….if I should give birth, will I still look presentable afterward?
I dreamed of becoming a model someday and designing my own clothes to dress great and walk into a runway show…
But suddenly, I woke up from that dream. What I dreamed just vanished. For just a simple curiousness led me to a destroyed road of success… I thought I was so close enough to what I dreamed… Because they said that I got the looks, the body, and the brain. But all of a sudden, my affection burst. I was blinded by my ego and hatred. I destroyed my own dream….. The dream that I have planned…
And now, should I blame myself?
Here, seldom do young ladies get pregnant. Cause all that is first in their minds is to study for a better future. I, the granddaughter of a retired, well-known math teacher, have the opposite forte in the field of academics… In short, I hate math!.. Cause I was intended for the arts… Well, it doesn’t matter anyway… Perhaps God gave me this talent to show the other skills of our family… But I didn’t use it to protect me… I let myself be deceived by evil… I was weak… I even failed God… And now I’m asking myself … “Why did it happen like this?”
But I still consider myself lucky to be dropped in this position where I am now… Why? Cause now, I know the dirt of my parents…their bad sides… I secretly revealed it…
Well, I started to like babies when a close aunt/friend of mine gave birth to her first baby girl, who was also my goddaughter. Having a goddaughter means a lot to me… I love her like my own child… And also an aunt of mine gave birth to a baby boy. Our house was not too far from them so I got a chance to play with him and look after him also, which made me more interested… But it never came into my mind to have mine also… lol Perhaps it was the reason why I let myself be pregnant even if I knew I hadn’t taken pills after making love with my boyfriend… I think it’s my time to have my own…hehe… At first, it took many days for me to accept that I’m pregnant… I just can’t believe that I’m carrying my own baby now… That whatever I eat, he/she also eats it… That’s why right now, I am conscious of whatever I take… I’m focused on my baby’s coming… And perhaps after giving birth, everything will turn into something more interesting…
I am just so excited to carry my own look-alike..:)
Well, everyone makes mistakes, right?
I was dating a pastor’s son … And he broke up with me because he said he lost love for me. He ended up dating another girl which turned out to soon be over. He told me that he couldn’t forget me because I was his first love. We are getting baptized soon, which means forgiveness of all our sins and starting fresh. Well on Tuesday, we had an interview at work for new improvements and so on. After the meeting, we decided to hang out. At his old elementary school. We ended up having unprotected sex. :'(
Today I’m supposed to go to the CLSC with my mother. Yes, I told my mom. She is my best friend. She wasn’t mad, but just surprised. I’m wondering, if I am pregnant, what should I do? I can’t keep it because I live with my aunt, and because he is a pastor’s son. He’s not even allowed to be doing this kind of stuff…I’m so confused ….. I want to keep it, but I’m so troubled. I… don’t know. I don’t want an abortion if it takes too long for me to decide anything. But I don’t want to make a mistake.
Please can someone help me?
I thought I was pregnant… Turns out I’m not…I’m not sure how I should feel.
I feel relieved but disappointed. I think I wanted this pregnancy more than I let myself believe… I’m a little crushed.
Is it normal to feel this way?
It’s about midnight now… I can’t sleep. I’ve had trouble sleeping since my abortion.
I was only sixteen at the time… and the dad was a total jerk… I feel completely alone. None of my friends are talking to me right now and neither is the person who promised to take care of me… This is so hard… All the time, I think about the clinic and the place I was… and the feel of my baby boy and how I couldn’t keep him. And that my other friend is so happy with their baby girl… and no one cares. I feel completely and utterly alone… and I hate this feeling. I’ve been getting ignored for two days now. I don’t understand what I did to deserve anything like this, I didn’t do anything this horrible… I miss my baby. I was seventeen weeks… and I only wanted to protect him… but maybe he’s watching me, angered by what I did… Maybe he hates me… Those are the only things I can ever think about… He seems to watch over his dad just fine… but lets me suffer constantly… I don’t want my baby to hate me for trying to protect him… Protect him from the irresponsible dad he could’ve had… Or the separation from me that he would have suffered… It’s not fair… My boyfriend didn’t want to protect him and he’s completely fine, and I did…
And now I’m upset all night and I can’t sleep…
I started talking to this boy I met in January. We used to hang out every single day so we decided to go on a date to catch up. I told him I had a baby now, and told him about my ex and everything else that had happened since we stopped talking.
He was shocked that I had a baby, but he wanted to meet her so I brought him back to my house. He absolutely loved her.
We started hanging out all the time and he asked me to be his girlfriend.
I asked him if it would be weird since I had a baby and he said that he doesn’t care if it was his or not. He would treat her like she was his, no matter what.
She loves him. Every time she sees him, she giggles and smiles the whole time.
A few months later, he proposed and I said Yes!
About a week ago, he was talking about when he left for basic training and was joking about me being pregnant and he said that he would be happy if I was… I was like well, squish that thought because it’s not gonna happen!
The very next morning… I got sick. He looked at me, laughed, and said “Told you”. I said I’m not pregnant, I’m just sick. But then I realized my boobs had been hurting too. I told him I was going to get food and got 2 tests. I took 1 when I got home and it was negative. I threw it at him and said told you…
4th of July, we were going to have a HUGE party. (I never party. I’m ALWAYS with my daughter. I haven’t had a night without her since she was born.) So I was going to drink. She was going to be with his mom and sisters so I knew she would be safe. I woke up 4th of July and went to the bathroom and there was a light red/pink color blood in my panties. So just for the hell of it, I took the other test to be safe since I was going to be drinking that night…POSITIVE!
So, for the first 4 months of this pregnancy, I’ll be alone! 🙁
