Since Keagan died… We went two separate ways. Kinda. William went to rehab, I went to Counseling… We talked occasionally, but we never had anything to say.
William moved into his moms new place in August of 2009… so he could continue the road to sobriety. I stayed here, in Springfield. I took the summer planning an “empty” life. School, College, Work, Future Job. ALL planned out…I didnt have Keagan, or William so all the things I planned before were null and void. He checked up on me still, and I have to admit, Its HARD to love someone, and considering my daughter was gone, made loving him that much worse….
In October, I cut off all contact, I had to… And, i did complete every goal i set for myself, and i became really “superficial”… Know a cheerleader? and how they’re peppy? that was me, i smiled, so much, it became a new thing…
I went to therapy/counseling that my parents reluctantly set up…but i went once, twice a month… i wasnt interested. I dealt with everyone talking about me. the worst story i heard thus far… i killed my daughter. william killed our daughter… thats unfair. my baby died from lacking oxygen for too long… william and i fighting didnt help anything…
but, william found out that the girl he had been dating was pregnant in january of this year. calling me, he asked that we talk. William never let me down. Besides our fighting, He really didnt. I can’t blame him for everything. But… he talked. more than i had in year that had passed us by, and asked that i still be there for him, because one thing he was totally sure of was that he loved me. Speechless, I said i’d always be there. March,April, May, June, July i attended my 2-hour a week counseling sessions. I talked to William. I visited Keagan. I brought her to my surface. I’m willing on fixing this. August, William’s exgirlfriend had a due date. by the 4th.. Baby Micheal was born, full term he was ony 4 pounds, and tested positive for heroin. William’s son was placed in DFS…where he’s stayed. William’s almost done with parenting plan, next step is placement with william-the girl signed rights off..drugs are more important , and today… September 14th, 2011… I’m engaged to the man i will always love. Mistakes happen. I forgive will. all the love in the world…. William may not be perfect but, love is.
I’m 20 years old. I like to share my story with others because it really shows that no matter what, you can do this, and no matter what, you’re not alone.
I’m currently 19 weeks pregnant and very excited for this baby to come! However, my boyfriend, not so much. We’ve been together for 5 years and definitely have our ups and downs, but one thing we always shared was truly loving each other. He joined the service and I couldn’t have been prouder of him. He was following his dreams. When he got back, we went away to separate schools and survived that. Then a year ago, we moved in together. Things were good for a while, but as usual, something was getting in the way of us being truly happy. Well, we tried to work things out for several months and it seemed that everything was finally going to work out.
Well, the second week of June came around and I found out I was pregnant. I’ve been on birth control for 3 years and know how to take it properly. However, I forgot to take it 3 days in a row and bam, I became pregnant. I was really nervous to tell my significant other, but finally got up the courage to do so. His first reaction wasn’t really a reaction at all. He was just kinda like, “Ummm, really? Okay.” So the next day, I made him sit down with me and tell me how he really felt about it. He was terrified as most men are when they first hear the news. He said that he’d be there for me and the baby and I was over the moon. For once, things were going to be good. Well, 2 weeks later, I came home from work and all of his things were gone. He called me a few days later to tell me that he wasn’t ready for a baby and if I wasn’t going to have an abortion, then he couldn’t be with me anymore. I thought about this for a while. I really wanted him in my life, but I also already loved this baby so much. After no contact with him for about a week, I made the decision to keep my baby. I told him that I was keeping it and I really haven’t heard from him since.
Ladies, when it comes to pregnancy, you need to do what’s right for you! Not your parents, or boyfriend, or even friends. This decision is ultimately yours and you can do whatever you feel is right in your heart. You don’t need a man to help you through it and remember this, anyone can be a father. But it takes a special man to be a Dad. Also, support lies all around you. My family and friends have been great support for me throughout this entire pregnancy so far and whenever I do feel alone, I look at my growing belly and remind myself that I made the best decision for me and I have more love for this baby than I ever thought possible.
I just got back from my doctor’s appointment not too long ago, and getting my glasses as well.
I asked when my due date was, and he said he wasn’t going to change it and that it is November 18th.
I asked him if he could tell if my little guy was healthy and such, and he said yes. Well, of course by what he can tell. So, that makes me happier.
My sugar test came back good (: And I had to do another blood test today, because last time my doctor forgot.. So I will hopefully know the results of all my tests at my next appointment.
My next doctor’s appointment is two weeks from now, on September 26th.
I am very happy with the way my pregnancy is going so far (:
Tomorrow, I have to drop a note off to my Vice Principal so that she can rearrange things to get ‘home instruction’ for me I think it’s called. It’s so a teacher can home-school me while I am home with the little one for up to six weeks.
I will keep updating, you guys, and thank you for those who are supporting, and helping me, and following my journey with me (:
It’s going to be hard, and have its ups and downs, but really… Nothing is impossible, and I will go to show those doubters how teen mothers can be better mothers than older mothers. I am sick of this bad reputation that goes with teen mothers.
Let’s show em’! ^_^
Alright… Its been 2 years since my daughter died. Daily, I always struggle with SOMETHING… either soneone said the wrong thing, or i hear song’s that i associate with Keagan, or i just… Yeah, there’s always something. Well…I have best friends, and they all have kids too… which sometimes makes me feel worse, but then again, I accept that Keagan wasnt ready to be anything but a Momma’s Angel… But Other times, I get jealous. Like, I dont wanna talk to anyone jealous…
Today, my friend found out she’s pregnant, again. She’s a year younger than me, with a daughter 11 months old…and it made me sooooooooo angry! but, she said the most off-the wall thing… She asked if i could adopt it… “it” being a girl, too…
What do you say to that? Really? She gave me a lawyers number, and said she was willing…
Today was weird, and I been crying all day. As much as I’d love to help my friend, and help a baby who would otherwise be…i mean, what…? I’m unsure… Keagan may be gone, but she isnt replacable, and i feel that if i say yes, then i’m partially just going to mask the real problem…
not sure…
We finally found out what we are having, a boy (:
We wanted a girl and were so ready to hear, “You’re having a girl”, but she’s a he and we couldn’t be happier! As we went into the ultrasound room I thought to myself ‘It’s definitely a boy’. My boyfriend told me he thought the same thing.
We’re so excited. (: We’ve bought sooo many clothes already, we might need to get another dresser! Haha. My baby shower is November 6th, I told guests we don’t need many newborn clothes because we have so many, but fleece & warm things are needed cuz he’s coming in Winter. You’d think in Maine there would be a lot more warm newborn outfits than there are…
My boyfriend just got another job. (: He works at a grinding place that sharpens knives & kitchen stuff. He makes $11 an hour which is greeat. We’re going to look at an apartment today. (:
Ahh, life <3
I started school again, It’s going pretty well. I skip a few days for different appointments and one of my days is really slack & none of the classes are required. Like I’m doing today, whoops. Ahh well. It’s going really good. Everyone LOVES to look at my belly & touch it and everything. People, girls especially, love to ask a bunch of questions. I answer all of them, of course, unless it’s mean or meant in a hurtful way. Then I ignore them. It’s the worst getting stuck behind me in the hallway though. I may not be big yet, but 20 extra pounds are making me waddle!! haha.
We just got a kitten too. Great baby practice cuz she’s up all night & always needs something. My boyfriend got my rat a cage & all kinds of little things yesterday, which is a surprise considering he says he hates her. He loves her, I know it. We’re getting her a friend in a few weeks (: SO excited.
Life is amazing right now, I couldn’t ask for anything more. Maybe nausea relief, but that’s all.
I’m 20 years old. I like to share my story with others because it really shows that no matter what, you can do this and no matter what, you’re not alone.
I’m currently 19 weeks pregnant and very excited for this baby to come! However, my boyfriend, not so much. We’ve been together for 5 years and definitely had our ups and downs, but one thing we always shared was truly loving each other. He joined the service and I couldn’t have been prouder of him. He was following his dreams. When he got back, we went away to separate schools and survived that. Then a year ago we moved in together. Things were good for a while, but as usual, something was getting in the way of us being truly happy. Well, we tried to work things out for several months and it seemed that everything was finally going to work out.
Well, the second week of June came around and I found out I was pregnant. I’ve been on birth control for 3 years and know how to take it properly. However, I forgot to take it 3 days in a row and bam, I became pregnant. I was really nervous to tell my significant other but finally got up the courage to do so. His first reaction wasn’t really a reaction at all. He was just kinda like, “Ummm, really? Okay.” So the next day I made him sit down with me and tell me how he really felt about it. He was terrified as most men are when they first hear the news. He said that he’d be there for me and the baby and I was over the moon. For once, things were going to be good. Well, 2 weeks later I came home from work and all of his things were gone. He called me a few days later to tell me that he wasn’t ready for a baby and if I wasn’t going to have an abortion then he couldn’t be with me anymore. I thought about this for a while. I really wanted him in my life, but I also already loved this baby so much. After no contact with him for about a week, I made the decision to keep my baby. I told him that I was keeping it and I really haven’t heard from him since.
Ladies, when it comes to pregnancy you need to do what’s right for you! Not your parents, or boyfriend, or even friends. This decision is ultimately yours and you can do whatever you feel is right in your heart. You don’t need a man to help you through it and remember this, anyone can be a father. But it takes a special man to be a Dad. Also, support lies all around you. My family and friends have been great support for me throughout this entire pregnancy so far and whenever I do feel alone, I look at my growing belly and remind myself that I made the best decision for me and I have more love for this baby than I ever thought possible.
