queenB

You are strong. As I was reading your post I thought, "what if she had not listened to her heart? What if she went through with the abortion to make her boyfriend happy?" I’m sure you would have regretted it for the rest of your life. You made the right decision. You should be proud of yourself. Way to go! Way to Stand Up.

My friend, I talk to a lot of women who have had abortions and nearly all of them, after their abortion, want to have another child right away. This is just one of the symptoms of post abortion syndrome. It is very possible that you are suffering from the effects of your abortion. You are not alone though, and what you are going through is not uncommon.

It sounds to me that you and your boyfriend are in disagreement about when you want to have a child. Make sure you discuss this issue of children thoroughly with him before you get married. Prior to saying your vows, make sure you are on the same page as him in areas such as finance, house chores, and children. You see, if you enter into marriage and you know there are key issues that you disagree upon, that could be a recipe for disaster.

Additionally, a relationship where one goes behind the others back is never stable. In a marriage, both parties have to respect the others views and opinions. Remember, when you are married, two become one. It is no longer you making decisions, but it is the two of you together. To do something behind his back, is to only hurt yourself.

The key to a healthy marriage is communication. Please talk to your boyfriend and tell him that you don’t want to wait that long to have another child. Be open with your feelings, and be respectful of his. I think this is something the two of you should talk out. Have you considered compromising with your boyfriend? Maybe after you get married, wait two years instead of four to have a child. Work on finding an agreement in which you both give a little.

It sounds to me that you would like to talk with someone about this. Let me refer you to your local pregnancy resource center. They have great volunteer counselors there who would love to help you sort through all this. They also offer post abortion support programs. These are support groups for people who have been effected by abortion. The group is lead by someone who has had an abortion and has gotten emotional and spiritual healing. And best of all everything that the center offers is free and confidential. Let me show you how to look it up. Go to: http://www.optionline.org/advantage.asp or you can call 1-800-395-HELP. At the website all you have to do is type in your zip code and a list of centers will appear. Just call the center and tell them about your situation.. They will be happy to help you.

Let us know what you decide. We care about you!

Karlie,
My name is April and I help moderate the forums on Stand Up Girl. I was moved by what you wrote.

There have been cases in which women took the first set of pills but changed their mind and decided not to carry through with the second trip to the doctor (the miacarriage as you referred to it). They went on to deliever perfect, healthy babies – no birth defects. I am no doctor, but you may still have hope.

When you see the doctor tomorrow, tell him or her that you do not want to continue with this treatment. Instead ask for an ultrasound. That way they will be able to tell whether or not your baby’s heart is still beating. I feel very certain that the doctor will try to pursuade you to continue with treatment, but make sure you get that ultrasound before you do anything else. Don’t loose hope. There may sill be time.

We are praying for you right now.

April