We didn’t plan on having sex until we were married. Well, one night things all changed, and we did end up having sex, the first time, and I got pregnant. What a shock huh? Well, it was for me, being only 16 and still in school, and pregnant.
Dear Becky — I am now a 17-year-old mother of a 4 1/2-month-old son. His name is Jasadrian, and he was 7 lbs 10.1 oz 20 ¼ in.
I had my head on straight, had plans for the future, and college all worked out for me. Then I fell in love, and things all changed. My ex-boyfriend/father of our son is now not in my or our son’s life. Here is the story…
We didn’t plan on having sex until we were married. Well, one night things all changed, and we did end up having sex, the first time, and I got pregnant. What a shock huh? Well, it was for me, being only 16 and still in school, and pregnant. The time me and my boyfriend did have sex, like two weeks after that, we were both laying in my bed, just laying in each other’s arms, then I turned to him, and told him I had to tell him something, I turned away from him and I just started crying and he’s like “I know what it is”, and I couldn’t tell him still. I was such a mess. He asked me if I knew for sure and I said NO. A few days after that, and I got an EPT test. I didn’t tell my boyfriend because I wasn’t ready to take it yet, I already knew.
I did end up taking it. Me and my boyfriend were sleeping, and it was somewhere between 2-3 in the morning. I went to the bathroom and took it. It was the longest time ever it seemed like waiting for the results. After I had seen it, I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t move. I just kept looking at the little stick in my hand that had two pink lines. Finally, the shock wore off enough for me to move and go back to my room. I woke Alex up, and told him, ” Alex, I just took the test”. And he’s like what did it say, I was like go see for yourself, and he’s said, no tell me…I was like, ” I AM.” He’s like “Okay, things are going to be fine ” he went back to sleep, and I just laid there, and like this isn’t, and can’t be happening!!! The next morning, he woke up and went to the bathroom, and when he did I heard him pick up the test. I had left it out for him to see for himself. When he came out, I asked him if he had seen two pink lines too, and he said yes. He just came and held me and told me everything was going to be okay (at that time I was 16, he was 21). He told me he would always be there for me and his baby, and he made me feel like things were going to be okay! He told me that he was going to Florida for a few weeks, and I said that it was okay! But for him to come back. He told me he would. Well, the night before he left, I told him that I didn’t want him to go, and we got in a big fight. He told me that he was. He left my house and went and stayed at a friend’s.
Well, the next day (Father’s Day), I had to watch my cousin while my aunt and uncle went out. I called him over and over, then he finally talked to me. I told him happy Father’s Day, and he’s like what does that mean, I should go tell my dad happy Fathers Day. I said NO IT’S FOR YOUR KID! We didn’t talk for long because we ended up fighting again (and our first fight ever) then I asked him if he was going to see me before he left, and tell me goodbye, and he said “Maybe!”
Well, he never came and I never got to say goodbye to him. I didn’t have a # or a address of where he was going, so I couldn’t contact him, I had to wait for him to do that. He called me like 2 months or so after he had left. I just cried the whole time, and kept telling him I loved him. He told me he wanted to be there for the baby, and I kept telling him to come home. Finally the time came when he was about to be due, Alex showed up in November.
Well I was suppose to go for a ultrasound the 16th of December. On our way, A drunk driver hit our car. It killed Alex instantly. I was rushed to the hospital. They had to take my son, or I would of lost him too! So that was the saddest and the happiest day of my life. I lost my boyfriend, and gave birth to our son! Everyday I miss him, and keep thinking of him! It has been hard on me, because I am still in HS. Only 3 more weeks left and then I will graduate. I was kicked out of my house when my mom found out I was pregnant, (everyone wanted me to get an abortion). I thought about it for 1/2 a second, and knew that I could never do that and live with myself. And then Alex left me. So I had to get a job to support myself, and still go to school.
Well now, I am a full time mommy, student, and am working. Things are good now, because I have a perfect gift from God, my baby boy that looks just like his daddy! Each and everyday, I am thankful that I have him. He has made me a stronger woman, and made me respect that everyday we live, we should be thankful for. I want you and everyone to know, that I LOVE MY SON, and he is the world to me.
To you girls out there that think abortion is right. It’s not. Once that baby has a heart beat, you do not have the right to take it away EVER! YOU GIVE LIFE, AND GOD TAKES IT AWAY! Not you! But just to kill that living baby is not right, you would regret it, I’m sure, but it might be hard for you to accept and handle it. Trust me, I did it all on my own, (and still am) but I am thankful that God gave me my son. I’m sure if you think about it, you would rather give a life to a child, then to take it away! So if you are considering an abortion, please think about that poor innocent baby that is inside you, who didn’t do A THING! you brought him/her in this world, he/she didn’t ask to be. It was your decision!
Thanks for your time,
Ashley
Dearest Ashley — My name is Lisa and I help Becky at the Stand Up Girl website with some of her e-mail.
Wow! When I read your story, I felt like I was there watching the whole thing happen and my heart so broke for you. I am so sorry you have been through all you have been through, but you have a beautiful baby boy to remember and carry on his fathers memory.
Ashley – you truly are a Stand Up Girl.
I should tell you too, that a baby’s heartbeat can begin within the first week! Did you know that? So … upon conception your baby was alive and a human being, even though he had no form, he was alive. Isn’t that amazing?
Ashley – I am very glad that you have your precious baby boy and I am so proud of you … being a Stand Up Girl. Keep it up my friend.
Luv Lisa
Abortion Raises the Risk of Premature Delivery Later in Life: Women with a history of induced abortion were at higher risk of very preterm delivery than those with no such history (OR + 1.5, 95% CI 1.12.0); the risk was even higher for extremely preterm deliveries (<28 weeks).
BJOG: An International Journal of Obstetrics & Gynecology, Volume 112 Issue 4 Page 430 – April 2005: Women with a history of induced abortion were at higher risk of very preterm delivery than those with no such history (OR + 1.5, 95% CI 1.12.0); the risk was even higher for extremely preterm deliveries (<28 weeks).
A new report from France has information of which every young woman faced with the choice of abortion should be aware.
The report was created to evaluate the risk of preterm birth associated with previous induced abortions (that is, abortions and not miscarriages). The authors used a scientific formalism to control for possible unintended study bias, and based their results on a sampling of the population of France (2,837 early births).
The outcome was quite dramatic. Quoting from the results of the study:
“Women with a history of induced abortion were at higher risk of very preterm delivery than those with no such history (OR + 1.5, 95% CI 1.12.0); the risk was even higher for extremely preterm deliveries (<28 weeks). The association between previous induced abortion and very preterm delivery varied according to the main complications leading to very preterm delivery. A history of induced abortion was associated with an increased risk of premature rupture of the membranes, antepartum hemorrhage (not in association with hypertension) and idiopathic spontaneous preterm labour that occur at very small gestational ages (<28 weeks). Conversely, no association was found between induced abortion and very preterm delivery due to hypertension.
Conclusion: Previous induced abortion was associated with an increased risk of very preterm delivery. The strength of the association increased with decreasing gestational age.”
Abortion is a reflection that we have not met the needs of women. Women deserve better than abortion.
Feminists For Life
Are you pregnant unexpectedly?
Do you need concrete, practical help?
You are not alone. Below are some resources that can help, and some stories from women who have been right where you are and lived to tell about it. See what they have to say before you make any decisions.
Don’t believe that abortion is the only way out. You Have Choices.
There are people willing to offer you medical care, counseling, clothes, baby items, and a sympathetic ear in pregnancy centers all over the country.
Unplanned Pregnancy – A Detour, Not a Dead End
The Spring 1999 issue of The American Feminist explores the various ways women cope with unplanned pregnancies, whatever their individual situations.
College-age women are most at risk
of experiencing the tragedy of abortion. FFL’s College Outreach Program was launched in 1996 to reach out to these women with life-affirming alternatives to abortion.
Did you think legal abortion was safe?
Courtesy of Feminists For Life
http://www.feministsforlife.org
I came across your website while doing research for a school paper and I was inspired by the stories I have read. I wanted to share my story with you.
In 1991, as a sophomore in high school, I found myself a growing statistic. I was the proverbial pregnant teenager. The father and I had only been together for a few months, but none the less I was in love with him: as much as a 16 year old girl can be in love. I soon found out that his commitment to me was lukewarm at best. As most stories go, he did not want me to have my child. I use “my” because that is what she is… she is my baby, my angel, my life.
I was raised as a born-again Christian and had gone to a private school through 6th grade so I knew that abortion was wrong. But the paralyzing fear of my grandparents was far stronger than my fear of answering to God for taking the life of an unborn child. Doesn’t make much sense does it?
Anyway, God works in mysterious ways and I ended up getting into a fight at school. I am not a fighter and that is the only one I have ever been in: it just so happened to be with my best friend… whose father was a pastor at a local church. Well, the result of that fight had my friend and her mother at my house the following Saturday. It was a day before the scheduled appointment to terminate my pregnancy. We sat in my room with the door closed for 3 hours. Her mother, with Bible in hand, talked to me about the decision I was making, the alternatives and the repercussions. I know it was the hand of God that intervened because when I make my mind up about something, I don’t waiver: But I did. It was as if someone turned on the lights and everything was clear, “I am going to tell my grandparents,” “I am going to have my baby!” After 3 hours of talking, they called my grandmother into the room. My friend’s mother said “Shannon has something she needs to tell you,” and as I opened my mouth, words seemed to completely escape me. I could only cry, I could not speak. I was paralyzed by fear of what this woman would think and say. Before I composed myself and found the words, she said “she’s pregnant.” It was a bitter sweet moment. No longer did I need to fear her finding out but at the same time I was not prepared for the rush of disgust that would follow in her actually knowing.
Time went on and I dealt with the wounded relationship with my grandmother. It didn’t matter to me to be honest. You see, I was taken away from my mother when I was 5. That is why I was raised by my grandparents. I lived my life in the shadows up to that point. I hid from every one and every thing. I had been disappointed and hurt by every single individual that had been a part of my life. I did not understand life, I did not understand trust, and above all, I did not understand love.
It was the beginning of a new life for me. I was no longer the little baby that I felt like on the inside… I had to pull myself out of the shadows to be to my child what I never had. I never gave thought to how I would support her or what our future would be like. The details were irrelevant to be honest with you… all I knew is that it was going to be us against the world.
I continued with my high school education, however, I did not attend a traditional high school. Fortunately for me there was a Teen Parenting Program in my area. This was such a blessing, as I was able to finish high school and graduate without skipping a beat.
The school provided parenting classes and day care so after she was born I took her to school with me every day.
On November 28, 1991, two weeks before my 17th birthday, my beautiful 6lb. 11 oz. angel came into the world. It was official, I was in love. So this is what it felt like to truly love someone. I must admit, I was addicted. I could not get enough of this tiny little gift from God. Now, I am grateful for everything that God has given me in my life… Good times and tough times as well. I would not be who I am today without any of it. But, most of all, I am grateful for the blessing of my daughter. For my lack of experience with love, it came so naturally for me when it involved her.
This child, who is now 12 years old, has taught me more about life, trust and unconditional love than I could have ever hoped for. I have made mistakes, to err is human, but I have learned from every single one of them. I have not been able to give her everything that she wants but I can assure you that the one thing every child needs, she has in abundance… Love. With a capital “L!” This child is an extension of my heart, she is the walking, living and breathing manifestation of everything that is good in me and I couldn’t be more proud to be her mother.
I am now 29 years old and have no regrets at all about my choice, never once have I wished that things were different. She is very proud of the fact that I was 16 when I had her: proud because we have a strong family unit, and proud that we have done it on our own.
Now is when it gets difficult. Everything up to this point has been a cake walk in comparison to what I will now be going through. How do I teach my daughter how to NOT follow in my foot steps? She and I talk about everything that goes on in her school, what her friends are doing and what she is not doing. We talk a lot about her life path and how she can get the most out of it. I definitely try to lead by example. I have worked my way up the corporate ladder and recently took a position as a Marketing Manager for a great company. This is the direction I have always wanted my career to go and here I am. I am also a full time student with a 3.91 GPA. You better believe I bring home my grades to show my daughter. So, I will not sit back and tell her what I want her to do with her life without showing her the benefits. I tell her “if I had waited to have you, if I had been older and had already gone to college, we would not have had to struggle the way we have.” And my decision to go back to school had as much to do with proving the importance of it to her, as it did with bettering myself.
I sit here in a computer lab at school with tears in my eyes because I realize that this is what love is all about, she is what love is all about… After almost 13 years, I am as in love with her as I was the day we met. It is a funny thing, how God works. I have learned that I cannot expect anything in life, but I can accept. I accept what is given to me each day. I accept that today may be more difficult than yesterday. But I also trust that no matter how difficult today may be, eventually, the clouds will open up, the birds will sing, the sun will shine and I will have a good day. When is it not a good day, when I can look into the eyes of the child that God gave and tell her I love her?
Thank you for what you are doing, that you for caring enough to let these girls share their stories and not feel so alone.
Shannon
Shannon,
You seem to have a bit of a quandry in “How to help your daughter not make the choices you did.” May I share just a couple of things you can do … you can do them together as you have the schooling and even growing together.
There is a site that I know and I will copy it to you. There is a site that sells “Purity Rings”. This is something that you both can agree upon … purity to marriage.
At 13 years old, she is headed for many trials, learning experiences,peer pressures and more. It’s different for these girls today than it was when we were teens and I really would love to help you find the tools to help
your daughter through these times.
I would also recommend allowing her to read the stories on this website about the women that have not chosen life. I would read them first before allowing her to read them. Some may not be the best for her at age 13 … but if she can see the pain that abortion has caused so many women, it may be something that would stick out in her mind to also help other teen girls.
Shannon – thank you for your encouraging and beautiful e-mail. It was a joy to read.
May God richly bless you.
Luv Lisa
Dear Becky — I am a nineteen year old, single, 3 month pregnant girl. I was faced with the decision to have an abortion in March. I chose not to have one. I had an appointment at an abortion clinic in Knoxville and backed out the day before going and decided not to have the abortion.
I actually found your site while searching on the internet the night before my appointment and I cried as I read the stories. I knew deep down I didn’t want to have an abortion but the father told me I had no other choice. I woke up and realized, it was my baby and I had a choice.
My situation was a bad one. I dated the same guy for three years, since I was 16. It was my first love and our break-up left me broken hearted. His guy friend who is quite a bit older than me, came over to talk to me and was supposedly “comforting” me one day, one thing lead to another. He was only the second person I had ever slept with, the first time, and I was on birth control. Not to mention, he was married. I am really embarrassed to admit all of this. Because I promise I’m not a skank or a whore and I know you must be thinking I am. I would probably think that too. But, I just messed up. I opened myself in the most vulnerable time in my life to let the devil have input in my life. Not only was this guy really good friends with my ex who I still do and did love, he was also a very prominent man in my very small hometown, where everyone knows everyone. This man had only been married for three months when we slept together. So, the negatives seemed to out weigh the positives for having my baby. He put all the blame on me for getting pregnant and said having this baby wasn’t an option.
I went to a church service and the Lord spoke right to my heart I knew that I couldn’t have an abortion. I had never thought they was right. But when faced with the decision, you’ll never know what you’ll do. I went to your web site and I read the stories of the girls who had abortions and regretted them. I knew that would be me. I couldn’t go through it. I knew if I had an abortion that my life would fall apart, and that would be the beginning of my troubles.
So, I told the dad we would keep him being the dad a secret . I would never tell anyone he was the dad and I would deny him being the dad forever. He said as long as I kept it a secret for life it was fine.
As, I said I live in a verrry small town. And of course the father of my baby isn’t a secret anymore. And you know what, it isn’t the end of the world. Everyone is so supportive of me. They all just praise me for the brave desicion I made on keeping my child. The devil didn’t show me people being happy for me. He showed me misery and despair. All of my friends are so excited. Even my parents are happy and are going to help me 100%. Oh and guess what! My mom is pregnant too! We are 1 month apart! God does peculiar things.
The dad isn’t playing a part in my life. He calls every now and then to make sure Im okay. But, he really doesn’t want anything to do with my child. But, you know who is calling, my first love. And he knows who the daddy is. He is hurt this has happend to me, but he is being so great to me. I don’t need the dad of my baby and my baby doesn’t either. God will send someone to love me and my child and be a a great daddy to my child.
I couldn’t find how to tell my story on your site. Because I would like to share it, if I could just encourage one person not to have an abortion, I would. The circumstances may seem terrible but, if they could just see all that I’ve been through and how everything has turned out okay. Its a life inside you, and God has put it in you and chose you to be the mother for a reason. It may seem like the end of the world and abortion may seem like the only option but if you choose to have your baby, you’ll never regret it once. I am so glad I chose to keep my baby. I just want to thank you for your site. I just want you to know your site had an influence on me keeping my baby. You should be so proud of that. I am thankful for people like you. Thanks.
Anne
Dear Anne,
I am so incredibly happy to hear of the life giving choice that you have made! I can’t stop smiling. You have overcome so many obstacles already.You will be given the strength and courage you need to continue to stand up and be the best mother you can be! God will give you everything you need, every step of the way. Trust in Him. He will never let you down. That is so cool that your mom is expecting a baby, too. I’m sure you will become even closer to her as you walk this road together. I am so glad to hear that you are getting so much support. Even if the baby’s father isn’t there for you, there are so many others that are. That will mean a lot to you in the days ahead. Thank you so much for writing in and sharing your story with us. You are truly a witness…we should never give up hope. No matter how dark or frightening our situation seems…if we only persevere and choose what is right…there is a light at the end of that tunnel. May your life be blessed abundantly as you embark on this exciting journey of motherhood!
When I was 19, I felt I had the right to do whatever I wanted because I was legally an adult. I became involved with a young man and when we dated and had sex, sometimes we would have protection and sometimes we did not. One of those times we did not use any.
Events rolled out-of-control from there. I was still living at my parents’ house and going to college and working at a minimum wage job. I thought my mom would at least emotionally support me after the shock of telling her that I was pregnant, but that is not what happened.
When I told her, she went white in the face and then bought a home pregnancy test, which turned out positive. After a few days later, I passed by the kitchen and she heard me. She then said, “I guess you will have to have an abortion.”
My world totally collapsed. I really did not want to have an abortion. I went to her for alternative support and she failed me. If I had of had someone to go to…..another person with some emotional backbone to tell me that I could be pregnant, then I would have despite the pressure of family and the imagined shame while still going to church.
I think that it was the church attitude that frightened her more than anything. Here I was a Christian and pregnant without a husband. She was shamed because of that. Therefore, I had to hide her shame.
After she made her decision for me, I made all the preparations. Finding a clinic, making an appointment, and going to the clinic to have an abortion.
That morning, I said to myself, “I am pregnant. Tonight you will not be anymore.” I felt very sad.
I drove there and then proceeded to go through their process. Making sure I had adequate protection for birth control when I was finally out. Making sure I had adequate Valium for the procedure. “The procedure.” What a name? It is not so much of a procedure than it is a vacuum being shoved up into the womb and sucking everything out. AND IT HURTS!!!!!!!!! No amount of Valium could make up for that kind of pain!
After the 30-second procedure was done, I vomited on the table. They then led me to the recovery room where the other women and young women were. Recovering from the pain. The cramping doesn’t stop after the machine has turned off. The cramping continues until it is dulled and then you may go home.
The abortion not only took my baby’s life that day, it also took away my ability to have children ever again. I did not know that then. Many of my friends who have had abortions have had children, but on that day with me, there were problems. You see the machine that scraped out my uterus also scraped so much that it left heavy scar tissue. This is called Asherman’s Syndrome. When an egg is fertilized, it wants to be implanted within the uterine lining. Well, my uterine wall is too scarred up.
I had a surgery done a while ago to confirm my suspicions of infertility. And that is what was diagnosed. Not only did I lose a child but I also lost the chance of ever becoming a mother.
Regret is an emotion I will have to live with for the rest of my life. I have had help. A group called Healing Encouragement for Abortion Related Trauma (HEART) has helped me with my emotional, spiritual and physical pain that I have had to come to terms with. This group is also called PACE (Post Abortion Counseling and Education).
I encourage any of you that are pregnant, please stop and think. This is not a time to panic. You do have time. Find people to help you. They are out there. If you want to have a child like I wanted to have my child don’t let those negative influences get to you. Find a way to solve and not live a lifetime of regret.
If you are a woman who has had an abortion I strongly encourage you to seek out post-abortion counseling. Even if you think that you are “fine”. Even if you have said to God, “Please forgive me.” and He has. Great. But remember this: forgiveness and healing are two separate words. Forgiveness is immediate but healing takes a lifetime.
Thanks for reading this.
With blessings and love on this journey we call “life”
Sheryl | sheryldea1@juno.com
Dearest Sheryl,
I had to step away from my desk before replying because I weep for you. My heart so breaks for you … but I was also riveted because – your story is a little similar to mine. All the way from the first line – year, month, and age. Here is my story:
http://www.standupgirl.com/beckys-story-video.html
I now teach the PACE study at my church in southern California and I refer many women on this site to a place where they are able to find the same study and healing also. Now known as “Forgiven and Set Free”.
However – I don’t believe I have ever spoken to a woman that is in the same place I am today. May I share with you my dear friend Sheryl – that though the Lord has not chosen to give us a child today – It truly is His choice.
The fact that you or I do not have children today adds to our testimony’s but it is not impossible for Him to bless us with a baby one day adding to our testimonies (He gives us beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning). I often think of it this way … though I am living with the choices that I made, and my heart so yearns to have a baby today, if my empty arms saves a baby’s life, it’s OK.
Even though we have never met and this is a short, first-time correspondence between the two of us – I feel like I know you.
I will pray for you, Sheryl. May God give you His comfort and His peace along your pilgrim’s journey.
Luv -Lisa
Becky and Lisa | dearbecky@standupgirl.com
