Meg11

You are so welcome…it can be hard sometimes to wait things out, we are naturally impatient…LOL…I am here for you and support you in your walk and your life…I think you will do well and go far and I am proud of you…Love Meg

Thanks for writing back, one thing that I really want to press with you is the importance of not having a secret relationship, you will want your parents approval of your future husband, you still need their support and love and trust, do not betray them, even if it means putting your friendship on hold for a while, I think that deep down you know that it is the right thing to do and you may be surprised with their reaction, if you come to them as a responsible adult, even though you are 16, they may treat you more like a responsible adult…if he grows to love you he will wait, if his intentions with you are right then he will wait, if you love him you will wait…you should strive to do all things in decency and in order, keep practicing your ability to be self controlled and start by talking to your parents, let them know you understand what your past choices have caused in your relationship with them, that you want their trust and respect and that is why you are letting them know how you feel about this man, then prove it by being patient and waiting until timing is right….maybe just keep it to talking on the phone and emails and once in a while have a public meeting for lunch with friends or something….that is just my opinion, I have had secret relationships and I can tell you that they are dangerous for your purity, reputation, trust and respect for yourself, each other and others…..Love Meg

This is a tricky situation, as you have shared your beliefs with me I would say it is safe to assume that if he does share your beliefs then he will stick around and wait until things can be legal for you two to be together…does he go to your church? Do your parents know him, know about him? The thing is that right now you are “jail bait” for him, if you find yourself in a spot to fall in love with him then you could risk him going to jail, however keeping things pure in your relationship meaning no sex in any shape or form, no touching etc…then I can’t see charges being held against him….I think that he needs to prove to you that he shares your beliefs and I think time will allow his colors to stand true or be revealed….also another thing is that secret relationships have NO accountability, I would let your parents in on this if they do not know already, let them be your parents and let them cover you and protect you….I do not know him so I am not judging or pointing a finger, I would share this with anyone in your situation, young or old, it is no new news that sometimes predators go for young single moms to get close to their kids, be careful, be watchful and do not let him spend time alone with your son…I think a person needs to stand the true test of time first…most of the time an age difference of this many years is a huge concern, the thing is when there is no sex involved and the younger of the couple is a parent then there is usually an equal maturity level…I just think it is important to keep your parents in the know, keep things clean and anything but sexual in the relationship, try to be friends and stay in a friendship based relationship until you are old enough to not be jail bait, also avoid doing things alone like driving around in the dark or watching movies under a blanket in a dark room…keep yourself accountable and make him prove that he will respect your body and tell you no even if you pursue him….other than that let it stand the test of time….I am here if you have more questions….Love Meg

All I have left to say is that if you took 3 different precautions to prevent pregnancy and you still ended up pregnant how can you look at this as a mistake, an “oops”, can’t you see that with all the preventative measures taken that this baby made it to your womb? Maybe this was meant to be, have you thought of that? There is a reason why this baby was conceived against all odds and it will be your loss if you rob yourself of the joy of meeting such an amazing and strong little person to have made it to your womb…I am leaving this discussion at that, you know, if you go through with this I know that your baby will suffer briefly and then be in the loving caring arms of God…you will be the one left with the permanent suffering and I just hoped that reaching out to you and sharing facts and info could prevent you from the destruction you are walking into….I will keep you in my prayers but cannot continue this conversation anymore….you know your options and you seem to know what you want, I know that abortion is not the right way and I hope that you will not have to learn the hard way that it is not…Love Meg

Hey there sweetie, I am sorry that you are in the situation you are in…our parents are supposed to be the ones who help us, support us and teach us how to make responsible decisions and it seems as though your parents have let you down in so many ways…it is important to love them and respect them regardless but I am so sorry that they were the ones to bring this upon you….here is a number you can call 1-800-395-HELP, they can give you the number and location to the closest Pregnancy Resource Center to you where you can get FREE and CONFIDENTIAL post abortive counseling …obviously it will not make your baby come back to you and it will not solve all of your problems but it will be something that can help you heal and forgive yourself and your parents…it will be a safe place for you to let your guard down with someone who has been equipped with the knowledge of grief and emotions involved who can then help you find the best way to begin your healing journey….we are all here on Standupgirl to support you as well, you have a lot of ears here to listen and many mouths to offer helpful advice…I hope that you will stick around and let us love on you and Stand by your side as you find the strength to heal and move on….much love and many prayers….Meg

Lord we just ask that you would be with Ashley in this critical time in her life….You know the circumstances and the situation and we pray that you would meet her medical and emotional needs as well as protect her little baby…no matter what happens in this situation we trust that You know what is best and will be will all who are involved….we ask all of this and for Your perfect will…in Jesus’ Name….and all who agree can say AMEN!!

Hey there, Sadly that is normally what you get from “family planning clinics” They are more about birth control/contraceptives and not so much about your health….I think you should go to your regular doctor, get a blood test and also schedule an ultrasound, if you are in fact not pregnant then you need to find out why you are feeling the way you are, why your stomach is bloated/larger than normal and why your periods have been messed up, you could have cysts on your ovaries or something else to that effect, I am not a doctor but I feel that I have given you “more medical advice” than the family planning lady did, honey go to the doctor because you only have one body in this life and you need to take care of it, listen to it, if something doesn’t seem right then you need to be seen….please let me know what you find out….Love Meg

I lost my virginity at 13, it was definitely not what I expected, I had seen “dirty movies” and heard stories and I expected to feel the most amazing sensations and to be in sheer bliss, it was not that at all, some girls experience pain but I did not…however it was not a pleasant thing either I lost my virginity on my best friends twin brothers bedroom floor in a sleeping bag with his best friend…my friend was laying on the other side of the room keeping guard so we wouldn’t get caught and her brother was laying in his bed flicking a lighter over and over again saying “fire fire” like from that show Beavis and Butt-head…it was NOT romantic, it felt robotic and rushed and I remember thinking “is this really what sex is like” it was bland and dull and he dumped me 20 minutes later for being “too clingy” I just wanted to hold his hand and feel close…now I know that others have had better first time experiences but it was not so hot for me…I spent years trying to figure out how to get better and be better and to make guys want me, the more I tried to use sex to bring a closeness in a relationship the worse my relationships got, what I have learned since being married and with that having sex with my husband for the first time on our wedding night is that it is not sex that makes a relationship better, more important and intimate it is the intimate, trusting, monogamous relationship that makes sex great…please take it from me, I have been on both sides now, being with my husband in a sexual relationship is far better and more fulfilling than any of the other relationships and it is because of the commitment, the trust and the safety I have in his companionship….the physical enjoyment of sex for a woman is far different than it is for a guy, it requires little to no effort to please him and much much more to physically please a woman, I am not going to say too much more about the physical aspects other than yes, there can be immense physical pleasure for the woman also but what I hope you wait to learn for yourself is that in the meantime the 20 minutes of HIS pleasure and the lack of pleasure for you is not worth all the risks and responsibilities that will be left on YOUR shoulders….wait, it is sooo worth it, trust me, I would know….Love Meg

Also be sure they do an ultrasound and that you see it, sometimes the baby can be caught in your tube and the RU486 will not expel a baby from your tube and it requires a different kind of surgery than a normal D&C to remove the baby in that circumstance….

Sweetie, You are right, it is your choice, I want you to take a few minutes and be opened minded, disregard what your friend has already said and take away the fear of having to tell her or lie…I felt very much like you when I first found out I was pregnant, I cried, threw up, was depressed and miserable, I planned on having an abortion so I continued to smoke, drink and do other miscellaneous recreational drugs and pills…There are a few different kinds of abortion, the two most common at this time are the surgical D&C and also the pill, RU486… With the surgery you will most likely be given some kind of a pain reliever and will be dilated artificially….and then once you are dilated the surgeon will use a curettage tool to scrape and remove the baby from your uterus, risk factors involved can be that the sharp tool used can puncture your uterus, the dilators used can damage your cervix and both of those things can potentially render you infertile permanently and also cause issues with carrying a future child to term…also if any part of the baby is left inside of you you can face major infection that can also potentially render you infertile or cause problems with future pregnancy, any of these issues can also be life threatening and many women have died from one or more of these complications…this is not to scare you or an attempt to change your mind but with any surgery you should go in prepared and educated about the risks…with the abortion pill you will take the first set that will in a sense poison the baby and cause it to die, then the second set will cause your body to go into labor, causing contractions and eventually expel the baby…sometimes the second set of pills will not work correctly and you will still have to go in for the surgery and sometimes not all of the baby will come out and you will face infection…the pain of the contractions are harder, stronger and more painful than regular natural labor because it is chemically induced…there have been many women, not all, but many who have actually expelled their baby into the toilet and even though it is small at an early stage they have been able to see it after puncturing the gestational sack, no matter what kind of abortion you seek it is important to go through counseling before and after, here is a number to a place where you can seek FREE and CONFIDENTIAL counseling 1-800-395-HELP, they can discuss the risks and procedures in better detail than I am able to…now I want to share an experience that I had a couple years back…a very dear friend of mine found out she was pregnant, I was pregnant as well, we were due almost the same day…she was worried and scared not only to do this alone with two other kids but because of her medical health, she was told that the weight gain and strain on her body could cause major health problems, she decided that she was going to have an abortion, I shared with her about the risks and the emotional consequences and she eventually decided that she had no other choice…she took the RU486 pill…she called me before she had taken her second set of pills, she wanted to change her mind, the ER told her that she had to take the second set of pills or she could end up with a really bad infection and potentially die, she took the second set and had horrible pains, she ended up catching the baby in her hand when she went to the bathroom, she did not puncture the little yellow sack that ended up on her hand but she knew what was in there, she took the sack with the baby in it and placed it on some toilet paper in her toilet and flushed it, she was unable to use her toilet for the longest time and would go to her moms house across town and make up various excuses of why she always showed up to go potty…I am thankful that she didn’t tell me she “miscarried” she was free to share her pain and regret with me because she didn’t have to keep up a lie, if your friend is a true and real friend she will love you and be there for you regardless of the choice you make, she may hurt for you as I hurt for my friend, she may regret not saying the right thing, just like I do, she may be disappointed, but if she is a true friend she will still be there and love you even if she doesn’t approve of what you decide…with that said, I do not agree with abortion, I think it does so much more than end a pregnancy, it affects the mom and those who love her in a negative way more than a positive, and it is a regret that is extremely hard to live with for the rest of your life…also with that said I will be here for you even if your friend wont be…legally it is your choice and I hope that you will take this info, do some research, very thorough research and make a decision that you can live with, you can always reschedule an appointment but you cannot undo abortion, you can choose adoption and then take it back but you cannot bring a baby back to the womb to finish growing and developing…You can choose to parent and then decide on adoption if it is too much but you cannot take back abortion……please think long and hard…and please regardless of what you decide let me know just so I can keep tabs!! Love Meg

Here is a great resource for ya, 1-800-395-HELP, Optionline can give you the number and location to the closest Pregnancy Resource Center to you where you can get a FREE and CONFIDENTIAL test, an ultrasound and they have tons of resources, most if not all of the resource centers have a program where you can watch short parenting videos and earn, “baby bucks” or “mommy money” and they have a store where you can purchase items, our local center has everything from cribs, bassinets, rocking chairs, clothes up through toddler sizes, maternity clothes, diapers, formula, blankets, diaper bags, etc, you name it….I personally contribute to them, I donate stuff to them all the time, I plan on bringing in my stroller with matching car seat that snaps in soon, it is in great condition, every fall we have a community baby shower as well, they ask all the people in the community to bring new or slightly used items and they fill a whole school bus with diapers and other needs for the center….there are also places that are like thrift stores but better, ours is called Encore Kids, you can make an appt, bring in a certain amount of clothes or other items like strollers and trade them in for store credit, if you do it smart you may never have to buy new clothes, you can trade sizes over an over again as long as the clothes stay nice, you can also apply for WIC and get free milk, eggs, cheese, peanut butter, bread, tortillas, rice, cereal, fresh fruits and veggies and juice, tuna and beans if you are breastfeeding…they can also give you a free breast pump, food stamps are available and also hygiene vouchers to help you get shampoo, conditioner, toothpaste etc…then there is the obvious thrift stores too, there are food banks and many of the food banks now have clothing closets, at my church we have a deacons fund, if someone has a need that can not be met any other way we can take money out of the deacons fund to help with that, whether it is rent or dental needs etc, also there are places like energy assistance where they can set up a fund with your service provider to help with your electric bill…they also teach you things that you can do to lower your bill like keeping your fridge full, even if there is not a lot of food you can keep gallon jugs of water in there and the less “dead air” the less energy it takes to keep things cold…oh, there is a wealth of info and resources out there and I have no doubt that you will manage just fine, I use less laundry soap than called for, my clothes smell great and are clean, there are all kinds of tricks to learn and I am here to fill your brain with all kinds of ideas, I am a stay home mom, 4 kids and we have 1 income…even in this economy we are surviving without food stamps and one of the reasons is because we use our resources wisely, we eat a little smaller portions,(we can all do that…LOL) just let me know if you want or need anymore info or tips on specific ways to save ans stretch your budget and let us all know when you find out…Love Meg

Well sweetie, I think you are pregnant, I am not a doctor so I am not giving you medical advice here but from my own personal experience and hearing from so many other girls over the years you really sound like you are pregnant, go ahead and call the number I gave you above for the Pregnancy Center and get tested, then make sure you go to a doctor ASAP, you want to have good prenatal care early on….let me know what you find out…Love Meg

Well it’s nice to meet you Lisa, one thing that is good to know about your situation is if you have been sexually active, protected or not? Sometimes when you get pregnant you will have implantation bleeding, that sounds a lot like what you may be experiencing, do me a favor and call this number, 1-800-395-HELP, they can give you the number and location to the closest Pregnancy Resource Center to you where you can get a FREE and CONFIDENTIAL test and have someone there with you to counsel you upon the results…please let us all know what happens and what you find out….Love Meg