I’m 17 years old… I was a virgin about two and a half months ago … Me and ma boyfriend have been dating for about 7 years on and off … So when we was off for about a month, he got another girl pregnant …
So the girl called ma phone and said, “I wanted to let you know that your boyfriend got me pregnant” … and I was saying to ma-self that this is not true and her voice sounded like I knew this person …
So I was like, “Who is this?”
She was like, “Ask your boyfriend…” And then she hung up…
So about a week later, me and ma boyfriend got back together… So I went to his house… and we was all in the living room, chillin… Me, his bother and sister, and my little sister, and his mom… So I was like, “Since nobody has nothin to talk about … Let’s talk about my boyfriend getting a girl pregnant…” And everybody was shocked and telling me congratz and I was like, “I’m not the one who is”… And everybody was like who the girl or whatever … And I was like, “Why would you give her ma number?”…
So he was like, “Wow, are you serious? This is something you should have came in privacy to talk to me about”.. And he told us her name …
I was like, “No, not the girl from around the comer.”
And he was like, “Yea.”
And I was like, “She’s only 14″ … So he went to his room and I was like, wow … So this ”b” just walked in his house and I was sitting there like I was dumb… So I was crying or whatever and his mom held me like never let a ”b” see you fell … So that she took me upstairs and just talked me through everything …
So a week before she went in, she told her mom about it… And they told her that she have to give up her rights and my boyfriend was so mad.. He thought I was going to walk out on him but I didn’t… So about a year after, she had the baby … She was walking around like that’s ma baby in front of her friends …
So I was with ma family and I was like, “You have some nerve callin’ yourself a mother.” I was like, “I raised your child” … and then I called her a dead-beat mother… So she mad cause she was in front of her friends, so she swung on me and that was the last hit that she got on me. I beat her the ”f” up.
And she was like, “[Boyfriend], you better get your girlfriend cause it going to be some problems.” …. So a year after that, she was saying she was pregnant again by him … So we all was in his room …
So I was like, “Babe, do I need to handle this?” … And he told his daughter to go get his mom and them … So by time she left the room, I hit her and she hit the floor so hard ..
So I was like, ” ‘b’, you ain’t pregnant no more, are you.” … So they rushed her to the hospital and came to find out she was never pregnant… So after that, she was out of the picture, for a few months …
So ma little sister brought their baby and ma boyfriend’s baby back to the house .. So they was both was sleeeping … So and ma boyfriend was just laying on top of each other, just talking. And this ”b” just bust in and going saying, “You have intercourse in from ma child.”
And I was like, “Babe, do I have to handle this again?”
And he was like, “You should, but no…” And was like, “Get the ‘h’ out of ma house, tweeker…” I was dying, it was so funny…
So like in September, I was like, “I want to go on the pill.”
He was like, “You’re not ready to have sex…” He was like, “You’re making a mistake… I love you so much that we don’t have to have sex…” So he was like, “You don’t have to do this for me…”
I was like, “I’m in it for me.”
So he was like, “You sure?”
I was like, “Yeah…” So I was like, “We both should get tested because i don’t know what that tweeker got…” lol. So when the test came back, we was both negative for everything .. So I was like, “What about birth control?” …
He was like, “You don’t need it” or whatever…
I was like, “Why not?” And he was like, “It has too many side effects .. So I listened to him .. I didn’t get it… So in October, I was finally really and we did it and it hurt so bad .. I was screamin’ so loud … And after we was done, I was talking to ma little sis …
And she was like, “I heard y’all in there… Do you think you made the right decision by sleepin with him?”
I was like, “Why do you say that?”
She was like, “I don’t regret ma daughter but I regret that night when it first started …”
I was like, “It already happened… I can’t undo things now…”
She was like, “Are you at least on the pill?”
And I was like “Nope…” So I was like, “I know that you’re trying to they me what you know … But this’s ma life…”
So ma boyfriend came out ma room and we just sat downstairs and talked… And my boyfriend was like, “It would be funny with how ma little brother and your little sister had a baby … if we had one …”
So I was like, “No, it bad enough that they do have one…”
And then he was like, “I don’t know what to do if I had another…” So me and ma boyfriend is still having fun as usually…
So about eight weeks later, I usually try to stay as far away from ma parents. But one day, they caught me going up the steps… And my mom was like are, “You duckin us?” So I sat on the steps and ma dad was like, “You always with your boyfriend…” And he was like, “Y’all must be doing something y’all have no business doing…”
And I was like, “Dad, why do you always think somebody want something from me?”
And ma mom was just staring at me… And she was like, “I know was you been ducking us…
So I was like, “So you say that…
She was like, “Because you either just lost your virginity or you’re pregnant…
So I was like, “What makes you say that?
She was like, “A mother knows…” So she was like, “Which one is it…?”
I was like, “I think I’m pregnant…”
So they called ma brother and sister downstairs and my brother is a little slow, and they are twins… So ma dad was like, Grab the baby and let’s go…”
So we went clinic and the lady was like, “You’re 8 weeks pregnant and you have 3 choices: keep the baby, have the baby and give it up, or have and abortion.”
And I was like, “How long do I have to wait to make ma decision…?”
She like, “The day before your second trimester…”
So I was like, “Wow, that a major decision…”
And ma mom and dad said that “You should keep it…”
And I was like, “IDK… It’s up to him…
And ma dad was like, “No, it’s your decision…”
So I been sitting here for 3 weeks, wondering what to do… I haven’t seen him or talk to him since today…
So he was like, “Are you avoidin’ me or something? Do you want to break up or something?”
So I was like, “Nothing like that…”
He was like, “Is your parents stopping you from seein’ me…?
And I was like, “No they want us to be together…”
And he was like, “Why all of a sudden?”
I was like, “Because I’m a 11 weeks pregnant…”
And he was like, “Are you going to keep it?”
I was like, “Ma mom and dad want me to.”
So his mom was like, “Congratz.”
And he was like, “Mom, get off the phone…” So he was like, “Come to ma house…”
So we just talked about everything and we decided that we are going to keep our baby and still be there for his baby… I was crying cause I was scared that he was going say he don’t want it …
But he was like, “Why you crying..?”
I was like, “I thought you wanted me to abort…”
He was like, “How many times am I going to say I love you?”
If its a girl: hayden-erin malian. If its a boy: jayden-aaron deron
Date of conception: Sunday, September 27
Due date: Sunday, June 20
11 weeks, 0 day since pregnancy started. That’s what I believe… I don’t think that right though.
I want to share with you how abortion affected my life badly.
It’s been a month, to be exact, and I’m ready to talk about it.
It was just last month, exactly this date of last month
I knew I was 6 weeks pregnant and I’m only 17…
Like all other girls on this site… I posted some questions and advice on what to do and what is good and right…
But my boyfriend wants an abortion. He told me that we couldn’t be together if I continued the pregnancy
and it’s just gonna ruin everything… My life and his life…
It’s not that easy, finances, time, and future…
That time I was agreeing with what he said, that he’s right…
But there were times I must keep my first child..
My grandma, my mom, and my auntie was teenage moms..
and looking at what they been through was hard..
Doing it all by themselves. I was like no way to be like that…
But they was strong and kept us, me, and my cousins.
I was like I must do the right thing.. I don’t want them to be disappointed for being pregnant, that they told me and let me learned their mistake but they just say its hard
and never tell me that they regret keeping us…
I thought of my boyfriend’s parents too.
How would they react, and how will be disappointed
and pissed at my boyfriend for me being pregnant..?
So even I don’t want to and I’m not into it, I went to abort my baby..
Even though I know how it will hurt me so bad..
I still go for it.. and that was my final decision..
Nov. 6 2009 Friday 9:00am
I went to the hospital for my operation.. to abort my baby inside me..
It was a cold morning. I remember how clear it happened on that day..
When I was in the hospital, it was clear on my mind. I’m really going to do it…
That there’s no going back, but when I was inside in the operating room, looking and seeing the things they gonna be using to me, I felt the urge to run back.
But I was stuck there in shock of what I’m doing in that room..
Then, I sat on a chair, I don’t know what it called and they injected the anesthesia and let me count. I remember the last number I said was 12.
And I woke up in the recovery room saying “Stop don’t do it” then “Call my boyfriend.”
Then I felt like going to pee and asked the nurse if I could go… After that i said, “My baby is gone.”
I was too high at that time because of the anesthesia and I was like really drunk…
Around 12 noon, I went home and slept. Before I slept, I cried myself, telling myself what I have done..
That night, I’m w/ my boyfriend and I told him that “I’m a bit relieved” …
Maybe after a few days, I don’t know, something hit my head and like killed me…
I regret it… It was my choice. I thought I was right for doing it… I was blaming everyone. I thought that because of my pregnancy, they would be hurt and disappointed…
But now, I was the one hurt and hating myself for picking them first than myself…
I hated my boyfriend that time… To be honest, it was just 2 weeks of hating everyone, being mad at them and myself…
After 2 weeks of pain, darkness, and agony. I keep telling myself until now that
I accept it.. that I choose the right thing, but Its just my mind that accepts what happened.
Its just my mind telling me I’m fine, but deep inside me I’m still hurt…
Now I don’t blame everyone that I thought wanted me to abort..
I’m trying to put back all the pieces and think that my baby is fine in heaven..
I’m honestly being so selfish thinking that my baby forgives me and God forgives me too..
But it helps me to be so fine and not to cry for what I’ve done 🙁
I’m hating myself now that i feel I’m moved on and thinking that my Baby is not mad to me…
I want you to know that if you are pregnant now and want to get abortion…
ITS NOT THE RIGHT THING!! Maybe in a way, it’s RIGHT!
But in the end of the day, its just gonna hurt you for what you did!
And it’s gonna haunt you for the rest of your life! LISTEN TO US! If you don’t, you just gonna hurt yourself…
Like me, I thought that everyone says keep it in this site! But I thought they don’t know how hard it is… But I was WRONG! If I could ever go back to that time, they told me to keep it!
I wish I did LISTEN to them!!
BUT NOW ITS TOO LATE!!
There is no going back!! 🙁
Please Listen and Listen to your heart!
