So yah…. AFTER ALLLL THIS….MY beautiful fiancé decides he wants to wait till we get married to have a baby after all…

Yeah…and I’m a little peed off cos that’s what I wanted to begin with and he didn’t want that. He wanted to have a baby NOW NOW NOW! lol! But now he’s decided what I wanted was best. But I can’t say that I’m entirely happy……you see I got around to the idea of our baby coming soon and now it’s got to a point where I really really want to conceive and have a baby. It’s like someone has just called a halt to my dream… Am I bein selfish? spoiled? stupid? I don’t know…

Deep down, I know that it’s the right way to do things and that’s what I wanted all along. But I guess I just feel dumb because I was willing to change my ideals for him just like that and defend my choice to the hilt. And now HE’s the one telling ME how it should be. A part of me IS happy that we are doing things God’s way, but I can’t help but feel a little deflated……………sad even. I want to be a mommy so bad and the thought that it was gonna be happening so soon…the conception, the good news, the pregnancy…everything . And it seems that whatever we do, he makes the decisions I do the work whether it be emotionally, physically, or internet research-ally (lol). It seems my whole world surrounds his whim.

I don’t know, maybe it’s my own dramatic self making things more of a stress than what it is and I know he has his fair share…but it doesn’t feel like it… 🙁