down in the dumps and dont know how to get out.

When I found out I was pregnant, I was terrified, but not surprised in the least.

Me and my boyfriend should have been more careful, so we take full responsibility but I`m finding myself more and more down. Like, so much is going to change and it’s just become way too much like juggling my very last semester, work. I just stopped my guitar lessons. And all the emotions of the pregnancy as it is. I have friends, but I`m starting to find which ones are my true friends, the ones that are really there when you need them. And I went from a lot to like 6.

What can I do to put myself in a more optimistic mood? Anybody got advice for me?

Need advice

Well, I’m 25. Me and my boyfriend are almost 8 months together. He was my long-lost love and we got back together. 

But now the other issue is that he has a son with another girl and this girl is giving him a hard time. She doesn’t want him to see his child, so he is still fighting in court for his son.  So in the meantime, I did get pregnant with his child and he didn’t want the child so I had an abortion because he was very mad, I also had 4 other abortions before this one.  So I am a little touchy about babies and everyone getting married and pregnant, I also want this but he is always fighting with me about everything, including making food. I’m doing everything wrong.  He also at the same time says he loves me and wants to marry me and have a child. But then again, he says he and his son’s stuff is not sorted out yet, “and that can take 2 to 3 years”.  Now the new problem is I think I’m pregnant again, and I don’t want to go through another abortion and I already have depression.  And I’m so scared to talk to him about it. I’m afraid he’s going to fight with me again. I am on birth control pills but something is not normal and it feels like I could be pregnant.

I don’t know what to do or to who I can talk to. I’m already so afraid of him. I’m even scared I’m going to do something wrong so I try to do everything correctly the way he wants it, but always he still fights with me about something else that I did wrong.  Please could you help me with answers?  I can’t really talk to anyone because if he finds out I’m scared, he will fight with me because I’m making our problem other people’s problem. Please Help!

lonely..

I feel alone… I almost can’t stand how alone I feel…

It’s like my heart is broken… My closest friends just up and left the moment they found out I’m pregnant. I mean some were already drifting away, but it was like when they found out it was like the perfect excuse to leave, and now I feel like I have no one… I should be happy I’m going to be a mom and have a beautiful baby… But instead, I sit in my room… all day… crying at night.. just feeling alone. Yes, I have my boyfriend and my family and they try to help, but I just feel alone…. I don’t talk to anyone anymore. I don’t have friends. I don’t do anything because I’m never invited anymore and they never text or call me back… It’s like no one wants to hang out with the pregnant girl… I feel like the outsider. No offense, but I feel like the kid that gets picked last… or that no one wants on their team… All I do is cry at night and it’s just hard,…

I’m just soo lonely…. it feels like it’s breaking me down,,.

just because…

It’s really insane to me that people just turn their backs, especially when they said for so long that they were always going to be there and nothing is going to end your friendship and everything. It’s like they say that until that day comes when you say you’re pregnant, and then they get mad at you and tell you you’re dumb and to give the baby up and things that you really don’t want or need to hear, and even though you feel like you’re doing the right thing and that you can handle whatever choice you make. you really can’t. I would never give my baby up, and it’s like yes, I’m young and I don’t have everything figured out yet. But I will do what I have or need to for my baby, and no one is going to change my mind. Yes, I have my family’s and my boyfriend’s family’s support and they’re all excited and can’t wait. I still feel alone. I mean, I know that some of them have been in my shoes and they know what I’m going through and everything, but I still feel like the world is leaving me behind, shutting me out, you know?
It’s insane to know you have a baby growing inside you and depending on you, wondering if it’s a boy or girl, who they’re going to act like, whose personality they’re going to have…

I’m writing this because it’s a mixture of my feelings and thoughts. I want girls who are going through what I am, with all the feelings of being alone and everything, that there are people out there like you and you’re not alone. Yes, it’s hard to feel like it’s going to be okay, even with all the support in the world. You just have to give yourself more credit. You’re going to be a great mother, no matter what age you are when you become a mother.
Just keep your head up and keep fighting. No one can tell you what to do. your the one that holds all the power. if anyone needs to talk, you can add me on here and write on my wall or ask for my email or Facebook.
Just remember no matter what, you are not and will never be alone,

first day.

Today was the day I did my first pregnancy test at home and it came back positive.
Me and my boyfriend have only been back together for a month…
I’m really scared and all that because the last time I was pregnant, I never told him about it and we broke up (he never knew I was pregnant), and then 2 weeks after we were broken up, I started having a miscarriage. I later on told him about it and he hated me for knowing and not telling him. But now that I’ve told him I’m pregnant this time, it’s all different. He doesn’t want the child, which is understandable, but last time I had a miscarriage and I think of that bubba every birthday and every Mother’s Day, and I don’t get to celebrate it because I lost my bubba…

I’m scared I’ll miscarry again, and even worse, I’m scared I’ll lose my boyfriend. We’re in love. We’ve been talking about getting back together for months, but I was always too scared to. But now that we are and this happens, I’m scared it’s enough to make him run away.

My story

Almost a week ago, I did the hardest thing possible. I terminated my pregnancy. I felt like I had no other choice. I did what I had to, but it still hurts.

It started when I met this guy at a local gas station. I had seen him there a few times and we flirted back and forth until he asked me for my number. We texted for a while, then we decided to hang out. I had recently lost the love of my life.

He got into some bad things and landed himself in jail. So I was a little vulnerable. He had also gotten out of a serious relationship with a girl whose son he called “his”.

Well, things got easy between us. We went out to movies, parties, and mud holes. We had a good time together. Then we were sitting in the back of his truck at the local mud hole, just watching the sates & we had sex for the first time, stupidly with no protection. We had done it a few more times before I found out I was pregnant. Before I found out, he told me he was going back to his ex & that we were basically over. I was pretty upset, but I thought it would get better. I was wrong.

Not even 2 weeks later, I realized I had missed a period. I decided to wait a few more days until I took a test. When I did take the test & I saw the pink lines, I just froze. I didn’t want to believe it. I was 1- & preggo by a guy who left me for someone else. What was I to do?

For a few days, I ignored it. I just pretended it wasn’t real & went on with life. Then I realized I had to tell someone, it was eating away at me. I was slowly breaking. So I texted the father and said, “We need to talk”. He didn’t reply for hours. Then he said what do you need to talk about. Then I told him I was pregnant and he was like “OK? And..”  I said and you’re the ******* father! He was like well, I don’t know what to tell you, this is crazy. So I told him I didn’t know what I was going to do and I wanted him to have some kind of say. He said whatever I wanted to do. So I said, I would get back to him.

Well, my sister found out and told my mom. She was supportive & told me my options. I’ve always kinda been against abortion, but also pro-choice.  I just never thought it was for me. Well, one night I was at work & I got a call from the father, but I rejected it and sent a text stating I was working and couldn’t answer. This was the reply “This is his baby mom & I wanna know if you’re really pregnant or not. Tell me what’s going on now.” I was shocked by this and I didn’t know what to say so I didn’t reply right away. When I got home I texted back saying “This is between me and him and if you want to know what’s going on, ask him”. She told me she didn’t give a s*** if I was, but I better give it up.

I cried and that’s when I knew I’d be alone in all this. So I talked with my mom, and I made the decision to have an abortion. At the time I thought it was right. The baby’s father would be in and out of its life, and would be taking care of a child that wasn’t his instead of his own. So I had to do it. I was young and felt alone. When I got the pills from the clinic, I waited 2 days to insert them. Almost right away, I felt pain. Maybe an hour later, I began to bleed. I felt something come out of me and I went to the bathroom and on the pad I was wearing I saw my baby. It was very small and barley had any blood on it. I freaked! I began to scream and cry for my mom. She told me everything was OK and that I would be fine. The father never called or texted to see if I was ok, knowing that I was having the abortion and when. All this happened just a week ago and I feel so much regret and guilt. That was my baby and I just killed it. I’m not sure how life would be if I decided to keep it, but I know I will never forget what I saw and what I’ve done. I will always think of my baby and wonder what if.

Thank you for listening to my story.