Losing a child is the most painful thing I could have ever imagined…
How could I be such a horrible mother before my child even got the chance to be born? How could I not be more careful? I know it’s my fault & I feel so terrible… I was planning on being the best mommy possible for you. I failed before the challenge even began…
I love you and I wish we had more time together: time to bond, time to love each other, time to become a family…
So my life right now is krazie. I never thought that I would be dealing with all this stuff at the age of 21… I thought I would be chillin’; going to clubs, drinking up a storm, and having freedom… For some reason today, it really hit me. I’m a MOM of 2 beautiful daughters and a wife to the most wonderful husband who is way older than me. Sometimes I have grudges against him because he is going to be 29 in Oct and he lived his life at 21, partied, and had the time of his life…
I’m not saying what I did was a mistake. I just should have waited… I love my kids, don’t get me wrong, but sometimes I feel like this wasn’t meant for me. But then again, if it wasn’t for my kids, I would probably be dead at some hotel …. Ahhh……..I don’t know why I feel like this right now. Maybe I’m missing my grandma. She should be here watching my kids grow up and she should have been at my wedding if she could have waited another month.. Mann, I’m keeping so much in it’s not even funniee… I’m at work. It’s only 9:10 pm. I’m off at 10 pm and I want to go home NOW……….. Then I have to wake up at 5 am to get ready for school, which is another thing that is bugging me ….. I know I can do it but it’s just so time-consuming. I could be with my kids …..this is soo kraziee…
Whoever is reading this, you might be confused because I KNOW IAM!!!!!!
Thought I would keep a blog about what I’m going through… So here it is…
Four weeks ago, I started having cramps, and one day of light spotting. I think it’s my period, but the bleeding stops, and the cramps remain. Alarm bells go off when I think about how long ago my last period was, and the fact that I had sex a few weeks back and the condom broke. So pee’d on a stick and there it was, in two little pink lines confirming my worst fear. So now knowing I’m pregnant, there was bleeding and constant pain with cramps. I take myself to the hospital thinking that there could be something wrong.
7 hours later, I get to see a doctor. Blood tests were taken and an ultrasound was done. The baby is all good according to them, but then I find out that my blood type is O-, and the complications that occur in negative mums were explained. I couldn’t process all this info in one day, and the thought of being a single mum at 24 was never a dream of mine.
So I made an appointment at an abortion clinic for the following week and told the father, who was a friend of mine. He was more than happy to pay half with me, but later gave me all the money for it, which kinda made me feel bad. Almost like he was paying me to do this.
Whilst at the hospital, I was given an Anti-D shot, which helps protect future pregnancies in negative blood group mums carrying positive babies. However, seeing as I had already had been bleeding, there was a chance it was too late. If that blood was my baby’s from two weeks ago, my body would have already produced antibodies, which will attack any positive fetus I may later carry in life. But I still went through with the abortion…
The clinic took more blood, and called me a few days later, telling me that I had antibodies in my blood now and that I needed to get more blood tests done to see if I had ‘The’ antibodies, the ones that would make giving birth to a healthy normal baby 75% less likely.
So here I am today… Knowing that your first pregnancy would not be affected by the antibodies, knowing that I aborted it, knowing now that there is a very high chance I will have one miscarriage after the other. But not knowing for another 6 weeks whether I have the antibodies or not… Not until my body gets back to normal after this pregnancy will they be able to find out.
So, here’s hoping I don’t. But if I do, here’s hoping Mr. Right is in the 19% of Australians who have a negative blood type.
Having a abortion is hard enough to go through for any women, but knowing that that may have been your only chance to a healthy baby… I’m not letting it show to friends, but its killing me inside.
I have been with my boyfriend for 6 months as of today.
I found out a week ago that I was prego. At first, I was scared but now I’m not. I’m in love with my boyfriend. He is in love with me and we are committed to being good parents. I know a lot of people are gonna judge me. I don’t care if we didn’t plan on getting me prego, but I am. So what? I’m not getting an abortion and now I’m gonna do what obviously God planned me to do.
I’m still kinda nervous in the end, but I know it will all be good in the end.
Good day all
I was 17 when it all happened. I dated someone who I thought was an amazing guy. We dated for 7 months and in the 5th month, I fell pregnant. We tried for 5 months and nothing happened. When I told him that I am pregnant, he said it was not his and that I should have an abortion. My dad and my then-boyfriend forced me to have an abortion. I actually did not know I had a choice to say no. Today, I know that I can say no. For years afterwards, I blamed myself; calling myself a killer and a murderer. And today, I am better. I always think about what the little one would have looked like.
I believe in my heart it would have been a boy.
It’s been over a year since my child’s father left me, yet I know I’m still not yet over him.
He left when I was about months along with my son Jayden, for his other girlfriend who was also pregnant at the time. (I had NO idea about any of that). From day one, I had to do it all on my own, taking Jayden to his appointments, buying him things on my limited budget on my own, everything. It pained me watching them together, him supporting her while I had to work, sometimes getting to school on a few hours of sleep. He wasn’t there for Jayden’s first words or steps. He wasn’t there for the christening, wasn’t there for his first birthday party. Yet why am I still feeling hurt? After all that he has and hasn’t done for/to me, why does it still hurt? When I do see him out with his daughter he had with his gf, I can’t help but feel a twinge of jealousy. Why did he pick her child over mine? What was wrong with me for him to have left me and be with her? So many questions. I hate that it’s been so long and I still think about him.
Can’t wait for these thoughts to go away.
