Hey all.
I live in Southern California in the LA area. I love my family dearly and spend most of my free time with them. I also enjoy crafts, baking, and watching movies. When I’m not working with Kraft, you can find me playing computer games.
I became pregnant at 17. I had no idea until one morning, a week before my senior year, I started puking my guts up. I was constantly tired. So tired I couldn’t even drag myself out of bed, I’d sleep through my alarm clock. I didn’t know what was going on, but I hadn’t noticed my period was absent for 2 months prior. I never had a regular one so I wasn’t worried. When I looked at my boyfriend and told him I was pregnant, he denied it. “You can’t be, it isn’t possible.” He said it about a million times that day. I was on birth control, and we had used condoms, but it was still true. So I went to the doctor, and she told me that I was in fact 10 weeks pregnant. Before I could get my first ultrasound, my mom sent me away to an all-girls home. I was there for 3 1/2 months with no communication to my boyfriend. He didn’t even know where I was. When I finally got my first ultrasound, I was 18 weeks…I found out the sex of my baby, and that it was twins!
Having twins didn’t hit me until they were both in my arms. It definitely has not been easy. I have no support from my family, because they think I should have given them up. But I knew I was going to be able to do this, I knew I could prove everyone wrong. But being a teenage mother has been the most difficult thing in my life. I didn’t finish high school, so I watched all my friends have an amazing senior prom, walk across stage, go to football games, do senior activities, and be a teenager after high school…
I used to have a lot of resentment towards them for not being able to have my senior year. But I’ve realized now that I wouldn’t trade anything for this experience. Because for some reason, I was blessed with two beautiful babies, because twins are nowhere in our families. Everyone always asks “Do twins run in the family?” I smile back and reply “They do now…”
OK, WHEN I FIRST BECAME PREGNANT, AND I TALKED TO MY CHILD’S FATHER AND WE DISCUSSED EVERYTHING AND HE SEEMED AS IF IT WASN’T HAPPENING OR NOT TAKING THE SITUATION SERIOUS IN MY OPINION. AND AT FIRST, HIS RESPONSE WHEN I ASKED HOW HE FELT ABOUT THE SITUATION WAS IT DOESN’T MATTER AND THAT HE’S GOIN TO DO WHATEVER I WANT TO DO. THEN AS THE PRESSURE WHINDED DOWN, STOMACH’S GOT BIGGER AND I BEGAN TO SLEEP MORE IT BECAME APPARENT THAT I WOULD HAVE TO FINALLY REVEAL TO MY MOTHER MY” BIGGEST SECRET”. I’M CURRENTLY 17 YEARS OLD WITH 2 YEARS LEFT IN HIGH SCHOOL.
WHILE IN SCHOOL ONE DAY, TOWARDS THE LAST 4 DAYS OF SCHOOL UNTIL IT IS ALL OVER, A GIRL AND I BEGAN TO THROW DRINKS AT EACH OTHER, PLAYING OF COURSE . MY PRINCIPAL OF COURSE WOULDN’T THINK SO, SO I WAS WITHDRAWN OUT OF SCHOOL. MY MOTHER WHO’S TOO CAUGHT UP IN HER HIGH PROFILE LIFE WAS IRATE.
LONG STORY SHORT, SHE’D BOUGHT A PREGNANCY TEST FOR ME TO TAKE. I’M GUESSING SHE’D ALREADY KNOWN. MOTHER’S INTUITION I GUESS. HOWEVER, SHE BROUGHT UP THE ABORTION ISSUE AND SPOKE SOLELY ON THAT AND ALL OTHER ALTERNATIVES WERE OUT OF THE QUESTION IN HER EYES.
SHE ENDED UP SENDING ME TO MY HOMETOWN OF CHICAGO TO LIVE WITH MY AUNT AND RAISE MY CHILD ALL ALONE ON MY OWN. WHEN SHE SENT ME, I LEFT WITH NO PHONE, NO MONEY, 1 BAG OF CLOTHING, AND SHOES IN THE SAME BAG, SO YOU COULD IMAGINE HOW MANY OUTFITS I COULD PACK IN THAT BAG. BEFORE I LEFT, I CALLED MY UNBORN CHILD’S GRANDMOTHER. AND INFORMED HER THAT I WAS EVEN PREGNANT BECAUSE SHE DIDNT EVEN KNOW THAT I WAS. HER SON, WHICH IS MY CHILD’S FATHER, DIDNT EVEN TELL HER. AND I TOLD HER I’M KEEPING MY BABY AND SHE REPEATED “YOU’RE KEEPING IT”? AS IF I SHOULDN’T. HE HAS A CHILD ALREADY . BUT I WANT TO KEEP MY CHILD. I MAKE EVERY EFFORT TO INVOVLE THEIR FAMILY WITH MY UNBORN CHILD. HOWEVER, I FEEL MY EFFORTS GO UNNOTICED.
I’M 8 WEEKS PREGANANT AND MY DUE DATE IS DEC 29. I JUST HOPE BY THEN MY FAMILY WILL MANAGE AND FIND AN EQUILIBRIUM.
Are you with me, baby?
It feels like you are 🙂
It makes me feel safe. It makes me feel happy
I want to make you proud baby,
I want you to be proud of your mummy
like I would be proud of you!
I still get upset, but try to think that you wouldn’t like to see me cry.
I still think of you every second of everyday,
but I think of the good things,
like when I found out you were in my belly.
You’re in a better place now, baby, where God can look after you.
Don’t forget me baby, I will never forget you.
You will always be my first baby, mine and daddy’s first child!
I will always be your mummy,
And one day- maybe not soon but I will be with you!
Daddy will be with you!
And we can be a family again!!
I love you, forever!! (L)
[Talking]
Ma,
I know the Situation is Personal…
But it’s something that has to be told.
As I was making this beat,
You was all I could think about. You heard my voice.
[Verse 1]
Yeah, Just think. Just Think.
What if you could Just,
Just blink your self away..
Just, Just wait. Just pause for a second.
Let me plead my case.
It’s the late 70’s Huh?
You Seventeen, huh?
And having me that will ruin everything huh?
It’s a lot of angels waiting on their wings..
You see me in your sleep, so you cant kill your dreams.
300 Dollars, that’s the price of living, what?
Mommy, I don’t like this clinic..
Hopefully you’ll make the right decision..
And don’t go through with the Knife incision.
But it’s hard to make the right move,
When you in high school,
How you have to work all day, and take night school.
Hopping off da bus when the rain is pourin’.
What you want? Morning sickness or the sickness of mourning?
[Chorus]
I’ll Always Be a part of you,
Trust Your Soul, Know it’s always true.
If I Could Talk, I’d Say To You…
CAN I LIVE?
CAN I LIVE?
I’ll Always Be a part of you.
Trust Your Soul, Know it’s always true.
If I Could Talk, I’d Say To You…
CAN I LIVE?
CAN I LIVE?
[Verse 2]
I am a child of the king.
Ain’t no need to go fear me
And I see the flowing tears so know that you hear me
When I move in your womb that’s me being scary
Cause who knows what my future holds
Yo, the truth be told, you ain’t told a soul
Yo, you ain’t even showing I’m just 2 months old
Through your clothes try to hide me, deny me
Went up 3 sizes
Your pride got you lying, saying ain’t nothing but a migraine
It ain’t surprising you not trying to be in Wic food lines
Your friends will look at you funny but look at you mommy
That’s a life inside you, look at your tummy
What is becoming ma I am Oprah bound
You can tell he’s a star from the Ultrasound
Our Sprits Connected Doors Open Now
Nothing But Love And Respect. Thanks For Holding Me Down. She Let Me Live…
[Chorus]
I’ll Always Be a part of you
Trust Your Soul Know it’s always true
If I Could Talk, I’d Say To You
CAN I LIVE?
CAN I LIVE?
I’ll Always Be apart of you
Trust Your Soul Know it’s always true
If I Could Talk, I’d Say To You
CAN I LIVE?
CAN I LIVE?
[Repeat 2]
[Talking]
It’s uplifting foreal, y’all
I ain’t passing no judgement
Ain’t making no decisions
I am just telling ya’ll my story
I love life
I love my mother for giving me life
We all need to appreciate life
A strong woman that had to make a sacrifice
Thanks for listening
Thanks for listening
Mama, thanks for listening
I don’t know what I just did. I wrote a letter to my mom, sayin’ I want to move out and move in with my baby daddy.
But I know I broke my mom’s heart because I’m still a baby to her but I want to live my own life with my son and soon-to-be husband. But I have a bad feeling about what I did, but also my mom needs to understand she has to let go someday right? I do love my mom. She’s always there for me and she always watches out for me but I think it’s time to let go…..
I hope I did the right thing.
