So I am 27 years old and I feel like I’m 13 or something. I found out I was pregnant on Aug. 27th of this year and I can honestly tell you that I am terrified, angry, somewhat unhappy, nervous, scared, mind boggled.
Why all of these feelings, you ask? Well for starters, I’m not in a relationship of any shape or form with the father. I’ve known him for about a year and he was just someone that I liked to have “fun” with. Now the fun has stopped. He is denying that he is the father, claiming that I must have been having “fun” with some other guy. For starters, I’m not like that. I like to have fun with one person at a time for awhile, not go around having fun with all kinds of people. OK, so besides that, there is also the fact that like I said, I’m 27. BUT I am in debt and currently living in my parent’s basement (which looks like the set for the movie of Arachnophobia, except for my room). I also haven’t told my parents because (this is when I feel 13), I am scared to death of their reaction. I am really pretty sure of everything and anything they might say, which would be along the lines of ‘how in the hell are you gonna raise a baby when you can’t even pay us rent or pay your father his money back?’ Or they might just be sooo pissed that they say nothing and just kick me out. There are things in my community to help out mothers who are struggling financially but I don’t know where to start with all that.
I’m also just scared of telling my parents for the simple fact that they know I’m not in a relationship with anyone and the simple fact that I was stupid about having fun with some guy who is acting like a jerk and that I’m going to have to hear about it (probably the rest of my life). I already know I messed up and I’m trying to deal with it. I’ve had 3 abortions in the past because before, I used to just run from my problems instead of dealing with them (not saying children are problems, but when I was younger, they seemed that way). But this time, I am doing the right thing, and I know it’s not going to be easy, but I wish it would be. I just feel alone, scared, confused. All types of emotions all mixed up going through me right now. I would like to point out that I do get a happy feeling, when I realize that I believe I am developing an attachment/bond with my baby in my belly, but it hasn’t quite overpowered all the bad feelings. It does get better right?
Keep you updated!!
I went and bought a pregnancy test and it came back negative and I was so excited. Then after a few days, I began to get morning sickness and I was like there is no way I can be pregnant but I was. Every kind of air freshener made me sick. I tried to hide the pregnancy from my mom because I knew that she would freak out…
Dear Becky |
I am sixteen years old and I had an abortion. It was one of the worst experiences of my life……Here’s my story.
I was raised in church all my life…..and of course they told us to “wait until marriage before we have sex” and I had always told myself that I would but I didn’t and it was the BIGGEST mistake I had ever made.
I had been “DATING” this boy since December of last year and in February of this year, we decided to have sex and we did…. We didn’t use protection because he said he would pull out before he released his sperm…….but he didn’t….and he said he did and I believed him.
A few days later, I received my menstrual cycle and I was so happy because I did get my period… Little did I know it can up to five days to become pregnant. My body started to change and I sleep more frequent than I usually do…. My appetite began to change, I never did eat a lot, I didn’t eat anything because I could not hold any food down. I went and bought a pregnancy test and it came back negative and I was so excited. Then after a few days, I began to get morning sickness and I was like there is no way I can be pregnant but I was. Every kind of air freshener made me sick. I tried to hide the pregnancy from my mom because I knew that she would freak out and kill me. Everytime I had to throw up, I went in the bathroom and turned the water on. Everyday I went to school, I threw up all day. I just thought maybe if I got an abortion, nobody would have to find out and I would not have to deal with all the pressure from my ”RELIGIOUS” family…. So I turned to my friend’s sister who I thought I could trust. She said she would take me to get the abortion and she would help me pay for it.
I took another pregnancy test and it confirmed my worst nightmare. I was indeed pregnant. Little did I know she betrayed me…. She called my mom and told her. My mom called and ask me if I was pregnant and I said NO and she simply said Don’t lie to me because I will find out tomorrow if you don’t tell me the truth… So I said yes. She then hung up on me. After that, everybody started calling me, questioning me. I wanted to run away so bad I had even thought about killing myself.
About a week later, we went to the abortion clinic and I received counseling but it didn’t help me at all…… They asked are you sure you want to do this…. I said yes because that’s what my mom wanted. Deep down inside, I wanted to say no. (I JUST WASN’T SURE ABOUT WHAT I WANTED)
Then about a week later, we came back and I was nervous. I hated the people who encouraged me to do it. They called my name and my heart dropped because there were so many young women and girls getting abortions and it hurt my heart to see such a thing. (I had always said that abortion was bad and I would never get one because if I was to get pregnant, I would keep my baby but I didn’t…. I killed an innocent child who didn’t even do anything) I went back and removed my clothes and took two pills one to calm my nerves and the other to relax the pain away so i couldn’t feel what they were doing……THATS A HUGE LIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I felt everything that doctor did….. When I heard the vacuum, I knew that it was real and they were killing my child and I could have stopped them but I didn’t. It was very very very painful. When he finished, I looked up and I saw so much blood and tissue and God knows what else…. Oh I didn’t mention that I was 10 weeks and 5 days pregnant.
Now everybody lives their normal life and I sit back and be depressed and I even cry myself to sleep… Nobody knows my pain and agony that I deal with in a daily basis. So keep ALL of my emotions inside and pretend to be happy when I am around people. I tried to forget about it but let me tell you it WILL NEVER GO AWAY!!!!!!!
Dimples
Dearest “Dimples” – Hi, my name is Lisa and I help Becky at the Stand Up Girl website with some of her e-mails.
When I read your e-mail, my heart just broke for you. You see – I’ve been down the road of abortion too. I know that pain and that heartache. That loss that can’t be filled. I will share a link to my story so you can read it if you want.
I’m sorry about your heartache and your pain. Would you like to share more? I’m just a keystroke away.
But I can share with you where I finally did find healing. I don’t share this with everyone. Just those that feel like you and I do. It’s like a heartache you can’t explain with words. Only someone that has been down that road understands. I understand.
I tried so many ways to get the pain to go away. I tried drugs, alcohol and even relationships! Nothing worked. You know what truly worked? I found a true and living relationship with Jesus Christ. Not religion – but a relationship. With that relationship came forgiveness and freedom from all of my guilt. Do you know who He is and what He did?
Do you believe that Jesus was born of a virgin and lived his 33 years hear on earth a sinless life? That He died on a cross and rose again on the third day so you and I could have forgiveness and eternal life with Him in heaven? That He is the invisible God who made Himself visible becoming man?
It’s really simple then. If you believe all of that … then you can just ask Him to come into your heart and He will. The rest is up to Him.
I still remember the prayer that I said. Would you like me to share it with you? You can say it if you want.
Dear Jesus, I thank you for dying on the cross for my sins, and rising again from the dead. Please be my Lord, be my Savior and be my Friend. Please forgive me of all of my sins. I thank you that I am now a child of God and that I am now going to heaven. It is in Jesus’ name I pray this. Amen.
If you were able to say that prayer and mean it … then congratulations. You are now a child of God and you are completely forgiven.
If you weren’t able to say it quite yet – that’s OK. Just maybe save this e-mail so you can read it at a later time if you want.
If you were able to or even if you weren’t able to say that prayer, I’m right here. I’m only a keystroke away.
I have access to another tool of healing for you if you like. It’s a booklet that I used to find healing too. This book is called “Forgiven and Set Free” and it is an amazing tool of healing
Please let me know if I can do anything more for you. Please e-mail me at any time. I hope to hear from you soon.
Luv Lisa
I’m 16 years old, and I’m 19 weeks pregnant. I find out what the sex of my baby Nov. 8th, which is only 9 days away. I’m soooo excited!
I just wanted to say thanks to everyone for being so brave to share your stories. I have grown up soo much already. I was living a crazy lifestyle, drinking waay too much, hanging out with the wrong people… You get the idea. BUT, believe it or not, this is the best thing that could have ever happened to me, despite what people have to say. In some ways, I think it’s saved my life. I’m single, the father of my baby is (let’s just say irresponsible) and has moved away. So I just wanted to let all the ladies (young and old) who are doing this alone, I feel for you!! Sometimes, it feels like it’s just too hard to go on, like your life is being ripped away. Trust me, I know what it’s like to sit at home every night by yourself. Your “friends” have just seemed to vanish. People look at you and treat you differently. It may seem like everything is crashing down, but remember what you have to look forward too, a beautiful little being that you’ve created, who is going to need you just as much as you need them.
Much love,
I’m 20, a good student and I thought life couldn’t be better but about 5 months ago, I met this awesome guy.
He was just made for me and we started dating. About a few weeks ago, we had sex and now I think there is a chance that I might be pregnant. The only problem is he finally came clean and told me that when we started dating, he already had a girl and she is about 6 months pregnant. He says that he loves me more and that he is only with her because she is gonna have his child. I really don’t know what to do.
If you have some advice, anyone, then plz tell me coz I don’t know what to do.
I am 19 and due in less than a month, with a baby boy.
I have chosen to give the baby up for adoption. I know it’s the best choice for the baby. I think that my ex is the father and he just recently went to jail, so now he won’t be around when I give birth. If he’s not the father, then I don’t know who is. Around the time I got pregnant, I was hitchhiking and some bad things happened that I haven’t told anyone about. I feel it’s not fair to the birth father if this baby’s not his.
I’m getting close to delivery and I don’t know what to do or tell everyone.
So here goes nothing….. I am 17 years old. I will be 18 Jan. 5! I recently had a beautiful baby boy who amazes me everyday at the things he can do at only 4 months old!
It all started back on Oct. 14. I was 16 and I thought I had met an amazing guy who was 18 at the time. I took him to my homecoming and on Oct. 14, my son was conceived. And I was only 16! I told ma family right away and my dad wouldn’t talk to me for the longest time and at first, tried to ground me like it was all going to go away! My mom and stepmom were understanding and supported me in whatever decision I made. I sat down with the baby’s daddy and we talked of all our options and we both agreed. We laid down and made the mistake so now we are going to take responsibility for our actions and so we did. We decided that no matter what anyone said, we would keep our baby.
I found out I was having a boy when i was 4 1/2 to 5 months prego and oh boy! My dad and boyfriend were so excited! They started going on and on about what he was going to be when he gets older and he wasn’t even here yet! Well don’t you know it, I was due 7/7 but my lil booger was ready to meet the world and the world to meet him. He came 2 weeks early on June 21! I did it all by myself. I had no medicine, no nothing. All I had was the support on my grandma, my lil sister, and my step mom…. And at 2:15 am, my lil man came out with 2 pushes, and my grandmother cut his the cord! My boyfriend was out of town and my grandma didn’t know how to use a cell phone so she was trying to call him and my mom while I was laboring! I only labored for 1 hour and 45 minutes! It was the worst pain ever but man, was it worth it! My boyfriend and ma mom got there after I had him! And as soon as my boyfriend saw him, he cried. It was the most amazing thing ever! I didn’t get no pain meds till afterwards and I’m glad I didn’t cause I would have been tired afterwards. I mean I was tired but I wasn’t all drugged out and tired!
This was a life changing experience for me! For the 1st few weeks, it didn’t even feel like he was mine but he was! I wake up every morning at 5:30 to get ma lil booger ready and then my dad takes him to my grandmother’s, who watches him while I go to school. Then I go home and get my lil booger and no matter how bad of a day I’ve had, when he smiles at me, I cant help but to smile back and laugh!
My lil boogers name is HAYDEN JOHN FOXX!
