confusion,hatred and hope….

Mixed emotions…I don’t know what to do nor to write!

I just want some space to think of what the best thing to do…I am pregnant, but it seems no one even cares for me, even the father of my baby. He wants the baby aborted which is impossible for me to do…It’s like killing myself too…I don’t want to be guilty! I think the best way is to stand still and face life’s consequences…

I have to be strong…But it’s too hard…I’m so lonely…I want to cry!… I’m so sad…

My dad is kicking me out

So, my dad is kicking me out of the house and trying to get me to live in a foster home or group home.

He won’t give me consent to live with the baby’s father, and he won’t even look at me. I don’t know what to do! My fiancé and I have been looking up laws and such to help us find some other way to let me live with him, but we can’t find anything!

I feel so helpless.

Can anything fill this empty feeling?

A month ago today, I found out I had a miscarriage…

I remember the nurse searching for the heartbeat on the ultrasound… But never finding it. The doctor later came in and told me the news. Ever since then, it’s like I’ve been in a daze. Yeah, I’m only 14 and too young for a baby… But I was actually looking forward to it.

Does anyone know what I should do to fill the empty space in my heart?

I’m pregnant??

I never thought I would be in this position. 15, almost 16, and pregnant?

On November 5th, I went to my doctor and I was there for 2 hours because they were waiting for a urine sample. When I still couldn’t go, they took a blood test. Later that day, I called for my results. I remember the doctor saying “It came out positive” and through the phone and flipped. My mom and boyfriend calmed me down.

I had 3 options

1. Abortion

2. Have it and give it up for adoption

3. Have it and keep it unless i had a miscarriage

I chose option 3, which I suppose is selfish of me. What 15 year old can take care of a baby, a 15 year old that comes from a poor family? But i want to have it.

I still feel alone and scared a lot, but my family is here, supporting me. And my boyfriend for 5 months is staying and helping. When I say staying, I mean he lives with me and doesn’t plan on taking off. I went in for an internal ultrasound 2 weeks ago on Nov. 15 and found I was 7 weeks and 4 days pregnant. They said the baby looked healthy.

I’m scared, but excited. What do i do?

Anyone ever cry when you wake up from a good dream?

I close my eyes and drift away, and find you waiting there for me. Your deep blue eyes, your warm gentle hands, your sweet soft smile.  I’ve longed for you for what seems like an eternity.  And now here you are.  calling out for me.
Begging me to come to you, because you can’t do without.  You can’t breathe, you can’t live without me by your side.  I’m the one your heart loves… a fact that you can no longer try to hide.

My skin embraces your fingers as you lightly brush them across my cheek. My lips melt into yours as you pull me closer still. It feels like the very first time we touched… So lost in this moment, you ask me if I love you. I say I always will.
I feel the warmth of your love consume my frostbitten heart. Our time is finally here, like I’ve prayed for, we’ll have a new start.
then suddenly the sun fades, your hands drop, the warmth chills, your kiss stops.  And you vanish from me.  As I open my teary eyes, I realize that I have just experienced a horrible tragedy.  Reality sets in.  Leaving no hint of sunshine.  Not even a gleam. 

Every bit of this beautiful moment with you, my sweetheart, was nothing more than my broken heart’s wishful dream.

Coping with pregnancy

This is my first pregnancy so all of these things are definitely new to me.

I would have to say pregnancy is the hardest thing to cope with as a teen especially when you can’t be around your friends how you used to. These past few months, I’ve had to move away and attend an alternative school where I know no one, but I suppose that everything happens for a reason. I’ve learned to accept my pregnancy though and I find myself really interested in learning about my changing body, taking care of the baby, and eating healthy….

Five more months to go.