I met my boyfriend 9 and a half months ago and ever since that day, I’ve never been happier. He has saved me from depression and sorrow.
My mum left my dad about 1 year ago, took most of everything my dad had in his house, and took my sister away from me. I chose to live with my dad and help him through this. It was one of the saddest moments of my life having to watch my dad cry most nights. It’s the hardest thing to watch a man cry. We kept each other going, but we were both struggling. until I met my boyfriend and he seemed to go out and socialize lots more. Life was heading to normality. besotted by him.
I struggled to leave him every night. I hated to sleep without him. It didn’t feel normal. So I moved in with him. Months went passed and I’ve never felt more comfortable with anyone in my life. He made me feel like I was the only women in the world. He always calls me ‘blue eyes’ because he tells me that was one of the first things he noticed when he met me. Sex wasn’t just sex with him. I found tears run down my face sometimes, not because it hurt or because I was sad, but because I felt such a connection and such love it completely overwhelmed me.
6 months flew by and I was feeling a bit down for a couple of weeks. I had missed a few pills so I thought I was due on my period, but that wasn’t it. I felt different. So different that i knew what had happened. Every morning, I had the worse nausea, not being sick but the feeling of it. I just knew. I left it a week and thought, I’ve just got to get one. I’ll never forget driving into town, reassuring myself that I wasn’t, when I just knew that I was. What am I going to do? I could hardly see the road with the amount of tears running down my eyes. I took one as I went home and there…… Two stripes staring at me. I broke down. and fell to my knees.
I convinced myself abortion is the right thing. Do I even know what I’m saying? I’m so against abortion? Why am I doing this? But I was just so scared. I didn’t tell anyone. We were to do this alone. I booked my appointment and went to the hospital for my scan, just sitting there holding my stomach thinking, how big are you? Are you a boy? Girl? Are you OK? Sitting in the waiting room, white walls, people talking and laughing, is this nothing to you? Do you enjoy this? Killing your child? This was so upsetting for me. I couldn’t understand how can people find this so easy. I was called in eventually….. 8 weeks and 4 days. I took the pill option, thinking it would be the best….
So I took my first pill, alone with no one with me. I put it in my mouth. I could feel myself welling up just thinking, this is it. I came back on the Saturday, preparing myself for what was about to come, but I realized nothing could have prepared me. 4 tablets were inserted and one in my bum, and I’ve never felt so uncomfortable in my life. I went back and sat down in my chair, but within half an hour, the pain was horrific. The cramps and pain in my stomach was the worst I have ever felt. Tears filling my eyes. I had to get some help. I stumbled out of my chamber and screamed for a doctor. The pain at this point felt like it was killing me, blood all over the floor. I felt embarrassed and scared of what was happening to me. She gave me a major pain killer, which she only gives people in serious pain, but I said that was in so much pain, I was desperate. I suddenly felt so tired, almost hallucinating. It made me drowsy and helped the pain die down.
I was woken by the nurse as blood was going through my clothes on to the bed. I went to the toilet and emptied everything into the box where the doctors took away and examined. i stopped dead. i had done this 5 times already but something was different. I looked and there…. I saw you. I saw fingers and curled up toes, a eye. and a little heart. You were so small. My child there. fixed in my memory. I could feel my heart tear. I felt sick and almost fainted. The doctors were so kind, but I felt lost and alone. Guilt rushed over me. I was the first person to finish my abortion and the first to be let go. I just wonder where you are. I just wonder who you would have been. Like me, like your dad. would you have been amazing at sport? Would you have his eyes or mine? His nose, my hair? Would you snort when you laugh like I do? Would you be cheeky or shy? Would you be tall or short?
I pray to God that one day, I will meet you. And be the mother I should have been to you. I didn’t even give you a chance. Sorry isn’t good enough. I love you. forever. Where are you…
I’m scared. I feel trapped. I’m almost positive I’m pregnant. I have no idea what to do.
I’m speechless…
My mum is forcing me to get an abortion, and I don’t want to.
I know I might sound crazy, me being 14 and all, but I am only 4 weeks pregnant, and I’m starting to love my little embryo sooo much. I don’t think I can go through with a termination. The dad is a complete crack-head, and he completely denies it, but I don’t give a monkey’s.
With some support, I know I can do it.
Yay! 😀
Nearly there. Only two months to go! Finally. Time has really honestly gone pretty slow, and I haven’t exactly had the greatest pregnancy. But I got there! (:
I can’t wait to meet my Baby Girl. My Baby Bump is pretty huge now. It’s going to be weird afterward when it ‘deflates’ lol.
I moved out of home too, finally. It was a slow, and hard decision, but three weeks into it and I don’t regret it at all.
I moved into my partner’s place. We are staying with his parents. It’s much better being here, it’s a healthier environment for baby with no smokers, and I am eating heaps everyday. So baby is getting everything she needs. Some of the meals we get for dinner are pretty out there, but sometimes they are surprisingly good.
And we have barely had any fights while I have been here. Only the occasional and one major… But it’s better this way. Rather than when I was at home, we were fighting everyday and it wasn’t good stress for baby.
We went to a couple of Antenatal Classes, that were very basic and didn’t really teach us anything, especially in regards to the fact that I just wanted mostly to learn about preparation for labour and the birth. But never mind, it was still fun to go along anyway. And Daddy enjoyed it. (:
I am getting pretty tired now, and restless. Just wanting our Little Girl to come out, so we can meet her. I am so excited but I am also SO scared! Mostly about the birth. I have heard some pretty scary birth stories, I just hope that my birth is simple and easy. With no complications, etc.
I know a few friends who are also having babies this year.
It is definitely baby year this year.
18 on Saturday too! Yay. (:
X
I will never forget the day I found out I was pregnant. I sat in the bathroom, hyperventilating as I looked at the blue line that indicated I was pregnant. “I’m only 19,” I kept thinking.
I met the father of my baby in February last year and spent time getting to know him. He seemed perfect. In June, we were dating and I was sure this was one relationship that was built to last.
Weeks earlier, my boyfriend had been teasing me about gaining weight and asked me if I was pregnant. Having been told by my gynecologist that I had an ovarian syndrome and would have difficulty conceiving, I told myself it was impossible and there must be some sort of mistake.
When I saw that proud blue line telling me I was pregnant, I wanted to cry but just didn’t have the tears. I started feeling faint and scared. How could this have happened and when did it happen?
I couldn’t concentrate on anything except the positive test the next day. That night, I told my best friend I was pregnant. His reaction was not what I expected. He promised to be there for me no matter what I decided to do.
The next day. I told my boyfriend. The first thing he said to me was “You’re going to get an abortion, right?” I felt the tears forming in my eyes and I said yes. That night, I cried myself to sleep.
That weekend when I went over to his place, he talked me into getting drunk as “I was going to have the abortion so it wouldn’t matter if I had that beer.” I thought I might feel better, but when I sobered up, I felt so guilty. I cried myself to sleep again that night as I kept thinking what a horrible person I was. That was when I decided I needed to go to a doctor to confirm the pregnancy.
The doctor told me there was no doubt at all that I was pregnant. I was 8 weeks already! I didn’t hear anything else he said as I sat in the chair staring out the window.
Telling my parents wasn’t easy. I had always been the rebel of the family and knew this was going to be the last straw. In my mind, I tried to prepare myself for what was to come. What happened though surprised me. Both my parents took the news very calmly, although they could not hide the disappointment on their faces.
The next step was telling my boyfriend that I was going to keep the baby. That didn’t come easy either. For the next couple of days, he didn’t talk to me. Instead, he would go out and get drunk every day. He would call me at 3 am, still drunk, and ask me why I was keeping the baby. Telling me that he still loved me but he just wasn’t ready to be a father. I hadn’t been for any ultrasounds, but I already knew that I loved my baby. When I would tell him that I am not changing my mind, he would start crying.
What came after that was the biggest surprise. My boyfriend proposed to me. He said he realized that being a father was a blessing and not the end of the world for him. I sat in awe, and when I eventually found the words to speak again, I said yes, I would marry him. Somewhere, I suspected that my best friend had something to do with this sudden change of heart towards having a baby.
For about two weeks, it was fantastic. He would call me every night and talk to me until I fell asleep on the phone. He would tell me how he couldn’t wait to go to the first appointment with me so he could see our baby. The day of my first ultrasound came and my boyfriend wasn’t there. My heart sank as I thought of how I had called him that morning to remind him of the appointment and he promised he would be there.
Seeing my little baby and hearing his heart beating made me realize just how much I loved my baby already. And for the first time, I felt excited about being a mother.
Things started to turn sour and my boyfriend and I started fighting a lot more. That’s also when I saw him for who he really was. I was really unhappy and hated being around him (and no, it wasn’t only the hormones!).
I broke up with him, explaining to him that I can’t be with him because he made me so unhappy. Talking to him would leave me either angry or on the verge of tears. all he ever did was put me down, insult me or make me feel guilty about being pregnant.
Thank God for my best friend, who was with me, just as he had promised he would be. As I told more and more of my friends and felt their excitement as we all realized “we are going to have a baby”. That’s when I realized that parenting is a choice. No matter what I did or said to the father of my baby, I could not force him to be a father. That is a decision he would have to make for himself.
And that is when I realized that I had in fact been in love with my best friend! He always seems to prove to me that parenting is indeed a choice that one makes, and he has chosen to be a father to Brooklyn. I realize that I can’t replace Brooklyn’s biological father with someone else, but what I can give my son is someone who is willing to be a father. Someone who is willing to make him smile, help change his diapers, help feed him, comfort him when he cries, and most importantly, someone who will love him as much as I love him.
Brooklyn was born on the 17th of march. Now every day, I look at him and hold him in my arms. I don’t regret my decision to keep him at all. I truly feel love have finally found my happiness.
I’m 19 and have recently found out I’m pregnant. I thought my boyfriend, 23, would be happy. We had planned for a while to have children. Then he comes home with evidence that two years ago, after his fourth child, he had a vasectomy, but I didn’t cheat on him. I know this baby is his and that his operation must have been a failure, but no matter what I say he won’t believe it.
It is awful that because of this, my child is going to be raised without its father, with me as its only family. I find out how far along I am next week. Then I’m going to inquire about an amniocentesis, to find out when I can have it to prove to my boyfriend the baby is his. I never wanted to be a single mother, but there is no way I could turn to abortion or adoption. I was pushed into an adoption when I was still a child at 14 and I could never do that again. I had the thought to get an abortion today. I even looked up prices, but it just didn’t feel right to take away a part of me, to rob my baby of its chance to live. I know it is going to be tough and I will have a lot of judgment from other people about keeping my baby, but I know that it is the right thing to do. I know I want to keep this baby, to raise it myself. I’m looking at a place today for me, the baby, and a few close friends, so at least I have some support. There is no way that I can continue to live with my boyfriend if he will not accept that this life, this innocent little baby inside me, is something we created together. It is just not how I am. I can’t live the lie that he wants people to believe. He can paint me as the bad person, but there is no way I will let those feelings reach my baby, to harm my baby as they surely would.
I will keep posting updates as I get further along and let you all know of the outcome.
