my boyfriend were there forever!!! We were transferred to ultrasound and my boyfriend kept watch at the screen. Since the lady who was doing the ultrasound wasn’t allowed to give us answers until it was examined by another doctor, while she left. I dressed. She stepped out and we observed it. And there was my baby. A small circle that looked like a ring. It was so small. I looked at boyfriend wondering if that was it. And if that was my uterus. But all we could do was wait.
The next day, the doctor that had attended me gave me a call. He told us they observed it and confirmed that the pregnancy was in the uterus. It was relief to know I wasn’t in any danger. But that still didn’t explain the pain. They just told me its my uterus expanding but I didn’t think it would hurt this bad. But I toughened it out.
Days went on, and I became an emotional wreck.
The pain had gotten worse and I had lost fifteen pounds in less than two weeks. I didn’t know if I should blame my doctor for the pain and not doing a Urine test. But whatever. I was about four weeks already, and I wasn’t able to work because no pills, no nothing made the pain ease, and I avoided as many pills as possible. I had to consider abortion. There was so no way I was ready for motherhood. I wasn’t going to fall back on support from the government. I was stuck in a grocery store and I still wasn’t even in college. I wanted to be prepared, to have a nice home, to be able to give my baby anything from my own wallet and love. But I didn’t have nothing. I couldn’t let my baby have nothing.
It broke my heart so much because my first baby was supposed to be my FIRST baby…. and I just didn’t know what to do.
Me and my boyfriend are deep in love. We live together in his parents’ house and he is everything to me. He treats me like a princess and never turns his back on me.
We were very intimate and I decided to make an appointment and go on birth control and went with the Depo Shot. I had asked my doctor a lot of questions and made sure it worked immediately… She told me yes. And I trusted her. I was excited and was so positive that I was safe and couldn’t get pregnant. The Depo drove me crazy and moody. I didn’t get my period for a whole month and then I had it for a whole month. very light. And then it stopped. I was glad and relieved. It had made me so emotional and I would flip out on anyone. 3 months later, I went for my second shot. Confident. My doctor gave me my shot and sent me on my way. And I had noticed she didn’t even do a urine test before to make sure I wasn’t pregnant.
That same day, five hours later, I began feeling intense pain like menstrual cramps but these were different, like much deeper. And I began throwing up everything and the pain was on and off but so bad that I could not sit or stand and it went down to my legs and hips. I didn’t know what was going on, but I did my best to deal with it. Two days later, I began losing a lot of weight and couldn’t eat or drink nothing so I went to the hospital. And in the meantime, I had been wondering for weeks if I was pregnant. My breast had become very full and hard and sore. My sense of smell was so sensitive and the smell of smoke would make me sick. And I remember getting painful cramps when I was at work that would last for a minute then disappear then come back. And I had the idea I was pregnant but was in doubt that I was because I was on birth control. But I had dreams and images of a baby. A baby that I would see deep inside me. And I could see myself holding onto it and crying, but something kept taking it away from me, and it was gone. I would wake up looking for it and tear. And I thought it was just a phase. I talked to my boyfriend about it. And we took a pregnancy test, and to our surprise, it was negative… Then the week after, I had my second Depo shot.
At the hospital, they ran a test on me, and placed me on I.V. They check my blood and Urine. Three hours later, A doctor and a nurse closed the curtains looking serious and told me they had news. I looked at them with such curiosity, like what could it be… “You are pregnant..” And my face went blank. I shook my head in disbelief and just couldn’t believe it. I began questioning and denying it. I had took a test a week ago, it was negative and I was on birth control. How could this be? Me? Pregnant? I couldn’t be? No way? All of it ran through my head.
I was Pregnant.
