Decisions

So, today I told my boyfriend I am pregnant.

He and I spent the entire day discussing everything. He wants abortion. and to be completely honest, I am starting to lean towards it too. I know it’s selfish. But I can’t bring a baby into the world. and if I were to go for adoption, my family would never forgive me. And on top of that, I know I wouldn’t be able to do it when I got really pregnant. I’m just scared and nervous

I don’t know what to do…I really don’t. :'(

Doctors appt#1

So, on Friday I went to the doctor.

I told him everything and he said, let’s get a urine sample. He tested it and it was positive. Then he’s like ‘Well, to be on the safe side and to be positive, let’s get some blood too.’ So he took some blood. I am so scared. As he told me everything to do and not to do-who to talk to and what my options were-I sat there. Numb. I am pregnant…..I have to tell the father and my family. And the guy that I started seeing. Everything started spiraling outta control. I don’t know what to do. If I have this child, my parents will never look at me the same way again. And I’ll lose the guy I’m seeing. And I’ll have to have my ex (to whom I hate) back in my life. I don’t know what to do…I’ve never been one to think about abortion-but when he told me it was positive all I could think of was how I can’t bring a baby into my life right now. But I can’t stand abortion. So if I preach so loudly against it and go and do it, I’m a hypocrite. I don’t know what to do. I’m so scared. I was started on prenatal vitamins and he set up a date for me to get examined by a doctor in my town. All of it starts tomorrow (Monday) morning. My entire world will spin out of control or will go back on the axle.

I really don’t know what to do.

Yaay for more waiting.. :/

So, my boyfriend texted his friend at work (who is a mom, she is older. He calls her his second mom.) She is really nice.

Anyways, he asked her if the Teen Health Center was open on weekends… And I guess it’s not :/ So now I am hoping his work shift isn’t too bad next week so maybe he’s able to take me Monday or something. He can’t take me today or tomorrow, which I understand. He has to work 2 jobs this week. One is 6 am-2 pm and then his second one is 3:30 pm – 4+ hours. So he can’t really get me in any time this week. Or sadly, not even on the weekend, because the place isn’t open. So, I am hoping for next week.

I am still going to spend Sunday with him though, because I told him I wanted to talk and that. Because I guess here, you can’t get an abortion after 3 months. Well, I am 6 months. We were thinking about abortion at first. But I don’t even think I’d be able to do it, and it’s not even a choice now anyway. So I am hoping Sunday I can talk things over with him, and bring up the topic… Like if we were to keep the baby. Because I really would enjoy keeping the baby.

I need to tell my mom soon, and I am hoping that talking to him on Sunday, and making up our decision on what to do… That will help me talk to my mom. Then, later that week  I will be able to go to the Health Center to get more info. Then, possibly with my mom knowing, I’ll be able to go for a doctor’s check-up and make sure everything with me and the baby is alright. I really want him with me throughout all this… I just know it is going to be hard with his new job. His new job does give him more money per hour than his last, which is good. And I am proud of him. He is actually in a job with my stepdad now, for the Summer. Then, when school starts back up, he’ll be moving into work with my mom.

I know my mom and people will help with everything with the baby. After the fact they get over what I have told them when I do.
So possibly Sunday is the day I will be telling everyone.. First, I need to talk to my boyfriend, and make sure this is what WE want, and try to convince him that keeping the baby is for the better. I want the baby to be around its own parents and have a loving father… Which I know he can do. He is amazing with kids, and with his nephew, who he sees a lot (:
I am hoping that the talk with him on Sunday will go well, and then possibly breaking it to my mom… Either Sunday or that week… Depending on his schedule for work.
I just wanted to update you that sadly Sunday, I can’t get into the Teen Center, but hoping shortly after I will be able to. I think it might be easier once I tell my mom.
I mean she must know something’s up… I haven’t had my period for 6 months, and there is a box of tampon n the bathroom that are still unopened and have remained like that for 6 months… And my mother is very smart actually. I am hoping when I have to tell her, she won’t explode on me. I am ready for whatever she does say, I just hope it’s better than the worst.

I’ll update you on how Sunday does go, and what we do decide to do, and what happens and such.

Thought I’d finally tell someone.

Last November, at about 7 weeks, I lost my baby. It hurt so much, and not just physically, but I just passed it off as a really bad period, although I knew exactly what it was. So of course everyone just put my bad moods and crying down to the time of month, and no one knew. I never told anyone either. It just felt too real if I did. I mean, I didn’t plan to get pregnant, but I did, and I was terrified, but happy when I found out – had no idea what I was going to do at all, but I never got the choice. And when it was ripped from me, I’d already accepted the fact that I was going to be a mum.

I never told the dad either. We’d been together for 2 months ( a record for him ), and he wasn’t exactly the baby kind either. I mean, don’t get me wrong but he could be sweet and sincere and everything, but he’d been around too much and everyone knew he had commitment issues. He was the kind of guy who “loved” every girl after 30 seconds. Plus the fact that he’s 15, the same age as me, but constantly very immature. Actually, I’m not sure at all, it could’ve gone both ways with him. He had a crappy job, but it was money after all and if he cared about something, he’d fight for it. Guess it just depended on whether he cared. But anyway, after everything turned, I didn’t think there was a point in telling him, just in case he was disappointed. But his stupid commitment issues got in between us two, and we’re not together now anyway.

So yeah, 9 months on, and I’m getting there, it’s getting better. & If anybody feels they need to talk or needs support, I’m always here for anyone, Just add me!<3

7 months already!?

Well, as you may know from my profile  I am pregnant. I did the due date calculator on the site, and it said I was due around the 17th of October. If this is somewhat correct, I’m about 7 months already 0.o !!

I am not really showing at all, you can’t even tell  I am pregnant. The only person who knows is my boyfriend and I, I really do not know how to tell my mom. I am scared she won’t understand how I try to explain it because sometimes I am not the best talker. My boyfriend and I are going to go to the Teen Health Center on Sunday to talk to someone. My boyfriend is a bit iffy on what to do. I mean, there isn’t much we can do now that I am so far along. But  I am just hoping to talk to someone and get some advice. I haven’t gone to the doctor either, so I am hoping the baby is healthy and everything is going to be alright… After I do break it to my mom,  I am going to go for the checkups, and such as needed.

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 9 months. It will be exactly 9 months on the 10th of August (this month)… I started dating him on November 10th.  I am always scared he is going to leave me because of everything that is happening… But he always ensures me that he will always be there for me and that he isn’t.  I am positive we can keep this relationship going… I especially want him to be there for his child. I would love for my child to grow up with his dad, and have a dad.. Because I know how hard it is to not have a relationship with your dad.

I am under so much stress with my mom not knowing, and what will happen when she does. I am hoping she will learn to understand. And that I do know that I made a mistake, but I will take action and learn from it. I will go on birth control after. I just really hope she can trust us to not let this happen again. I hope she’s happy for this at the same time though, because I would hate to have the majority of people be like, Oh my gosh.. you’re pregnant, blablabla.

Also, the baby kicks a lot! Sometimes so much I wonder if there are two in there 0.o .. Gosh. So much stuff to think about.

I will post another blog after Sunday to update how it went at the Health Center.

What to do?

So I have a question for all of you teen moms… How did you cope with schooling?

I just finished Grade Eleven, and my little guy is due three days after school starts. I want to graduate this year and have a large course load that requires me to attend school for both semesters. I’m an honors with distinctions student, and my teachers for this upcoming year had agreed to help me by looking for textbooks (as I am taking English at home) and by sending my biology work home with me as well, to get done over the summer in advance to complete what I will be missing when my son comes. But so far, none of my teachers have done what they said they would.

How did you guys get through school? Did you take hard classes and still pass? I’m so nervous about my future and being able to do what I need to do to fulfill my dreams. Any suggestions on how to cope with a newborn and school?