Haven’t been on for a while… I’m 19 weeks now [:
I’ve had three doctor’s appointments. My first one with all the tests and stuff, my first ultrasound at 14 weeks, and one last check-up. Everything’s going awesome!! I had to go to the hospital once last week for extremely severe cramps. Turns out it was from sex the night before [oops XD]. Everything was fine. I got hooked up to the monitor and I felt the baby move for the first time. Every time it would summersault, the monitor would blip and it would feel like a poke from the inside of my belly…
The whole time I thought that was gas… Gosh silly me… We go back for our next ultrasound on August 23rd, when we find out the gender. We are hoping for a little girl. We have a name; Maddison Elaina. Ah.
My boyfriend is still in the picture. He left for the Gathering Of The Juggalos a few days ago. It’s a big 4 day long concert pretty much. I was planning on going, but he voted against it because it’s in Illinois where it gets 112 degrees and it wouldn’t be a good idea right now. Next year is mine though [: He’ll be back in about a week.
My belly pretty much exploded last night! I’ve been so tiny my entire pregnancy. From my first appointment to my most recent, I only gained 1/4 of a pound. I was 105ish pre-baby and the last time I got weighed three days ago, I’m 117. I didn’t get a belly for the longest time! It seems like everyone else got so big so quickly and I’m just staying tiny… But now I’ve got something to show: D
Going back to school in the fall… That meant school shopping. Got maternity clothes. I’m so small still I can wear the shirts with leggings & make it a dress. And the stretch on the pants comes up to like my boobs ahah. They’re very comfortable, I must say. I’ll prob still wear all of it well after the baby ahah. I’m excited for school. There are three other pregnant girls in my school, and me and one of my friends from elementary school are due around the same time, so we are just going for the first semester which ends in January.
Wow, I wrote a lot. I just got the need to write like everything down haah.
Yesterday my boyfriend and I went to the Health Center.
We got to talk to this girl, and she gave us the three options; abortion, adoption, and parenting. We were still looking into abortion… But I didn’t know all the risks that could come with it, and if I were to have the baby now… There’s a chance it could live outside my womb 0.o. Not only that, but… I mean, I have a baby now with someone I truly love, and it’s something we did together. This baby has a life and did nothing to deserve me terminating it. I am very against abortion and so is my boyfriend. I just think he is highly convinced that we aren’t ready. Because, he definitely cannot go through with adoption.
Now, once again I am stuck on what to do… I have to wait until Sunday to talk to him again about what WE want to do. Because I need his support in this as well, and to me, it’s just not my decision. I am going to try to convince him that we can get through this, and just say how I really feel. Because I have had about 6 and a half months bonding with this baby, feeling it move and everything, so of course I am going to be more attached to it than he is. But I am hoping with the talk on Sunday, it can help ease things so we can come to an agreement.
Then hopefully, I am bagging for Sunday to go well, so shortly after I can tell my mom. I am honestly scared to death to tell her. The one big thing that I am most nervous about is that she is going to change her opinion on my boyfriend and lose trust in us. I know what I did wrong, I can see my mistake, and I can hope my mom can understand that when the time comes to tell her. Not only that, but I do need an ultrasound and medical help so I can know for sure how far along I am, and if the baby and I are really okay, and in good health.
The lady at the Health Center guessed I was about 26 weeks with these wheel things according to my last period. So, we’ll see what happens and how everything goes ):
I want to thank all of my friends on here for talking me through a lot and helping me.. You guys are a lot of help.
Thank you!
<3
So, today I told my boyfriend I am pregnant.
He and I spent the entire day discussing everything. He wants abortion. and to be completely honest, I am starting to lean towards it too. I know it’s selfish. But I can’t bring a baby into the world. and if I were to go for adoption, my family would never forgive me. And on top of that, I know I wouldn’t be able to do it when I got really pregnant. I’m just scared and nervous
I don’t know what to do…I really don’t. :'(
So, on Friday I went to the doctor.
I told him everything and he said, let’s get a urine sample. He tested it and it was positive. Then he’s like ‘Well, to be on the safe side and to be positive, let’s get some blood too.’ So he took some blood. I am so scared. As he told me everything to do and not to do-who to talk to and what my options were-I sat there. Numb. I am pregnant…..I have to tell the father and my family. And the guy that I started seeing. Everything started spiraling outta control. I don’t know what to do. If I have this child, my parents will never look at me the same way again. And I’ll lose the guy I’m seeing. And I’ll have to have my ex (to whom I hate) back in my life. I don’t know what to do…I’ve never been one to think about abortion-but when he told me it was positive all I could think of was how I can’t bring a baby into my life right now. But I can’t stand abortion. So if I preach so loudly against it and go and do it, I’m a hypocrite. I don’t know what to do. I’m so scared. I was started on prenatal vitamins and he set up a date for me to get examined by a doctor in my town. All of it starts tomorrow (Monday) morning. My entire world will spin out of control or will go back on the axle.
I really don’t know what to do.
So, my boyfriend texted his friend at work (who is a mom, she is older. He calls her his second mom.) She is really nice.
Anyways, he asked her if the Teen Health Center was open on weekends… And I guess it’s not :/ So now I am hoping his work shift isn’t too bad next week so maybe he’s able to take me Monday or something. He can’t take me today or tomorrow, which I understand. He has to work 2 jobs this week. One is 6 am-2 pm and then his second one is 3:30 pm – 4+ hours. So he can’t really get me in any time this week. Or sadly, not even on the weekend, because the place isn’t open. So, I am hoping for next week.
I am still going to spend Sunday with him though, because I told him I wanted to talk and that. Because I guess here, you can’t get an abortion after 3 months. Well, I am 6 months. We were thinking about abortion at first. But I don’t even think I’d be able to do it, and it’s not even a choice now anyway. So I am hoping Sunday I can talk things over with him, and bring up the topic… Like if we were to keep the baby. Because I really would enjoy keeping the baby.
I need to tell my mom soon, and I am hoping that talking to him on Sunday, and making up our decision on what to do… That will help me talk to my mom. Then, later that week I will be able to go to the Health Center to get more info. Then, possibly with my mom knowing, I’ll be able to go for a doctor’s check-up and make sure everything with me and the baby is alright. I really want him with me throughout all this… I just know it is going to be hard with his new job. His new job does give him more money per hour than his last, which is good. And I am proud of him. He is actually in a job with my stepdad now, for the Summer. Then, when school starts back up, he’ll be moving into work with my mom.
I know my mom and people will help with everything with the baby. After the fact they get over what I have told them when I do.
So possibly Sunday is the day I will be telling everyone.. First, I need to talk to my boyfriend, and make sure this is what WE want, and try to convince him that keeping the baby is for the better. I want the baby to be around its own parents and have a loving father… Which I know he can do. He is amazing with kids, and with his nephew, who he sees a lot (:
I am hoping that the talk with him on Sunday will go well, and then possibly breaking it to my mom… Either Sunday or that week… Depending on his schedule for work.
I just wanted to update you that sadly Sunday, I can’t get into the Teen Center, but hoping shortly after I will be able to. I think it might be easier once I tell my mom.
I mean she must know something’s up… I haven’t had my period for 6 months, and there is a box of tampon n the bathroom that are still unopened and have remained like that for 6 months… And my mother is very smart actually. I am hoping when I have to tell her, she won’t explode on me. I am ready for whatever she does say, I just hope it’s better than the worst.
I’ll update you on how Sunday does go, and what we do decide to do, and what happens and such.
Last November, at about 7 weeks, I lost my baby. It hurt so much, and not just physically, but I just passed it off as a really bad period, although I knew exactly what it was. So of course everyone just put my bad moods and crying down to the time of month, and no one knew. I never told anyone either. It just felt too real if I did. I mean, I didn’t plan to get pregnant, but I did, and I was terrified, but happy when I found out – had no idea what I was going to do at all, but I never got the choice. And when it was ripped from me, I’d already accepted the fact that I was going to be a mum.
I never told the dad either. We’d been together for 2 months ( a record for him ), and he wasn’t exactly the baby kind either. I mean, don’t get me wrong but he could be sweet and sincere and everything, but he’d been around too much and everyone knew he had commitment issues. He was the kind of guy who “loved” every girl after 30 seconds. Plus the fact that he’s 15, the same age as me, but constantly very immature. Actually, I’m not sure at all, it could’ve gone both ways with him. He had a crappy job, but it was money after all and if he cared about something, he’d fight for it. Guess it just depended on whether he cared. But anyway, after everything turned, I didn’t think there was a point in telling him, just in case he was disappointed. But his stupid commitment issues got in between us two, and we’re not together now anyway.
So yeah, 9 months on, and I’m getting there, it’s getting better. & If anybody feels they need to talk or needs support, I’m always here for anyone, Just add me!<3
