I don’t think I will ever forget the 7th April. The awkward drive to the clinic, the cold room, the nurse with the sad face. My boyfriend took me to the clinic. We decided together that I should have an abortion. I was 7 weeks pregnant at the time. I was 19, busy studying to be a chef. He was 22. I loved him so much, we even lived together. I believed that it was the best option at the time for both of us.
The day I found out I was pregnant, I sat in the bathroom crying. My boyfriend came in and I showed him the pregnancy test. It was one of those moments where all seems unreal at the time.
The abortion itself was terrible. Firstly you get 2 pills, the 2 days later you take 4 more pills. That’s when the pain starts. Cramps, nausea, fever, bleeding, not being able to eat, not to mention the guilt. I stayed in bed for 8 days, not seeing anyone but my boyfriend.
When I went back to the clinic for my check-up and found out I was no longer pregnant, I was so relieved and forgot about the abortion. It took about 2 days to come back, the guilt, constant crying, sleepless nights…
I am not with my boyfriend anymore, I sometimes believe it is because we never spoke about the abortion afterwards and maybe I was blaming him for some of my pain. What I also never told him is that deep inside me, I wanted the baby. I even got her a name, imagined how she would look, etc.
I have only told 2 close friends about my abortion, not even my parents. Sometimes I want to tell my mom or my sister, but I just can’t. It also seems weird to talk to my friends about it.
I would love to hear from some of you on how to handle these feelings.
Love *
I’m 24 years old and have been hanging around SUG for quite some time. You see, when I was just a kid, I started making mistakes in my life. By the time I was 12, I had a serious, much older, very abusive boyfriend and I’ll admit that yes, I was having sex at that age. It, of course, didn’t take long for me to get pregnant after that. I have had multiple abortions, multiple miscarriages, a preemie who became an angel, and four beautiful children. I’ve been pregnant multiple times in a single year and it didn’t seem to matter what I did to prevent it, it kept happening.
Now I know I seem pretty stupid and promiscuous, and perhaps I once was.
When I was 15, I met the love of my life. I admit that we still weren’t smart at this point in our lives. When we were 16 and 17, our oldest son Liam was born. A beautiful, bright little boy. Following soon after was Aidan at 18 years old, Makenzie at 21 years old and Cole just this past year at 24 years old. We got married and have become fantastic parents to our children. We attend church on a regular basis and have friends and family who love us and our children. While I was pregnant with Cole, we agreed that our family felt complete (as well, my body can’t handle any more pregnancies), and my husband had a vasectomy done to help prevent any more unplanned babies.
From the outside, our lives seemed pretty good. We have a house, two cars, we both have careers, we are settled in our lives. But inside, we were both still torn up over our many mistakes. The biggest things that loomed in our minds were the abortions that we had chosen to have and the day that we made the decision to let our little girl die. We had regrets about having sex so early in our lives, me about the number of partners I have had, both of us over many things, things that could no longer be changed.
This past Sunday, we attended church as usual, only the message seemed to hit harder and a little closer to home. Forgiveness was the theme… not about asking for it. It seems that we have asked over and over, and still not felt forgiven. But the message was on accepting that forgiveness which was asked for. Suddenly, I realised that I had asked God repeatedly to forgive me for my past mistakes, mistakes that were still haunting my daily life, affecting every thought, every decision, I made. I had been torturing myself, feeling as though I would NEVER be forgiven, I could NEVER do enough to make up for my decisions in life. I had screwed up and couldn’t make things right.
What I didn’t realise is that once I asked for forgiveness, it was given to me. All that I needed to do was to accept that forgiveness. The ball was in my court, and I couldn’t see it. Finally, I feel free. I spent an afternoon this week reading the Bible and praying, talking, and letting go. I have now accepted His forgiveness and I couldn’t feel more free. Yes, I still have my past, it will never be wiped clear away from me, but now I know that it doesn’t matter what I did, just that I have been forgiven. My husband and I have talked and he has done something similar to me, and we both have forgiven each other for our mistakes. I believe that this simple experience has not only made us stronger as individuals, but as a couple, and as a family.
It’s funny that as a person, it is so easy to ask for a gift and then forget to accept it… but that’s what happened with us.
Now, it’s time to let go and live our lives to the fullest. We will never forget, but we are now comfortable in that we are forgiven, we are no longer chained by guilt and regret for things which cannot be changed.
I would like to tell all ye single mums and Mums to be my story.
I found out I was pregnant at 16 weeks and my world fell apart. You see, I never wanted kids. So this was a shock. I was with my boyfriend 2 years at the time and we had just bought a house. So money was tight and I just was not a maternal person so I thought I would be the worst mother ever. I was 27 at the time. I know u probably think 27 is old enough to have one. Well in my head any age was a no, no. So I talked to my boyfriend and I told him I would keep it. So I went on to have the worst Pregnancy ever. Diabetes, Severe back pain. I hated everything about it. When I was due, which was 28th Jan, no sign of the baby. Then on the first of Feb, I went in to get a date to get induced when my worst fears were confirmed. My baby had died at full term. No heart beating. My angel was gone. I went on to deliver her on the 5th of Feb and nobody can tell you the love you feel when you hold your baby for the first time. She was perfect in everyway and i would never see her grow up, or the color of her eyes or hear her call me Mammy.
I’m a mother and I have no baby. She will be 1 year this Feb and I miss her more and more everyday. So my advise to all ye girls is…… No Man is worth the love you feel for the first time when you hold your baby. So I think every woman should have a say when it comes to their kids. They are yours and will be for life no matter if they’re here or gone. So second-think yer decision. Mine is gone but yours is there, waiting to be loved and held by their mother…..
Thanks for reading…..
No, not at all.
We are mothers, just like any other mother! We are just younger, that’s all. Which doesn’t make us any less of a mother than anyone. We do not deserve a special name or even worship but we DO deserve respect. I know I have not been mean to any of you on here even though you say things like “You’re a whore.” “Give your baby up for adoption before you mess up her life” & etc. I am always polite when I respond. Why keep being so rude? Because I am young? Because I decided to keep my daughter and NOT abort her or give her up for adoption?
I see myself as a mother. Not someone special for raising my daughter that I made the decision to make! I also do not see myself as stupid, ignorant, awful, a disgrace, or anything along those lines, so why do you guys?
Being a mother is a blessing, not a curse. A lot of you call a baby a “consequence” but that is not what a baby is at all.
A baby is a gift and all mothers should cherish them.
A mother is not something you base on age. A mother is also not someone that gives birth. A mother is someone that takes care of their children and gives them the world. A mother doesn’t leave her child with just anyone because there are so many horrible people out there now-a-days. It is up to us, as mothers, to give our baby/babies the best and only the best.
To be very honest, I cannot believe I am writing this. However, I need to share my story with someone because I constantly feel like I am hiding who I am. I feel like I need to be with people who know how I feel and I guess this site is the only thing I have found that seems good enough. So here is my story. I really hope it helps someone in some way and might make someone’s decision a little bit easier.
I was always very good in school and had been accepted into the college of my dreams; everything was looking up for me. Then we went home for Christmas and I was raped by my cousin who I trusted very much. I could not believe what had happened and deleted it from my mind. When I missed my period, I knew I was pregnant but would not admit it to myself. This couldn’t be happening to me! I was raised in a highly Christian home, I had a wonderful boyfriend, and my life was about to turn inside out because of something that was not even my choice. I didn’t have any morning sickness and was barely gaining any weight so it wasn’t hard to pretend everything was okay. However, by the time I reached almost 6 months, I realized I was going to have to have this baby and that I could no longer hide the truth from my parents. Of course, I had thought of abortion but it just was not something I could bring myself to do. So I broke the news to my parents; I have never seen them so angry and disappointed in my entire life. I did not tell them the truth around the conception for at least another week because I guess I was too scared to admit to myself what happened. I did not want to admit how weak I had been. There was so much I could have done to prevent what happened but I didn’t do them.
I was turning 18 in July and was in my senior year of high school. Going to school pregnant was not what I would call great… far from it. But with the help of my amazing friends, I had made it. After graduating, I decided to spend the last two months of my pregnancy in a Christian maternity home. I hoped while I was there, I would be able to make a decision. I had no idea if I wanted to raise my baby or place him in adoption. It was definitely the hardest choice I would ever have to make. While at the home, they taught us all about raising a child and about the pros and cons of adoption. After a month, I decided to start looking at adoptive couple profiles. The first two days, I did not find anyone I wanted to raise my child. So that night, I prayed to God to show me the way. I prayed that if He wanted me to choose adoption then tomorrow, there would be a couple with the following qualities:
1. In their early to mid 30’s
2. Have at least one other child
3. Stay at home mom
4. Have a dog
Now the first three were needs, the dog was just a want. The next day, they had one profile for me to look at and they had all 4 things I had asked God for…. including the stupid dog! I knew in that moment God had just confirmed to me that adoption was the way. I began to talk to the couple every week and get to know them. They were so very excited to have a son and their little daughter was ecstatic to be getting a little brother. I was so prepared for the adoption but I had no idea how hard it was really doing to be.
My mom came to visit me on Labor Day weekend. I gave birth to my son on August 31. I have never been so happy in my entire life than when I held him in my hands for the first time. His eyes were wide open and he just looked up at me and grabbed my finger. I was able to spend two days with him and on Tues. the lawyer came and brought me the papers to sign. My mom kept telling me I didn’t have to do it, that we could raise him and everything would work out. She didn’t want to lose him any more than I did. I wanted to keep him with me so badly but I knew that placing him in adoption was what was best for him. I was willing to sacrifice my happiness for his. When the lawyer read the paper to me, I just cried and cried. A little bit after signing it, the adoptive couple came to my room and saw Michael for the first time. The love in their eyes was priceless. We talked for a bit and then I watched as they walked out of the room with my little boy. The feeling I had in that moment is indescribable… it was like someone had just ripped my heart out.
I receive letters and pictures from my son’s adoptive parents once a month. He is such a beautiful little boy! I think of him daily and am still trying to find a way to deal with living without him. Trying to get to a level of acceptance; to be able to share him with others. No one where I live knows anything about my pregnancy. I guess I am scared of what people will think of me and of them asking me three million questions. I hate crying in front of people and I know I would if I was to tell them. I dunno, I guess there’s just a part of me that is ashamed of having been pregnant even though it was not my fault.
Well, I just needed to get that off my chest. I wanted to tell the world in some way that I have a son named Michael David born on August 31 and I love him with all my heart. If there is anyone reading this who would like to talk or anything, please feel free to ask any questions you may have.
Thanks for listening.
I need some answers this month.
I did what everyone said and just relaxed. I just stopped thinking about pregnancy. I got my tonsils out this month “OW!” lol so I didn’t have sex that much. My period started on Thursday and was a day late and really light. Mine are normally pretty heavy so that I change my tampon every 5 or 6 hours. These past couple of days, I changed it every 12 and it was about halfway full. I feel really nauseous and a few hours before I started, I felt so nauseous I couldn’t stand. I’m hungry all the time and have to pee almost every hour. I feel bloated and have cramps and I’m really moody, I’ve been snapping at everyone. My period stopped yesterday (Monday), which is shorter than normal. I have a lot of headaches but my boobs aren’t sore or anything. I took a pregnancy test this morning and it was negative.
What do I do? Could it have been spotting and could I be pregnant? Should I get a blood test? Or wait a couple of days to take another test? I need help.
