Just found this awesome site – I am new to blogging, but will figure it out quickly.
Anyone out there who would like to become a friend – who needs a listening friend, click on me. 😉
I’ll listen – I want to see young women who become pregnant to be encouraged, not discouraged, about one of the most exciting things in life….children. 😉
There is no pleasant way to start off this story…but it’s a story I’m willing to share. I’m 23 years old, a second-year college student and basically a single mother. I say that because my boyfriend and I don’t live together and we’re forever on and off. My son just turned three this August. He means the world to me, and being pregnant with him was the best choice I ever made.
However, I learned in March of this year, I was pregnant again. It wasn’t planned or expected. I had mixed feelings about it, more because I didn’t see having a second child being part of my plan at the moment. It was mid-terms and I was crammed with work and morning sickness. I didn’t have a clue about what to do, or how I’d be able to handle everything. My supposed boyfriend was unreliable, rude, always negative, and had to be told when to change his son, when to feed him, and when to bathe him. It was overwhelming. I confided with my Bible study group, and they wanted me to go through with having the baby. But I didn’t see it happening for me. I chose not to. On March 23rd, I had an abortion. It was the hardest thing for me to do. All I wanted to do was forget and wish I hadn’t gone down that road. I found out later that 3 of my friends were pregnant, but carried out their pregnancy. Two of them just had their babies. while visiting them a part of me tenses up. I long to hold their child and think, “If I had gone through with my pregnancy…This would be me”
There are days I tear up and nights that I cry and wish I could change what I did. I feel like a murderer. I feel like a hypocrite because I was that person who always said no to abortion. I cry to God and say how are you going to forgive me for such a sin, to commit a murder to a child that was blessed to me and I threw him or her away.
This week, I took a home pregnancy test and discovered I am pregnant yet again. Twice in ONE year!!! All I can think right now is how can I be so stupid? How did I land myself in this hot mess…again? Only this time, there is a twist to the story…The father could be my long-time boyfriend (my son’s father) or my high school flame that can’t seem to die. My boyfriend doesn’t know, but my flame does. How the hell am I supposed to randomly drop it into our everyday lives, and say oh by the way…I’m pregnant and you may not be the father. I feel terrible and very much like a whore because I don’t know which is the father….All I think and see is that if I have this baby, I’m ruining everyone’s lives. I don’t want to have another abortion, I don’t want to ruin anyone’s lives more than I already have. But I mean in a way it’s already too late because I was screwing around. I admit my mistakes and feel my shame, but which is the best solution…? Go through with killing another one of my children or raising two children on my own? I am not afraid of doing it alone, it’s more that I fear I won’t be a good mother for both of them…
To be continued…
I hate the fact that boys think we don’t have feelings.
Some people don’t understand that sometimes you can joke around, but not too much.
I understand that sometimes, girls don’t like to get their feelings out. I am that in some way. I am a girl who likes to keep everything in.
I found out that it hurts even more when you do.
I don’t understand why people like to judge others by what they’ve heard. I am a really good person and some people can’t see that because they listen to what they hear. This goes to all the females who have gone through what I’m going through or going through it. Never let anyone get in your way. Listen as your day unfolds and follow what the future holds. Try to keep your head up to the sky.
To cry you gotta be bad,
you gotta be bold,
you gotta be wise,
you gotta be hard,
you gotta be tough,
you gotta be strong,
you gotta be cool,
you gotta be calm,
you gotta stay together.
All I know all I know is that love will save the day
I Hate When People Judge Me About Me Getting Pregnant At 16.
I Know It’s Not A Good Thing Especially When You’re Still A Kid Yourself And In High School. But I Want To Be A Mom. And I Know My Boyfriend Loves Me And Would Be There Through Thick And Thin For Me And Help. But It’s My Choice And My Life. If I Want To Or Not. Everyone Else Just Needs To Stop Judging Me About It.
So I already had one baby.
She’s 6 months born on April 4th. I was 15 and turned 16 the month after she was born, but now I might be pregnant again. I’m really scared I don’t know if I can handle 2 babies at 16. I will never get an abortion and adoption scares me, but really what am I supposed to do? Babies aren’t cheap.
I feel so stupid
I was diagnosed with endometriosis when I was 15. Told I wouldn’t have kids unless I started early and got pregnant before 25, but it would still be a sly chance.
I lost my virginity at 17 and started trying to have a baby, knowing it was something I’ve always wanted. Ever since I was little, it was always what do you want to be when you grow up? For me, it was never a nurse or a doctor or something like that it was always a mommy and a wife. It’s been a year and 8 months since I lost my virginity, had a few boyfriends, and slept with 4 including my current boyfriend. I didn’t sleep around trying to make a baby if that’s what you’re thinking. But, those attempts failed. At first, I was thinking well maybe I’m not meant to have kids? But as it all went on, I thought maybe they were just not the right people? Maybe God’s plan is for it to be the right person for me? Not getting pregnant by my ex’s was a blessing in my eyes because they did nothing but hurt me.
Now, I’m with my current boyfriend. He’s been nothing, but sweet to me. He proved that Chivalry is not dead. I just had trouble picking the right person to be with. His family is amazing. They all treat me like one of their own. I know I’m only 18 now and it may sound crazy that I’m actually trying to get pregnant, but I want kids and all of my siblings have kids. I’m not even the youngest child. I’ve never thought it was fair, but everything happens for a reason, right?
But as I’m saying this, my period hasn’t made it here yet. It’s running late and I pray every day that it doesn’t come. It has only been a day or two since it was supposed to be here so I’m just waiting a little while to see if it’s gunna get here. I get scared that I will never have kids because every period is another layer of scarring and it just gets that much harder. The few friends I’ve talked to say to take a test. Well, I’m afraid to, I don’t want it to come up negative. I feel like I sound silly sometimes and I feel like I’m crazy because I’m young and I cry about not having a baby because my friends and siblings have kids and then there’s me. I feel empty when I think about it. When I think about all of them who didn’t want babies at this age and they all have them and I’m the one that has a problem and wants a baby and I can’t have one.
I dread going to the doctor because all I ever get is bad news. I try to stay strong, keep my head up, and keep faith in God. It helps, but I have those weak days when I just feel like it’s never going to happen. My current boyfriend is excited. He wants to have a baby. He’s been through college, has a job, and if he had a baby, it would be the first grandchild for his mom. So I guess this happening with him is a good thing. Anyway, I guess whoever reads this keep me in your prayers.
Hopefully, the next test I take will say positive. :]
