Okay, so here is my story. I’m 26 years old and I have a beautiful daughter. She is 8 years old.
I broke up with her father 2 years old when he went to jail for the 2nd time in her life. In April, I was able to finally stand alone. I got my own apartment and I have been doing Great as far as taking care of her which I have always done and maintaining a stable home, which I just recently done. That’s the good part.
Back in June, I met another guy. Everything seemed so perfect. He was amazing at first. Then in April, we finally broke up. I was upset but I was moving on. I saw him on and off until October. He had met someone new in April and by May, she was pregnant. I was upset but I was still OK. Well up until October, he was trying to convince her to get an abortion. She already had another child which had been taken from her by the child’s father. This girl expressed to me that “I don’t give a f@#k about a baby. I’m all about a check”. I knew then for sure she wanted to have a baby to hurt him. She constantly threatened him that he will never see the baby. She even went so far as to have some guy put a gun to his head and others who threatened to kill him. Well, she had other boyfriends while she was pregnant and when her and the other guys split up, she would always end up in the emergency room, and of course, he had to run to her rescue. I think that might be his baby.
Okay so had been back to together officially in October and I thought I could handle everything. Until November, when the girl goes to the hospital and he had to run again. I was fed up and annoyed. I explained to him that his situation was too much for me. Then in the beginning of December, I find out that I too am pregnant. Then on the 21st, they had their baby. The baby was 2 lbs 10 ozs. This girl never took her meds and was always trying to fight, she even wanted to fight me. Which I never did because I know this guy would have never been able to forgive me if we fought and something happened to the baby. No, the baby just started breathing on her own and the DNA test was yesterday and I don’t know the results yet. But I am terrified.
What am supposed to do? I am going to keep my baby but I know I am going to be all alone. And my daughter’s father and I are really good friends but once he finds out, our friendship will end. I have no one to talk to because anyone I tell will think I’m so stupid for keeping this baby under these conditions. But I can’t help but think that having an abortion because of imperfect conditions is not right for me. I haven’t talked to the guy in a couple of days. I just want to be able to sit down and decide a plan so they we can get through this with the least amount of stress as possible. I’m also hoping and praying this baby isn’t his. Because if it is, then he and I separately or together will have so many problems. Plus when I told him, he said he wanted me to have his baby. I feel so alone and stressed out. I feel selfish because no matter whose baby she is, I am only thinking about me and mine and how I feel, when there is a baby fighting for her life.
I feel like a horrible person.
Well last Wednesday, I finished school, at least high school for now.
I was stoked and got to see a ex the next day at the airport. Needless to say, he’s changed for the best and really making me think. It’s been almost 2 years that we have been best of friends or a couple. I love him with all my heart. He’s deploying soon and I really want to help him while he’s there. I don’t want to rush anything at all. We talked like the best of friends, but the pain that he caused with the abortion is still there. Last night, I was invited to his family Christmas party. His sister had a kid a A MERE WEEK AGO!! I thought I could handle it, knowing I saw her a month before she had him. I really couldn’t.
A lot of people say give him a chance but I paid the ultimate sacrifice to be with him and it hurts twice as much since the anniversary is coming up. I believe he’s really changed. He’s still snippy sometimes but not as bad. When he’s like that, I let him cool down. I’m running when he’s like that, even in the winter with snow and ice.
I never give second chances, but I kinda want a opinion.
Hey! Last night, I dropped the bomb on my boyfriend on how I wanted to get engaged soon. Yea, I know I am 15 but I planned my life out earlier than most people. Like I love him and I know I do…
I am involved in Standupgirl.com. There are people there that understand me… and what I am going through. Like, there’s this girl. She’s 15, has one child, and one on the way. She’s said she don’t regret it but she would do it over if she could but she can’t change it now … She told me if I was ready, I could go for it but I decided to talk it over with my boyfriend and talk about getting engaged and taking the first step together….
Now all I have to do is wait for him to take the next one by himself and ask me to be his fiancé…….
The movie Juno is a StandUpGirl story… one that is humorous and smart though less moving than Bella. Roger Ebert said; “…It is so very rare to sit with an audience … in step with every turn and surprise of an uncommonly intelligent screenplay. It is so rare to hear laughter that is surprised, unexpected and delighted.” As of this writing, Juno is so popular that it has pulled in over $100 million at the box office and the star (Ellen Page) is up for “Best Actress” at the Academy Awards. Your life is interesting.
I don’t know what is wrong with me lately. I just don’t feel myself. I just don’t feel happy.
I don’t have it bad though. I have a lil girl and I love being a mammy and I have my partner and I love him and I am hoping he loves me. I think he does, just I’m not entirely sure he is as dedicated to our family as he says he is.
I never see him and neither does our daughter. He is there in the morning but all he does is get ready for work. He pays her a lil attention but a lil doesn’t feel enough. He works till late at night so she isn’t awake when he gets home and I am sooo tired from having her all day. I don’t think he realizes how much hard work it is.
He gets days off through the week… but offers to work overtime so he doesn’t get to see us on those days either. I don’t get why he does it. I mean, we aren’t struggling for money. We get by just fine.
I am desperate for a new home, one of our own. We are living with his mother at the moment and I hate it so much! I don’t feel comfortable there but he sides with her all the time. In all fairness, this baby is my daughter so I think she should be handling her the way I want.
We aren’t gonna have anytime together over xmas, just xmas day but because it is the lil one’s 1st xmas, we will be bombarded with guests so it’ll be really impersonal and we won’t get any alone time with just our own new lil family.
I just wanna cry all the time. I hate everything at the moment. I am still gaining so much weight, I feel hideous. I have still got no one to talk to and now he isn’t around so much I cant talk to him either.
So I’ve written it all down here, and now reading through it, how twisty do I sound? I sound pathetic! lol People have it worse than me but I can’t help but feel so bad.
I am a teen that’s confuzed and wants a baby.
What should I do…??
