Dear baby,

I’m writing this pretty late, but last week on the 21st, it was the 2-year anniversary since mommy decided to give you back to God.

I wasn’t so sad, baby, but don’t think I forgot about you! There is not a day that goes by where I don’t remember you. Although I was only 6 weeks and 4 days pregnant with you, from day one, I grew a special bond with you that no one, not even in a million years, will understand. I hope you’re not mad at me for my decision; abortion,  no, giving you up, was the best choice and I needed to make it. It’s a horrible thing, most definitely. Thinking about how it happens and what they do…it gives me chills. But you are in heaven now, my sweet angel, and don’t get too comfy there because in a few years, you’ll be back in my tummy and I can watch you grow. Like me and your daddy say, you’re not gone forever, you’re only on a vacation waiting to come back. I’m always going to hurt when I think of you because you were just a sweet innocent child, but so was I. I was 13: a baby having a baby. I have my whole life ahead of me and there’s so much I want to accomplish. You want to know what’s in mommy’s future? I plan on continuing dance throughout high school and hopefully doing a solo my senior year. I’m getting my license in November, probably not a car but a job as well. Your daddy and I are running for homecoming king and queen this year and I plan on doing NHS this year. Next summer, I’m going to visit my best friend in the Dominican Republic and I told him all about you, my love. After high school, I want to apply to college in Arizona, Florida, or somewhere that’s not in Illinois. I’m going to Major in therapy for girls who are pregnant, who aborted, who adopted, and teen moms, and I’m minoring in dance. After that, I’ll see where life takes me. Maybe I should tell you all that’s happened since you’ve been gone. Your grandparents divorced and grandma and grandpa both have a new bf/gf. Auntie S tried to kill herself back in May, and Auntie A has nervous breakdowns every day. Your daddy and I almost broke up, but don’t worry, we’ll be together until you’re back in our arms in the future. But, I don’t want to tell you all the bad things. I’m happy now, baby. I mean, maybe I would’ve been happier with you, but I’m excited to build up my education and life to prepare for you so I can give you the life I never had. You mean the world to me, baby, and I really hope you will forgive me and understand this was the best thing for both of us. You are still my little angel and I love you with everything that I am. You will NEVER be forgotten, baby, NEVER.

With all of my love,

Mommy. <3