Do not be afraid, you are not alone. You have never been alone.
When I was thirteen, my sister and I had a wonderful discussion that changed my life forever.
She shared with me the Good News of Salvation through Jesus Christ. I understood that my searching for the answers were found. In Jesus, I was made whole. I learned my soul was in peril, but through the love of Jesus, I was made a family member of Heaven. I would never be alone, again. We read Scripture together, we got down on our knees together, and we prayed together. We were in tears and Heaven received a new member that day!
My sister went on to college and I remained home, I remained very close to my sister, my dear sister. She finished college and met a young man. She married and started a family. I saw my sister less & less, as the distance was measured by time, too…..
I was growing up and became a young woman, a young auntie and eventually somebody’s girlfriend. I knew right from wrong and stayed, I believe, within the right boundaries. We moved to another part of the state and I was even further from my sister, in distance.
This move took me away from all my friends, in school. I had many friends and was considered a good student & person. I was now a senior in high school and became an unknown in my new school. I was really upset with my parents, for making my life miserable. This was a very small town located in the boonies, so there was much suspicion and speculation as to why we moved there. I found it very hard to make friends with the kids who were good students. So I made friends with the kids who would be my friends. These were the students, who partied hard, didn’t attend church and didn’t have very good role models in their lives. Eventually, one fellow seemed to like me, very much.
I was feeling pretty much, alone in my new world order. Except for the attention I was getting from my new boyfriend. His family life was pretty much non-existent. His mother & father had divorced when he & his older sister were toddlers. His mother had experienced much violence in this marriage, so she got out.
She remarried a few years later and had a girl, a set of twin girls and a set of triplets: two boys and a girl. Home life must’ve been very busy at this house, with eight children. This mother died unexpectantly of a massive brain aneurism, before I met her oldest son.
He had no contact with his natural father, but loved his step-father very much. In time, his older sister told him that their step-father was raping her. He called the authorities and they removed her from the home, charged him with rape, but believed his other children were safe in the home. He served his time, while the kids were in foster homes. When the step-father was freed, the kids came back under his care. I believe the authorities had contacted the biological father during this time, too.
At some point, the oldest of his natural daughters began experiencing her father’s demented torture. She told her oldest brother, my boyfriend, and he once again, contacted the authorities and the kids were placed back into the system and he went to jail.
Now, when I began seeing this young man, all of this had already taken place. The step-father was at the home, no children were to be in his custody. Little by little, I was learning of my boyfriend’s home history. He was a hero in my sight. As a child himself, he stood up for his biological sister, stood up against his step-father. Then he did it again!
Many of our dates, were actually visitations of his siblings in their foster homes. He was overseeing their happiness. He was living with his real father, now too. They had a “tidy” relationship. He continued with High School to the best of his ability, but without counseling or support from anybody, he felt it was best to drop out and begin working on a construction crew, that brought him into other states. He must have needed to get away, from the pressures of his life, so far.
I missed him terribly, when he was gone. It was now springtime and he was coming home! That meant I would be able to see my hero. I loved him for his bravery and strength of mind. He meant the world to me, and I adored his siblings, too. Once, he made a phone call from my home to speak to his step-father. He wanted to talk him, very badly. He wanted to know everything was okay. Instead, his step-father threatened to kill him, threatened to stalk him, until he was in the sites of his shot-gun! I did my best to support my hero, he cried and I held him.
I adored everything about him. I think, I loved him. We were attending a party and we were discussing a future together! I believed I had found my one true love! I found a brave little soldier in a world that held only heart-ache.
I graduated from high school with almost zero friends. I missed my hero, terribly and begged him to come back, as he was gone out of my life for weeks at a time. I found a job in another town and moved to an apartment for the summer. I was enrolled in college in the fall…. I also discovered that I was pregnant! My boyfriend came to learn of our baby.
He became angry! He started throwing things at me! He said terrible things to me! I didn’t understand this complete change in him! I was devastated! My parents wanted him to marry me, I did too!
Instead, he wanted me to abort our baby. I said that I wouldn’t. He eventually became more and more distant. The last time I saw him, I was four months along. I kept in contact with his oldest sister. I wanted him to know, from her words, how I was doing, if he should ask. I began having nightmares about him pushing me down a flight stairs. Something told me to walk away.
I kept trying to see him, when his older sister would tell me he was coming back. I put on my cutest little pregger top and my best blue-jeans. I looked good. I was nearing five months now. He avoided me like the plague. They were going to take off together and I insisted on coming along. He became really angry again and flew into a rage. He threw a heavy glass ashtray at me, almost hitting me. I got out of there and ran to my apartment. The nightmares continued, I vowed to never see him again.
I spoke to my parents about what happened and they supported me and my decisions, fully. I didn’t know what the future was going to hold for me. Adoption was mentioned by a family member. My father told me that they would do whatever it took for them to be a part of their grandchild’s life. I was generously supported by my parents and family.
I started college and met a new fellow. He and I became friends. We had a good friendship going. He asked me to go “steady” with him. I did.
We talked about many things. Including the baby that was growing and coming soon. He said that he loved me and wanted to marry me. He put his hand on my tummy and said that he wanted to be this little one’s daddy, too.
In the late fall, I could no longer continue college and had to drop out. I needed to rest more, as my baby grew. In December, my new fellow and I became officially engaged. His parents were concerned with my “condition”.
Apparently, the old hero was somewhat concerned too. He had heard from the “grapevine” sister, that I was getting married. He called me one night, crying and wanted to know who was going to be raising “his kid”. I told him, he walked away from me and the baby. “The kid” was no longer his. Don’t ask me anything, because it is none of your business! I told him nothing, he finally hung up. I heard from his sister, that he had gotten another girl pregnant and that she had aborted the baby.
In January, I gave birth to a beautiful son. He was so precious! I loved him instantly! My Hero and I began setting a wedding date. In April, Easter weekend, we married! I sent out no invitations, but placed a little invitation in the local newspaper. The church was packed!
Our little boy is a joy in our hearts every day. He is now, a grown man, almost 30 years old. He enjoys being the oldest brother of two sisters and a brother. He married the love of his life and is a proud father of two beautiful girls.
The best part is, we have all rededicated our lives to following the path that God has place on. It is not an easy one. We can look back, we see where God has walked beside us and where He carried us. God was in the driver’s seat the whole time. I was never alone.
