I found out that I was pregnant on Feb 21st. I had implantation bleeding the day before Valentine’s. Which I mistook for my period coming but the bleeding only lasted a few hours. After a few days, I started to feel nauseous alllll day. My breast were really tender. All of the pregnancy symptoms started popping up so I began to look online at symptoms and things like that and read about implantation bleeding and realized that must have been what my bleeding was. My boyfriend and I joked about it and talked about it a little and ended up buying a pregnancy test at a cheapo store. Not sure if we could trust the results but decided to see what they said anyways. So we bought a pack of two pregnancy tests and I ended up taking them that Saturday. I had stayed at my boyfriend’s house and we woke up and no one else was home so we decided to just do the test and see what it said. So I peed in a cup and dropped my urine sample into the little sample bucket on the test and immediately color swept over the stick and faded away leaving TWO lines. I had dropped my pee into this stick and seven seconds later, I became a mother. I looked at my boyfriend in complete shock. I just couldn’t believe it was real. We decided to try the other test just beacuse they were $1.90 tests. Who knows if they work. So again I put my pee onto the stick and almost instantly- two lines. I stood there staring at the test and looked up at my boyfriend who honestly looked as freaked out as I felt. I was in shock. I don’t know why because we had discussed having a baby and agreed that we would raise it if it happened and weren’t using any form of birth control. But the reality of the fact that after 3 years of no protection, I was actually pregnant was far more frightening than either of us had ever imagined.
I was literally at a loss for words. I couldn’t cry, I couldn’t be scared, I couldn’t be happy. I was just frozen. Trying to come up with a plan. Something I could wrap my head around to pull myself out of this trance. My boyfriend hugged me and told me it was going to be okay. We decided to go to the store and get the best most reliable pregnancy test we could find. I brought my cup of pee with me since we had to pick his brother up shortly. We went in and got one of the clear blue digital pregnancy tests and dropped on the “first pee of the morning” as directed and sure enough within 20 seconds, the test read pregnant. I looked at my boyfriend and just burst into tears. He began to cry as well.
I had said so many times I wanted a baby. We had talked about it so much. But having it right there. Knowing it was happening was so unbelievably terrifying. It didn’t help that my boyfriend began telling me about how he couldn’t have a baby. He didn’t want one. He wanted to be able to go out and be a kid and that he wanted to be able to buy the mudding truck he had his eye on. It made it that much scarier because not only was I scared of the responsibility, but the father was completely against it. I felt betrayed. Even though I was panicking, I wish he had of been there to calm me down. I had a baby growing inside me. Of course, I’m going to be emotional and scared, not because I didn’t want it but because I was scared of how I was going to be a mother. And to have him who said so many times he could handle having a kid, break down and say so much about NOT wanting a baby made it that much worse. We collected ourselves and went and picked up his brother and brought him home. After that, we went to our town’s Planned Parenthood center. I had no idea what to do or where to start and I knew they’d have more of a plan than we did. So we went in they performed a test just to triple check and explained to us the different options we had and gave us a lot of information and stuff so we had something to go over.
After we left…
IT was around this time last year when I found out that I was one month pregnant.
I didn’t know what to do and all I could think about was my parents’ reactions coz I was only 16 years old that time. So I called my boyfriend and told him about it and the first thing he said was “Have you considered having an abortion?” I was so confused even scared to tell my sister, so I thought maybe what he suggested was the right thing to do. A few days later, when we were supposed to go do it, he never pitched, so I went there alone. While waiting there, I was asking myself whether this was the right thing to do or not? But I finally made a decision and I went through with it. Days after doing it, I started getting sick, that’s when my parents found out and I even ended up in the hospital. When I called my boyfriend to tell him about what happened, he never said anything and I never saw him for months. My parents were very angry with me but they finally forgave me and life went on as normal. Not a day passes when I don’t pray that God forgives me for what I’ve done. Each day when I think about what I’ve done, I turn into a thousand pieces and I have no one to share my feelings with. If I could turn back time, I would erase what I’ve done and bring back my baby……….
I AM SO SORRY FOR NOT GIVING YOU A CHANCE TO LIVE 🙁
So here I am once again thinking about this when I have other things to do.
I don’t know if I love my son. I picture myself with my future children but not him. The last time I saw him, I remember looking at him and thinking about how sad he looked. I seem to be unable to stand anybody touching me but I remember letting him touch me and holding him and wondering what he was thinking. People say he looks like me but I can’t see any resemblance. All mothers seem to love their babies but I just can’t. I actually don’t love anyone and I don’t think I will ever be able to. I feel like I should keep him because it’s the right thing to do but is it? What can I live with? I can’t help but think that if I were to give him up, I would never think about him again. I think I would be a horrible mother to him.
The last time I saw him, he looked sadder than any 4 year old should. He reminded me of me and how sad I always feel. It’s like he knows about all the bad things that happened in his short life and he’s thinking of all the things that are yet to come. I shouldn’t think so pessimistically when I think about him. I just wish he would smile more often. I wish I could make him smile
I want him to be happy and I want to be happy and I know its not his fault that he came into this world the way he did but it might be easier if he weren’t here. I feel such disgust when I think about his dad and I don’t want to project that on to him.
I possibly just need to get over myself and stop being selfish. But I am too young to be thinking about such things.
I need to work harder and learn to love him. Who knows, maybe once we have a new start just me and him and none of the past things will get better.
I am glad I didn’t have an abortion because its wrong to kill a child but I can’t help thinking it would be easier because I wouldn’t be able to screw up his life
Hi, I am currently in year 12 at school as part of an assignment I am researching the effect of a teenage pregnancy on an individual’s wellbeing. Below are some questions and I would really appreciate it if you could answer them!
1. How old were you when you became pregnant?
12-14, 14-16, 16-18, 18-20
2. How do you think age affected your pregnancy?
3. How did you feel when you found out you were pregnant?
Overjoyed Angry Disappointed Afraid Heartbroken
4. Did the father of the baby stay in the picture?
Yes No
5. How did this affect you?
6. How did you feel physically during the pregnancy, birth and after the baby was born?
7. How did you feel emotionally?
8. What affect did this have on your overall wellbeing?
9. How did you manage financially?
10. How did this affect you and your decisions?
11. How often do you attend social engagements?
Always Often Sometimes Never
12. How does this affect you?
13. Did you turn to any religion or spiritual guidance throughout your pregnancy?
14. Did you seek support from anyone other than family or friends?
Yes No
15. If you had another chance, would anything be done differently?
Please help!
Nothing could ever come between us
Even when we are apart you’re still with me
If the ship was sinking
I know you would not let me drown
If everyone on earth was gone
I would still have you here with me
With the last breath that I take
You would be right beside me
Every step that I take with you
My heart is stronger every minute
Without you, I don’t know what I would do
You’re everything to my heart
Having you as my love means the world to me
I just had my first ultrasound April 28th.
When I went in for my first visit, the OB felt my uterus & told me I felt about 8 weeks. So, thinking all I’m going to see on my ultrasound was a little peanut, I went in & had it done. When the Ultrasound Tech turned the screen, she says “Well, you’re farther along than we thought.” My lil baby had arms, legs, fingers, toes, and was kicking around like CRAZYY (probably b/c all I had that morning was Mountain Dew & jelly beans 🙂 haha. So, she told me I was 11 1/2 weeks… and I couldn’t be happier!!
I never thought I could fall in love soo fast!!!
